Mortgage/house/family talk

Casadena

So - I had NO idea there were so many types of mortgages!!!!!  DH and I are looking to buy our first house and I'm curious what everyone's thoughts are on fixed vs. adjustable, 15 vs 30 year, etc.  I've done lots of research and the 30 year is overwhelmingly more popular as it gives more flexibility in payments.  However, I can't get over paying SO much more in interest even if we would pay it off in 15 years.  Thoughts?

I'm also curious about 2 other things...

First - this will be our first house.  What are ya'lls thoughts on a cheaper but fixer upper home vs. move-in ready?  We are not afraid of minor adjustments (flooring, counter tops, etc) but would probably want to stay away from major renovations (remodeling, gutting kitchen/bathroom, anything structural).  Time of renovation is not an issue.    

Second - we are moving about 6 hours away from where we currently live and much closer to my in-laws.  I love them and they are wonderful people but are generally very meddlesome and in your business constantly (this hasn't been an issue as we live farther away).  How close is too close to look?  Given the metro area, we could be as close as 5 minutes or as far as 2 hours.  I lean toward 2 hours, but would you put a hard line on where to look based on proximity?

We're excited to start looking, I'm just interested in hearing others experiences and advice!

ernursej

Casadena said:

So - I had NO idea there were so many types of mortgages!!!!!  DH and I are looking to buy our first house and I'm curious what everyone's thoughts are on fixed vs. adjustable, 15 vs 30 year, etc.  I've done lots of research and the 30 year is overwhelmingly more popular as it gives more flexibility in payments.  However, I can't get over paying SO much more in interest even if we would pay it off in 15 years.  Thoughts?

I'm also curious about 2 other things...

First - this will be our first house.  What are ya'lls thoughts on a cheaper but fixer upper home vs. move-in ready?  We are not afraid of minor adjustments (flooring, counter tops, etc) but would probably want to stay away from major renovations (remodeling, gutting kitchen/bathroom, anything structural).  Time of renovation is not an issue.    

Second - we are moving about 6 hours away from where we currently live and much closer to my in-laws.  I love them and they are wonderful people but are generally very meddlesome and in your business constantly (this hasn't been an issue as we live farther away).  How close is too close to look?  Given the metro area, we could be as close as 5 minutes or as far as 2 hours.  I lean toward 2 hours, but would you put a hard line on where to look based on proximity?

We're excited to start looking, I'm just interested in hearing others experiences and advice!

15 vs. 30 years is not really an issue if you are diligent and pay off the 30 year in 15 years, especially if your % is less with the 30 year. Things you should be looking at are penalties for paying off sooner, how much you can pay extra per payment/month/year and fixed % vs. variable %. We currently have a 5 year fixed % on a 15 year mortgage but only because we could negotiate 2.05% on that. Usually we went variable because the % was lower and our payments we low enough that we could absorb the changes to %.

Fixer up homes have the ability to increase their value ++ if you put the right fixes into the home. Bathroom/kitchen renos and renos that open up spaces and make more functional hold their value the best but you have to be careful that the fixes are appropriate to the area and don't cost more than they are worth. With fixers you have to shoulder costs for renos that you wouldn't have to deal with in a newer build. New/newer builds will have little in renos and upkeep should be less so you may be able to put more money into the mortgage each month and pay off the house soon, thus saving money. I think it would be a matter of preference.

I don't think distance is as important as setting boundaries. My sister and I live about the same distance from our in-laws but set up very different relationships with them. She bitches constantly about that they come over unannounced and don't understand privacy. My H set up boundaries from day one and it hasn't been an issue in our world. If you set up boundaries and enforce, you could live next door and it wouldn't be an issue.

charlotte989875

We have a 30-year fixed rate FHA mortgage (with PMI for the life of the loan, which is a bummer) and it's our first home. We have student loans and we were moving so we wanted to keep the down payment low, we also have no penalties for paying it off early. We refused to consider variable rate mortgages because we were not willing to take the risk. 

