Moms and Maids
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MOH Sister-Zilla

So I'm in a knot. I want my sister to be in my wedding as my MOH, and I've already asked her to be. She said yes!

She is kind of going through a lot to put it nicely. I've told her multiple times about being my MOH and it's an honored position, she's just telling me she doesn't care. Etc. There was an incident where she backed into my car and she had to pay for the damage. She told me that if she had to pay for the damage that she didn't want to be involved in my wedding at all. That was summer 2016 and she's over that now, but occasionally throws it in my face. She told me last week to find someone else because she is not sure she will get along with me by that time to even be in it. She's using this to as leverage. I already chose my bridesmaids.

I think I would really regret choosing someone else, and I think later in life when she grows up (she's already 20yr) she will regret her decision too. We've had a rocky relationship but we're still sisters. In all honesty I wish I would have decided on someone else to not deal with this, but I didn't want bridesmaids at all when I first started planning.

Talk about a headache! Any input is appreciated.

Re: MOH Sister-Zilla

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    I would tell her that you love her and want her to stand beside you on your wedding day but it is her decision. Tell her you don't want arguments or unproductive comments leading up to it. She should think hard about it and make her decision.
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    I think you should say something like Jen suggested.  And then just carry on as normal w/o entertaining her drama. MOH isn't really any different than bridesmaid, so if she stays in, great. If not, great. It doesn't matter and it's on her if she wants to be so wishy washy and dramatic. 
    What did you think would happen if you walked up to a group of internet strangers and told them to get shoehorned by their lady doc?~StageManager14
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    As PP said you can't ask her step down, but to lessen your feelings of regret over picking her, maybe console yourself with the fact that if you hadn't picked her, you may be hearing nonstop complaining "how could you not have picked me?  I'm your sister!".  She does sound immature.
    I love Jen's wording and Kimmi gave great advice: shut down all wedding talk.  If a dress has been selected, just make sure she knows the deadline she has to buy it.  She knows when and where your wedding are.  I'd leave it at that.  Good luck!
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    So I'm in a knot. I want my sister to be in my wedding as my MOH, and I've already asked her to be. She said yes!

    She is kind of going through a lot to put it nicely. I've told her multiple times about being my MOH and it's an honored position, she's just telling me she doesn't care. Etc. There was an incident where she backed into my car and she had to pay for the damage. She told me that if she had to pay for the damage that she didn't want to be involved in my wedding at all. That was summer 2016 and she's over that now, but occasionally throws it in my face. She told me last week to find someone else because she is not sure she will get along with me by that time to even be in it. She's using this to as leverage. I already chose my bridesmaids.

    I think I would really regret choosing someone else, and I think later in life when she grows up (she's already 20yr) she will regret her decision too. We've had a rocky relationship but we're still sisters. In all honesty I wish I would have decided on someone else to not deal with this, but I didn't want bridesmaids at all when I first started planning.

    Talk about a headache! Any input is appreciated.
    Ditto PP.  You need to just shut your sister down when she starts up.  Don't talk about the wedding and use Jen's wording to let her know you won't be asking her to step down or wanting to hear her complain.  

    If she brings up the car, tell her that she hit your car and you needed to be made whole from the damage caused - that is all.  Tell her that you think of the wedding and car issues to be separate, so you don't know why she keeps bringing both up.
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    I just wanted to chime in that I agree with everyone else.  You are absolutely correct in that you should not "replace" her even if she removes herself from your WP, as that would feel like a slight to whoever is her "replacement" (they'd feel like you'd chose them as an afterthought and not because you value your friendship with them).  Have you asked her privately for her dress budget yet?  Once you have that, and have selected a dress (or dresses, if they're wearing different ones) within your lowest BM's budget, that's all you really need to tell her until the day of the wedding (where and when to be).  If you have a rehearsal scheduled for the day before and she pushes back on that, one of the other BMs can fill her in on where she needs to stand the day of the ceremony.

     Remember that weddings don't change relationships for the better--in fact, they tend to bring out the worst in people and may try even solid relationships.  Since it sounds like you don't have a very good relationship with your sister, don't expect it to change just because you're getting married.  Lower your expectations of her behavior toward you, and she'll be less likely to disappoint you.   
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    Oh man.
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    You made a good point and brought up something I should of asked. There was a girl I went to nursing school with who I should of chosen to be my matron of honor. Being as though I was trying to go without BMs and decided that my sister meant the most and I didn't want to hurt anyone else feelings she was the best way to go. I really hope that my BMs don't have poor attitudes. I'm really doing my best to think freely and be open to options. 

    Thank you so much for replying

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    Hey OP, use the "quote" button so we know who you are talking to. The reply button doesn't do what you are lead to think. 
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    Happy to be of help!
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