XpMOG

[Deleted User]

I don't usually participate in forums but I just don't know what else to do. I thought, dreamed and hoped my relationship with my future mother in law would be a good one. However, at this point I can't wait for this wedding to be over due to the things she's said and done. At the beginning of our engagement we had fun and I invited her to a bridal show and gave her projects. However those projects were not completed in a timely manner (waiting 10 months to hear back about a honeymoon option and over 4 months to get me her list, which made the save the dates late). Things got rough in the fall. I invited her to several things (dress shopping, seeing the venue). She was always busy. Then one of the family members got sick. I gave her space to cope. However she comes back at me 2 months later( but not to me, through my fiance) and says I didnt send save the dates to some family members(she never gave me their address but she makes a big deal and of course its my fault), starts inviting people not on our list, complains we already booked our honeymoon (she wanted to help but we waited for 10 months, and no response and we are limited on time) wondering why she wasn't included in picking out invitations( she was out of town and with a sick family member, decision had to be made). The biggest issue is she won't talk or call me but goes through my fiance. I've tried to reach out to figure out what the problem is but no response or says nothing is wrong, and she wants my fiancé to talk to me. I am at the point of wanting to cancel or just count down the days until its over. 
What should I do??! Please help

STARMOON44

 Keep planning your wedding and ask your FI not to share her criticisms with you. 

southernbelle0915

Is your MIL paying for anything related to the wedding?

southernbelle0915

Also, don't "cancel" your wedding with your FI because you're in a rough patch with his mom. That is a rash and emotional response that's unfair to your FI. Put your long-term vision goggles on and start focusing on what's important. 

ei34

Knottie1461023875 said:

I don't usually participate in forums but I just don't know what else to do. I thought, dreamed and hoped my relationship with my future mother in law would be a good one. However, at this point I can't wait for this wedding to be over due to the things she's said and done. At the beginning of our engagement we had fun and I invited her to a bridal show and gave her projects. However those projects were not completed in a timely manner (waiting 10 months to hear back about a honeymoon option and over 4 months to get me her list, which made the save the dates late). Things got rough in the fall. I invited her to several things (dress shopping, seeing the venue). She was always busy. Then one of the family members got sick. I gave her space to cope. However she comes back at me 2 months later( but not to me, through my fiance) and says I didnt send save the dates to some family members(she never gave me their address but she makes a big deal and of course its my fault), starts inviting people not on our list, complains we already booked our honeymoon (she wanted to help but we waited for 10 months, and no response and we are limited on time) wondering why she wasn't included in picking out invitations( she was out of town and with a sick family member, decision had to be made). The biggest issue is she won't talk or call me but goes through my fiance. I've tried to reach out to figure out what the problem is but no response or says nothing is wrong, and she wants my fiancé to talk to me. I am at the point of wanting to cancel or just count down the days until its over. 
What should I do??! Please help

What was your relationship with your FMIL like before you got engaged?  Counting down to the wedding is fine, but keep in mind you're going to have a relationship with this woman for the rest of your life.

The honeymoon planning being delayed sounds like a PITA.  I wouldn't have waited ten months before checking in.  I'd also close down wedding planning together- it's nice to include her (if she asked), but not mandatory.  And if she didn't ask to be included, she may have felt put out.  It's pretty common for blood to talk to blood though- her talking to your FI isn't strange behavior. 

banana468

What kind of a communicator is your FI??  

If she's going through your FI then he shouldn't just be a messenger.   These are joint decisions.   Ask him to get her involved and HE should be talking to her.    

