Cash bar question (kinda?)

ginnybinny17

My fiance and I both have friends who really like to party.  Particularly for my fiance's friends, this includes going way past hours when I'm typically in bed.

Our wedding venue gives you six hours for your ceremony and reception.  We're going to have the ceremony at 4, cocktail hour probably around 4:30-5:30, and then the reception until 10.  It'll be an open bar that whole time.

Renting any further hours costs $1200 per hour.  However, the venue suggested that we rent out the adjoining bar instead (it's part of the hotel), which only costs $600 for three hours.

So, our current plan is to have a full reception with an open bar until 10 pm, and then my fiance and I are going to go to the hotel bar from 10 pm to 1 am, which will be rented out just for us.  Anyone who wants to join us will be welcome.  But it'll be a pay-for-your-own-drinks situation.

Is that okay, etiquette-wise?  I figured we'd have a fully hosted reception and then the 10 pm to 1 am bar situation is less of us hosting everyone and more of like -- hey, if you wanna come party more, we'll be at this place for the next three hours.

Thoughts?  Okay/not okay?

charlotte989875

ginnybinny17 said:

My fiance and I both have friends who really like to party.  Particularly for my fiance's friends, this includes going way past hours when I'm typically in bed.

Our wedding venue gives you six hours for your ceremony and reception.  We're going to have the ceremony at 4, cocktail hour probably around 4:30-5:30, and then the reception until 10.  It'll be an open bar that whole time.

Renting any further hours costs $1200 per hour.  However, the venue suggested that we rent out the adjoining bar instead (it's part of the hotel), which only costs $600 for three hours.

So, our current plan is to have a full reception with an open bar until 10 pm, and then my fiance and I are going to go to the hotel bar from 10 pm to 1 am, which will be rented out just for us.  Anyone who wants to join us will be welcome.  But it'll be a pay-for-your-own-drinks situation.

Is that okay, etiquette-wise?  I figured we'd have a fully hosted reception and then the 10 pm to 1 am bar situation is less of us hosting everyone and more of like -- hey, if you wanna come party more, we'll be at this place for the next three hours.

Thoughts?  Okay/not okay?

Is this something you are going to put on the invites (and thus formally inviting people to) or is it more of a word-of-mouth, we'll be here if you want to come by? I'd say in the former case you should be picking up the tab because it feels like part of the wedding reception, in the latter case you're probably okay to not to. 

I had an afterparty in the lounge bar of my venue, and my dad picked up the tab for everyone that came down, although it wasn't a big crowd, just our closest friends and family. 

ScottishSarah

I would say that is totally fine but personally I wouldn't put the after party on your official invites, just make it a word by mouth thing if you know what I mean.  

ginnybinny17

charlotte989875 said:

ginnybinny17 said:

My fiance and I both have friends who really like to party.  Particularly for my fiance's friends, this includes going way past hours when I'm typically in bed.

Our wedding venue gives you six hours for your ceremony and reception.  We're going to have the ceremony at 4, cocktail hour probably around 4:30-5:30, and then the reception until 10.  It'll be an open bar that whole time.

Renting any further hours costs $1200 per hour.  However, the venue suggested that we rent out the adjoining bar instead (it's part of the hotel), which only costs $600 for three hours.

So, our current plan is to have a full reception with an open bar until 10 pm, and then my fiance and I are going to go to the hotel bar from 10 pm to 1 am, which will be rented out just for us.  Anyone who wants to join us will be welcome.  But it'll be a pay-for-your-own-drinks situation.

Is that okay, etiquette-wise?  I figured we'd have a fully hosted reception and then the 10 pm to 1 am bar situation is less of us hosting everyone and more of like -- hey, if you wanna come party more, we'll be at this place for the next three hours.

Thoughts?  Okay/not okay?

Is this something you are going to put on the invites (and thus formally inviting people to) or is it more of a word-of-mouth, we'll be here if you want to come by? I'd say in the former case you should be picking up the tab because it feels like part of the wedding reception, in the latter case you're probably okay to not to. 

I had an afterparty in the lounge bar of my venue, and my dad picked up the tab for everyone that came down, although it wasn't a big crowd, just our closest friends and family. 

