Wedding plans

Bride04272017

We decided to go with our at home small backyard wedding that consists of 37 people or less. We will have a wedding tent for ceremony (it will be a standing ceremony) then we will have some drinks while lunch is being prepared and then we will all sit for a lunch with many homemade options and more drinks to follow. There will be music playing and since its a small wedding most guests already know eachother so hopefully lots of talking. Does this sound good? Anything else I should change? Is it good ettiquette? Any ideas on what to add? Howndonwe end the reception as we will be leaving for honeymoon at 3pm (wedding starts at 11am) thanks!

STARMOON44

The only thing I think you need to change is chairs for the ceremony. You only need 37, that shouldn't be a huge expense to rent. People wind up standing longer than you realize. 

Bride04272017

STARMOON44 said:

The only thing I think you need to change is chairs for the ceremony. You only need 37, that shouldn't be a huge expense to rent. People wind up standing longer than you realize. 

Thanks for the reply, we were actually able to make our own ceremony and our officiants said it will only take a few minutes to read through. The reason we were making it a stand up is because the tent itself wouldn't cover everyone if there were seats. Our local tent company wont reply to us so we had to buy the largest one we could. For those who cant stand for a few minutes such as grandparents they are more then welcome to use a seat from the lunch seating if needed. 

artbyallie

Bride04272017 said:

STARMOON44 said:

The only thing I think you need to change is chairs for the ceremony. You only need 37, that shouldn't be a huge expense to rent. People wind up standing longer than you realize. 

Thanks for the reply, we were actually able to make our own ceremony and our officiants said it will only take a few minutes to read through. The reason we were making it a stand up is because the tent itself wouldn't cover everyone if there were seats. Our local tent company wont reply to us so we had to buy the largest one we could. For those who cant stand for a few minutes such as grandparents they are more then welcome to use a seat from the lunch seating if needed. 

Nope, still not okay. Use the lunch seating for the ceremony if that's what it takes. People will be arriving up to 30 minutes or more before the ceremony starts. They will be standing longer than you think, and it's not just grandparents who may have health issues that do not enable them to stand that long. Seat for every butt is an absolute must!

ernursej

Bride04272017 said:

We decided to go with our at home small backyard wedding that consists of 37 people or less. We will have a wedding tent for ceremony (it will be a standing ceremony) then we will have some drinks while lunch is being prepared and then we will all sit for a lunch with many homemade options and more drinks to follow. There will be music playing and since its a small wedding most guests already know eachother so hopefully lots of talking. Does this sound good? Anything else I should change? Is it good ettiquette? Any ideas on what to add? How do we end the reception as we will be leaving for honeymoon at 3pm? (wedding starts at 11am) thanks!

A seat for every butt for the ceremony is a must. I have zero need for a chair but I want to be comfortable to watch vows. Anyone who has a medical condition would need a chair and you often can't tell from looking at someone if a chair would be required. A chair for every butt ...

Also - who is making the homemade options for lunch? A potluck or homemade meal is not great as keeping everything the proper temp is hard and guests should never have to contribute to the food/beverage option.

Jen4948

Everyone needs a seat for the ceremony.

ei34

Bride04272017 said:

We decided to go with our at home small backyard wedding that consists of 37 people or less. We will have a wedding tent for ceremony (it will be a standing ceremony) then we will have some drinks while lunch is being prepared and then we will all sit for a lunch with many homemade options and more drinks to follow. There will be music playing and since its a small wedding most guests already know eachother so hopefully lots of talking. Does this sound good? Anything else I should change? Is it good ettiquette? Any ideas on what to add? Howndonwe end the reception as we will be leaving for honeymoon at 3pm (wedding starts at 11am) thanks!

I'd add seats for everyone during the ceremony and wait staff to serve the food and clean up afterwards (if you already have them but just didn't mention them please disregard).  
If you have to walk out the door at 3, I'd lower the music and have wait staff start clearing away plates around 1:30-2.  Although 37 people is pretty intimate, I imagine you know them all well enough for them to be privy to your honeymoon plans- you could also just let them know when it's over since you have to be on your way.

lyndausvi

I'm going to go against the grain here.  