Things to think about; do you have a 20% down payment? If not you may need to consider FHA and there are terms that come with those mortgages. Variable rates can be risky when the rates rise, are you comfortable with that? 

Fixer up v Move in ready? Is this your forever home? Do you want particular upgrades while you're living there?

As for the proximity to your in laws; if be more concerned about resale values, school districts, crime, services you use than exactly how close/far you are. Live where you want and learn to set boundaries. 

TheMostHappy15

I'm also in the process of starting to think about buying a first home, so no advice on your first two questions but I'll be interested in the responses!

Just wanted to weigh in on the third question as someone who lives within 15 minutes of both my parents and H's parents- as PPs said, it's aaaaaall about the boundaries you set. Definitely don't base your home buying decision on some arbitrary distance you "need" to be away from them- just be prepared (and make sure your H is prepared) to shut down unwanted behavior from them. The added bonus to this is setting boundaries will improve your relationship with them overall, and not just when it comes to issues of physical proximity!

Casadena

Thanks all, i'm definitely interested in hearing more responses to all the things I posted about but wanted to respond to suggestions so far!

Just want to add that we will definitely put 20% down, and school districts are definitely at the top of our list even though we don't have kids.  And I dont' know about this being our forever home, but ideally we would like something that we could grow in at least for the next 10ish years.  Luckily, we're moving to a metro area that's huge and has lots of options - which seems great but has proved overwhelming (hence all my questions).

We haven't had to set many specific boundaries with either of our parents yet in our marriage I think partly because we've been far enough away to not worry about the "dropping by unannounced" etc.  I guess I just imagine the closer the we are the worse that kind of guilt trip/expectations from MIL will be.  We have no issues setting boundaries I guess i'm just a little nervous about being so close to in-laws.  Good to hear everyone has had pretty good experiences so far if they're close.  
Anything else you guys would be thinking about as you search?

EDIT:wording

CMGragain

I am taking a bit of a break on The Knot, but maybe I can help with this one.

The first question is not a simple one.  It depends on some variables.

How long do you plan to own this house?  The longer, the better.

Will your lifestyle be changing over the time period when you own this house?  (Adding children to your family?  Both of you keep working?  One of you working while the other stays home for child care?)

What are your commuter costs?   A less expensive location is not always a good choice if you have to drive a long way to work.  Gas prices will not stay this low forever.

Adjustable mortgages are something I do not like to recommend.  You should only resort to one of these if it the only way you can qualify for he loan.  Assume that you will be paying top interest rate, as specified by the mortgage terms.  It can happen.  Adjustable rates were popular back in the big real estate bubble, when everyone just assumed that their house would be more valuable when they sold it than it was when they bought it.  So many people got burned in the crash.  Usually these loans only pay interest the first five years, not principal at all.

I recommend a fixed rate 30 year mortgage if this is your first house.  If you can afford the higher payments, just send in extra payments, clearly marked "for principal only" along with the regular payments.  Check to make sure that there is no prepayment penalty.  You will be able to deduct the interest payment on your mortgage, so those payments you are making to the mortgage company are not really as high as they might seem.  You pay the interest on the loan before the principal, so you get a much higher deduction in the first ten years of your loan.  The last few years, you will get very little interest deduction.

A fifteen year mortgage is good for someone like me.  When I bought my current house (our third) we were 58 years old, and approaching retirement.  We expected to pay off the $30,000 loan early, and we did.  Now we are retired, and our house is paid for.  It does hurt at tax time not to have the mortgage interest deductions, but for our time of life, it works.

Our first house was the ugliest, stinkiest house in Bowie, MD.  We stripped the carpet, repainted all the walls, fixed holes in the inner walls (yes!) and re-landscaped the grounds.  The house was structurally sound, so only cosmetic changes were needed - lots of them!  We lived in the house for 14 years before selling it, and we had to put in new carpet at that time to make it saleable in a down market.  Money well spent.