STARMOON44

eileenrob said:

Knottie1461023875 said:

I don't usually participate in forums but I just don't know what else to do. I thought, dreamed and hoped my relationship with my future mother in law would be a good one. However, at this point I can't wait for this wedding to be over due to the things she's said and done. At the beginning of our engagement we had fun and I invited her to a bridal show and gave her projects. However those projects were not completed in a timely manner (waiting 10 months to hear back about a honeymoon option and over 4 months to get me her list, which made the save the dates late). Things got rough in the fall. I invited her to several things (dress shopping, seeing the venue). She was always busy. Then one of the family members got sick. I gave her space to cope. However she comes back at me 2 months later( but not to me, through my fiance) and says I didnt send save the dates to some family members(she never gave me their address but she makes a big deal and of course its my fault), starts inviting people not on our list, complains we already booked our honeymoon (she wanted to help but we waited for 10 months, and no response and we are limited on time) wondering why she wasn't included in picking out invitations( she was out of town and with a sick family member, decision had to be made). The biggest issue is she won't talk or call me but goes through my fiance. I've tried to reach out to figure out what the problem is but no response or says nothing is wrong, and she wants my fiancé to talk to me. I am at the point of wanting to cancel or just count down the days until its over. 
What should I do??! Please help

What was your relationship with your FMIL like before you got engaged?  Counting down to the wedding is fine, but keep in mind you're going to have a relationship with this woman for the rest of your life.

The honeymoon planning being delayed sounds like a PITA.  I wouldn't have waited ten months before checking in.  I'd also close down wedding planning together- it's nice to include her (if she asked), but not mandatory.  And if she didn't ask to be included, she may have felt put out.  It's pretty common for blood to talk to blood though- her talking to your FI isn't strange behavior. 

eileenrob said:

Knottie1461023875 said:

I don't usually participate in forums but I just don't know what else to do. I thought, dreamed and hoped my relationship with my future mother in law would be a good one. However, at this point I can't wait for this wedding to be over due to the things she's said and done. At the beginning of our engagement we had fun and I invited her to a bridal show and gave her projects. However those projects were not completed in a timely manner (waiting 10 months to hear back about a honeymoon option and over 4 months to get me her list, which made the save the dates late). Things got rough in the fall. I invited her to several things (dress shopping, seeing the venue). She was always busy. Then one of the family members got sick. I gave her space to cope. However she comes back at me 2 months later( but not to me, through my fiance) and says I didnt send save the dates to some family members(she never gave me their address but she makes a big deal and of course its my fault), starts inviting people not on our list, complains we already booked our honeymoon (she wanted to help but we waited for 10 months, and no response and we are limited on time) wondering why she wasn't included in picking out invitations( she was out of town and with a sick family member, decision had to be made). The biggest issue is she won't talk or call me but goes through my fiance. I've tried to reach out to figure out what the problem is but no response or says nothing is wrong, and she wants my fiancé to talk to me. I am at the point of wanting to cancel or just count down the days until its over. 
What should I do??! Please help

What was your relationship with your FMIL like before you got engaged?  Counting down to the wedding is fine, but keep in mind you're going to have a relationship with this woman for the rest of your life.

The honeymoon planning being delayed sounds like a PITA.  I wouldn't have waited ten months before checking in.  I'd also close down wedding planning together- it's nice to include her (if she asked), but not mandatory.  And if she didn't ask to be included, she may have felt put out.  It's pretty common for blood to talk to blood though- her talking to your FI isn't strange behavior. 

It's really weird to be asking your FMIL to be helping plan the honeymoon!

southernbelle0915

STARMOON44 said:

eileenrob said:

Knottie1461023875 said:

I don't usually participate in forums but I just don't know what else to do. I thought, dreamed and hoped my relationship with my future mother in law would be a good one. However, at this point I can't wait for this wedding to be over due to the things she's said and done. At the beginning of our engagement we had fun and I invited her to a bridal show and gave her projects. However those projects were not completed in a timely manner (waiting 10 months to hear back about a honeymoon option and over 4 months to get me her list, which made the save the dates late). Things got rough in the fall. I invited her to several things (dress shopping, seeing the venue). She was always busy. Then one of the family members got sick. I gave her space to cope. However she comes back at me 2 months later( but not to me, through my fiance) and says I didnt send save the dates to some family members(she never gave me their address but she makes a big deal and of course its my fault), starts inviting people not on our list, complains we already booked our honeymoon (she wanted to help but we waited for 10 months, and no response and we are limited on time) wondering why she wasn't included in picking out invitations( she was out of town and with a sick family member, decision had to be made). The biggest issue is she won't talk or call me but goes through my fiance. I've tried to reach out to figure out what the problem is but no response or says nothing is wrong, and she wants my fiancé to talk to me. I am at the point of wanting to cancel or just count down the days until its over. 
What should I do??! Please help

What was your relationship with your FMIL like before you got engaged?  Counting down to the wedding is fine, but keep in mind you're going to have a relationship with this woman for the rest of your life.