With only 37 people, it's likely you already know who might have issues or not.    Since it's your home and not a lot of people, I'm assuming people will have a place to sit before the ceremony.  Kitchen/dining room table, living/family room, tables where lunch will be served?    They can gather, mingle and sit if they choose before the ceremony.   Then when you are actually ready to start, have everyone go over to the area.   And I mean summons them to the area right before you walk down.  As soon as they gathered, you go.  Have the quick ceremony and then they proceed to wherever you are having lunch.

This is very much a know your own crowd.  My mom would not even be able to stand for a 5 minute ceremony.  Heck, she barely could walk over to the ceremony spot on the grass.  My MIL and the rest of us could stand for a quick ceremony.  Heck, we are known to stand at parties when perfectly good empty seats are around.  It's what we do. We are always standing.


This would NOT work for larger guests lists. Even your 37 is pushing it.  And your ceremony really needs to be less than 10 mins (I've seen plenty of them). Our families are fairly large and close. We are in the know of each other's medical issues.  Not all family/friends disclose such things. Our families definitely do.  Again, know your crowd.  

STARMOON44

Bride04272017 said:

STARMOON44 said:

The only thing I think you need to change is chairs for the ceremony. You only need 37, that shouldn't be a huge expense to rent. People wind up standing longer than you realize. 

Thanks for the reply, we were actually able to make our own ceremony and our officiants said it will only take a few minutes to read through. The reason we were making it a stand up is because the tent itself wouldn't cover everyone if there were seats. Our local tent company wont reply to us so we had to buy the largest one we could. For those who cant stand for a few minutes such as grandparents they are more then welcome to use a seat from the lunch seating if needed. 

What? You've posted practically daily with constantly changing ideas. Your local company didn't get back to you in the last two days since you settled on this plan so you went out and just bought one that doesn't cover your guests? Your posts make no sense. 

mollybarker11

STARMOON44 said:

What? You've posted practically daily with constantly changing ideas. Your local company didn't get back to you in the last two days since you settled on this plan so you went out and just bought one that doesn't cover your guests? Your posts make no sense. 

She's using the forums to bounce ideas around which is one of its purposes so I don't necessarily think it's a bad thing. But yeah I kind of feel like I'm watching a tennis match each time I read a new thread. Yesterday the at-home wedding wouldn't have had enough table space for everyone but it looks like that issue's been resolved!


OP:
You only mentioned tent cover for the ceremony portion so I assume lunch is being served indoors. If so, why not just move the ceremony indoors in case of inclement weather? The guests could sit at the dinner table(s) to observe it. That way you don't need a tent at all, the entire wedding would be under a roof. Alternatively, you should return the tent you bought and shop around to find a bigger one to rent.

The only other issue I can think of is the preparation of the homemade lunch options. It sounds like a relative may have offered to cook for you, but you should hire a team to store/prep/serve the food during your actual wedding so that person can enjoy the day as a guest and not worry about getting everyone sick.

SP29

I would have your guests sit at their lunch seats and have your ceremony in that area. Everyone has a seat and you now no longer need a tent, correct?

Who is doing your set up, serving and clean up? If you have staff (which you should), could they also set up the chairs for the ceremony and then move them to the lunch area?

Not sure why you'd order a tent that doesn't fit your guests/space. Does a tent need to be ordered NOW? I can't imagine the company would need *that* much notice.

geebee908

Each new plan seems to have unacceptable elements to it; it's like you haven't really been listening to the advice you've been given or are only hearing parts of it. 

Research all your options before committing any more money to this. You need chairs for everyone for the ceremony and reception. You need food and drink appropriate for the time of day and in sufficient quantities that your guests don't have to pay for or prepare. You need climate-controlled shelter for everyone in case of rain or uncomfortable temperatures. You may need to hire staff so no guests are working to clean up or tend food.

Your guests should be able to come and enjoy your hospitality for the time you have invited them to this event. Work out the details on paper first after researching your costs and options, then commit to your plans.

MesmrEwe

If your tent area is not enough to cover everyone you need a larger tent.  You also do need chairs for the ceremony!  After that - do not be putting your guests to work on the lunch.