I hope this helps you.  Good luck in your house hunting.

charlotte989875

If you have 20% down then I would definitely do a fixed rate. If you can make the payments on a 15 year even if one of you were to be out of work, have a significant medical event, or otherwise major financial burden then great, go with the 15. But if you want some extra room in your budget do the 30, but make sure you don't have an early payment penalty. 

When we were looking the other things we paid attention to were how long things were taking to sell in our neighborhood, what way the market was trending, school districts, commute times, road conditions. 

As for homes themselves remember cosmetic things you can change easily (carpet, wallpaper, paint colors), some things not easily like layout of the house. I knew I hated having a kitchen open up to living room and preferred a separate dining room. Also pay attention to when the big ticket items were last replaced (furnance, hot water tank, roof, HVAC, etc.), if you know you'll likely have to replace one of those in the first year or two build that in to your offer. 

We also asked our agent about what sellers would typically cover in closing costs, and in our market sellers paid the majority of the closing costs, but I know this is different in many areas. 

Also if you narrow it down to a few, see them multiple times if you can. We only saw our house twice and I think if we had spent a little more time it in we would have had a better idea about a few things we discovered after closing. We still love it, but we would have been more prepared for some of the work we had to do up front. 

SP29

I highly recommend talking to a mortgage broker. They will be able to explain to you all of your options that would apply to you and what YOU would qualify for (versus any of us here). There is a lot more involved than fixed vs. variable. There is the amoritization period, the term, can you make additional payments- how much? how often?, and fees for breaking your mortgage term (i.e. if you want to shop around for a new rate when your term is up, or if you sell your house). I'm not saying don't talk to a bank (I would talk to both), but I find a lot of people seem "afraid" of mortgage brokers. It is free for you- they get a finders fee from the lender. DH and I found our broker to be very honest, told us all about the nitty gritty details (where as the bank we had to ask a lot of very direct questions when it came to fees for breaking the mortgage). Our broker also provided us with a spreadsheet to help track and calculate all our our costs (lawyers, land transfer taxes, down payment, mortgage payment, utilities, insurance, etc).

In Canada, the 25 year mortgage is most common. Variable rate is usually cheaper in the long run, but interest rates are ridiculously low in Canada right now, so it seemed stupid not to lock in with the fixed rate offered to us. We can still make additional payments per month and pay up to 15% of our total mortgage each year in addition to our fixed payments. We got a really good interest rate because we went with a product that had a weird term, it's like 4 years and 9 months.

As for fixer upper vs. move in ready- that is ultimately a decision you have to make. And you have to recognize what you are and are not willing to do (which you seem to). But usually when someone says "fixer upper"- that means those larger renovations you may not be interested in (kitchen, bathrooms, windows, etc). You also have to factor in the cost of the house versus what you would put into it for renovations- is that actually cheaper then buying a higher priced move in ready home?

DH and I bought a house in Nov- we take possession in March (thus the mortgage above I was talking about). The house is move in ready. Initially we were all for a fixer upper, but housing prices in our area have sky rocketed and even the fixer uppers were expensive! I also learned you can't just go to the bank and ask for a mortgage of $XXX, even if you technically qualify. We can afford a mortgage for a $500K house, but if we bought a house at $350k, a lender won't just give you a $500K loan so you can do renovations (which I totally did not understand prior to talking to our broker!). Do you have that renovation money available? We do not. There are other options such as home equity lines of credit which can be used for renovations, but I believe you have to be living in your home for X amount of time first; if we were buying a fixer upper, I wanted to buy it and renovate it ASAP, not live in a renovation- which is another factor to think about.
We also considered buying land and building on our own (hired contractor), but we learned that is a WHOLE different ball game- you can get your traditional mortgage for buying the land, but then you need a construction loan for the rest and you have to put a % upfront for this loan (which is separate from your down payment), and then of course pay your contractor in installments.

