This is not strange. At all.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,
Is it strange to semi-merge finances with a partner before marriage? My boyfriend and I are moving in together soon and we also want to start saving so that in three to five years we could buy a house together. Is a joint account for the purpose of household bills and savings premature at this stage?

—Too Soon to Merge

missJeanLouise

Call me old school, and I admit to watching too much Judge Judy, but I would consider waiting. There is no mention on age, length of time together (not that time dictates seriousness), and other factors. Also, keep your own private accounts. While I think it is a great idea for couples to do this before they get married, I have seen a lot of mistakes from people combining finances too early/young.

mrsconn23

If it were my friend, I'd counsel her to keep separate accounts and have one 'house' account where they deposit their share of the household expenses.  But each person should have a separate savings and discretionary spending accounts.  

littlemushroom

My H and I created a joint checking account for shared expenses when we moved in together and before we were engaged. We each kept our own personal accounts and deposited the budgeted amount discussed for each of us every two weeks. We used that account for rent, groceries and going out together. Personal accounts were for everything else. We opened a joint savings account when we got married.

I would say joint account now for joint expenses and save individually for the house until you figure out how having a joint account is working.

charlotte989875

I think this is pretty common among people that live together (or at least it has been with my circle). Create a shared household account where both deposit whatever share of cash is agreed upon and withdrawals/payments for shared expenses come out of that account while maintaining separate personal accounts. 

TrixieJess

We have a joint chequing account. We also have separate chequing and savings accounts. We have separate credit cards. Our joint account is for household things, mortgage, bills, groceries. We use our separate chequing accounts for everything else. 

We opened our joint account after our son was born. 

MissKittyDanger

M and I have joint accounts for certain things. When we moved in together, it was for rent. All rent money goes into that account, and only rent comes out. Now we have a joint account for mortgage, condo fees and property taxes.

When we were saving, we would also put extra money into the joint rent account because it was untouchable.

LW should get a joint account, but should first go over the budget. Know what the spending is, what the debt is, and how much to put into the account. Don't join all money right away.

kahluakoala

I did this with my two roommates who I was very close friends with - we had a joint account where we all contributed an agreed upon amount that would go to rent, utilities, grociers, and household purchases. 

I think a joint savings account is better upon engagement

SaintPaulGal

I'll echo everyone saying joint account for shared expenses, separate accounts for savings and personal expenses. 

What FI and I did when he moved in was get a shared credit card.  It's in his name but we are both authorized users.  When we first got it we only used it for things that were exactly 50/50, like dish soap or splitting a pizza.  But as we have gotten more committed and further into our relationship we use it for pretty much anything that is shared.  Expenses for items clearly for just one of us go on that person's own separate credit card--lunches at work, clothing, hobby equipment, etc.  Then at the end of the month he pays the balance on the "love card", I pay all housing costs (mortgage/utilities/seasonal services) and we figure out who owes whom in order for bills to be split down the middle.

*Barbie*

i think it makes sense to have a joint account for household expenses, but to keep the other stuff separate for now (or longer). DK and I didn't combine stuff until we were married, but we split our bills (we lived together for ~10mo while engaged) so each of us was responsible for different things. (e.g. he paid the rent, i covered cable/internet/water/groceries/etc.)

We've been married 10 years now - we have a joint checking, savings, and CD, and credit cards that we use as primary but the other person has access. We both monitor the accounts and let each other know/discuss if we're making a big purchase (gifts excepted). Both paychecks go into the joint accounts. We still split the bills (responsibility for paying) even though the money comes from 1 pot. This may not be the *safest* thing to do - but we trust each other and have similar outloooks on saving/spending (he's a bit more frugal) and from a financial contributions standpoint, we're pretty equal (53/47).

 

mrsconn23

*Barbie* said:

We've been married 10 years now - we have a joint checking, savings, and CD, and credit cards that we use as primary but the other person has access. We both monitor the accounts and let each other know/discuss if we're making a big purchase (gifts excepted). Both paychecks go into the joint accounts. We still split the bills (responsibility for paying) even though the money comes from 1 pot. This may not be the *safest* thing to do - but we trust each other and have similar outloooks on saving/spending (he's a bit more frugal) and from a financial contributions standpoint, we're pretty equal (53/47).

 

We are the same.  Our split is more like 57/43, but the rest is the same.  I manage all of our money, but DH has access at any time. 

ShesSoCold

H and I combined all finances when we moved in together. No separate accounts.

It was a nightmare and nearly broke us up. We ended up splitting finances completely and dividing bills (we each paid our own individual bills, H paid the rent and I paid the water, cable, etc.).

We're back to dumping everything into one pot and everything coming out of there. It's working well. We're still working on being on the same page as far as saving vs. spending but getting much better.

MissKittyDanger

ShesSoCold said:

H and I combined all finances when we moved in together. No separate accounts.

It was a nightmare and nearly broke us up. We ended up splitting finances completely and dividing bills (we each paid our own individual bills, H paid the rent and I paid the water, cable, etc.).

We're back to dumping everything into one pot and everything coming out of there. It's working well. We're still working on being on the same page as far as saving vs. spending but getting much better.

That's probably why most people {myself included} don't have all accounts joint. M and I are on similar pages, but not quite. I think if we were both on EXACT SAME PAGE financially, it would be completely different. I doubt we would be ever though tbh ...

*Barbie*

mrsconn23 said:

 

We are the same.  Our split is more like 57/43, but the rest is the same.  I manage all of our money, but DH has access at any time. 

If he gets the big raise/bonus increase that they've been promising it will throw us more into the 55/45 or 60/40 range  - but I'm not complaining if that happens - I'm booking more trips. :-P

Also encouraged him to apply for a job (internal) today - which would give him a C-level role. If he could get that (and a corresponding salary) it would be amazing. It's probably a long shot, but since his 2nd level boss is the hiring manager, it's worth a shot. 

short+sassy

Coincidental letter!  I was giving advice on this exact issue about two weeks ago to a friend/coworker.  Her and her b/f are already living together.  It sounds like they have separate accounts.  She took a p/t job because they're trying to save enough money for a down payment on a house, but a timeline of about 5 years from now.

I admit to being a buttinsky, but she is a lot younger than me and isn't very "worldly", for lack of a better word.  I told her something to the effect of, "I know, I know, it isn't my business, but I'm going to give you some advice.  I think that's great you all are thinking toward the future and saving now for a down payment, but keep separate accounts for those savings.  It's no offense to your b/f, but you just never know what the future brings.  Maybe you all break-up, maybe it turns ugly.  With a joint account, either one of you could clean it out and I know how hard you work for your money.  I also really don't recommend buying a house together until you're at least engaged, preferably married."

I then gave her the example that my H and I had been together for ten years when I bought my house.  And he had no part of it, other than being a sounding board for my decisions.  Not without a ring on my finger.  Not saying there can't be exceptions to that but, for most people, it's a really bad idea.  

Keisha84

My FI and I opened up a joint savings when we got engaged. It is set that we both have to sign to take money out. We both to automatic contributions to the account. When we buy our house we will do a joint checking account with the same restrictions for household bills. We will both keep personal accounts. 

I work at a financial institution and I've seen when joint accounts go wrong. I don't think me and my FI will end up like that, but those people said the same thing at some point too.