Help!! How early do you send your save the dates

Australian_girl_in_Paris

So i'm getting married in September next year in Paris and I'm franticly trying to get everything read so I can send out our save the dates. How late can I wait? Will people be ok if they don't have a full year before to book flights and accommodation??

Help!! I'm flipping out about it!!

CMGragain

You are getting married in Paris?  Are you aware of their residency requirements?

STDs are usually sent out from 6 to 12 months before the wedding.  No more than this.

SP29

6-12 months.

Heffalump

In most cases, you don't really need a full year, unless your wedding is taking place at the same time as a G8 summit there or something.  Many websites don't let you book much more than that in advance anyway--often they haven't even loaded dates more than a year out.

Australian_girl_in_Paris

CMGragain said:

You are getting married in Paris?  Are you aware of their residency requirements?

STDs are usually sent out from 6 to 12 months before the wedding.  No more than this.

Yes I do, I'm a Resident here - I've lived here for 7 years. Hence the wedding here. My fiancé is French so all his family is here and most of my and our friends. We did flirt with the idea of another destination but in the end we decided to have a wedding here and then a big celebration at home.

Australian_girl_in_Paris

I wanted to say with the cost involved in coming do you think people will be upset with less time to organise? 

cowgirl8238

Knottie1474134225 said:

Yes I do, I'm a Resident here - I've lived here for 7 years. Hence the wedding here. My fiancé is French so all his family is here and most of my and our friends. We did flirt with the idea of another destination but in the end we decided to have a wedding here and then a big celebration at home.

Are you hosting everyone with a full reception in Paris?  I think planning a wedding in Paris AND an at home reception is going to be overkill and stressful...just pick one destination and have a good party there.

[Deleted User]

Knottie1474134225 said:

I wanted to say with the cost involved in coming do you think people will be upset with less time to organise? 

A year is plenty of time to organize. If they are upset at the cost, they are going to be upset at the cost regardless if they got 3 years or 3 months notice. Some people won't be able to or want to spend money/vacation time on someone else's wedding. 

But if you are really worried, you can always phone or email your VIPs to give them a heads up. "Hey person who is close to me. We are planning to get married in June 2018 and would love to see you there. Obviously actual invitations are a ways off, but we wanted to give you a heads up in case you as early as possible." 

SaintPaulGal

Ironring said:

Knottie1474134225 said:

I wanted to say with the cost involved in coming do you think people will be upset with less time to organise? 

A year is plenty of time to organize. If they are upset at the cost, they are going to be upset at the cost regardless if they got 3 years or 3 months notice. Some people won't be able to or want to spend money/vacation time on someone else's wedding. 

But if you are really worried, you can always phone or email your VIPs to give them a heads up. "Hey person who is close to me. We are planning to get married in June 2018 and would love to see you there. Obviously actual invitations are a ways off, but we wanted to give you a heads up in case you as early as possible." 

All of this.

If the cost is X days of vacation time and Y dollars, there are going to be people who won't be able to make it work even if they have 10 years of advance notice. Conversely, if you decided it was going to be next weekend you would probably get some people to come.  

A year is plenty of notice.  Do you have an exact date picked yet?  If so, I think it would be a great idea to touch base with guests you know you really want to come and let them know when the wedding is going to be.  You can still do that without an exact date, but personally I would wait until you had at least that part locked down.

CMGragain

Knottie1474134225 said:

CMGragain said:

You are getting married in Paris?  Are you aware of their residency requirements?

STDs are usually sent out from 6 to 12 months before the wedding.  No more than this.

Yes I do, I'm a Resident here - I've lived here for 7 years. Hence the wedding here. My fiancé is French so all his family is here and most of my and our friends. We did flirt with the idea of another destination but in the end we decided to have a wedding here and then a big celebration at home.

If you are living in France, and your FI is also living there, you are not having a destination wedding at all.  You are having a local wedding.  You simply need to invite your overseas guests to attend your wedding.  A STD notice is to make travel arrangements.  Most airlines do not sell fares much more than 9 month before the flight date, so sending them much earlier than this makes no sense.
I assume that you will check out some reasonably hotels for your guests.  Putting this information on your wedding website is a great idea.  You may include your website address on your STDs.
Many brides would love to get married in France, but cannot because of their legal requirements.  How nice for you that this won't be a problem!  Congratulations!
Sometime when you visit your family in the USA, you could have a family gathering or barbecue for your friends and family to meet your new husband, but a second reception is too much IMHO.