As for the in-laws; totally depends on your relationship and boundaries. I can understand the lure of not wanting to live so close to your IL that it's easy for them to just "stop by" because they were in the neighbourhood. Reminds me of an episode of Everybody Loves Raymond where Deborah wanted to move and had a map with 3 radii listed (this one is too close to your parents, this one is too far away for your parents to babysit for us, this one is the perfect location to buy a house) . DH would be just fine not living near any of our family, but I thought it would be wise with future children- they will be close to their grandparents. Ultimately, we bought a house in a location because of the price, and are actually a bit farther away from our families than we thought we'd be.

Good luck!

levioosa

Pps have given a lot of good advice. I just want to throw in my two cents. Don't do a variable. The future is never certain, and right now that is especially true as regulations protecting consumers are rolled back. My friend nearly lost her house in the recession when her variable mortgage increased to nearly three times the rate it originally was. It was just her and her mom, and they couldn't afford it. To add to it, her mom lost her job. But it was the restructuring and increased mortgage that really hurt them. So, I would absolutely go fixed. 

A lot of the other things are really personal preference. SO's parents are only 45 minutes away and they guilt us about visiting. I know it would be the same regardless if they were 5 minutes or 3 hours away. Boundaries are key. 

As far a "fixer upper" that's really up to you. If we could have, we would have gotten a fixer upper. Unfortunately, in our area the flippers make that impossible and the banks won't give a loan to a fixer upper type house if you are a regular buyer. It's so dumb. Then the flippers do a shitty job and sell the house for more than it is worth, driving up the market and making it impossible for people our age to buy. Ugh. Anyways...lol. If you want to do some cosmetic stuff, it's always fun to personalize your house just the way you want it. But, again, it's ultimately a personal preference. 

MissKittyDanger

We're fixed, 4 year term {when we can renew} - 25yrs in total

1 - fixer-upper
Depends on how handy either of you are. We are not handy, so that wasn't an option for us. Our basement isn't finished, and that's likely going to a project we'd spread over a fair amount of time. I originally didn't want an unfinished basement, but this house had everything else we loved so that ended up changing our minds.

2 - living near family
Our previous apartment was 5min walking to my mum's place, and that came in handy for certain things {like when my dad passed away or the wedding} and our new house is a 5min drive from my husband's mum and stepdad.
We both have good relationships with our families, but they also understand that we have lives, as do they. Neither are meddling, but I think if they were then we would have a conversation about it.

That also might change if there is a kid around, they'll want to be around more. Best suggestion is to make sure you draw boundaries.

kvruns

Agree with others on fixed vs variable.

The fixer upper vs move in ready really is such a personal decision. My H is all about a house that is perfect from the get go (ie he likes new construction). I have 0 handy skills or big renovation desire but I'm budget friendly and would choose a house that I could move in and be fine with and perhaps work on doing upgrades over the years but I wouldn't have to have it all done ASAP.

You also have to consider if you have the money for the renovations or if you would be able to get a home equity or construction loan to pay for the renovations. A friend was going to do that but something about the appraised value after renovations wouldn't be high enough and they couldn't get enough extra via the loan to pay for the renovations so they backed out of the house.

bleve0821

The ONLY reason I would recommend an ARM is if you KNOW without any shadow of doubt that you will be moving before the term ends and the rate changes.  One of our houses has an ARM because when we bought it, we knew the amount of time we would be living in that house was less than 5 years and we got a much better rate than we would have otherwise gotten.  When we moved the second time, we debated on another ARM for the same reasons (my job requires me to move every 5-7 years), but we opted for the 30-year for a number of different reasons.

Our first house wasn't a fixer-upper, but we did do a solid amount of work on it before we moved in.  The second house was move-in ready, which was so much more convenient for us because it was just a matter of telling the movers where to put the stuff.  We looked at a number of potential renos both times, but knew that we wouldn't have the time and didn't want to put the money into (since for us it would require not only a mortgage payment but also a monthly rental expense, too).  We were also told that a reno loan has a much different set of rates and requirements than a conventional loan, and that also factored into our final decision. 

