Wedding Party

Matron of Honor is MIA

Hi all-

I have been really confused lately by my Matron of Honor. I should first mention that I have a Maid and Matron of Honor and with my Matron she is a close friend who has been like a sister to me. When I first got engaged she was over the moon excited for me and wanted to plan right away, had Pinterest boards etc. But over the holidays I had gently mentioned that I want to focus on my wedding planning after the holidays ...because I just wanted to enjoy the holiday season and some time off before hitting "wedding planning" mode. Well since then she's been completely opposite and hasn't even checked in with me asking how it's going! I know she has been busy and has been dealing with some health issues which I have been supportive of but I just feel bummed she's completely gone MIA. I feel like if I mention anything she will get offended and so I'm just not sure what to do. It's really kind of strange! I want to include her in more like dress shopping but I also feel she needs to show her enthusiasm more. Maybe I just needed to vent but has anyone else dealt with this? Even one of my bridesmaids reached out to her and nothing back. I don't need her to even help with much but I guess I was hoping for a certain amount of excitement like my Maid of Honor and honorary bridesmaid have shown. Oh well.

Re: Matron of Honor is MIA

  • I am also confused how you're using the term "honorary bridesmaid"?

    Whenever that term has been mentioned here before it's usually a sort of bridesmaid B-list. If that wasn't insulting enough, it sometimes comes with jobs like handing out programs, directing guests, being a gopher...

    If any of that is what you're planning, I would advise you to NOT do it. I can almost guarantee it will cause tension, if not ruin those friendships. Not worth it.
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    OliveOilsMomInLoveInQueenscowgirl8238
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 25 Answers
    member
    I'm also curious as to what an "honorary bridesmaid" is.

    As far as your Matron of Honor's enthusiasm or lack thereof, no matter how close a friend she is, no one will be as enthusiastic about your wedding as you are. And if she's dealing with health issues right now, then that's her priority.

    If you want to talk to her, making your conversation about your disappointment with her lack of enthusiasm is not going to be helpful. I'd keep the focus on hoping she feels better soon and that you miss her. But to jump on the bandwagon, leave your wedding out of the conversation.
  • Thanks all !! And yes just to clarify I haven't brought up the wedding at all! Other than asking her for new address and her mother's address for Save the Dates. Yes I have been checking in with her, and of course I have been concerned with her health. You are right, all the wedding party has to do is show up. I have just felt a little bummed. That's all. Forgive me for using the honorary bridesmaid, she is a close friend of mine who's been really helpful. Don't worry she doesn't actually have the title of "honorary" lol she is a bridesmaid. Well, maybe I just needed an outlet to write all this. Much love.
    short+sassy
  • That is a good point! thanks... but at the same time it's very simple to just ask how wedding planning is going. She also did not do an elaborate wedding herself they went to the courthouse so perhaps it also might be a lack of realizing it takes months to plan a bigger one which I am blessed to be able to have, that I don't take for grantide. 
  • You need to let this go. Between the fact that you asked her to back off with the wedding questions and the fact that she's having health issues, it's really not all that surprising that she hasn't brought up the wedding. 

    Stop worrying about other people's enthusiasm about your wedding. Nobody is obligated to ask you about it or be excited about it, not even your wedding party. The only people whose level of enthusiasm really matters are you and your FI. It's never going to be as important to anyone else.
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    Heffalumpcharlotte989875
  • That is a good point! thanks... but at the same time it's very simple to just ask how wedding planning is going. She also did not do an elaborate wedding herself they went to the courthouse so perhaps it also might be a lack of realizing it takes months to plan a bigger one which I am blessed to be able to have, that I don't take for grantide. 
    Sure, it might be easy to ask, but you basically told her not to talk about it with you. So, in addition to everything else, she's letting that ball rest in your court. Frankly, if I were her, I'd be hesitant to bring up the subject until you give the indication you weren't going to shut me down again.
    charlotte989875SP29mollybarker11
  • That is a good point! thanks... but at the same time it's very simple to just ask how wedding planning is going. She also did not do an elaborate wedding herself they went to the courthouse so perhaps it also might be a lack of realizing it takes months to plan a bigger one which I am blessed to be able to have, that I don't take for grantide. 
    I always get super uncomfortable when people ask me how wedding planning is going because literally no one actually cares what stage you are at in the planning process.  I'm always like, "Uhhhh good.  It's still happening, so that's a thing."  

    justsieSP29
  • I vote you reach out to your MOH like @flantastic suggested above.  I would go in with low expectations, but you never know, she may surprise you and be all into it again.  The only way to know is to ask in a way that doesn't put pressure on her while also saying your into wedding planning again. 

    Personally, I am in a similar position to your MOH in the sense that I have been dealing with some medical things, and have been all around battling with the blahs/depression.  Personally, I would love the excuse to focus on something else for a while, but I wouldn't want to push it either.

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod
    edited February 2017
    The holidays were a whole 6 weeks ago.  Not months, WEEKS.  Prior to the holidays she was super excited and you told her to slow her roll.  In the meantime, she is now dealing with health issues.   

    Again, this is all in the last 6 WEEKS. Time for you slow your roll.  For whatever reasons your timings are off.   She was excited, you weren't ready.  Now you are ready and she isn't.    This isn't really a big deal.    Everyone goes through periods of excitement and neutral times.   Not sure how long your engagement is, but trust me, even as the bride wedding talk and excitement can get old after a while.  Then it picks back up again.    Some one once removed (like a MOH would be) it will happened even more as things in their own life  are going on.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    SP29sparklepants41Heffalumpcowgirl8238
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