Pre-wedding Parties

Pre Party Events

Hello, 

We had an engagement party (right when we got engaged), then a couples stock the party, and then I am having a bridal shower. Is it all right if some of these guest overlap? Just do not want people to think we are trying to collect gifts. 

Thanks! 

Re: Pre Party Events

  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    Hello, 

    We had an engagement party (right when we got engaged), then a couples stock the party, and then I am having a bridal shower. Is it all right if some of these guest overlap? Just do not want people to think we are trying to collect gifts. 

    Thanks! 
    What is a stock the party? 

    You shouldn't be hosting any if these events yourselves. 
  • edited January 19
    Hey @LondonLisa

    No we didn't not host anyone the events- they were all thrown by friends and family. Sorry (typo), its called a Stock the Bar party where guest bring a bottle of wine or spirits to stock the couples bar (not used for the wedding of course). But its like having a couples shower. So we have had an engagement party where we did not expect gifts but most people brought something. Then we had a stock the bar party several months later, and then I will be having a bridal shower soon. Some of those guest are good friends and family and have been invited to multiple events as each party has been totally different. I did not want to exclude people but I also do not want people to I am doing to much/want gifts because that is not the case! 
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Hello, 

    We had an engagement party (right when we got engaged), then a couples stock the party, and then I am having a bridal shower. Is it all right if some of these guest overlap? Just do not want people to think we are trying to collect gifts. 

    Thanks! 
    What is a stock the party? 

    You shouldn't be hosting any if these events yourselves. 
    I'm assuming she meant stock the bar party. People bring things to stock a bar in the couple's home.
    charlotte989875
  • edited January 19
    No we didn't not host anyone the events- they were all thrown by friends and family. Sorry (typo), its called a Stock the Bar party where guest bring a bottle of wine or spirits to stock the couples bar (not used for the wedding of course). But its like having a couples shower. So we have had an engagement party where we did not expect gifts but most people brought something. Then we had a stock the bar party several months later, and then I will be having a bridal shower soon. Some of those guest are good friends and family and have been invited to multiple events as each party has been totally different. I did not want to exclude people but I also do not want people to think I am doing to much/want gifts because that is not the case! 
  • No we didn't not host anyone the events- they were all thrown by friends and family. Sorry (typo), its called a Stock the Bar party where guest bring a bottle of wine or spirits to stock the couples bar (not used for the wedding of course). But its like having a couples shower. So we have had an engagement party where we did not expect gifts but most people brought something. Then we had a stock the bar party several months later, and then I will be having a bridal shower soon. Some of those guest are good friends and family and have been invited to multiple events as each party has been totally different. I did not want to exclude people but I also do not want people to think I am doing to much/want gifts because that is not the case! 
    Is this the last pre-wedding party? I definitely can see an engagement party and shower overlapping, as these would be for you nearest and dearest. I do get a little bit of an icky feeling about the Stock the Bar and shower overlapping because they are both parties whose express purpose is gift-giving, as opposed to the engagement party where people may or may not bring gifts.  
    LondonLisaSP29MairePoppyMircakes
  • Yes, it is the last pre-wedding party. We basically had an engagement party, a couples shower, and then a bridal shower. There are six people that would overlap that are friends that are not in the wedding party (the rest are family which I'm not worried about). One didn't come to the stock the bar shower (but was invited) and the others did and brought a small/medium gifts (20-40 dollars). However, each party that they have attended has been very well put together with a lot of food and drinks that would fully cover the cost of their gift (not the point I know). But then again I would bring a bottle of wine to someones house if they were having me for dinner.  Just curious if people would view this as "Hey, we have gone to some great parties and gotten to spend time with the couple and see all of our friends" OR "Oh, great we have another thing for them".  
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
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    I agree that you shouldn't overlap the guest lists of the two showers. For the one that didn't come to the Stock the Bar shower, I see no problem with inviting them to the bridal shower assuming they know some of the other guests. I was invited to two showers once because I couldn't make it to the first one (I am close friends with the groom's mom) and was glad I could participate in some festivities!
    charlotte989875
  • edited January 19
    Ok that sounds good - what if they are close friends or close family friends? Im sure they were happy to come to the stock the bar shower. But may want to be a part of the girls bridal shower portion? 
  • I think it's fine that you're having all of those events. And there's going to be a little overlap with immediate family and probably wedding party members, but I agree you should make an effort to avoid "double dipping" on gift giving events.

    I mean if someone throws you a bachelorette, would those same people be invited? If so, people usually (in my circle anyway) bring a gift to those parties as well.

    It sounds like you're conscious of it, so I think just try your best to separate the guest lists if you can.
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  • Yes, it is the last pre-wedding party. We basically had an engagement party, a couples shower, and then a bridal shower. There are six people that would overlap that are friends that are not in the wedding party (the rest are family which I'm not worried about). One didn't come to the stock the bar shower (but was invited) and the others did and brought a small/medium gifts (20-40 dollars). However, each party that they have attended has been very well put together with a lot of food and drinks that would fully cover the cost of their gift (not the point I know). But then again I would bring a bottle of wine to someones house if they were having me for dinner.  Just curious if people would view this as "Hey, we have gone to some great parties and gotten to spend time with the couple and see all of our friends" OR "Oh, great we have another thing for them".  

