Pressure to invite FMIL to dress fitting

Knottie79224451

So to provide a bit of info before I get started, I get along alright with my FMIL. She has been known to be quite...old fashioned. When we told her our wedding date, she was noticeably upset that it is a weekday and not a weekend. She made very clear that we shoild hand write our invitations instead of having them printed. My FI spilled a bit too much info and now FMIL wants to help make centerpieces that I was excited to craft on my own.
Moving forward...
I will be going to try on dresses in a couple months, and the only people I plan to have present will be my own mom, my sister (MOH), and my bridesmaid. Just a small group of people whose opinions I trust and rely on to help me find the perfect dress.
Now my sister is trying to convince me of why I need to invite my FMIL, to spare her feelings in case she may get upset at not getting to be a part of this. To be completely honest, since she and I are not very close, her opinion of my dress is not one I want, knowing how heavily opinionated she can be. I am afraid she may have opinions that so conflict with the other 3 that all she will do is stress/upset or frustrate me.

My FI is indifferent. He understands both sides, and told me to just do what I am most comfortable with. My sister suggested staging a secondary "fitting" when I am pretty certain I have narrowed down my dress, and invite FMIL to that so she feels included.

What are your opinions on this? I am not trying to exclude her, I am only trying to keep my gallery of opinions small and minimize the number of people who even see the dress before the wedding. I thought choosing 3 people I am very close to would be the best choice for that. I am finding through the wedding planning process that it is incredibly difficult, if not impossible, to please everyone. 

ei34

Knottie79224451 said:

So to provide a bit of info before I get started, I get along alright with my FMIL. She has been known to be quite...old fashioned. When we told her our wedding date, she was noticeably upset that it is a weekday and not a weekend. She made very clear that we shoild hand write our invitations instead of having them printed. My FI spilled a bit too much info and now FMIL wants to help make centerpieces that I was excited to craft on my own.
Moving forward...
I will be going to try on dresses in a couple months, and the only people I plan to have present will be my own mom, my sister (MOH), and my bridesmaid. Just a small group of people whose opinions I trust and rely on to help me find the perfect dress.
Now my sister is trying to convince me of why I need to invite my FMIL, to spare her feelings in case she may get upset at not getting to be a part of this. To be completely honest, since she and I are not very close, her opinion of my dress is not one I want, knowing how heavily opinionated she can be. I am afraid she may have opinions that so conflict with the other 3 that all she will do is stress/upset or frustrate me.

My FI is indifferent. He understands both sides, and told me to just do what I am most comfortable with. My sister suggested staging a secondary "fitting" when I am pretty certain I have narrowed down my dress, and invite FMIL to that so she feels included.

What are your opinions on this? I am not trying to exclude her, I am only trying to keep my gallery of opinions small and minimize the number of people who even see the dress before the wedding. I thought choosing 3 people I am very close to would be the best choice for that. I am finding through the wedding planning process that it is incredibly difficult, if not impossible, to please everyone. 

You mentioned that you and your FMIL have different tastes, so an important thing to consider: would it a bigger deal to her to not be invited, or to be invited but then for you to not take her advice (like, she hates the dress that you love and end up buying)?  I'm strongly on Team Very Few People when it's time to a dress anyway (when I bought mine I just brought one of my sisters and no one else), and your proposed group sounds good.

I like your sister's idea of inviting her to a fitting once you have your dress- FMIL gets to feel included and have a sneak peak, but at the point when there aren't any major decisions to be made (and if there are, the tailor or seamstress has the final say).  

missfrodo

You are under no obligation to invite your FMIL, especially if she isn't helping to pay for your wedding (if she is, it's more complicated, because money comes with strings).  Maybe discuss the idea with FI that you no longer share ideas about the wedding with her except on a need-to-know basis, or share things that are already done that she can't meddle with.  IE, once your invites come in you can show them to her, and if she doesn't like them that's tough.  When you have a fitting for your dress, she can come see it, and if she doesn't like it, oh well you already paid for it.  You can show her a picture of the centerpieces you made once they're done.  Basically, all things that might help her feel "included" in the process without her being able to force her own taste on you.  If she asks if you need help with centerpieces/cake design/etc, just tell her, "thank you but we're all set with that."  Not sure if that will make things better or worse with her, but it might help you keep your sanity during this time!

OliveOilsMom

I think your sister needs to butt out.  This decision is very personal and you don't feel close to FMIL and have different tastes.  What good could come from her attending a dress shopping session?