The honeymoon planning being delayed sounds like a PITA.  I wouldn't have waited ten months before checking in.  I'd also close down wedding planning together- it's nice to include her (if she asked), but not mandatory.  And if she didn't ask to be included, she may have felt put out.  It's pretty common for blood to talk to blood though- her talking to your FI isn't strange behavior. 

eileenrob said:

Knottie1461023875 said:

I don't usually participate in forums but I just don't know what else to do. I thought, dreamed and hoped my relationship with my future mother in law would be a good one. However, at this point I can't wait for this wedding to be over due to the things she's said and done. At the beginning of our engagement we had fun and I invited her to a bridal show and gave her projects. However those projects were not completed in a timely manner (waiting 10 months to hear back about a honeymoon option and over 4 months to get me her list, which made the save the dates late). Things got rough in the fall. I invited her to several things (dress shopping, seeing the venue). She was always busy. Then one of the family members got sick. I gave her space to cope. However she comes back at me 2 months later( but not to me, through my fiance) and says I didnt send save the dates to some family members(she never gave me their address but she makes a big deal and of course its my fault), starts inviting people not on our list, complains we already booked our honeymoon (she wanted to help but we waited for 10 months, and no response and we are limited on time) wondering why she wasn't included in picking out invitations( she was out of town and with a sick family member, decision had to be made). The biggest issue is she won't talk or call me but goes through my fiance. I've tried to reach out to figure out what the problem is but no response or says nothing is wrong, and she wants my fiancé to talk to me. I am at the point of wanting to cancel or just count down the days until its over. 
What should I do??! Please help

What was your relationship with your FMIL like before you got engaged?  Counting down to the wedding is fine, but keep in mind you're going to have a relationship with this woman for the rest of your life.

The honeymoon planning being delayed sounds like a PITA.  I wouldn't have waited ten months before checking in.  I'd also close down wedding planning together- it's nice to include her (if she asked), but not mandatory.  And if she didn't ask to be included, she may have felt put out.  It's pretty common for blood to talk to blood though- her talking to your FI isn't strange behavior. 

It's really weird to be asking your FMIL to be helping plan the honeymoon!

In those stupid lists the wedding industry makes about "who pays for what" the groom's family is often listed as paying for the honeymoon.

So I wonder if FMIL is paying for it and therefore wants to have a say in how her money is spent. If that's the case and OP went ahead and booked something without checking with "the bank", I wouldn't be surprised if FMIL is a little pissy. 

Jen4948

Tell your FI to stop passing on to you his mother's complaints and that if she wants to discuss something with you, she needs to approach you directly.

Also, even though you don't owe your FMIL an apology, offering her one might soften her attitude towards you. You might just say something like, "I'm so sorry for the upsets you've had with our wedding plans, on top of the other difficulties you had this last year. But FI and I didn't want to burden you with more problems when you were already going through a rough time, so we worked things out on our own. We would have liked to have your input, but those plans are final now. That said, if there's anything we haven't dealt with that you'd like to be a part of, let us know, and if you have any problems with me specifically, come to me directly and we can talk about it."

ei34

STARMOON44 said:

eileenrob said:

Knottie1461023875 said:

