Just wanted to say hello!

CoastalVibes

This is my first post on here.  I looked and looked to see if there was an appropriate place to introduce myself, but I couldn't find one.  So sorry if this is the wrong place!

OliveOilsMom

CoastalVibes said:

This is my first post on here.  I looked and looked to see if there was an appropriate place to introduce myself, but I couldn't find one.  So sorry if this is the wrong place!

In May, my fiance and I celebrate our 10th anniversary and we have decided to have a big anniversary party that will actually be a surprise wedding.  We have been engaged for over 2 years, but just decided to do the wedding in May so I have a lot of work to do.

I am a little stressed already.    Since it will be a surprise, I won't have any input from friends so I will certainly be coming to y'all for help!  Thanks in advance!

Welcome!

One thing I will say right away is to rethink the surprise wedding.  Many people will take every effort to attend a wedding, but may not make much effort to attend an anniversary party.  You may end up having some VIPs not attend due to a conflict.

You can still plan this as a wedding.  I would just not hide the fact that it is a wedding.

CoastalVibes

Yes, I'm actually counting on some people not coming!  I'm good with that! 

charlotte989875

CoastalVibes said:

Yes, I'm actually counting on some people not coming!  I'm good with that! 

Welcome to TK! This is a great place to introxudec yourself. What are you in to? Any hobbies or things you participate in?

One thing if you lurk through pages here is that surprise weddings, while they sound fun and exciting can have a lot of downsides including that you're essentially hiding the truth (i.e. Lying to) your guests that can lead to some really hurt feelings. I live OOT from my closest friends and family. If I was invited to an anniversary (or other party) I'd travel if I was free and the weekend was convenient, but I wouldn't prioritize it the same way as a wedding. Now if I found out I missed my sister's/best friend's/favorite aunt's wedding because I didn't actually know it was a wedding I'd be extremely hurt.

Also, you're counting on people not going and you're happy about it? That doesn't make a lot of sense, why invite these people? 

CoastalVibes

I appreciate the feedback, but I really am hoping this doesn't turn into "why you shouldn't have a surprise wedding" thread.  I really just wanted to say hello and hope to share some camaraderie before asking for planning help. 

charlotte989875

One thing to learn about TK/the Internet is that people will comment on anything that you put out there, whether you really want them to or not, and telling people not to comment is probably less effective at stopping that conversation than say ignoring it. 

kimmiinthemitten

Hi Chit Chat is the best place to introduce yourself, welcome to TK.  Which coast are you from?

This will probably turn into a don't have surprise wedding thread though.  There are a lot of people with strong feelings about them.  I get your excitement, we all do, but I'd encourage you to hear them out.  If strangers on the internet feel that way, there's a really good chance at least one of your guests will as well.  We're all here to help, but we won't just rubber stamp ideas we disagree with with puppies and rainbows.

CoastalVibes

I understand what you're saying.  But I really just wanted to say hello.  I edited my original post.  I know it's already been quoted, but I really don't want the type of wedding I'm choosing to be the main focus here.  I really just wanted the opportunity to try and get to know y'all a little before diving in.

short+sassy

Hi @CoastalVibes, welcome!  I'm also curious which coast you are on.  I grew up in San Clemente, CA (southern CA) and my H's family growing up had a beach house in Oregon.  No ties to the East Coast, other than I love to visit.

Congrats on your upcoming wedding!  My H and I were together for 13 years before he proposed, though we got married about 6 months after that.

The PPs on the various boards can be really helpful with planning an amazing, relatively stress-free day that your guests will love.  I think the main thing to keep in mind is, "It's one day.  The main purpose is to marry your FI and, if guests are invited (like they are in your case), and properly host a great party."  Don't get hung up on minutia that isn't in the budget (unrelated to guest comfort) or doesn't go perfectly.

I'll admit I'm on the "no surprise wedding" train with the other PPs, for all the reasons they stated.  But I won't harp on it.

banana468

Welcome!

And add me to the 'no surprise' group.   Wasn't it Jennifer Aniston who just had a surprise wedding and some of the guess commented later that they didn't know and had they known they would have dressed / done things differently?