None of our homes have been near family, and based on recent interactions with both sides of our families, I am not sure we want to be any closer than we currently are.  Two hours can feel like light years, or it can feel like they're on top of you, but that really goes for any distance these days, and how motivated family is to visit.  There are days when 6+ hours feels like not enough distance when family decides to "stop by."

thisismynickname2

Casadena said:

So - I had NO idea there were so many types of mortgages!!!!!  DH and I are looking to buy our first house and I'm curious what everyone's thoughts are on fixed vs. adjustable, 15 vs 30 year, etc.  I've done lots of research and the 30 year is overwhelmingly more popular as it gives more flexibility in payments.  However, I can't get over paying SO much more in interest even if we would pay it off in 15 years.  Thoughts? Interest is generally tax deductible, so, there's that. 

Part of the issue with the housing bubble was all the people on variable interest rates. People lost jobs, interest reset higher, people couldn't afford their mortgages, values went down and they couldn't refinance. I would never take a risk like that after 2008 happened. 

I'm also curious about 2 other things...

First - this will be our first house.  What are ya'lls thoughts on a cheaper but fixer upper home vs. move-in ready?  We are not afraid of minor adjustments (flooring, counter tops, etc) but would probably want to stay away from major renovations (remodeling, gutting kitchen/bathroom, anything structural).  Time of renovation is not an issue.    HGTV has forever scared me off fixer uppers. I know there's manufactured drama, but honestly, once you put holes in the walls, you are obligated to fix whatever may be out of code. I did a "simple" bathroom remodel that went from 4 days expected to 4 days plus two more weeks without a sink due to unexpected plumbing issues and a need to reorder a part. 

Second - we are moving about 6 hours away from where we currently live and much closer to my in-laws.  I love them and they are wonderful people but are generally very meddlesome and in your business constantly (this hasn't been an issue as we live farther away).  How close is too close to look?  Given the metro area, we could be as close as 5 minutes or as far as 2 hours.  I lean toward 2 hours, but would you put a hard line on where to look based on proximity? I live 30-45 minutes from my in-laws (traffic) and 1.5 hours from my own parents. It is close enough without being too close. Every family is different so I'll echo the others- just set boundaries. Few people want an Everybody Loves Raymond mother who just strolls through the back door whenever...! 

We're excited to start looking, I'm just interested in hearing others experiences and advice! I've been through two purchases and two sales. It all works out in the end... Good luck! 

banana468

I'll echo the others to talk to a reliable mortgage specialist.   One thing that was recommended to us was to take out a loan on our car to give us more cash in hand.   We had no car loans at the time and taking out the extremely low interest car loan that we paid off early allowed us to have a larger deposit.   

We moved into our home when I was 9 months pregnant (literally spent 5 nights in the place before I was induced).   For us, the fixer upper wasn't a smart idea.   We have a home that's out of date but functional.   We need to update it still.   My downstairs bathroom is avocado green with out of date fixtures and the carpet is torn in the family room.   But I also live with two pint sized destroyers who would actively try to ruin anything we put in.

There's a difference IMO between "fix this or you'll have an upstairs swimming pool" and "this living room looks like it was in the Brady Bunch."   It doesn't mean you're out of the woods expense wise but it's about knowing that you can budget for the needs vs. have to plunk a lot of $$ into the place before it's move in ready.  That's really situation dependent.$

What I'll also say is that I'm a much bigger fan of fixed rates.   When DH bought his condo in 2005 he had a fixed but ARMs were popular and a lot of people our age were getting condos as first time home buyers with the expectation that they'd sell in a couple years.   Then the market tanked.   DH and I now have a rental property because it's worth just about what he paid for it 12 years later.   Those with ARMs couldn't sell AND their payments went up.   