I don't usually participate in forums but I just don't know what else to do. I thought, dreamed and hoped my relationship with my future mother in law would be a good one. However, at this point I can't wait for this wedding to be over due to the things she's said and done. At the beginning of our engagement we had fun and I invited her to a bridal show and gave her projects. However those projects were not completed in a timely manner (waiting 10 months to hear back about a honeymoon option and over 4 months to get me her list, which made the save the dates late). Things got rough in the fall. I invited her to several things (dress shopping, seeing the venue). She was always busy. Then one of the family members got sick. I gave her space to cope. However she comes back at me 2 months later( but not to me, through my fiance) and says I didnt send save the dates to some family members(she never gave me their address but she makes a big deal and of course its my fault), starts inviting people not on our list, complains we already booked our honeymoon (she wanted to help but we waited for 10 months, and no response and we are limited on time) wondering why she wasn't included in picking out invitations( she was out of town and with a sick family member, decision had to be made). The biggest issue is she won't talk or call me but goes through my fiance. I've tried to reach out to figure out what the problem is but no response or says nothing is wrong, and she wants my fiancé to talk to me. I am at the point of wanting to cancel or just count down the days until its over. 
What should I do??! Please help

What was your relationship with your FMIL like before you got engaged?  Counting down to the wedding is fine, but keep in mind you're going to have a relationship with this woman for the rest of your life.

The honeymoon planning being delayed sounds like a PITA.  I wouldn't have waited ten months before checking in.  I'd also close down wedding planning together- it's nice to include her (if she asked), but not mandatory.  And if she didn't ask to be included, she may have felt put out.  It's pretty common for blood to talk to blood though- her talking to your FI isn't strange behavior. 

eileenrob said:

Knottie1461023875 said:

I don't usually participate in forums but I just don't know what else to do. I thought, dreamed and hoped my relationship with my future mother in law would be a good one. However, at this point I can't wait for this wedding to be over due to the things she's said and done. At the beginning of our engagement we had fun and I invited her to a bridal show and gave her projects. However those projects were not completed in a timely manner (waiting 10 months to hear back about a honeymoon option and over 4 months to get me her list, which made the save the dates late). Things got rough in the fall. I invited her to several things (dress shopping, seeing the venue). She was always busy. Then one of the family members got sick. I gave her space to cope. However she comes back at me 2 months later( but not to me, through my fiance) and says I didnt send save the dates to some family members(she never gave me their address but she makes a big deal and of course its my fault), starts inviting people not on our list, complains we already booked our honeymoon (she wanted to help but we waited for 10 months, and no response and we are limited on time) wondering why she wasn't included in picking out invitations( she was out of town and with a sick family member, decision had to be made). The biggest issue is she won't talk or call me but goes through my fiance. I've tried to reach out to figure out what the problem is but no response or says nothing is wrong, and she wants my fiancé to talk to me. I am at the point of wanting to cancel or just count down the days until its over. 
What should I do??! Please help

What was your relationship with your FMIL like before you got engaged?  Counting down to the wedding is fine, but keep in mind you're going to have a relationship with this woman for the rest of your life.

The honeymoon planning being delayed sounds like a PITA.  I wouldn't have waited ten months before checking in.  I'd also close down wedding planning together- it's nice to include her (if she asked), but not mandatory.  And if she didn't ask to be included, she may have felt put out.  It's pretty common for blood to talk to blood though- her talking to your FI isn't strange behavior. 

It's really weird to be asking your FMIL to be helping plan the honeymoon!

I'm thinking maybe she's a travel agent?  Otherwise yeah I don't know why you'd delegate that task to your FMIL...that's like the best part of planning!

[Deleted User]

should have clarified. She isn't "planning" the honeymoon. Just booking a timeshare. She asked to do it. I didn't give her the project 

CMGragain

OP, you are behaving very rudely to US!  Stop posting your whine fest on all the boards without telling us that it is yet another cross post.

