Illinois-Chicago

Bachelorette Party Advice needed!

My bachelorette party is going to be in Nashville. 3 of the 5 bridesmaids live in the area. One is planning on driving to Chicago from Wisconsin so she can road trip with us. However my future SIL lives in St. Louis and expects us to pick her up on our way to Nashville. This will add an hour and a half to our drive each way. I found a train that will take her from her house (train station is 30 min away) to Chicago for $49 it would be a 2 and a half hour train ride. She is mad that i don't want to detour everyone else to pick her up in st. louis. She thinks the train is a terrible idea. She is now threatening not to go. I want her there because we are family. any advice? (another tid-bit about her, I am pretty sure she is mad at me about the party anyway. We are going March 25-27, her birthday is march 30. She made a comment that we would celebrate my bachelorette party on saturday and sunday and that the friday we would celebrate her birthday. I told her no. So I'm pretty sure she's mad about that.)

Re: Bachelorette Party Advice needed!

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    My bachelorette party is going to be in Nashville. 3 of the 5 bridesmaids live in the area. One is planning on driving to Chicago from Wisconsin so she can road trip with us. However my future SIL lives in St. Louis and expects us to pick her up on our way to Nashville. This will add an hour and a half to our drive each way. I found a train that will take her from her house (train station is 30 min away) to Chicago for $49 it would be a 2 and a half hour train ride. She is mad that i don't want to detour everyone else to pick her up in st. louis. She thinks the train is a terrible idea. She is now threatening not to go. I want her there because we are family. any advice? (another tid-bit about her, I am pretty sure she is mad at me about the party anyway. We are going March 25-27, her birthday is march 30. She made a comment that we would celebrate my bachelorette party on saturday and sunday and that the friday we would celebrate her birthday. I told her no. So I'm pretty sure she's mad about that.)
    First, I personally have to say that out of a three day window, would it kill you to acknowledge her birthday?

    To accommodate your SIL, you need to add 90 minutes to your drive.  Using your suggestion, your SIL would need to add 3 hours to her drive.  I can understand how that might upset her.  Will the train schedule accommodate your time line going both ways?  Is there somewhere she could drive in that 90 minute window that would lessen your detour but allow her to join you sooner?  She would just need to make sure the meeting place would accommodate overnight parking for the duration of the weekend.

    You say you want her to go because she is family, but don't want to acknowledge her birthday or make any adjustments to your schedule.  That does not sound very family friendly to me.  Your SIL does not need to threaten not to attend.  If the arrangements make if difficult for her to join you, she is under no obligation to do so.
    knottiej
  • It seems a bit rude/mean to not acknowledge her birthday. Why did you say no? What if you suggested that on the first night out for dinner you celebrate her birthday - maybe get a balloon or two, ask them to bring out a slice of cake and sing, etc - and maybe that will "sweeten the deal" to get her to drive out to Nashville on her own?

    You could also use her birthday as an opportunity for more "attention" - at a bar - "oh, a bachelorette party AND a birthday!! let's get these girls some shots!". Something like this (if you are going that route), you could really play with it.

    Or as MobKaz suggested, maybe leave earlier with your group and meet somewhere in the middle and grab lunch and acknowledge her bday then with something. Just my two cents. :)
  • thisismynickname2thisismynickname2 City By The Lake
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    member
    I'm not sure when in December this was posted so sorry if it's really late! But- in driving from Chicago to Nashville, I don't think 1.5 hours to St. Louis is too far in the grand scheme of things. You're already on the road for several hours anyway.

    On the flip side, if she can't drive herself to Nashville anyway- why? She sounds a wee tad selfish. Is this a pattern with her? It's up to you if you want to be an enabler of selfish ways, or just be nice and go get her. It's tough to give advice without intimate knowledge of family dynamics. 

    And yup, acknowledge her birthday. The more to celebrate, the merrier, IMHO! 
    ________________________________


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