If there is something you truly don't care about, maybe flowers?  Let FMIL go hogwild, if she wants.  It will give her something to focus on.  If you were set on certain centerpieces, I think your FI needs to step in and tell his mom that you already have that figured out, but thanks for your opinions.  Blood talks to blood, especially with news that may be upsetting.

And one thing to remember, if your FMIL is as old fashioned as you say, she will most likely offer to host a RD.  If she offers, let that be her one big thing she does with little input from you.  Also remember that when FMIL married, it was very common for the MOB to be the main party planner with the B&G having barely any say in the event.  Times have changed and it can be hard understand that sometimes.

knottiej

Why is your sister telling you what to do in regards to your FMIL? 

For the 1st visit do small, if you narrow it down to the top 3 you could invite her. My 1st visit was my MOH and mom. Then for the top 3 I invited more - my mom, MOH, another BM and a friend. (I did not invite my FMIL for either).

SP29

You are not required to invite anyone to your dressing fitting. I would not invite your FMIL. Trying on clothing is very personal, and wedding dress shopping can be a trying experience, so you don't need the opinions of people you don't want or think that will be very different from your own (agreed- what if FMIL gives you an opinion and you don't take it? Will she be huffy about it?). Not everyone needs to be included in every aspect of your wedding planning.

I would go dress shopping as planned. Once you find the dress, take a picture in it and you can show it to FMIL if you like.

I did not bring my MIL dress shopping, or show her my dress beforehand. We get along well, but we just aren't that close.

As for the rest of the planning- is FMIL contributing financially any way? It sounds like she has had more than a few opinions. Unless she is contributing to the wedding, I would stop talking wedding with her. You can decide how much you'd like to include her. I like missfrodo's ideas. Show her pictures of things you've chosen after you've made a decision. If she wants to do something you'd rather do yourself, you can say, "Thanks I've got it covered already". Or if she gives an opinion you may not like you can say, "That's an interesting idea, I'll think about it" or "We've already made a decision on that".

As for the wedding date itself- although you are free to choose whatever day you want to get married, FMIL does have a valid point. It's more difficult for guests to attend a weekday wedding unless you have a crowd that works non-standard business hours/shifts. But as long as you understand the situation, you can still tell her, "I understand your concerns, but this is the decision we have made".

If FMIL is expressing that she would like to be more involved in the wedding, then I agree that an easy solution for the two of you is for you to think of something you could care less about and let her take the reins. Perhaps she would like to hand address your invites, if that is important to her?

MairePoppy

The only problem I see here is your sister. She should mind her own business. If MOG is old-fashioned, as you say, she most likely won't expect to be invited to shop for your dress or attend any fittings. Traditionally, the bride shops with her mother or other close relative. 

Jen4948

It's definitely up to you and you alone who should accompany you to a dress fitting, not an occasion where anyone has to be invited out of obligation. Tell your sister, "Sis, who attends my dress fitting is solely up to me. I do not 'owe' anyone, including you or my FMIL, an invitation to it. Please consider this a closed subject."

I would invite only persons close enough to you whose opinions would actually influence your decision -- and nobody whose taste is so different from yours or who can't be counted upon to express differences of opinion in a polite and respectful way. If you don't think your FMIL qualifies as the former, she should not be invited.

As far as the wedding date goes, I agree with your FMIL that weekend weddings are easier for guests to attend than weekday, but she is not entitled to choose the date for you. I would tell her, "Thanks. We have given it a lot of thought and respect your opinion, but the date we chose is the one that works the best for us and it's a firm decision."

And in terms of involving your FMIL more in the plans, are there any aspects of the plans that you would be willing to entrust to her? I would tell her, "We appreciate your interest. We've got things covered, but if anything comes up where we could use a hand, we'll be sure to let you know." And if something comes up where she can be of help, be sure to let her know.

peachy13

I went dress shopping with only the ladies on my side of the family (mom, sisters, aunts, nana) -- it was certainly quite a crew but I'm also the oldest in my family/first to get married -- I know it meant a lot for them to be asked to come along. As far as I know, DH's side of the family (his sisters and step mom) weren't upset that they weren't included, however I actually saw them shortly after I found my dress and took them aside to show them as many pictures as I could.. I felt like it kind of made them feel in the loop. As others have said, you have no obligation to invite anyone specific with you for this, unless obviously there is someone footing the bill.

