Ceremony and Vow Ideas

Elopement- How do you include people?

edited January 17 in Ceremony and Vow Ideas


 Any ideas welcomed!
Thanks,

Abbie 

Re: Elopement- How do you include people?

  • Sounds fun. I agree with @southernbelle0915. Once you're married you send out invitations (or STDs depending on how far in advance you want to tell people) for a party celebrating your marriage. Just be sure not to call it a wedding, reception, or wedding party. 
  • My fiancé and I are getting married in Vegas in June this year. We have only told our closest friends and family. We will be getting married on our own. Mainly due to financial reasons, but also because we feel it will be fun and different, as we are set to road trip the west coast of the USA after our wedding!
    We want to have a wedding party/ reception when we are back from our trip, late August/ early September. Does anyone have any quirky ideas we could use to announce our marriage and party from the USA as soon as we wed to ensure our friends save the date?
    Also- How do I include my best friends who would have been my bridesmaids at the reception? Can I still have them as official bridesmaids? Not really sure if that is a silly idea!
    Any ideas welcomed!
    Thanks,

    Abbie 

    Bold 1:  A wedding reception must occur immediately following the wedding ceremony, and is a thank you to your guests for coming to witness your marriage.  What you are planning sounds between a PPD (with the full wedding party, ceremony re-enactment, and all the other wedding things=TACKY!) or a "Celebration of Marriage" (a party that you host post-wedding without any trappings of a traditional wedding=E-Approved).

    Bold 2:  If you want to have a celebration of marriage, you should not have Bridesmaids!  Southernbelle gave some great ideas of ways to honor them. 

    What you are planning isn't technically an elopement (running away in secret) but is a private ceremony (just the two of you/witnesses).  I do wonder why people (in general) like to have their Vegas Ceremony and then host a party a few months later...to me it doesn't make sense, but as long as you are honest about it not being your wedding and don't have all the wedding stuff (bridesmaids, spotlight dances, feeding of the cake, etc) you are okay etiquette wise.

    Also, while I see no harm in registering and pointing people towards it if they ask, I also agree with Southernbelle that part of your plan is giving up on the Bridal Party and all pre-wedding parties, as those come with expectation of being invited to the wedding itself (and not the celebration of marriage).

  • The party will be more of a "Happily ever after party" and like you say a celebration of our marriage.

    I love the idea of paying for those who would have been bridesmaids to have their hair/ makeup done and get ready with me before the party (thank you for this!) @southernbelle0915

    During the happily ever after party I will be having a first dance, cutting of the cake etc. I am really not a traditional person. I know my family will want to be a part of this and I am not worried that this is not the "usual" thing to do. Lets face it having a private ceremony on our own in Vegas is out of the ordinary, but I would rather do this and encompass this with our trip which we will use as our honeymoon. I think it will be so fun and different.

    The reason we are having our wedding in Vegas is because we had to choose between a wedding in the UK or having a road trip around the West coast of USA..... we choose the road trip. The wedding we would want in the UK will cost us a fortune (around £15,000) which is a lot to us. So a fun party when we get back to celebrate- I think - will be a fun way to include our friends and family at a small price.

     I will miss getting ready for the big day with my Mum and Sister.. but I guess you can't have everything! I know that getting ready with them before our party will be just as fun.

    I hope I have made the right decision for me.


    Abbie

  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member

    The party will be more of a "Happily ever after party" and like you say a celebration of our marriage.

    I love the idea of paying for those who would have been bridesmaids to have their hair/ makeup done and get ready with me before the party (thank you for this!) @southernbelle0915

    During the happily ever after party I will be having a first dance, cutting of the cake etc. I am really not a traditional person. I know my family will want to be a part of this and I am not worried that this is not the "usual" thing to do. Lets face it having a private ceremony on our own in Vegas is out of the ordinary, but I would rather do this and encompass this with our trip which we will use as our honeymoon. I think it will be so fun and different.

    The reason we are having our wedding in Vegas is because we had to choose between a wedding in the UK or having a road trip around the West coast of USA..... we choose the road trip. The wedding we would want in the UK will cost us a fortune (around £15,000) which is a lot to us. So a fun party when we get back to celebrate- I think - will be a fun way to include our friends and family at a small price.