LondonLisa

This is on a weekend, correct? I just ask because I thought you said in a pervious post that you were absolutely tied to a specific date because it was special to you, and that fell on a weekday. If it is a weekday, I would find it inappropriate to have an 11am wedding, unless the overwhelming majority of your guests don't work m-f.

If this is on a weekend, add chairs for the ceremony and you should be fine. I would also hire 1-2 people to clear rubbish, do the washing up, just be on hand for general hostess tasks. You don't want your mum to miss the cake cutting because she is busy refilling ice trays! 

Who is preparing the food? Caterers? Restaurant delivery?  This must be professionals hired for the day and should not be a family member or a guest. 


Also, if you have a hard deadline if leaving by 3, make sure your all packed and everything but your handbag is in the car. You just want to be able to grab your bags and go, not running around looking for your passport when you have 40 people in your house. Try to have everyone out by 2:30 so you have some wiggle room. 

kimmiinthemitten

Who is preparing your food for you?  Your reception is a thank you to your guests for witnessing your vows and as such they need to be treated appropriately. I'd be doing some serious side eying if you chose not to provide chairs and/or shelter and Aunt Susie brought the potato salad mere hours before you left for a vacation.

This could go really well, but it's also very close to "thanks for taking care of our wedding so we can honeymoon."

ahoywedding

Agreeing with PPs. Move the ceremony indoors or rent chairs for the ceremony. Slow down a little with the planning. 

And I would feel slighted being invited to a wedding in someone's home, not fully hosted, and then being kicked out so they can start their honeymoon. Why the rush on leaving 4 hours after your ceremony?

I've had a few friends book early morning flights the day after their wedding, and every single one of them has said they'd do it differently if they got a do-over. They felt rushed at their reception, left before some of the guest, and would have liked to spend some relaxed time together after the wedding before hurrying off again.

flantastic

lyndausvi said:

I'm going to go against the grain here.  

With only 37 people, it's likely you already know who might have issues or not.    Since it's your home and not a lot of people, I'm assuming people will have a place to sit before the ceremony.  Kitchen/dining room table, living/family room, tables where lunch will be served?    They can gather, mingle and sit if they choose before the ceremony.   Then when you are actually ready to start, have everyone go over to the area.   And I mean summons them to the area right before you walk down.  As soon as they gathered, you go.  Have the quick ceremony and then they proceed to wherever you are having lunch.

This is very much a know your own crowd.  My mom would not even be able to stand for a 5 minute ceremony.  Heck, she barely could walk over to the ceremony spot on the grass.  My MIL and the rest of us could stand for a quick ceremony.  Heck, we are known to stand at parties when perfectly good empty seats are around.  It's what we do. We are always standing.


This would NOT work for larger guests lists. Even your 37 is pushing it.  And your ceremony really needs to be less than 10 mins (I've seen plenty of them). Our families are fairly large and close. We are in the know of each other's medical issues.  Not all family/friends disclose such things. Our families definitely do.  Again, know your crowd.  

As a short person, I probably can't see it if it's a standing ceremony with 37 people. That would be annoying, and would be true no matter how short the ceremony is, or whether I was allowed to sit inside until immediately before. Another reason besides medical issues to reconsider.

lyndausvi

flantastic said:

lyndausvi said:

I'm going to go against the grain here.  

With only 37 people, it's likely you already know who might have issues or not.    Since it's your home and not a lot of people, I'm assuming people will have a place to sit before the ceremony.  Kitchen/dining room table, living/family room, tables where lunch will be served?    They can gather, mingle and sit if they choose before the ceremony.   Then when you are actually ready to start, have everyone go over to the area.   And I mean summons them to the area right before you walk down.  As soon as they gathered, you go.  Have the quick ceremony and then they proceed to wherever you are having lunch.

This is very much a know your own crowd.  My mom would not even be able to stand for a 5 minute ceremony.  Heck, she barely could walk over to the ceremony spot on the grass.  My MIL and the rest of us could stand for a quick ceremony.  Heck, we are known to stand at parties when perfectly good empty seats are around.  It's what we do. We are always standing.


This would NOT work for larger guests lists. Even your 37 is pushing it.  And your ceremony really needs to be less than 10 mins (I've seen plenty of them). Our families are fairly large and close. We are in the know of each other's medical issues.  Not all family/friends disclose such things. Our families definitely do.  Again, know your crowd.  