Australian_girl_in_Paris

So I think the reason I'm worried about it is because a good friend of mine same friendship ground of girls from University is also getting married next year - in Sri Lanka. So there are two quite far quite expensive weddings for everyone to plan for. I'm sure we are going to split the list for each other and that most people wont be able to do both. She engaged before we did and then got organised really quickly so I know a large group have already replied to her to say there coming. I talked to my MOH about it (friends with both) and she said saying you'll come is different from having flights booked which I know. But I want everyone to know that our wedding will be next year as well. It might sound a bit bratty but I'd like people to know that if they have to choose that we are a choice. Does that make sense?    


We are also planing to have a big celebration at home after, for people who can't travel to Paris.  I have a large portion of my family who are older who i'm not sure will make it and lots of girlfriends who've just had babies so I think wont make it ether. 

We've booked all the venues here in France (september 16th whoot!) but we haven't locked in a venue for the home event yet. We want to have everyone invited to both events knowing that not everyone will go to both. So I think that we will send out email STD asap to give those who can take the time off to come ether way the time to put it in and get the best airfare possible.

CMGragain - I know its not totally a destination wedding but the issues of travel and higher than a local one because half (or as it seems from looking at our list today a bit more than half) are going to be traveling half way round the world I thought this would be the best place to put the question.

I think that i'm just worrying and I have to just say a 'que sera sera'

cowgirl8238

Knottie1474134225 said:

So I think the reason I'm worried about it is because a good friend of mine same friendship ground of girls from University is also getting married next year - in Sri Lanka. So there are two quite far quite expensive weddings for everyone to plan for. I'm sure we are going to split the list for each other and that most people wont be able to do both. She engaged before we did and then got organised really quickly so I know a large group have already replied to her to say there coming. I talked to my MOH about it (friends with both) and she said saying you'll come is different from having flights booked which I know. But I want everyone to know that our wedding will be next year as well. It might sound a bit bratty but I'd like people to know that if they have to choose that we are a choice. Does that make sense?    


We are also planing to have a big celebration at home after, for people who can't travel to Paris.  I have a large portion of my family who are older who i'm not sure will make it and lots of girlfriends who've just had babies so I think wont make it ether. 

We've booked all the venues here in France (september 16th whoot!) but we haven't locked in a venue for the home event yet. We want to have everyone invited to both events knowing that not everyone will go to both. So I think that we will send out email STD asap to give those who can take the time off to come ether way the time to put it in and get the best airfare possible.

CMGragain - I know its not totally a destination wedding but the issues of travel and higher than a local one because half (or as it seems from looking at our list today a bit more than half) are going to be traveling half way round the world I thought this would be the best place to put the question.

I think that i'm just worrying and I have to just say a 'que sera sera'

Unfortunately people will choose to attend one wedding or the other if they have to.  You may be surprised by some people that can attend both.

I still don't quite understand the point of having a full wedding in France and planning an AHR though...once you are married in France you are done.  This second event shouldn't have any of the wedding things like a BP, ceremony, or Huge Bridal Gown.  There shouldn't be any firsts since you will be married (first dance etc...)  Even if everyone invited to the wedding in France will be invited to the AHR it just feels kinda second place, ya know?

I would continue with your wedding plans in France and send STDs (if you haven't already) to everyone that you plan on inviting.  Remember a STD=Invitations later (you can always add people who didn't get a STD but you cannot cut people after the fact).  Then maybe plan on meeting all of these friends and family at a later date.  Bring your wedding photos along to show grandma if she can't travel.  You could even have a BBQ or something more casual and laid back if you want...you don't need a reason to host a party.  I just don't like the idea of the at home reception I guess.

redwoodoriginal

Also, if people know about an AHR they're less likely to make the effort or spend money to travel for your actual wedding if they need to decide between Paris and Sri Lanka. Like, do I fly to pros, Sri Lanka, or both? Oh, she's doing a second party at home? Ok I'll go to SL and then save money and not go to Paris but party at home. 