We were thinking of doing it word of mouth -- just mentioning to friends/fam that we're gonna be at the lounge partying for another few hours.  I have a sneaky feeling by that point most of the crowd will be done heavy drinking (except my fiance's close friends), although who knows.

ginnybinny17

ScottishSarah said:

I would say that is totally fine but personally I wouldn't put the after party on your official invites, just make it a word by mouth thing if you know what I mean.  

Got it -- that makes sense.  Thanks!

ILoveBeachMusic

I agree with PPs. Is it necessary to rent the bar though or will it still be open. Sounds like you could just go over there since it is the hotel bar. That is unless it would normally be closed at that time.

ginnybinny17

ILoveBeachMusic said:

I agree with PPs. Is it necessary to rent the bar though or will it still be open. Sounds like you could just go over there since it is the hotel bar. That is unless it would normally be closed at that time.

Nah, it won't be open -- it closes at 9 pm.

lyndausvi

ginnybinny17 said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

I agree with PPs. Is it necessary to rent the bar though or will it still be open. Sounds like you could just go over there since it is the hotel bar. That is unless it would normally be closed at that time.

Nah, it won't be open -- it closes at 9 pm.

bummer.  There are no other hotels bars?  Area bars?  Are people even staying at the hotel?

I come from a huge drinking social circle.  Actually we both did.  Our reception was from 5:30-11.   Afterwards those who wanted to continue to party just went to the hotel bar. Since it was a 100% OOT wedding, people were staying at hotels.  We warned the bars about our crowd and they happily stayed open.  It was all word of mouth.  Drinks were on the guests.  DH and I didn't attend. 

I've attend some weddings where people just met up a local bar, hit up the hotel bar or the couple or the parents had a suite where we met up. A lot of my family after-parties were back at one of the parent's houses.  My sister's was at my parent's house.  

  I've seen it all different ways. They were all word-of-mouth.  With the exception of in-suite or at home after-parties, the individual guests paid for their own drinks.

ginnybinny17

lyndausvi said:

ginnybinny17 said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

I agree with PPs. Is it necessary to rent the bar though or will it still be open. Sounds like you could just go over there since it is the hotel bar. That is unless it would normally be closed at that time.

Nah, it won't be open -- it closes at 9 pm.

bummer.  There are no other hotels bars?  Area bars?  Are people even staying at the hotel?

I come from a huge drinking social circle.  Actually we both did.  Our reception was from 5:30-11.   Afterwards those who wanted to continue to party just went to the hotel bar. Since it was a 100% OOT wedding, people were staying at hotels.  We warned the bars about our crowd and they happily stayed open.  It was all word of mouth.  Drinks were on the guests.  DH and I didn't attend. 

I've attend some weddings where people just met up a local bar, hit up the hotel bar or the couple or the parents had a suite where we met up. A lot of my family after-parties were back at one of the parent's houses.  My sister's was at my parent's house.  

  I've seen it all different ways. They were all word-of-mouth.  With the exception of in-suite or at home after-parties, the individual guests paid for their own drinks.

Nah, no other hotel bars.  I get the sense that this hotel is used mainly as a wedding/event venue (it's an old Newport mansion), so there's not hopping nightlife.  

Yes, people are staying at the hotel -- our parents/nuclear family, as well as the bridal party.  We have a few rooms left over after that so we're going to offer them to extended family on my side (all travelling from the Midwest) if they want them.

There are definitely area bars -- we're having our wedding in Newport, which has great nightlife.  We were just figuring on having it at the hotel bar for ease for the guests -- anyone who wants to come can just migrate down the hall to the hotel bar, and anyone who doesn't can peace out.  Is there a reason to have it at an area bar, etiquette wise?  I thought it'd be most convenient to just rent out the hotel bar since it wasn't super expensive but I don't want to be rude to anyone inadvertently.

We're having the after-after party after 1 am (for the few number of friends who are still awake) at this little house that's on the actual hotel property.  I have a feeling it'll probably be the groomsmen/bridesmaids and a few of my out of town friends.

TrixieJess

If you don't want to pay for your venue's bar, have a last call. I agree with PPs try and have an after party. You don't have to host it, just let people know you will be here if they would like to join you to continue the party.

cowgirl8238

I don't see a particular issue with using the hotels bar and spreading that info via word of mouth to the guests.  I also agree that if you write it in the invites that comes with the expectation of being hosted (fully) by you. 