If you are on the fence though, and feel like she could be hurt to not be included, I'm usually in the camp of include people if it will prevent problems, which I know sometimes is an unpopular opinion here. Weddings tend to bring out high sensitivities in some and I personally prefer making someone happy over hurting someone's feelings. For what it's worth, it does sound like she's trying to make an effort to help with your wedding, and I wouldn't worry so much about her tastes and opinions on your dress. She probably just wants to feel involved. 

MobKaz

MairePoppy said:

The only problem I see here is your sister. She should mind her own business. If MOG is old-fashioned, as you say, she most likely won't expect to be invited to shop for your dress or attend any fittings. Traditionally, the bride shops with her mother or other close relative. 

Agree 100%.  Even if she weren't, dress shopping is so often considered a mother-daughter "moment" that I would feel very invasive to attend, even if asked.  DD chose to invite her FMIL to go with when her chosen, purchased dress arrived.  FMIL was touched by that invitation. 

I agree also that your sister, regardless of intention, is in the wrong.

I am wondering if your FMIL is desiring that the addresses of the invitations be hand written, which is quite customary and appropriate.  I have honestly never heard of anyone hand writing the entire invitation.  Does FMIL have great penmanship?  Perhaps that is something she would enjoy helping out with when you and FI start that process.

@MairePoppy, as an aside, and maybe because of today's date, your "signature" gif had me thinking about the 12 days of Christmas and today's official ending of the season.  Happy New Year!

MairePoppy

@Mobkaz, Happy Three Kings Day, MobKaz.

Tomorrow, Jan. 7, is Eastern Orthodox Christmas. So Merry Christmas to Ukrainians, Greeks, Armenians and all those who celebrate the birth of Christ tomorrow! 

Many blessings in the New Year to all.

AddieCake

I think it would be a good idea to invite her to a fitting after you have your dress, but I would not invite her to go dress shopping. 

MesmrEwe

It sounds like you have a blessing and a curse - The curse is your FMIL wants you to hand write invitations (which traditionally is how they were done in the days before the technology of today), the blessing is you have a volunteer to help do the task as it sounds like she's wanting to be involved (even if you only do them for your FI's family side of the invite list).  It's not about your vs. her tastes, from your post it seems she wants to be actively involved in the wedding process in some way.  Obviously Bean Dipping is your best option for some things, however, never turn help away no matter how excited you are for a project.  There is likely another project you're going to be equally NOT as excited about that she'll be a great asset for you to have.  I'm not saying "Voluntold" for anything relating to your wedding, but there is a ton to do between now and then, get excited that you have someone who wants to be involved and always be grateful when asking to the level of involvement (or non-involvement) that she's comfortable with when these topics come up in conversation.  "Old fashioned" isn't always a negative..

As for your dress appointment, as @AddieCake suggested, yay to a fitting, nay to selecting the actual dress appointment.  The reason being is hopefully in seeing the "level" of dress you chose that she'll have a better idea of the formality level as she chooses her own MOG dress.  

mrose88

Oof, your FMIL sounds like a bit of a pill. Sorry about that.

I get along with mine jut fine but she and I are not close. We also have totally different tastes, approaches to the world, and ways of expressing our thoughts and feelings. I know her presence while dress shopping will not be particularly helpful. And yet, I know she would be hurt if I excluded her, and I also know that having her there wouldn't hurt anything, so she is getting an invitation. 

I guess my point is, if your FMIL will attend and at most voice a few loud opinions that you're comfortable smiling politely at and moving on from, I say invite her. It's not hurting anything. But if you think she would make the experience truly more difficult or unpleasant, go quietly with your people and ask her to come along to your first fitting. 

Jen4948

mrose88 said:

Oof, your FMIL sounds like a bit of a pill. Sorry about that.

I get along with mine jut fine but she and I are not close. We also have totally different tastes, approaches to the world, and ways of expressing our thoughts and feelings. I know her presence while dress shopping will not be particularly helpful. And yet, I know she would be hurt if I excluded her, and I also know that having her there wouldn't hurt anything, so she is getting an invitation. 

I guess my point is, if your FMIL will attend and at most voice a few loud opinions that you're comfortable smiling politely at and moving on from, I say invite her. It's not hurting anything. But if you think she would make the experience truly more difficult or unpleasant, go quietly with your people and ask her to come along to your first fitting. 