At this point I'm a major skeptic in investing in real estate as a way to make money.   For us, it's not really an income-generator.  And owning a home is great but it's not the without drawbacks.    And no matter what you do, I'd budget that you factor that you can be hit with unexpected bills here and there for no random reason.   Our toilet has leaked from our 2nd floor into our family room, our holding tank broke two years ago (used if you have a well), and during Superstorm Sandy we found out that the person who wired our basement was a certifiable asshat and the house almost caught on fire when the electric heat started to smoke (it wasn't even on!) while the generator was running and we had no power.    Those problems were all fixed by DH and FIL but not without $$ and time. 

southernbelle0915

We felt way more secure from a projection and budget perspective with a fixed rate mortgage.

As far as a fixer vs. move-in ready...how handy are y'all? And how much cash do you have? If you're a little short on cash, it may make more sense to buy a house where the projects are already done and the money you would have spent out-of-pocket doing them is baked into your mortgage. Keep in mind you should maintain an emergency fund (separate from a project fund) for "joys of home ownership" types of things. 

The in-laws questions is impossible to answer without truly knowing the dynamic or y'all. Are you good at setting boundaries? Are they ok with respecting boundaries? Are you going to want easy access to babysitters if you decide to have kids? Would one location put you closer to your folks? How's the job commute? 

ahoywedding

We also looked at fixed vs ARM and went with a 30-year fixed. Our plan is to eventually put more money down (after the wedding and paying for a few other things). We did make sure there was no early payoff fees, so be sure to check for that. Your broker should also be able to give you examples of interest rates, payment plans, etc for the loan options you qualify for. That should give you a better idea of which option would be best for you.

Our house was structurally sound and we loved the layout, but could use some updates. We're both fairly handy, and we've been able to take care of the updates ourselves. It also helps if you're willing to live through a little mess or reno; not everyone can handle that. We've kind of worked out a timeline for the projects we want to do, so we can spread out the cost. It means living with things not 100% how we like them for right now, but we plan to be here for a while so it's ok.

My FMILs live about 10 minutes away, and we knew that when we bought this house. However, we've had previous conversations about boundaries. FMIL's MIL was very intrusive, and she's mentioned several times how she doesn't want to be like that. I actually have to mention to FI that it's been weeks since we've seen his parents and make plans to get together. If you can set boundaries (and they'll respect them!) it's super helpful to have them nearby. They've been able to watch our dog on short notice, check on our house while we were out, and let FI in once when I accidentally locked him out.

Casadena

Ya'll are awesome.  We definitely will be talking to a mortgage broker/bank in the next couple weeks to iron out details.  Also, it didn't even cross my mind that a fixer upper would require more cash up front since you probably can't build that into to the loan amount.  

Just to kind of respond to some of the questions asked of me.  We are fairly handy - we've installed flooring and cabinets and drywall and things like that but I would never touch electrical/plumbing/structural things.  So I guess "fixer-upper" for me would be things we could live with for now and change as we go.  Not something we'd have to completely gut before we could even move in.  

Commutes aren't a huge deal for us since we both work from home if we're not traveling.  So I guess things on the top of our list are just proximity to highway/interstate (easy in the metro area, there's a ton) & school district for future kids.  

That being said, I'm curious how those of you who live close to your parents or IL's handle that.  I think I could live across the street from my parents, see them once a month, and no ones feelings would be hurt or anything because they understand and respect that our lived are independent of them. IL's however are not good at boundaries.  It's just impossible for her to understand why all her kids/family WOULDN'T want to see them all the time and have her involved in everything. Now that we CAN be around and would be choosing not to see them all the time, she will be personally offended all the time no matter how up front we are about expectations.  They're very nice people and I love the whole family - but not 24/7.  

short+sassy

Casadena said:

Ya'll are awesome.  We definitely will be talking to a mortgage broker/bank in the next couple weeks to iron out details.  Also, it didn't even cross my mind that a fixer upper would require more cash up front since you probably can't build that into to the loan amount.  

