Dear Prudence,
I finally came out as a lesbian last year. It took me a long time to put together—I’m 30—but I was raised in a strict Muslim home and not the most supportive environment. Now everything is great, except for my closest friend, Sandy. She bristles when I call myself a lesbian. She thinks I should call myself bisexual, since I once told her a story of a friend who identified as a lesbian for years and was surprised when she eventually fell in love with a man. They’re now married. I said if that happened to me it would be weird, but I guess possible. (To be clear, I don’t think this will happen to me.) Sandy also makes “jokes” about how I “must be the man” in my relationships. She has referred to me as a “baby gay” to other gay friends, which just feels weird, and she has given a lot of advice about how I shouldn’t come out to my mom (dad isn’t around)—I think because she thinks I’ll change my mind about being gay.
She’s a great person, and it’s really unexpected that she’s so weird about this. I’ve even wondered if she’s starting to think she isn’t straight, and is kind of projecting. Anyway, how can I get her to stop with these strange remarks and off-putting advice? If she says something rude I’ll ask her to stop in the moment, but the remarks and advice continue.
—Doesn’t Believe I’m a Lesbian