Pre-wedding Parties

Bridal Shower Invites/Parties

Couple things...FIL have been very vocal about the disapproval of our wedding plans (not fancy enough).  We are paying for wedding. They are constantly giving input. They also don't think our guest list is extensive enough (only included 1st aunts/uncles and cousins). 

MIL wants to throw me a shower (which I know is nice) but I'm quiet and shy and really just want one shower (both sides and friends) planned by my sister and mother...I suppose they could work together. Perhaps I'm extra frustrated by her lack of respecting our wishes. To me showers are about coming together as one family. MIL not happy about only having one shower. I'm partially worried that if she plans it people who are not invited to wedding will get invited to the shower (which I know is not appropriate). Am I being a bridezilla?

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  • Couple things...FIL have been very vocal about the disapproval of our wedding plans (not fancy enough).  We are paying for wedding. They are constantly giving input. They also don't think our guest list is extensive enough (only included 1st aunts/uncles and cousins). 

    MIL wants to throw me a shower (which I know is nice) but I'm quiet and shy and really just want one shower (both sides and friends) planned by my sister and mother...I suppose they could work together. Perhaps I'm extra frustrated by her lack of respecting our wishes. To me showers are about coming together as one family. MIL not happy about only having one shower. I'm partially worried that if she plans it people who are not invited to wedding will get invited to the shower (which I know is not appropriate). Am I being a bridezilla?
    If your mom and sister can, and want to, host the guests from your FIs side I think saying you only want one shower and your sister/mom will work with her on the guest list. 
  • I would talk to your mom and sister first and find out how many people they can afford to host. If it can accommodate your FI's side, then ask if they can be added to the guest list. Then tell your MIL you only want one shower and to expect an invite from your mom/sister.
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    SP29
  • You are 100% fine to decline the offer of your MIL's shower.

    The only concern I would have is, are your Mom and Sister able to host that many guests at one shower (your side, his side, friends)? If not, then having MIL throw a shower for her side may be more appropriate. If Mom and Sister can handle it, then I'd let your MIL know what is already being planned and ask her for a list of who she'd like to see invited. You do not have to invite every single one of these guests, but you are at least taking her opinion into consideration.
  • Yes. They are totally fine to have both sides. 
  • we told his mother but it didn't go over well.  I don't want to start WWIII over this but at the same time she has been incredibly disrespectful and she will need to learn to respect us and not our decisions as a soon to be married couple. 
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    we told his mother but it didn't go over well.  I don't want to start WWIII over this but at the same time she has been incredibly disrespectful and she will need to learn to respect us and not our decisions as a soon to be married couple. 
    When people say that someone has been "incredibly disrespectful" to them but the details are left out or vague, that can range from the person actually being disrespectful to just expressing realistic concern and the "disrespected" person taking it poorly.

    So what does "didn't go over well" mean? And/or how has she been disrespectful in the past?

    The bolded part is true... but I did have a shower (despite hating showers) because it was incredibly important to H's mom. Throwing parties is one of her favorite things. It would have been well within my rights to say no to it, but I said yes because she's an important person in my life and it was going to make her happy. I don't feel like my arm was twisted. If she was just genuinely upset, not threatening/manipulative, I'd consider having the second shower rather than standing by the decision for the decision's sake. If she was being more controlling about it, then absolutely stand your ground and set those boundaries.

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    charlotte989875InLoveInQueens
  • we told his mother but it didn't go over well.  I don't want to start WWIII over this but at the same time she has been incredibly disrespectful and she will need to learn to respect us and not our decisions as a soon to be married couple. 
    When people say that someone has been "incredibly disrespectful" to them but the details are left out or vague, that can range from the person actually being disrespectful to just expressing realistic concern and the "disrespected" person taking it poorly.

    So what does "didn't go over well" mean? And/or how has she been disrespectful in the past?

    The bolded part is true... but I did have a shower (despite hating showers) because it was incredibly important to H's mom. Throwing parties is one of her favorite things. It would have been well within my rights to say no to it, but I said yes because she's an important person in my life and it was going to make her happy. I don't feel like my arm was twisted. If she was just genuinely upset, not threatening/manipulative, I'd consider having the second shower rather than standing by the decision for the decision's sake. If she was being more controlling about it, then absolutely stand your ground and set those boundaries.
    I agree with all of this. If she's inappropriate and out of line then by all means set boundaries, have your FI communicate them to her clearly and stick to them. If she is disrespectful you definitely don't and shouldn't put up with it. 

    But if she is excited and wanting to do things for you, you absolutely can decline. But remember this woman is going to be in your life forever and you'll have to deal with her. Sometimes family can be a delicate balancing act and you don't want to start things off on a bad foot over something trivial (not saying that's what this is, it's just hard to tell from your posts). 
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