     I will miss getting ready for the big day with my Mum and Sister.. but I guess you can't have everything! I know that getting ready with them before our party will be just as fun.

    I hope I have made the right decision for me.


    Abbie

    Your choice to have whatever wedding you want (Vegas vs UK), but this is not a cost-saving exercise. A party still is going to cost money. 

    You do realise you could get married at a registry office and then have the party you planned as your wedding, and then honeymoon in the US? You don't have to have the 3 course sit down meal. You could do a hog roast and a barrel of beer/ few cases of wine and that is a perfectly acceptable wedding.  I mean, you are going to have to host food and drinks at this ever after party regardless of it is a wedding or not.  

    The only way this would save you money is if you are doing a pub night party with a cash bar, in which case, that is really rude. 
    cowgirl8238charlotte989875InLoveInQueens
  • I still fail to see how this plan saves you money versus having a more traditional wedding in the first place.  If you friends and family are mostly local, why not have a mid-afternoon wedding with a simple cake and punch reception...then you can fly away to Vegas and have your honeymoon trip as planned.  I can't image the ceremony is all that expensive in the grand scheme of things.  There are ways to have an inexpensive wedding that is properly hosted.

    How much is the ceremony going to cost you if you host it prior to your party?  Can you just cut back some other things to make up the difference?  Flowers and favors can go.  You can reduce your alcohol to beer and wine or go completely dry.  Maybe have a less expensive food option, cut your guest list a little more and bam, you saved enough to have your ceremony and reception together so everyone can share in your special day.

    Right now you are sending a message to your guests that they are special enough to give you presents at a wedding party but not special enough to actually witness your marriage.

    CMGragainInLoveInQueens
  • I still fail to see how this plan saves you money versus having a more traditional wedding in the first place.  If you friends and family are mostly local, why not have a mid-afternoon wedding with a simple cake and punch reception...then you can fly away to Vegas and have your honeymoon trip as planned.  I can't image the ceremony is all that expensive in the grand scheme of things.  There are ways to have an inexpensive wedding that is properly hosted.

    How much is the ceremony going to cost you if you host it prior to your party?  Can you just cut back some other things to make up the difference?  Flowers and favors can go.  You can reduce your alcohol to beer and wine or go completely dry.  Maybe have a less expensive food option, cut your guest list a little more and bam, you saved enough to have your ceremony and reception together so everyone can share in your special day.

    Right now you are sending a message to your guests that they are special enough to give you presents at a wedding party but not special enough to actually witness your marriage.

    I disagree with this. There isn't anything inherently rude about a private wedding and celebration of marriage party, and there isn't anything in the OP she said about giving/requesting/mentioning gifts at all. She's having a private wedding in another country, then throwing a party when she returns. 

    I don't love DW's, but I also don't think they inherently send this message either. 
    kimmiinthemittenSP29
  • Thanks for at least one nice comment!! I may not have been completely correct in everything that I said in my previous messages but I am definitely not trying to be rude towards my family and friends.. nor do I want to only receive gifts from them! I want them to feel involved with our wedding and to celebrate our marriage. My friends and family would want to see us having our first dance together. Fuck tradition!!!! God they would never think they weren't only invited because we wanted their money. I think you all need to lighten up a little! Good bye the Knot! 
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited January 18
    How rude of you to delete your original post!  You were quoted, so I don't understand why you did this.

    Elopements do not include people.  If people know you are planning to do this, then it is not an elopement, just a private ceremony.

    The proper thing to do is to send out formal wedding announcements to everybody as soon as you are married.  This is a personal way of letting people know that the wedding has taken place and that you were thinking of them.  Vistaprint has a large selection of designs that would look beautiful and be very budget friendly.  (Don't use their wording, though!)  You can address them and have them ready to mail from Las Vegas after the ceremony.

    Bride's Full Name
    and
    Groom's Full Name
    announce their marriage
    June17, 2017
    Las Vegas, Nevada
    United States of America

    No other information should be included.  This announcement does not mean that people should send you gifts, though they have that option, if they wish.  You will probably receive cards of congratulations from many friends and family.

