Wedding Etiquette Forum

Do I make meal tickets for guests who RSVP'd?

I'm aggravated at the guests that have had more than enough time to RSVP and just didn't. So, because I will be paying per person for food, I find it would be appropriate to pay for the number of guests who have RSVP'd (and of course a few extra to be safe), but I am considering making meal tickets, only for each person who RSVP'd and letting them eat first--this way I can make sure the people who actually responded are not getting screwed out of food by the people who decided to show up without RSVP'ing and so that those who didn't RSVP get the message. I know it sounds harsh but is it not rude to not RSVP and then just show up? I mean, how hard is it really, to drop an already addressed and stamped envelope into the mail?? Thoughts???

Answers

  • Call up your guests who have not RSVP'd. You can say something like, "I need to know if you are able to attend by noon on Friday. If I do not hear from you, I'll mark you down as a no".

    Do not do meal tickets. But if anyone shows up who did not RSVP, it's up to you to decide if you want to accommodate them (how many are we talking about here? A small handful? The caterer should be prepared to make a bit extra), or have the venue coordinator tell them they cannot be accommodated.
  • edited November 2016
    I'm aggravated at the guests that have had more than enough time to RSVP and just didn't. So, because I will be paying per person for food, I find it would be appropriate to pay for the number of guests who have RSVP'd (and of course a few extra to be safe), but I am considering making meal tickets, only for each person who RSVP'd and letting them eat first--this way I can make sure the people who actually responded are not getting screwed out of food by the people who decided to show up without RSVP'ing and so that those who didn't RSVP get the message. I know it sounds harsh but is it not rude to not RSVP and then just show up? I mean, how hard is it really, to drop an already addressed and stamped envelope into the mail?? Thoughts???
    It's super annoying when people don't RSVP, but it happens. As PPs have said, call up the stragglers who didn't respond, ask if they're coming, and give a firm deadline. Have a few extra seats/meals or ask your caterer about their contingency plan if more people show up. Don't make meal tickets, or make your guests feel bad. Sometimes things get lost in the mail, sometimes people just forget. These are people you must care at least a little bit about (otherwise why are they invited to your wedding), so try not to take it personal when people don't respond. 

    Yes, it's rude not to RSVP but a meal ticket just seems petty and unnecessary to me. 
  • Echoing everyone else: NO you cannot do "meal tickets."  It would make everyone uncomfortable.  Just call the stragglers and ask if they are coming.

    Yeah it's vexing when people don't get around to sending in their RSVP cards, but it's hardly a cardinal sin.  Mail gets lost, people get busy, life happens, etc. Allow yourself a quick little mental eye roll and then pick up the phone.
  • Isn't this a common thing people go through when planning weddings though? And it's always solved by just calling them. Mail can be stupid, people can forget (we're all human), it's easier just to be upfront instead of doing something so seemingly vengeful.
    Wedding Countdown Ticker
  • Follow up with the people who haven't RSVP'd. Yes, it's annoying, but meal tickets at a wedding are not the solution. Very tacky and insulting.
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  • Don't plated/served meals and seating assignments serve a similar purpose? Why not do that because that at least doesn't come across as really rude but still shows who rsvped and who didn't. 
  • OP, I invited 99 guests and I had to personally contact 75% of them to find out if they were coming. It's part of planning a wedding. 
  • OP, I invited 99 guests and I had to personally contact 75% of them to find out if they were coming. It's part of planning a wedding  party/event. 
    FTFY -  

    seriously it's not exclusive to weddings.  Doesn't matter if it's a work meeting, wedding or a backyard BBQ. Sadly, tracking down RSVPs is just part of the process. 






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • Don't do meal tickets.  

    I completely agree that it's a really annoying hassle to have to chase down RSVPs, but you did invite these people. Yes, they should have taken the initiative to tell you, but it's still your responsibility to find out if they're coming.
  • If I was handed a meal ticket at a reception and was given preferential treatment over other guests, I would feel very uncomfortable. Knowing other guests have to eat after the privileged ones would kill my appetite. It's best to treat all your guests equally. 

                       
  • Having a seating plan for those who RSVP "yes" will effectively prohibit any wedding crashers from eating because they'll have nowhere to sit! (Also could save a bit of money on table/chair rentals as you need to leave empty seat wiggle room otherwise.) You could also hire security or a day-of coordinator to ensure only those who RSVP "yes" are granted access to the event. Both are perfectly appropriate options.

    But first you gotta call all non-responders for the many reasons mentioned above.
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