    To be honest, I think this tends to depend on the financial and personal situation of the attendees. I think the engagement party is fine since it wasn't a gift giving event (and like you said, I tend to bring a small gift or bottle of wine any time I'm hosted anywhere by anyone) but the stock the bar and shower shouldn't have too much overlap if you can avoid it. Sort of like when brides have a shower for "her side" and then a shower for "his side" hosted by different people, the only overlap should be like, your mom and sister (if you have one).
  • Yes, it is the last pre-wedding party. We basically had an engagement party, a couples shower, and then a bridal shower. There are six people that would overlap that are friends that are not in the wedding party (the rest are family which I'm not worried about). One didn't come to the stock the bar shower (but was invited) and the others did and brought a small/medium gifts (20-40 dollars). However, each party that they have attended has been very well put together with a lot of food and drinks that would fully cover the cost of their gift (not the point I know). But then again I would bring a bottle of wine to someones house if they were having me for dinner.  Just curious if people would view this as "Hey, we have gone to some great parties and gotten to spend time with the couple and see all of our friends" OR "Oh, great we have another thing for them".  
    Ok that sounds good - what if they are close friends or close family friends? Im sure they were happy to come to the stock the bar shower. But may want to be a part of the girls bridal shower portion? 
    I think you're maybe getting close to this territory? I love parties, and I love seeing my friends, but these aren't parties where the point is the "have a good party and just spend time with the couple" the point of the party is to give you gifts. If these were just regular parties I wouldn't see a problem, but these are gift-giving parties.

    For me, it wouldn't matter if they are close friends, family members, or acquaintances; the same people are being invited to different parties that are thrown just to give you presents, I would recommend not overlapping the guest lists. 

    The price of the gift they give you, and the quality of food and drink isn't exactly relevant. I do think if you're inviting the same people to multiple showers you run the risk they feel like you're trying to collect gifts.  
    SP29cowgirl8238
  • Yes, it is the last pre-wedding party. We basically had an engagement party, a couples shower, and then a bridal shower. There are six people that would overlap that are friends that are not in the wedding party (the rest are family which I'm not worried about). One didn't come to the stock the bar shower (but was invited) and the others did and brought a small/medium gifts (20-40 dollars). However, each party that they have attended has been very well put together with a lot of food and drinks that would fully cover the cost of their gift (not the point I know). But then again I would bring a bottle of wine to someones house if they were having me for dinner.  Just curious if people would view this as "Hey, we have gone to some great parties and gotten to spend time with the couple and see all of our friends" OR "Oh, great we have another thing for them".  
    Hey OP - I thought about this a little more. A while ago my bf at the time's sister was pregnant (At the time I fully believed her to be my FSIL, that was NOT the case but that's a different story). I liked her a lot and had a relatively close relationship with her. She had THREE baby showers - one was for friends, one was for her family, and one was for "his" family and I was invited to all 3 along with a few other overlapping guests. I didn't feel like she was gift grabbing me because I genuinely believed it to be a show of friendship/affection, but I did feel pressure on myself to attend and give gifts for all three showers and I didn't really feel good about it. I just felt kind of between a rock and a hard place - I wanted to go and celebrate her but I didn't really want to buy three gifts. If I had to guess, I think at least some of your friends will feel similarly.
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    Yes, it is the last pre-wedding party. We basically had an engagement party, a couples shower, and then a bridal shower. There are six people that would overlap that are friends that are not in the wedding party (the rest are family which I'm not worried about). One didn't come to the stock the bar shower (but was invited) and the others did and brought a small/medium gifts (20-40 dollars). However, each party that they have attended has been very well put together with a lot of food and drinks that would fully cover the cost of their gift (not the point I know). But then again I would bring a bottle of wine to someones house if they were having me for dinner.  Just curious if people would view this as "Hey, we have gone to some great parties and gotten to spend time with the couple and see all of our friends" OR "Oh, great we have another thing for them".  
    I would view this as the latter. If the couple wanted to see me they would host a party, have me over for dinner or vice versa. There is no need to have this centre on gifts. I would bring a small hostess gift but it wouldn't be the same quality and amount as a shower gift. But you essentially had a themed couples shower- so when I got that invite, I would spend more, buy bar accessories and make it the equivalent of a shower gift. If I then got an invite to another shower, I would just think 'how many gifts does one couple need?!' 

    Whatever you call it, you had a themed couples shower already. Unless it was your mum, you need to prevent guest overlap. 

    You could always host these close family friends for dinner or a cocktail party if you want to spend time with them. 


    charlotte989875cowgirl8238SP29
  • Yeahhhhh....if I was your friend who had attended the previous two events, I would skip your shower. I usually try to get out of showers anyway (but will send a gift) and I get really salty when I'm invited to more than one gift-giving thing. If there is no overlap besides possibly mom & sister(s) I guess it's fine, but you are veering into "too many gift giving parties" territory. 
    InLoveInQueenssparklepants41cowgirl8238STARMOON44
  • SP29SP29
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    It is OK to have more than one shower, but the guest lists should not overlap (except maybe your BP and Mom).

    The Stock the Bar party WAS a shower, so unless you have a different guest list, I wouldn't have another shower.
    MairePoppyInLoveInQueens
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