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    SP29
  • Thanks for at least one nice comment!! I may not have been completely correct in everything that I said in my previous messages but I am definitely not trying to be rude towards my family and friends.. nor do I want to only receive gifts from them! I want them to feel involved with our wedding and to celebrate our marriage. My friends and family would want to see us having our first dance together. Fuck tradition!!!! God they would never think they weren't only invited because we wanted their money. I think you all need to lighten up a little! Good bye the Knot! 
    That would be "Good bye cruel Knot" or GBCK.
    InLoveInQueensDrillSergeantCatcowgirl8238TrixieJess
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited January 17
    Thanks for at least one nice comment!! I may not have been completely correct in everything that I said in my previous messages but I am definitely not trying to be rude towards my family and friends.. nor do I want to only receive gifts from them! I want them to feel involved with our wedding and to celebrate our marriage. My friends and family would want to see us having our first dance together. Fuck tradition!!!! God they would never think they weren't only invited because we wanted their money. I think you all need to lighten up a little! Good bye the Knot! 
    You are confusing etiquette with tradition.  Elopements are VERY traditional.  My grandmother eloped, and many members of my family also have done this.  Etiquette says that you must treat your guests with politeness and see to their comfort.  Since you will be having a private ceremony with no guests, you don't need to worry about this.

    There is nothing wrong with having a party after you return from your honeymoon, but it will not be a part of your wedding.  It will be too late for a "first dance", but you can have a special dance with your husband.  Bridesmaids are for your wedding ceremony, not for a party to celebrate a marriage.  Why would anyone want to dress up in a bridesmaids dress if they will not be at your wedding?  I fthink this is really weird!

    If you want to include family and friends on your wedding day, then do not elope.  You cannot have it both ways.  For someone who judges that WE need to lighten up a little, you sound very angry.



    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    SP29cowgirl8238
  • Thanks for at least one nice comment!! I may not have been completely correct in everything that I said in my previous messages but I am definitely not trying to be rude towards my family and friends.. nor do I want to only receive gifts from them! I want them to feel involved with our wedding and to celebrate our marriage. My friends and family would want to see us having our first dance together. Fuck tradition!!!! God they would never think they weren't only invited because we wanted their money. I think you all need to lighten up a little! Good bye the Knot! 
    Sure, your friends and family won't be bothered about the fact that they won't see you actually get married. It's the first dance they'll all miss! Everyone knows the first dance is the part no one will get over missing......

    I bet you dollars to donuts the reason this will save OP money is because it won't be properly hosted. Because that's traditional, guys. 
    Can I just say "this"? Because I came here to say this exact post. No one cares about the first dance, everyone cares about the wedding (don't worry, hyperbole, I'm sure people do care about the dance and I'm sure some people don't care about the wedding itself). I cannot imagine any single person saying "I'm so happy I got to witness OPs AW reenactment, it totally negates not being invited to the real thing."

    And we're now taking bets on just how improperly hosted OP's party is going to be, my bets are on cash bar and appetizers at a meal time. If I was a serious betting lady I'd say potluck and tiered invites.
    geebee908
  • The party will be more of a "Happily ever after party" and like you say a celebration of our marriage.

    I love the idea of paying for those who would have been bridesmaids to have their hair/ makeup done and get ready with me before the party (thank you for this!) @southernbelle0915

    During the happily ever after party I will be having a first dance, cutting of the cake etc. I am really not a traditional person. I know my family will want to be a part of this and I am not worried that this is not the "usual" thing to do. Lets face it having a private ceremony on our own in Vegas is out of the ordinary, but I would rather do this and encompass this with our trip which we will use as our honeymoon. I think it will be so fun and different.

    The reason we are having our wedding in Vegas is because we had to choose between a wedding in the UK or having a road trip around the West coast of USA..... we choose the road trip. The wedding we would want in the UK will cost us a fortune (around £15,000) which is a lot to us. So a fun party when we get back to celebrate- I think - will be a fun way to include our friends and family at a small price.

     I will miss getting ready for the big day with my Mum and Sister.. but I guess you can't have everything! I know that getting ready with them before our party will be just as fun.

    I hope I have made the right decision for me.