Think of it this way, it's not just about YOU being OK that some people will turn down an invitation if it's not a wedding.   It's that people give different weight to a wedding vs. a different type of party.   So some may think that you pulled a bait and switch and they may actually be hurt / upset at the lack of truth that was involved in planning the event.   It's hard to plan something that carries the same feelings as a wedding where people will decide to clear their calendars in the same way.

If you opt to do this, I think you need to prepare yourself for more than declines.   I think you need to prepare yourself for the very real possibility that you may be hurting the feelings of your family and friends.   And they may not tell you that you hurt their feelings - but I think you need to be prepared for that result. 

ei34

Here's a link to a recent surprise wedding post.  If you're looking for execution ideas, one or two posters may have shared their experience.  A good 98% of PPs didn't like the idea.  Not saying that you shouldn't have a surprise wedding, but it's a possibility that 98% (or so) of your guest list won't like it.

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1072419/surprise-wedding

Other than that, welcome.  Congrats on approaching 10 years with your FI!  How'd you guys meet?

CoastalVibes

short+sassy said:

Hi @CoastalVibes, welcome!  I'm also curious which coast you are on.  I grew up in San Clemente, CA (southern CA) and my H's family growing up had a beach house in Oregon.  No ties to the East Coast, other than I love to visit.

Congrats on your upcoming wedding!  My H and I were together for 13 years before he proposed, though we got married about 6 months after that.

The PPs on the various boards can be really helpful with planning an amazing, relatively stress-free day that your guests will love.  I think the main thing to keep in mind is, "It's one day.  The main purpose is to marry your FI and, if guests are invited (like they are in your case), and properly host a great party."  Don't get hung up on minutia that isn't in the budget (unrelated to guest comfort) or doesn't go perfectly.

I'll admit I'm on the "no surprise wedding" train with the other PPs, for all the reasons they stated.  But I won't harp on it.

Thanks!  I'm on the east coast (Georgia).  The coast is special to us and our wedding will incorporate that.  

CoastalVibes

eileenrob said:

Here's a link to a recent surprise wedding post.  If you're looking for execution ideas, one or two posters may have shared their experience.  A good 98% of PPs didn't like the idea.  Not saying that you shouldn't have a surprise wedding, but it's a possibility that 98% (or so) of your guest list won't like it.

http://forums.theknot.com/discussion/1072419/surprise-wedding

Other than that, welcome.  Congrats on approaching 10 years with your FI!  How'd you guys meet?

Thanks. We were friends for several years but both always had a S.O.  When we both found ourselves single it just kind of happened!!  Definitely didn't see it coming.

SP29

Welcome!

cowgirl8238

Welcome @CoastalVibes I would also like to add that I am not a fan of Surprise Weddings but will not dwell on all the reasons. 

I hope you stick around, ask questions, and (at the very least) consider the feedback you get here.  As someone who turned to the boards while planning their wedding I am forever grateful of the advice I found here.  There were several mistakes that were avoided thanks to these ladies!  So I stick around for the group and attempt to save others from the making the same mistakes I did / almost did!

Heffalump

CoastalVibes said:

short+sassy said:

Hi @CoastalVibes, welcome!  I'm also curious which coast you are on.  I grew up in San Clemente, CA (southern CA) and my H's family growing up had a beach house in Oregon.  No ties to the East Coast, other than I love to visit.

Congrats on your upcoming wedding!  My H and I were together for 13 years before he proposed, though we got married about 6 months after that.

The PPs on the various boards can be really helpful with planning an amazing, relatively stress-free day that your guests will love.  I think the main thing to keep in mind is, "It's one day.  The main purpose is to marry your FI and, if guests are invited (like they are in your case), and properly host a great party."  Don't get hung up on minutia that isn't in the budget (unrelated to guest comfort) or doesn't go perfectly.

I'll admit I'm on the "no surprise wedding" train with the other PPs, for all the reasons they stated.  But I won't harp on it.

Thanks!  I'm on the east coast (Georgia).  The coast is special to us and our wedding will incorporate that.  

Welcome.  I love the Georgia coast. 

The comments about surprise weddings aren't meant to be unkind, they're meant to point out a perspective that you may not have considered.  If you already have and you don't care, fair enough.  But people are making valid points about them.

ETA:  And if you don't care, that's totally your call.  But then I would question why you are inviting guests at all, if you're planning to do something that most of them will not enjoy.  In that case, why not just elope?