Just to kind of respond to some of the questions asked of me.  We are fairly handy - we've installed flooring and cabinets and drywall and things like that but I would never touch electrical/plumbing/structural things.  So I guess "fixer-upper" for me would be things we could live with for now and change as we go.  Not something we'd have to completely gut before we could even move in.  

Commutes aren't a huge deal for us since we both work from home if we're not traveling.  So I guess things on the top of our list are just proximity to highway/interstate (easy in the metro area, there's a ton) & school district for future kids.  

That being said, I'm curious how those of you who live close to your parents or IL's handle that.  I think I could live across the street from my parents, see them once a month, and no ones feelings would be hurt or anything because they understand and respect that our lived are independent of them. IL's however are not good at boundaries.  It's just impossible for her to understand why all her kids/family WOULDN'T want to see them all the time and have her involved in everything. Now that we CAN be around and would be choosing not to see them all the time, she will be personally offended all the time no matter how up front we are about expectations.  They're very nice people and I love the whole family - but not 24/7.  

That is one of the things that annoys me about those HGTV shows.  They always act like people are just getting mortgage loans for the total amount of the property plus renovations needed.  Few banks (if any) do that for a typical mortgage loan.  Construction loans can be a great option, if needed, but there are a lot of negatives.  Higher credit scores are needed to be approved.  Longer closing times.  More paperwork, even after the loan.  Most/all of the work needs to be done by a licensed contractor or tradespeople, so fewer cheap options like DIY or using a handyman.

It is always wise to leave electrical, plumbing, roofing, HVAC, etc. to the professionals (other than really basic stuff).  But, since you all sound pretty handy, that's where it can be an "equity opportunity" to buy something of a fixer upper that you all can live in for now and update over time.

I also agree with the other PPs.  I typically recommend a 30-year loan, but pay it like it is a 15-year loan.  You might have a slightly higher interest rate than if you just start off with a 15-year-loan, but you will have much more budget flexibility.  In tough times, you can always drop back down to the normal mortgage payment.  Prepayment penalties are pretty unusual nowadays, but double check that.  And always make sure any extra payment amounts are strictly going to principal.

charlotte989875

Casadena said:

Ya'll are awesome.  
That being said, I'm curious how those of you who live close to your parents or IL's handle that.  I think I could live across the street from my parents, see them once a month, and no ones feelings would be hurt or anything because they understand and respect that our lived are independent of them. IL's however are not good at boundaries.  It's just impossible for her to understand why all her kids/family WOULDN'T want to see them all the time and have her involved in everything. Now that we CAN be around and would be choosing not to see them all the time, she will be personally offended all the time no matter how up front we are about expectations.  They're very nice people and I love the whole family - but not 24/7.  

We could live in the same town/neighborhood as my IL's and be perfectly happy. We're about 2 hours from them now, and we all wish we were a little closer. They're great about boundaries, time, and don't pressure us to see them more than we do.

We're 5 hours from my parents and that's just fine. They are not great with boundaries. The bolded is my mother. She assumes that every time we go back to visit the area (where all of our friends, extended family live) we will spend every minute of free time with them, that we need to have multiple meals/events together, and gets very unhappy when we say we're busy.

That said, I don't know if the difference between 25 minutes and 90 minutes would be all that real to her. I've gotten much better at telling her when we're free, what we're available to do, and sticking to it. I know it upsets her, but it does keep me and H sane. 

OliveOilsMom

We chose a 30 year fixed mortgage.  We also signed up to make our monthly payment every other week.  So twice a year (months with 5 weeks), the mortgage company gets a full extra payment from us and it goes all to principal.  That alone will shave off 7 years from the mortgage.  Basically, if your monthly mortgage is $1000, you pay $500 every other week.  Eventually, H & I will start adding in extra money to principal.  H's parents always paid an extra $100 per month on their mortgage.  It got paid off just a few months before FIL unexpectedly passed.  If it were not for that extra principal, MIL would have been forced to sell.  She is still in that house and its been 13 years now.