    Abbie

    TIL that somehow, something that 115,000 couples do every year is 'out of the ordinary.' Huh, go figure.
    image
    DrillSergeantCatTheDeathLlamathespeshulestsnowflake
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Thanks for at least one nice comment!! I may not have been completely correct in everything that I said in my previous messages but I am definitely not trying to be rude towards my family and friends.. nor do I want to only receive gifts from them! I want them to feel involved with our wedding and to celebrate our marriage. My friends and family would want to see us having our first dance together. Fuck tradition!!!! God they would never think they weren't only invited because we wanted their money. I think you all need to lighten up a little! Good bye the Knot! 
    Sure, your friends and family won't be bothered about the fact that they won't see you actually get married. It's the first dance they'll all miss! Everyone knows the first dance is the part no one will get over missing......

    I bet you dollars to donuts the reason this will save OP money is because it won't be properly hosted. Because that's traditional, guys. 
    Can I just say "this"? Because I came here to say this exact post. No one cares about the first dance, everyone cares about the wedding (don't worry, hyperbole, I'm sure people do care about the dance and I'm sure some people don't care about the wedding itself). I cannot imagine any single person saying "I'm so happy I got to witness OPs AW reenactment, it totally negates not being invited to the real thing."

    And we're now taking bets on just how improperly hosted OP's party is going to be, my bets are on cash bar and appetizers at a meal time. If I was a serious betting lady I'd say potluck and tiered invites.
    So her DD and GBCK was rude. Totally agree. And I agree about etiquette messes that are often associated with celebration of marriage parties. 

    But here's my big problem with the way this has gone down; the OP didn't say she was doing any of that. She said it was a celebration of marriage/happily ever after (whatever that means), but never once brought up re-doing vows/reenacting the ceremony. 

    Look I'm all about pointing out terrible etiquette problems, but there was a lot of jumping to conclusions in this thread. 
    Yeah - my note about "good enough to bring gifts, but not good enough to see the wedding" was an example of how guests might feel under the current plan (and they might feel that way), but she hadn't said she'd done anything specific to promote that mindset other than have a rather couple-focused party.

    Anniversary

  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited January 19
    Oops!  I just did something I rarely do - correct a posting from an earlier day.  I had forgotten that most of OP's guests will be from the UK.  She needs to put "United States of America" under the city and state in her marriage announcement.  (No abbreviating with "USA".)
    OP, if you are still here, you can prepare the announcements to mail in the UK.  Give them to a close relative, like your Mum, and telephone her when the ceremony is over so that she can mail them so that you don't need to pay overseas postage rates.
    Sorry I missed that.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • I still fail to see how this plan saves you money versus having a more traditional wedding in the first place.  If you friends and family are mostly local, why not have a mid-afternoon wedding with a simple cake and punch reception...then you can fly away to Vegas and have your honeymoon trip as planned.  I can't image the ceremony is all that expensive in the grand scheme of things.  There are ways to have an inexpensive wedding that is properly hosted.

    How much is the ceremony going to cost you if you host it prior to your party?  Can you just cut back some other things to make up the difference?  Flowers and favors can go.  You can reduce your alcohol to beer and wine or go completely dry.  Maybe have a less expensive food option, cut your guest list a little more and bam, you saved enough to have your ceremony and reception together so everyone can share in your special day.

    Right now you are sending a message to your guests that they are special enough to give you presents at a wedding party but not special enough to actually witness your marriage.

    I disagree with this. There isn't anything inherently rude about a private wedding and celebration of marriage party, and there isn't anything in the OP she said about giving/requesting/mentioning gifts at all. She's having a private wedding in another country, then throwing a party when she returns. 

    I don't love DW's, but I also don't think they inherently send this message either. 

    In her second post she wrote that her party was to include the spotlight dances and traditional cake cutting.  Add in that she was talking about having BMs in her OP and I got the vibe that she was leaning more towards a PPD than a celebration of marriage.  Thus why I said that her plans were saying come to a party where gifts are expected (whether they should be or not, they are) but I don't want you to witness my vows.

    If she were having a DW that would be one thing, but the OP was not inviting any guests to her ceremony.  She wanted to have the private ceremony in Vegas and then come back to the UK and have a party with BM's, Spotlight Dances and the Cake Cutting tradition.  That just doesn't sit right with me.  Now had she said she wanted a party but was forgoing those things I wouldn't bat an eye!

  • Ditto @charlotte989875 ;

    Image result for that escalated quickly gif

    There's a LOT of assuming going on in this thread.  Look, I get that the boards have been super slow, but damn.
    *********************************************************************************

    image
    charlotte989875
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