Wedding Woes

Their Divorce, My Wedding

 My parents got divorced shortly after I got engaged in July. The divorce, to my surprise, has been anything but civil. My parents have not seen or spoken to each other since May and the first time this encounter will happen is at my rehearsal and wedding. I am nervous that there may be a huge fight between family members and my parents and unwanted drama at the wedding. I looking for suggestions for handling this incase this happens. My moms side of the family is really mad at my dad and said they might not even come if he is there, which obviously he will be. And if they feel that way, I suppose that is there decision. I just would love for everyone to be an adult on my day and make it about me not them, for just one day. Maybe I'm being too selfish. I just want to be prepared for the worst, even though I'm hoping for the best. 

Re: Their Divorce, My Wedding

  • You've got this.
    If you have good friends you can impose on (and be clear, this is a painfully obnoxious request, so, good friends only), you may be able to ask them to be 'minders' of people who are likely to be problematic--to steer conversation and/or to ask people to leave.

    It might be a good idea to try to have some form of interaction before rehersal date--even if it's just both sets of parents at your house for some made up get-together--because knowing they can survive w/o the ex in the room for an hour might diffuse things a bit.

    And you're right--the people threatening to boycott can either attend knowing others are invited or not attend.  ANd I'd make sure they know they can attend and be civil or they can not attend--anything less than civility will not be tolerated.

    ANd I'm sorry, because grown-ups should be able to do this w/o being told.

    kimmiinthemittenOurWildKingdomcowgirl8238short+sassy
  • kimmiinthemittenkimmiinthemitten Detroit, MI
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Man, I'm sorry.  I imagine having your parents divorce when you're an adult is hard enough on it's own.  And then add to it that they can't even hold it together enough to make sure you're not additionally burdened by the aftershock, that's tough.

    I'd sit them each down separately.  Remind them that Month Date, Year is a celebration of your wedding.  It is not a family reunion.  It is not a rehashing of their divorce.  It is the day their daughter is exchanging vows.  Tell them you will have security on hand and anyone, regardless of relation, who fails to behave like an adult that day will be removed from the premises and will likely permanently damage their relationship with you.  Full stop.

    Again, I'm sorry they're putting you through this.  



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    MesmrEweILoveBeachMusicshort+sassy
  • Short of a divorce cake (yes, google it - just be willing to laugh), what the PP have suggested is the way to go.  I'd even request a second security officer "just because" if you think these people are going to behave like children to that level.  
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  • GBCK said:
    You've got this.
    If you have good friends you can impose on (and be clear, this is a painfully obnoxious request, so, good friends only), you may be able to ask them to be 'minders' of people who are likely to be problematic--to steer conversation and/or to ask people to leave.

    It might be a good idea to try to have some form of interaction before rehersal date--even if it's just both sets of parents at your house for some made up get-together--because knowing they can survive w/o the ex in the room for an hour might diffuse things a bit.

    And you're right--the people threatening to boycott can either attend knowing others are invited or not attend.  ANd I'd make sure they know they can attend and be civil or they can not attend--anything less than civility will not be tolerated.

    ANd I'm sorry, because grown-ups should be able to do this w/o being told.


    They should, but clearly there is concern that they can't. A lot of adults act like children and the best way to prevent issues with children is to outline expectations.
  • thefanciestbecklerthefanciestbeckler Chattanooga, TN
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary First Answer
    member
    I'm really sorry that you're going through this, OP. My parents got divorced 4 years ago and it was in no way civil either. I know how hard that is.

    I am not on speaking terms with my dad and have not been for years. He was not welcome at my wedding. However, if I had been on speaking terms with him, I would have talked to he and my mom both and told them my expectations in regards to their behavior. If you're having a seating chart, seat each side of the family as far away from each other as possible.

    Again, I am so sorry that you're having to deal with all of this.

    sparklepants41cowgirl8238OliveOilsMomshort+sassy
  • All the PPs gave you great advice.  I just want to say that I am sorry that you are dealing with this.  No matter what happens between now and your wedding just focus on the positives. 
    short+sassy
  • My parents got divorced about fourteen years ago, and my mother remarried almost ten years ago. My father has never gotten over it, and told me he wouldn't come if my step-dad walked me down the aisle. I told him I'd love to have him there, but that is his choice. He didn't come. My wedding was amazing anyway.

    In the end, all you can do is choose to invite who you want there, remind them that them missing the day and/or choosing not to be civil is their choice, and hope for the best. I know how much it sucks when the people we love refuse to act like adults.

    I hope that everyone in your situation is willing to put their anger aside, and that those who can't recognize it's best for them not to be there, so that your wedding can be full of happiness and love. No matter what, at the end of the day you will be married to someone who will stick with you through all the family drama.





    short+sassyOurWildKingdommrsconn23
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