As a short person, I probably can't see it if it's a standing ceremony with 37 people. That would be annoying, and would be true no matter how short the ceremony is, or whether I was allowed to sit inside until immediately before. Another reason besides medical issues to reconsider.

umm, I've been in the last row of a ceremony sitting down and couldn't see the couple either.    Actually last fall we went to a wedding the venue messed up and didn't have enough seats.   A bunch of us in the back were fine standing.  We could actually see better.   They brought out more seats a made us sit.  We were not able to see after that.

I'm not suggesting it's ideal, I give a little more leeway to a small at home event.  

flantastic

lyndausvi said:

flantastic said:

lyndausvi said:

I'm going to go against the grain here.  

With only 37 people, it's likely you already know who might have issues or not.    Since it's your home and not a lot of people, I'm assuming people will have a place to sit before the ceremony.  Kitchen/dining room table, living/family room, tables where lunch will be served?    They can gather, mingle and sit if they choose before the ceremony.   Then when you are actually ready to start, have everyone go over to the area.   And I mean summons them to the area right before you walk down.  As soon as they gathered, you go.  Have the quick ceremony and then they proceed to wherever you are having lunch.

This is very much a know your own crowd.  My mom would not even be able to stand for a 5 minute ceremony.  Heck, she barely could walk over to the ceremony spot on the grass.  My MIL and the rest of us could stand for a quick ceremony.  Heck, we are known to stand at parties when perfectly good empty seats are around.  It's what we do. We are always standing.


This would NOT work for larger guests lists. Even your 37 is pushing it.  And your ceremony really needs to be less than 10 mins (I've seen plenty of them). Our families are fairly large and close. We are in the know of each other's medical issues.  Not all family/friends disclose such things. Our families definitely do.  Again, know your crowd.  

As a short person, I probably can't see it if it's a standing ceremony with 37 people. That would be annoying, and would be true no matter how short the ceremony is, or whether I was allowed to sit inside until immediately before. Another reason besides medical issues to reconsider.

umm, I've been in the last row of a ceremony sitting down and couldn't see the couple either.    Actually last fall we went to a wedding the venue messed up and didn't have enough seats.   A bunch of us in the back were fine standing.  We could actually see better.   They brought out more seats a made us sit.  We were not able to see after that.

I'm not suggesting it's ideal, I give a little more leeway to a small at home event.  

I'm not saying that standing is the only way that people might not be able to see the ceremony, but I think it's way more likely than if you let people choose their seats.

lyndausvi

flantastic said:

lyndausvi said:

flantastic said:

lyndausvi said:

I'm going to go against the grain here.  

With only 37 people, it's likely you already know who might have issues or not.    Since it's your home and not a lot of people, I'm assuming people will have a place to sit before the ceremony.  Kitchen/dining room table, living/family room, tables where lunch will be served?    They can gather, mingle and sit if they choose before the ceremony.   Then when you are actually ready to start, have everyone go over to the area.   And I mean summons them to the area right before you walk down.  As soon as they gathered, you go.  Have the quick ceremony and then they proceed to wherever you are having lunch.

This is very much a know your own crowd.  My mom would not even be able to stand for a 5 minute ceremony.  Heck, she barely could walk over to the ceremony spot on the grass.  My MIL and the rest of us could stand for a quick ceremony.  Heck, we are known to stand at parties when perfectly good empty seats are around.  It's what we do. We are always standing.


This would NOT work for larger guests lists. Even your 37 is pushing it.  And your ceremony really needs to be less than 10 mins (I've seen plenty of them). Our families are fairly large and close. We are in the know of each other's medical issues.  Not all family/friends disclose such things. Our families definitely do.  Again, know your crowd.  

As a short person, I probably can't see it if it's a standing ceremony with 37 people. That would be annoying, and would be true no matter how short the ceremony is, or whether I was allowed to sit inside until immediately before. Another reason besides medical issues to reconsider.

umm, I've been in the last row of a ceremony sitting down and couldn't see the couple either.    Actually last fall we went to a wedding the venue messed up and didn't have enough seats.   A bunch of us in the back were fine standing.  We could actually see better.   They brought out more seats a made us sit.  We were not able to see after that.