So your FMIL doesn't like you?  After seeing this whine fest on SIX different boards, I don't like you either!  Now stop it!  JMHO

southernbelle0915

OP - is your FMIL contributing any money toward this wedding?

missfrodo

southernbelle0915 said:

STARMOON44 said:

eileenrob said:

Knottie1461023875 said:

I don't usually participate in forums but I just don't know what else to do. I thought, dreamed and hoped my relationship with my future mother in law would be a good one. However, at this point I can't wait for this wedding to be over due to the things she's said and done. At the beginning of our engagement we had fun and I invited her to a bridal show and gave her projects. However those projects were not completed in a timely manner (waiting 10 months to hear back about a honeymoon option and over 4 months to get me her list, which made the save the dates late). Things got rough in the fall. I invited her to several things (dress shopping, seeing the venue). She was always busy. Then one of the family members got sick. I gave her space to cope. However she comes back at me 2 months later( but not to me, through my fiance) and says I didnt send save the dates to some family members(she never gave me their address but she makes a big deal and of course its my fault), starts inviting people not on our list, complains we already booked our honeymoon (she wanted to help but we waited for 10 months, and no response and we are limited on time) wondering why she wasn't included in picking out invitations( she was out of town and with a sick family member, decision had to be made). The biggest issue is she won't talk or call me but goes through my fiance. I've tried to reach out to figure out what the problem is but no response or says nothing is wrong, and she wants my fiancé to talk to me. I am at the point of wanting to cancel or just count down the days until its over. 
What should I do??! Please help

What was your relationship with your FMIL like before you got engaged?  Counting down to the wedding is fine, but keep in mind you're going to have a relationship with this woman for the rest of your life.

The honeymoon planning being delayed sounds like a PITA.  I wouldn't have waited ten months before checking in.  I'd also close down wedding planning together- it's nice to include her (if she asked), but not mandatory.  And if she didn't ask to be included, she may have felt put out.  It's pretty common for blood to talk to blood though- her talking to your FI isn't strange behavior. 

eileenrob said:

Knottie1461023875 said:

I don't usually participate in forums but I just don't know what else to do. I thought, dreamed and hoped my relationship with my future mother in law would be a good one. However, at this point I can't wait for this wedding to be over due to the things she's said and done. At the beginning of our engagement we had fun and I invited her to a bridal show and gave her projects. However those projects were not completed in a timely manner (waiting 10 months to hear back about a honeymoon option and over 4 months to get me her list, which made the save the dates late). Things got rough in the fall. I invited her to several things (dress shopping, seeing the venue). She was always busy. Then one of the family members got sick. I gave her space to cope. However she comes back at me 2 months later( but not to me, through my fiance) and says I didnt send save the dates to some family members(she never gave me their address but she makes a big deal and of course its my fault), starts inviting people not on our list, complains we already booked our honeymoon (she wanted to help but we waited for 10 months, and no response and we are limited on time) wondering why she wasn't included in picking out invitations( she was out of town and with a sick family member, decision had to be made). The biggest issue is she won't talk or call me but goes through my fiance. I've tried to reach out to figure out what the problem is but no response or says nothing is wrong, and she wants my fiancé to talk to me. I am at the point of wanting to cancel or just count down the days until its over. 
What should I do??! Please help

What was your relationship with your FMIL like before you got engaged?  Counting down to the wedding is fine, but keep in mind you're going to have a relationship with this woman for the rest of your life.

The honeymoon planning being delayed sounds like a PITA.  I wouldn't have waited ten months before checking in.  I'd also close down wedding planning together- it's nice to include her (if she asked), but not mandatory.  And if she didn't ask to be included, she may have felt put out.  It's pretty common for blood to talk to blood though- her talking to your FI isn't strange behavior. 

It's really weird to be asking your FMIL to be helping plan the honeymoon!

In those stupid lists the wedding industry makes about "who pays for what" the groom's family is often listed as paying for the honeymoon.

So I wonder if FMIL is paying for it and therefore wants to have a say in how her money is spent. If that's the case and OP went ahead and booked something without checking with "the bank", I wouldn't be surprised if FMIL is a little pissy. 

I know OP is gone but I just wanted to comment on honeymoons.  H's parents gave us a "surprise honeymoon"--they told us in advance they were going to send us somewhere, but didn't tell us where until the wedding itself (we knew it would be somewhere in-state for a couple of days).  I thought it was a little odd, but very sweet.  

CMGragain

Ha!  She deleted her account!  I hope she learned something before she ran off.