I disagree that anyone should be invited to a bridal gown fitting because of potential hurt feelings at being excluded. It's not a spectator sport, but an intimate occasion that only those persons who can offer true support and loving feedback to the bride should be invited to attend. If the FMIL doesn't fall in that category, either because the bride doesn't know her well (if at all) or is not close to her, then she should not expect an invitation. Dress fittings do not create bonds between in-laws to be and can strain them if they don't already have a warm relationship of mutual trust.

mrose88

Jen4948 said:

mrose88 said:

Oof, your FMIL sounds like a bit of a pill. Sorry about that.

I get along with mine jut fine but she and I are not close. We also have totally different tastes, approaches to the world, and ways of expressing our thoughts and feelings. I know her presence while dress shopping will not be particularly helpful. And yet, I know she would be hurt if I excluded her, and I also know that having her there wouldn't hurt anything, so she is getting an invitation. 

I guess my point is, if your FMIL will attend and at most voice a few loud opinions that you're comfortable smiling politely at and moving on from, I say invite her. It's not hurting anything. But if you think she would make the experience truly more difficult or unpleasant, go quietly with your people and ask her to come along to your first fitting. 

I disagree that anyone should be invited to a bridal gown fitting because of potential hurt feelings at being excluded. It's not a spectator sport, but an intimate occasion that only those persons who can offer true support and loving feedback to the bride should be invited to attend. If the FMIL doesn't fall in that category, either because the bride doesn't know her well (if at all) or is not close to her, then she should not expect an invitation. Dress fittings do not create bonds between in-laws to be and can strain them if they don't already have a warm relationship of mutual trust.

That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that if it were me, I would err on the side of not causing hurt feelings IF (and only if) 1) I felt she wouldn't diminish the experience,(mine wouldn't), and 2) I knew it was something her feelings would be hurt over (hers would be). 

But, full disclosure here: I have few to no feels wrapped up in the idea of finding a wedding dress, and inviting anyone at all is purely being done because a few people I am close to DO have feels about it. So, take my thoughts with a grain of salt. 

Jen4948

mrose88 said:

Jen4948 said:

mrose88 said:

Oof, your FMIL sounds like a bit of a pill. Sorry about that.

I get along with mine jut fine but she and I are not close. We also have totally different tastes, approaches to the world, and ways of expressing our thoughts and feelings. I know her presence while dress shopping will not be particularly helpful. And yet, I know she would be hurt if I excluded her, and I also know that having her there wouldn't hurt anything, so she is getting an invitation. 

I guess my point is, if your FMIL will attend and at most voice a few loud opinions that you're comfortable smiling politely at and moving on from, I say invite her. It's not hurting anything. But if you think she would make the experience truly more difficult or unpleasant, go quietly with your people and ask her to come along to your first fitting. 

I disagree that anyone should be invited to a bridal gown fitting because of potential hurt feelings at being excluded. It's not a spectator sport, but an intimate occasion that only those persons who can offer true support and loving feedback to the bride should be invited to attend. If the FMIL doesn't fall in that category, either because the bride doesn't know her well (if at all) or is not close to her, then she should not expect an invitation. Dress fittings do not create bonds between in-laws to be and can strain them if they don't already have a warm relationship of mutual trust.

That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that if it were me, I would err on the side of not causing hurt feelings IF (and only if) 1) I felt she wouldn't diminish the experience,(mine wouldn't), and 2) I knew it was something her feelings would be hurt over (hers would be). 

But, full disclosure here: I have few to no feels wrapped up in the idea of finding a wedding dress, and inviting anyone at all is purely being done because a few people I am close to DO have feels about it. So, take my thoughts with a grain of salt. 

I do. But I still feel that there are some situations where hurt feelings at being left out don't come into play, regardless of what the person in question might add to or take away from the occasion. During those occasions, I might not want even people I'm close to there unless we're so close that I wouldn't dream of going ahead with it without their presence. 

A wedding gown fitting is one such occasion. I would not want my FMIL, regardless of how close we are otherwise, to see me in a state of undress and be in a position to comment about it.

banana468

Jen4948 said:

mrose88 said:

Jen4948 said:

mrose88 said:

Oof, your FMIL sounds like a bit of a pill. Sorry about that.

I get along with mine jut fine but she and I are not close. We also have totally different tastes, approaches to the world, and ways of expressing our thoughts and feelings. I know her presence while dress shopping will not be particularly helpful. And yet, I know she would be hurt if I excluded her, and I also know that having her there wouldn't hurt anything, so she is getting an invitation. 