Kind of of defeats the purpose of wanting people at your Paris party. 

ahoywedding

Knottie1474134225 said:

So I think the reason I'm worried about it is because a good friend of mine same friendship ground of girls from University is also getting married next year - in Sri Lanka. So there are two quite far quite expensive weddings for everyone to plan for. I'm sure we are going to split the list for each other and that most people wont be able to do both. She engaged before we did and then got organised really quickly so I know a large group have already replied to her to say there coming. I talked to my MOH about it (friends with both) and she said saying you'll come is different from having flights booked which I know. But I want everyone to know that our wedding will be next year as well. It might sound a bit bratty but I'd like people to know that if they have to choose that we are a choice. Does that make sense?    


We are also planing to have a big celebration at home after, for people who can't travel to Paris.  I have a large portion of my family who are older who i'm not sure will make it and lots of girlfriends who've just had babies so I think wont make it ether. 

We've booked all the venues here in France (september 16th whoot!) but we haven't locked in a venue for the home event yet. We want to have everyone invited to both events knowing that not everyone will go to both. So I think that we will send out email STD asap to give those who can take the time off to come ether way the time to put it in and get the best airfare possible.
...

Here's a (maybe dumb) question: are there people who don't know you're engaged that would be invited to both your wedding and the friend's wedding in Sri Lanka? I've had several friends get engaged while they were living away from their home city/state/country, and when I heard the news I either a. assumed it would be a bit of travel for myself and planned accordingly or b. asked them if they were (tentatively) planning on getting married in their current locale or coming "back home." I planned and saved as though I had to travel to them, and if it was a closer location, then I had extra money. 

A longer heads up for travel would be appreciated, but this doesn't have to be a STD. Before we had our date, I emailed my family that lives out of state and said "we're aiming for spring 2017, and the wedding will be in NC. My sister is having a true DW and told our immediate family about 18 months ahead of time the region of the country and the month they were planning on. True that you can't make actual plans but some people appreciate the budgetary heads up.

SP29

You could let your friends and family know by e-mail/phone/your usual form of communication now. "Hey Friend, just wanted to let you know that we are planning our wedding in Paris for Sept 2018. STDs and formal invitations will follow". That is all anyone needs to know now- they won't be actually booking hotels and flights at this time, but may appreciate knowing a wedding is to be expected. You may be surprised and have people travel to both weddings.

You can wait a bit to send the STDs (6-9 month range), which can include your confirmed date and venue with access to hotel and travel information.

DH and I have been invited to a wedding in Hawaii in August. We received a STD about a year out. We plan to attend, and we looked on their wedding website to check out hotel recommendations, just to get an idea of costs, but we still have yet to book anything. I'm still waiting for my vacation confirmation from work for next year, and we likely would not book hotel or flight until the New Year (6-8 months out).

I agree with @redwoodoriginal regarding the AHR. I'm not against a big celebratory party- as big and fancy as you want- as long as you aren't re-creating your wedding. But I do agree that if guests know you are planning both a wedding in Paris and an AHR, they may decline your wedding invitation in favour of the AHR. Maybe that's OK with you, and maybe that's what your guests would prefer anyway, but something to think about. And I would be clear that it is a celebration of marriage party, not your wedding.

Knottiea122bccbd324e717

I got married in France earlier this year, and we sent our save the dates really really early, just over a year in advance.
I've written an article in my travel blog about getting married in France, have a read, hopefully it'll be helpful.

https://stickymangorice.com/2016/11/24/how-to-get-married-in-france-if-youre-not-french/

Australian_girl_in_Paris

So, We sent the STD. I decided that since some people who knew about the dates had started to book things that everyone should know. I would say that the celebration at home is casual - Were having it at a winery not far from where grew up that does an amazing BBQ cook out. So its defiantly not a second wedding. To much work!! 

But I'm now not sure that people will know that its not a second wedding. Wish I'd read this before sending the STD!! I also wish I'd added something on our website for people to add there address so I could compile them to send the actual invitation but oh well. But nothing I can do now. have to just keep swimming.

I think about a year out is ok - considering the amount to travel and the expense involved. gives people time to save and the plan for time off etc. Any way its done now so one to next thing!! 

Thanks for all the help though!!