We purchased a 40 year old house that did very well in the home inspection.  The previous homeowner replaced the roof, installed a French drain system in the basement, replaced the hot water heater and heating system within the year before we moved in.  It also had newer windows.  So we have a dated kitchen and bathrooms.  It was our intention to live with both for a few years.  But within the first year, both showers leaked into the first floor.  We had a plumber do our master bath that had a stand up shower.  It was bare bones and we kept the powder blue tile floor.  We did all demo.  When that bathroom finished, the other started leaking.  These were unexpected expenses that we did not anticipate at all.

We are both handy, so we have taken on the main bath ourselves.  It was started last March and was almost a complete gut.  We have a few more tiles to lay (around the toilet flange - so difficult cuts), then its just putting in the sinks and hanging the mirrors.  But it has taken us almost a year to complete.  Youtube has been our friend during this renovation, with it we were able to get lots done ourselves instead of having to hire out the plumbing, for example.

Lastly, MIL had some boundary issues at first.  The first time was when MIL asked where my birthday celebration was going to be, innocently I thought, so I told her.  She showed up to the bar (one she would NEVER go to) with her friend.  She immediately knew to leave.  H gave her hell the next day and BIL happened to be there as well and even he said she stepped over the line.  The other time was when she insisted on coming over to our house so we could meet her BF.  Neither of us wanted visitors and we both told her as such.  She showed up anyway.  I was so livid I walked out the back door.  H went out to the front porch and told her to leave.  She now claims that she only needed to have H fix her phone, but we both call her out on that BS claim.  So the pushback was needed with MIL and it worked. 

We live even closer to her now (5 mins) and she has never stopped by without asking.  She even co-signed the mortgage, since I couldn't be on it for this current house.  So she actually has more of a right to stop by unexpectedly!  The thing was that H always had my back and was willing to step up against MIL.  The one part that was really hard, I think for MIL to grasp, was she really fell apart after FILs death and BIL is not the most together guy.  But my H is very together, so he really took take care of MIL and made sure things got done.  So I think she began to rely on H too much, she would even go over to H's friend's house for movie night - since otherwise she wouldn't have left the house.  So they were together all the time really (before I came into the picture) and MIL would often act like H was more of a friend than a son.  She even would tell him of her online dating disasters since she didn't have many others to talk to about them.  Oh, he hated those stories!  So these are some extenuating circumstances in many ways.  But this is my example of setting boundaries with ILs.

banana468

What you described are construction based aspects of a fixer upper.   Keep in mind that plenty of fixer-upper issues are external and involve electrical / plumbing and HVAC work.   You'll want to examine those on a case by case basis.     

Example - our house nearly catching on fire required rewiring experience and we're lucky that DH, his dad and my dad all have electrical knowledge (my dad is an electrician by trade).   That's a different level of work than kitchen cabinetry.   

littlemushroom

Agree with everyone else re: fixed vs adjustable rate mortgages. We wanted the flexibility the 30 year fixed gave us, even though we could afford the 15 yr fixed payments. It is a good thing we did! I was in the hospital unexpectedly for a week 8 months after we bought the house and hit our out of pocket max. With higher payments for the house we would have been in trouble with medical bills on top of that.

Instead, we have been making extra payments to the principal and when we were paying off the medical bills/rebuilding our emergency fund we stopped the extra payments. We are currently paying an extra $400 to principal each month, which will let us pay off our mortgage in just under 13 years. For us, flexibility was key.

Also agree with others that distance from in laws is not as important as setting and enforcing boundaries no matter where you live. My H is the master of boundary setting with his super needy mom, so we can even go on vacations with my in laws and still have plenty of time to ourselves.