I guess my point is, if your FMIL will attend and at most voice a few loud opinions that you're comfortable smiling politely at and moving on from, I say invite her. It's not hurting anything. But if you think she would make the experience truly more difficult or unpleasant, go quietly with your people and ask her to come along to your first fitting. 

I disagree that anyone should be invited to a bridal gown fitting because of potential hurt feelings at being excluded. It's not a spectator sport, but an intimate occasion that only those persons who can offer true support and loving feedback to the bride should be invited to attend. If the FMIL doesn't fall in that category, either because the bride doesn't know her well (if at all) or is not close to her, then she should not expect an invitation. Dress fittings do not create bonds between in-laws to be and can strain them if they don't already have a warm relationship of mutual trust.

That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that if it were me, I would err on the side of not causing hurt feelings IF (and only if) 1) I felt she wouldn't diminish the experience,(mine wouldn't), and 2) I knew it was something her feelings would be hurt over (hers would be). 

But, full disclosure here: I have few to no feels wrapped up in the idea of finding a wedding dress, and inviting anyone at all is purely being done because a few people I am close to DO have feels about it. So, take my thoughts with a grain of salt. 

I do. But I still feel that there are some situations where hurt feelings at being left out don't come into play, regardless of what the person in question might add to or take away from the occasion. During those occasions, I might not want even people I'm close to there unless we're so close that I wouldn't dream of going ahead with it without their presence. 

A wedding gown fitting is one such occasion. I would not want my FMIL, regardless of how close we are otherwise, to see me in a state of undress and be in a position to comment about it.

Jen, not sure what you have experienced in wedding gown fittings but you're rarely in a state of undress UNLESS you invite someone into the changing room with you.

By that point, the dress is chosen and what's left is pinning.      You can ask the seamstress to help you in and out of the dress if you're just looking to show off to the FMIL.   

And since a dress has multiple fittings (it's been nearly 10 years but I think mine had 3 or 4) should the OP entertain this possibility, she could invite the FMIL to the FINAL fitting where she essentially shows off the dress in its final state and again, there's no state of undress unless the OP invites her FMIL to look at her in her underwear.

Jen4948

banana468 said:

Jen4948 said:

mrose88 said:

Jen4948 said:

mrose88 said:

Oof, your FMIL sounds like a bit of a pill. Sorry about that.

I get along with mine jut fine but she and I are not close. We also have totally different tastes, approaches to the world, and ways of expressing our thoughts and feelings. I know her presence while dress shopping will not be particularly helpful. And yet, I know she would be hurt if I excluded her, and I also know that having her there wouldn't hurt anything, so she is getting an invitation. 

I guess my point is, if your FMIL will attend and at most voice a few loud opinions that you're comfortable smiling politely at and moving on from, I say invite her. It's not hurting anything. But if you think she would make the experience truly more difficult or unpleasant, go quietly with your people and ask her to come along to your first fitting. 

I disagree that anyone should be invited to a bridal gown fitting because of potential hurt feelings at being excluded. It's not a spectator sport, but an intimate occasion that only those persons who can offer true support and loving feedback to the bride should be invited to attend. If the FMIL doesn't fall in that category, either because the bride doesn't know her well (if at all) or is not close to her, then she should not expect an invitation. Dress fittings do not create bonds between in-laws to be and can strain them if they don't already have a warm relationship of mutual trust.

That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that if it were me, I would err on the side of not causing hurt feelings IF (and only if) 1) I felt she wouldn't diminish the experience,(mine wouldn't), and 2) I knew it was something her feelings would be hurt over (hers would be). 

But, full disclosure here: I have few to no feels wrapped up in the idea of finding a wedding dress, and inviting anyone at all is purely being done because a few people I am close to DO have feels about it. So, take my thoughts with a grain of salt. 

I do. But I still feel that there are some situations where hurt feelings at being left out don't come into play, regardless of what the person in question might add to or take away from the occasion. During those occasions, I might not want even people I'm close to there unless we're so close that I wouldn't dream of going ahead with it without their presence. 

A wedding gown fitting is one such occasion. I would not want my FMIL, regardless of how close we are otherwise, to see me in a state of undress and be in a position to comment about it.

Jen, not sure what you have experienced in wedding gown fittings but you're rarely in a state of undress UNLESS you invite someone into the changing room with you.

By that point, the dress is chosen and what's left is pinning.      You can ask the seamstress to help you in and out of the dress if you're just looking to show off to the FMIL.   