I also envy your ability to get ready all day, have a full reception, attend a 3 hour after party and then have an after, after party!  I could NEVER make it that late in the night, but hey party on!! 

ginnybinny17

cowgirl8238 said:

I don't see a particular issue with using the hotels bar and spreading that info via word of mouth to the guests.  I also agree that if you write it in the invites that comes with the expectation of being hosted (fully) by you. 

I also envy your ability to get ready all day, have a full reception, attend a 3 hour after party and then have an after, after party!  I could NEVER make it that late in the night, but hey party on!! 

Haha, I have a feeling I'm going to be sleeping by the time the after-after party rolls around.  I went to one of my fiance's best friend's wedding earlier this year and they were all still partying at 5:30.  I don't know how they do it!

kahluakoala

ginnybinny17 said:

charlotte989875 said:

ginnybinny17 said:

My fiance and I both have friends who really like to party.  Particularly for my fiance's friends, this includes going way past hours when I'm typically in bed.

Our wedding venue gives you six hours for your ceremony and reception.  We're going to have the ceremony at 4, cocktail hour probably around 4:30-5:30, and then the reception until 10.  It'll be an open bar that whole time.

Renting any further hours costs $1200 per hour.  However, the venue suggested that we rent out the adjoining bar instead (it's part of the hotel), which only costs $600 for three hours.

So, our current plan is to have a full reception with an open bar until 10 pm, and then my fiance and I are going to go to the hotel bar from 10 pm to 1 am, which will be rented out just for us.  Anyone who wants to join us will be welcome.  But it'll be a pay-for-your-own-drinks situation.

Is that okay, etiquette-wise?  I figured we'd have a fully hosted reception and then the 10 pm to 1 am bar situation is less of us hosting everyone and more of like -- hey, if you wanna come party more, we'll be at this place for the next three hours.

Thoughts?  Okay/not okay?

Is this something you are going to put on the invites (and thus formally inviting people to) or is it more of a word-of-mouth, we'll be here if you want to come by? I'd say in the former case you should be picking up the tab because it feels like part of the wedding reception, in the latter case you're probably okay to not to. 

I had an afterparty in the lounge bar of my venue, and my dad picked up the tab for everyone that came down, although it wasn't a big crowd, just our closest friends and family. 

We were thinking of doing it word of mouth -- just mentioning to friends/fam that we're gonna be at the lounge partying for another few hours.  I have a sneaky feeling by that point most of the crowd will be done heavy drinking (except my fiance's close friends), although who knows.

I don't know if you have a website, but I think this is perfect info to find there!

PrettyGirlLost

I don't understand what you're paying for at $600 if everyone then has to pay for their own drinks?  If I'm paying $600 to "rent the hotel bar" I better be getting apps and drinks included in that price, otherwise what's the point? 

It's a waste of money to pay just to ensure the unwashed masses staying at the hotel don't have access to the bar that you all then have to pay out of pocket additionally to buy drinks.

Save the money and just go out somewhere else for your after party.

STARMOON44

PrettyGirlLost said:

I don't understand what you're paying for at $600 if everyone then has to pay for their own drinks?  If I'm paying $600 to "rent the hotel bar" I better be getting apps and drinks included in that price, otherwise what's the point? 

It's a waste of money to pay just to ensure the unwashed masses staying at the hotel don't have access to the bar that you all then have to pay out of pocket additionally to buy drinks.

Save the money and just go out somewhere else for your after party.

Because the bar would otherwise be closed. 

lyndausvi

STARMOON44 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

I don't understand what you're paying for at $600 if everyone then has to pay for their own drinks?  If I'm paying $600 to "rent the hotel bar" I better be getting apps and drinks included in that price, otherwise what's the point? 

It's a waste of money to pay just to ensure the unwashed masses staying at the hotel don't have access to the bar that you all then have to pay out of pocket additionally to buy drinks.

Save the money and just go out somewhere else for your after party.

Because the bar would otherwise be closed. 

this.

There are expenses involved with keeping a bar open.  $200 per hour isn't unreasonable in my opinion.  

banana468

STARMOON44 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

I don't understand what you're paying for at $600 if everyone then has to pay for their own drinks?  If I'm paying $600 to "rent the hotel bar" I better be getting apps and drinks included in that price, otherwise what's the point? 

It's a waste of money to pay just to ensure the unwashed masses staying at the hotel don't have access to the bar that you all then have to pay out of pocket additionally to buy drinks.

Save the money and just go out somewhere else for your after party.

