So, does your partner involve you?

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,
We are spending this Thanksgiving with my in-laws. They are nice people, but conversationally challenged. I can spend days with them, and the only questions I will be asked are, “How are you?” when I arrive and “Would you like something to drink?” They can talk—they just don’t seem to want to talk to me. I ask questions about their lives, and generally try to engage them, but I usually end up listening to whatever they are talking about. I could not be in the room at all, and it wouldn’t matter to them. They always seem happy to get together, but then uninterested in my presence. I’ve tried not saying anything, but either they are happy to sit in silence or they divert to someone else (the questions they ask each other are more in-depth). At my family holidays, people engage each other on a number of topics, and no one is left twiddling their thumbs. I wonder if there’s anything to be done about this, or do I just bring a book and read if they’re just going to ignore me anyway?

—Nothing to say

charlotte989875

I have questions; how long have they been together? Do you try to talk about what they are talking about? Sounds a little like LW wants to be the center of conversation and the in-laws are just carrying on in they're normal manner. 

SP29

Where is LW's SO in all of this? Does (s)he try to engage LW + parents in new conversation?

6fsn

MIL and sFIL engage in conversation with me.  They are perfectly happy to talk AT me (I've heard the same stories over and OVER) but they couldn't care less about anything I have to say.  She was a teacher and he's a radio announcer so I just think they aren't used to people talking to them.

OurWildKingdom

6fsn said:

MIL and sFIL engage in conversation with me.  They are perfectly happy to talk AT me (I've heard the same stories over and OVER) but they couldn't care less about anything I have to say.  She was a teacher and he's a radio announcer so I just think they aren't used to people talking to them.

This actually sounds quite plausible. ILs' conversation skills may have nothing to do with LW.

flantastic

6fsn said:

MIL and sFIL engage in conversation with me.  They are perfectly happy to talk AT me (I've heard the same stories over and OVER) but they couldn't care less about anything I have to say.  She was a teacher and he's a radio announcer so I just think they aren't used to people talking to them.

Sometimes, I will try to jump in with related stories when MIL is talking about everyone she or her sons have ever been friends with (some of whom I've never met). Such stories are usually about my immediate family - parents and siblings. I too have heard a lot of stories over and over again. I try this because I assumed that since she likes to have the gossip and tell me about all these other people, she would also care to know what's going on with the people who are important to me. Some of the people she tells stories about are my SILs' parents and siblings.

However, she usually cuts me off pretty quickly to talk more her stuff (almost NEVER asks questions about my family), and it really doesn't seem like she's listening unless I'm making some sort of obsequious comment in agreement with one of her points. But later, she'll take whatever I said and tell it to someone else who doesn't know or care about my family, if she thinks it's interesting enough. It's very odd. I think she just likes to be in the position of knowing things about people and preferably showing it off at any given moment.

sparklepants41

flantastic said:

6fsn said:

MIL and sFIL engage in conversation with me.  They are perfectly happy to talk AT me (I've heard the same stories over and OVER) but they couldn't care less about anything I have to say.  She was a teacher and he's a radio announcer so I just think they aren't used to people talking to them.

Sometimes, I will try to jump in with related stories when MIL is talking about everyone she or her sons have ever been friends with (some of whom I've never met). Such stories are usually about my immediate family - parents and siblings. I too have heard a lot of stories over and over again. I try this because I assumed that since she likes to have the gossip and tell me about all these other people, she would also care to know what's going on with the people who are important to me. Some of the people she tells stories about are my SILs' parents and siblings.

However, she usually cuts me off pretty quickly to talk more her stuff (almost NEVER asks questions about my family), and it really doesn't seem like she's listening unless I'm making some sort of obsequious comment in agreement with one of her points. But later, she'll take whatever I said and tell it to someone else who doesn't know or care about my family, if she thinks it's interesting enough. It's very odd. I think she just likes to be in the position of knowing things about people and preferably showing it off at any given moment.

Um. I think your MIL and my MIL are the exact same person. 

PrettyGirlLost

Yeah, some people just don't understand how a conversation is supposed to work. . . or just don't care.  Some ppl like a captive audience, lol.