I'm not suggesting it's ideal, I give a little more leeway to a small at home event.  

I'm not saying that standing is the only way that people might not be able to see the ceremony, but I think it's way more likely than if you let people choose their seats.

I'm the tallest female of the family (including DH's side).  Only DH, dad, BIL and one nephew are as tall or taller than I am (and I'm only 5'8").   I'm not that asshole who would stand in front of my barely 5 foot tall sister.  Us taller people hang back so you shorties can see.     If your family wouldn't so something similar at a small family wedding at someone's home, than I don't know what to say.

 Not everything is black and white. Again, we are taking about a smallish at home wedding. 

At a smaller home events (wedding or otherwise) I expect people sitting in different rooms.  Some at the dining room table, others on a sofa in the family room, still others standing around in the kitchen (hello, when was the last time you went to a home party where people were not just standing around in the kitchen?).  Some people might decide to plop themselves down on the fireplace hearth.    

By nature, at home events have a different feel and I give them more leeway than your standard larger wedding at a venue.  

flantastic

lyndausvi said:

flantastic said:

lyndausvi said:

flantastic said:

lyndausvi said:

I'm going to go against the grain here.  

With only 37 people, it's likely you already know who might have issues or not.    Since it's your home and not a lot of people, I'm assuming people will have a place to sit before the ceremony.  Kitchen/dining room table, living/family room, tables where lunch will be served?    They can gather, mingle and sit if they choose before the ceremony.   Then when you are actually ready to start, have everyone go over to the area.   And I mean summons them to the area right before you walk down.  As soon as they gathered, you go.  Have the quick ceremony and then they proceed to wherever you are having lunch.

This is very much a know your own crowd.  My mom would not even be able to stand for a 5 minute ceremony.  Heck, she barely could walk over to the ceremony spot on the grass.  My MIL and the rest of us could stand for a quick ceremony.  Heck, we are known to stand at parties when perfectly good empty seats are around.  It's what we do. We are always standing.


This would NOT work for larger guests lists. Even your 37 is pushing it.  And your ceremony really needs to be less than 10 mins (I've seen plenty of them). Our families are fairly large and close. We are in the know of each other's medical issues.  Not all family/friends disclose such things. Our families definitely do.  Again, know your crowd.  

As a short person, I probably can't see it if it's a standing ceremony with 37 people. That would be annoying, and would be true no matter how short the ceremony is, or whether I was allowed to sit inside until immediately before. Another reason besides medical issues to reconsider.

umm, I've been in the last row of a ceremony sitting down and couldn't see the couple either.    Actually last fall we went to a wedding the venue messed up and didn't have enough seats.   A bunch of us in the back were fine standing.  We could actually see better.   They brought out more seats a made us sit.  We were not able to see after that.

I'm not suggesting it's ideal, I give a little more leeway to a small at home event.  

I'm not saying that standing is the only way that people might not be able to see the ceremony, but I think it's way more likely than if you let people choose their seats.

I'm the tallest female of the family (including DH's side).  Only DH, dad, BIL and one nephew are as tall or taller than I am (and I'm only 5'8").   I'm not that asshole who would stand in front of my barely 5 foot tall sister.  Us taller people hang back so you shorties can see.     If your family wouldn't so something similar at a small family wedding at someone's home, than I don't know what to say.

 Not everything is black and white. Again, we are taking about a smallish at home wedding. 

At a smaller home events (wedding or otherwise) I expect people sitting in different rooms.  Some at the dining room table, others on a sofa in the family room, still others standing around in the kitchen (hello, when was the last time you went to a home party where people were not just standing around in the kitchen?).  Some people might decide to plop themselves down on the fireplace hearth.    

By nature, at home events have a different feel and I give them more leeway than your standard larger wedding at a venue.  

Oh FFS. I didn't say anything about "black and white." I gave it as another reason to consider chairs as a better option. It is possible that she can still make the standing wedding work.

Regarding the bolded, I don't know what my family would do, we haven't had a standing wedding - but not everyone has common sense, or forgets about it in their excitement about seeing the wedding?