Because the bar would otherwise be closed. 

This.   You're paying for its use but not the items inside it.   It's up there with renting venue space.   It's staffed but food may not be included. 

kahluakoala

I think if you all have to go to a bar in town (getting cabs, whatever) is going to cause you to lose momentum. Though I DO think the bar tab will likely be less than $600. So, it's really up to you. I do think you'll have a better party at the hotel, because people are more likely to stay for a quick nightcap than if they had to go to a second location, you're only getting people who are out for the night.

I've been to a lot of after parties and they're usually "pay your own tab" or someone from the family of the B&G picks up the check, though I feel like it's just been an on-the-spot decision to do it. Like, at my cousins wedding my dad picked up the check at the afterparty (it was his goddaughter and he was just excited) and it was like $400ish

PrettyGirlLost

STARMOON44 said:

PrettyGirlLost said:

I don't understand what you're paying for at $600 if everyone then has to pay for their own drinks?  If I'm paying $600 to "rent the hotel bar" I better be getting apps and drinks included in that price, otherwise what's the point? 

It's a waste of money to pay just to ensure the unwashed masses staying at the hotel don't have access to the bar that you all then have to pay out of pocket additionally to buy drinks.

Save the money and just go out somewhere else for your after party.

Because the bar would otherwise be closed. 

I didn't get that from the OP.

Still is a waste of money, imo.  I'd just go to a bar offsite that is already open and save the money, or see if there's a hospitality room or other suite on site I could rent and then bring in some cases of beer and liquor, depending on the hotel rules. 

I've been to a few wedding after parties held in hotel suites that were like that- people brought munchies and booze and hung out for a few hours following the reception.

I've also been to quite a few weddings where a bunch of guests left the reception venue and went to a bar within walking distance to carry on the after party.

lyndausvi

ginnybinny17 said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

I agree with PPs. Is it necessary to rent the bar though or will it still be open. Sounds like you could just go over there since it is the hotel bar. That is unless it would normally be closed at that time.

Nah, it won't be open -- it closes at 9 pm.

@PrettyGirlLost

PrettyGirlLost

lyndausvi said:

ginnybinny17 said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

I agree with PPs. Is it necessary to rent the bar though or will it still be open. Sounds like you could just go over there since it is the hotel bar. That is unless it would normally be closed at that time.

Nah, it won't be open -- it closes at 9 pm.

@PrettyGirlLost

Yeah, that wasn't in the OP ;-)

I still thought she was referring to her venue bar, though.  I misunderstood which she was referring to.

ETA: Forgot to mention that if you're already planning on an after after party that is on site, why not save the $600 and just move the after party there as well? You could use that money for munchies and drinks during the after party then, or it could be BYOB.

ginnybinny17

PrettyGirlLost said:

lyndausvi said:

ginnybinny17 said:

ILoveBeachMusic said:

I agree with PPs. Is it necessary to rent the bar though or will it still be open. Sounds like you could just go over there since it is the hotel bar. That is unless it would normally be closed at that time.

Nah, it won't be open -- it closes at 9 pm.

@PrettyGirlLost

Yeah, that wasn't in the OP ;-)

I still thought she was referring to her venue bar, though.  I misunderstood which she was referring to.

ETA: Forgot to mention that if you're already planning on an after after party that is on site, why not save the $600 and just move the after party there as well? You could use that money for munchies and drinks during the after party then, or it could be BYOB.

A few things -

a) Even though having the afterparty at a local bar may save us some money, I think it's worth it to have it at the hotel bar.  Since it's literally RIGHT next to the reception room, the party won't lose steam.  Plus, the mansion/hotel isn't walking distance to any local bars -- it's a good 10 minute Uber ride.  Basically, I really just think the party's gonna be way better at the hotel bar.  It may seem like a waste of money, but the party aspect is the most important part of things from FI and I's POV, so it's not really a waste to us.  We're cutting back on other things so we can have the after-party in the place we think is most convenient to guests and will be most fun.  

b) The after-AFTER party is gonna be tiny.  There's this little carriage house on the venue property with rooms upstairs and a common room downstairs.  It can probably fit twenty or so folks, so we're just gonna use that for the "after 1 am crowd," which will likely be some of my college friends and my FI's hometown buds, a small group.  We can't use that for the 10 pm to 1 am after party as well, because I know (or hope!) that'll be way more than 20 people.