Pre-wedding Parties

Bridal shower help

I gave my invite list, for the shower, to the host.  On the invite list, I have some people that are out of state and I know they most likely will not attend.  These people include some of my bridal party, my Fiance's family (they live in GA and I live in NY), and a few family members of mine.

 My aunt and cousin, that live out of state, paid for my wedding cake as an engagement gift.  My mom looked over my invite list and said these two should not be invited because it will look gift grabby but I think it would be rude not to invite these two.  For one, they are close family and secondly, they gave an awesome gift.  I was wondering if I should either invited them, not invite them or invite them and put a note in their invitations saying something about not expecting a gift and if they were able, I'd love to see them.

I'm not sure which option would make them feel welcome but also understand that I don't expect anything.  I do know bridal showers equate to gifts but I want to do the right thing.

Re: Bridal shower help

  • I had this same issue. A lot of my family are out of state, and I don't expect them to come. But I still gave my host lists of all my aunts and all my cousins. I doubt your aunt and cousin will think it's gift grabby, they'll probably feel happy to be included. Getting an invite to a shower doesn't mean you have to go and doesn't mean you have to send a gift if you don't. And I wouldn't put the note on there. In my experience, when someone says they aren't expecting a gift, it makes me feel weird and like I have to go get something. Good luck!
  • Since they're pretty intimately involved and close family members, I would invite them. New York is beautiful, maybe they'll surprise everyone and make the trip. Who knows?

    You could always have registry information on an insert (vs. on the invitation itself) and then just not include the insert in their invitation. 
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    ahoyweddingernursej
  • I love @southernbelle0915's idea to not include registry information with their invite.

    Speaking from personal experience....I have a few friends in my home state who have had baby showers. I was invited to a couple (probably on the off chance I would be home that weekend) and appreciated being included. I sent a gift, but didn't see the invite as a gift grab. I also had a few friends who didn't invite me. I wasn't hurt at all, but I did still want to send a gift so I had to ask other friends or google for their registries. Long story short, if they are family or close friends, I think you're ok to invite them (as long as they're also invited to the wedding, of course). 
    ernursej
  • If they're close family I'd invite them.  An engagement gift, a shower gift, and a wedding gift aren't related to each other (at least in my circle).
  • I'm not including registry information in any of the invites, or I did not plan to.  Is it typical to do this?  I have my registry connected to my website but never thought to include an insert with the actual information.

    Also, thank you all for your help! I will invite them and not include a note saying I don't expect a gift.  If they get me one, great and if not, that is also great!  Thank you :smile:
  • mandypants90mandypants90
    100 Comments 100 Love Its Name Dropper
    member
    edited January 26
    TickyBear said:
    I'm not including registry information in any of the invites, or I did not plan to.  Is it typical to do this?  I have my registry connected to my website but never thought to include an insert with the actual information.

    Also, thank you all for your help! I will invite them and not include a note saying I don't expect a gift.  If they get me one, great and if not, that is also great!  Thank you :smile:

    whoever is hosting your bridal shower would be sending out the invites. I don't believe there's anything against -not- including registry information, but I believe that's the only time it is acceptable to include registry information. If you prefer, you can just use word of mouth :)

    *edited because grammar.
  • Cool, I would prefer word of mouth/the wedding website.  Thanks!
  • Good point. I appreciate you clearing it up
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited January 26
    You should not be sending out your own shower invitations so a note from you should not be included in one.  The invitations come from the host, not the bride.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    InLoveInQueens
  • I'm not sending my own. 
  • TickyBear said:
    I'm not sending my own. 
    The how could you enclose a personal note, as you were suggesting?
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • Give it to the person sending the invitations and planning my shower.  
  • TickyBear said:
    Give it to the person sending the invitations and planning my shower.  
    I see where you were coming from with this, but that would still kind of make it seem a little like the invites came from you for a shower. Not everyone is super turned off by that, but it is technically against etiquette. I'm glad you decided to just not include the note; that seems like the most simple solution! It's also great you've been so receptive to feedback in this discussion. :) 
    CMGragainSP29
  • I had a few people in a similar kind of situation (close family members of both H and I, but lived out of town, didn't expect them to come, didn't want to seem gift grabby). I ended up inviting these people to keep the "inviting in circles", and a few of these people actually ended up attending the shower. I was very surprised they decided to come into town, some even flying, just for the shower, but I'm definitely glad I erred on the side of inviting them. 
    SP29
  • Thank you all for the feedback! I do not want to seem gift grabby especially toward two family members that contributed an awesome gift already.  I appreciate the help
    eileenrobCMGragain
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