And since a dress has multiple fittings (it's been nearly 10 years but I think mine had 3 or 4) should the OP entertain this possibility, she could invite the FMIL to the FINAL fitting where she essentially shows off the dress in its final state and again, there's no state of undress unless the OP invites her FMIL to look at her in her underwear.

Perhaps. I just wouldn't do it unless the FMIL is someone I'm really close to already. If I don't have that kind of relationship with her, I wouldn't be comfortable with her seeing the dress in advance.

DrillSergeantCat

I invited my MIL when I went dress shopping. She never once saw me in any form of undress. I wanted her there because I wanted her opinion on what she thought her son might like. No harm, no foul. BUT I wanted her there and that's the big difference. 

MissKittyDanger

Don't feel obligated to invite FMIL.
I did, but this was after I had already found my dress. My mum and I had unintentionally went dress shopping one day and found it.

When I brought my MIL, it wasn't for an opinion and she knew I already picked one. Also I wanted her there. She was going to be part of my life, so I figured she would enjoy being included as much as I wanted her there.

That being said, I know people who didn't want nor did they have their MIL there

banana468

Jen4948 said:

banana468 said:

Jen4948 said:

mrose88 said:

Jen4948 said:

mrose88 said:

Oof, your FMIL sounds like a bit of a pill. Sorry about that.

I get along with mine jut fine but she and I are not close. We also have totally different tastes, approaches to the world, and ways of expressing our thoughts and feelings. I know her presence while dress shopping will not be particularly helpful. And yet, I know she would be hurt if I excluded her, and I also know that having her there wouldn't hurt anything, so she is getting an invitation. 

I guess my point is, if your FMIL will attend and at most voice a few loud opinions that you're comfortable smiling politely at and moving on from, I say invite her. It's not hurting anything. But if you think she would make the experience truly more difficult or unpleasant, go quietly with your people and ask her to come along to your first fitting. 

I disagree that anyone should be invited to a bridal gown fitting because of potential hurt feelings at being excluded. It's not a spectator sport, but an intimate occasion that only those persons who can offer true support and loving feedback to the bride should be invited to attend. If the FMIL doesn't fall in that category, either because the bride doesn't know her well (if at all) or is not close to her, then she should not expect an invitation. Dress fittings do not create bonds between in-laws to be and can strain them if they don't already have a warm relationship of mutual trust.

That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying that if it were me, I would err on the side of not causing hurt feelings IF (and only if) 1) I felt she wouldn't diminish the experience,(mine wouldn't), and 2) I knew it was something her feelings would be hurt over (hers would be). 

But, full disclosure here: I have few to no feels wrapped up in the idea of finding a wedding dress, and inviting anyone at all is purely being done because a few people I am close to DO have feels about it. So, take my thoughts with a grain of salt. 

I do. But I still feel that there are some situations where hurt feelings at being left out don't come into play, regardless of what the person in question might add to or take away from the occasion. During those occasions, I might not want even people I'm close to there unless we're so close that I wouldn't dream of going ahead with it without their presence. 

A wedding gown fitting is one such occasion. I would not want my FMIL, regardless of how close we are otherwise, to see me in a state of undress and be in a position to comment about it.

Jen, not sure what you have experienced in wedding gown fittings but you're rarely in a state of undress UNLESS you invite someone into the changing room with you.

By that point, the dress is chosen and what's left is pinning.      You can ask the seamstress to help you in and out of the dress if you're just looking to show off to the FMIL.   

And since a dress has multiple fittings (it's been nearly 10 years but I think mine had 3 or 4) should the OP entertain this possibility, she could invite the FMIL to the FINAL fitting where she essentially shows off the dress in its final state and again, there's no state of undress unless the OP invites her FMIL to look at her in her underwear.

Perhaps. I just wouldn't do it unless the FMIL is someone I'm really close to already. If I don't have that kind of relationship with her, I wouldn't be comfortable with her seeing the dress in advance.

That's more than fine.   I just think that while the fitting can be intimate, the OP should know that the FMIL doesn't need to SEE her intimates.

FWIW, I wasn't as close to MIL when I got married as I am to her now.   She didn't come to my fittings.   I went to them with my mom and they were our thing.  

Years later the dress and the fittings have a way of mattering less. 

holyguacamole79

Welcome to wedding planning - someone's feelings will inevitably get hurt at some point.  I caution you to not let this fear motivate all of your decisions.  If you don't want FMIL at a dress fitting or at dress shopping, don't invite her.  

FWIW, at my dress fittings and shopping experiences, nobody really saw me in a state of undress.