Family Member's Unsolicited Advice

[Deleted User]

Hi ladies! I am recently married to a wonderful man 25 years my senior ( I am 27). We really gave our relationship a thought and prayer and felt as though we couldn't live without each other. We communicate well, both want a family, and just overall have been able to overcome a lot of obstacles just being together for 17 months.

Our wedding date went without a hitch and we were surrounded with family and close friends. I recently posted my excitement of changing my last name on Facebook and I had a family member comment the following:

"The problems come later. Good luck. God bless you."

I proceeded to reply back and say the following:

"Thank you for the positive thoughts Aunt Jane Dow (named changed for anonymity)."

She proceeded to message me privately to say the following: "I tell you from experience. It brings a lot of issues. I counsel your good. I am very honest. Blessings and good luck. I hope you don't put your bank account under both of your names. He has experience and you don't." 

I proceeded to reply back that I appreciated her concern and that although I respect her experience, I cannot live my life in fear and that as the head of our home, I must trust my husband and we make our decisions together. We trust each other and I know his past a lot deeper than most his own family know... now this is all paraphrased. Again, I thanked her and finished the post with a I love you. She replied back by saying, "I hope that's the case..." ... do you think I handled this properly? Sorry for the long post.

Ro041

J&SVignon said:

Hi ladies! I am recently married to a wonderful man 25 years my senior ( I am 27). We really gave our relationship a thought and prayer and felt as though we couldn't live without each other. We communicate well, both want a family, and just overall have been able to overcome a lot of obstacles just being together for 17 months.

Our wedding date went without a hitch and we were surrounded with family and close friends. I recently posted my excitement of changing my last name on Facebook and I had a family member comment the following:

"The problems come later. Good luck. God bless you."

I proceeded to reply back and say the following:

"Thank you for the positive thoughts Aunt Jane Dow (named changed for anonymity)."

She proceeded to message me privately to say the following: "I tell you from experience. It brings a lot of issues. I counsel your good. I am very honest. Blessings and good luck. I hope you don't put your bank account under both of your names. He has experience and you don't." 

I proceeded to reply back that I appreciated her concern and that although I respect her experience, I cannot live my life in fear and that as the head of our home, I must trust my husband and we make our decisions together. We trust each other and I know his past a lot deeper than most his own family know... now this is all paraphrased. Again, I thanked her and finished the post with a I love you. She replied back by saying, "I hope that's the case..." ... do you think I handled this properly? Sorry for the long post.

I absolutely think you handled it appropriately.  I wouldn't reply any further and if she brings it up again, explain to her that, while you love her, you are not interested in discussing that topic.  She should be able to respect that.  

Brush this one off as someone projecting her own life experiences onto you and try not to let it bother you.  

thefanciestbeckler

Yes, you definitely handled it appropriately IMO. I've found that some people have a "one bad apple spoils the bunch" kind of attitude and assume that because something happened to them it will happen to anyone in a similar situation. I feel certain that I had someone advise me not to get married simply because their marriage ended in divorce. I'd just chalk it up to that and continue living your life.

southernbelle0915

I don't think anyone goes into a relationship thinking it's going to end badly. But the divorce rate is what it is and it's naive to think some of us, even on these boards, won't be divorced at some point. Doesn't mean you shouldn't change your name if you want to. Doesn't mean you shouldn't have combined finances. Doesn't mean you shouldn't work hard at your marriage. 

I get what she may be trying to say, but it's really shitty to deliver some "I told you so" one liner to a newlywed on FaceBook. wtf? If she's legit has your best interest at heart and is concerned for whatever reason, she should ask to talk to you like an adult and privately. 

Jells2dot0

I married someone 17 years older and while I got a lot of support from friends and family, I could tell some people thought it was strange. However, I'm previously divorced (and so is he) and this marriage is a 1000x stronger than my first and has lasted twice as long so far! Oh, and my first husband was only 3 years older. So, age really wasn't a factor at all in my case. Some people just see this exception to the tradition (huge age difference) and automatically think it's doomed for failure. I am certainly a skeptical person when it comes to marriage- I have a prenup and all finances are separate- but I would not just apply my own personal feelings to everyone I know getting married. It works well for us, but we know that most people don't do things that way. 

I think you responded appropriately and agree with PPs about future encounter. I don't think there was any malice in what she was trying to say, but I do think she handled it poorly and should keep further thoughts to herself unless asked.

[Deleted User]

I definitely agree with you Southernbelle0915. Our convictions are that we wouldn't divorce no matter how hard life gets. I come from parents, and grandparents and great grandparents that married and stayed married. He came from parents who married and stayed married. My husband  had a rough start in life so he threaded carefully before even starting a serious relationship with me before we got engaged. I guess my strong view in all of this that I would never project my life experiences on anyone else but simply say, pray and let God or your spirit guide you. I can say that when you simply just put your trust in someone higher than yourself, you can never go wrong. Did we  consider the pros and cons, of course. Is our risk for divorce higher because my husband's been married before? Yes, but we vowed and talked beforehand that we are fighting for our marriage.

charlotte989875

Mrs.V2017 said:

I definitely agree with you. Our convictions are that we wouldn't divorce no matter how hard life gets. I come from parents, and grandparents and great grandparents that married and stayed married. He came from parents who married and stayed married. My husband  had a rough start in life so he threaded carefully before even starting a serious relationship with me before we got engaged. I guess my strong view in all of this that I would never project my life experiences on anyone else but simply say, pray and let God or your spirit guide you. I can say that when you simply just put your trust in someone higher than yourself, you can never go wrong. Did we  consider the pros and cons, of course. Is our risk for divorce higher because my husband's been married before? Yes, but we vowed and talked beforehand that we are fighting for our marriage.

I'm glad this mindset works for you, and I think that's great. I think your Aunt needs to mind her own business and in the future handle things that same way and refuse to engage with her. Your name, finances, and personal business don't have to be subject to discussion among family members if you don't want them to be. 

I just want to comment briefly on the bolded sections though. Again, if this works for the two of you, fantastic. However, there are a number of women (and men?) on here that have been married more than once, that had difficult times, that "fought" for marriages, or were in abusive or unhealthy relationships that were not good situations. It's not always the healthiest and most appropriate choice to "get married and stay married" and there is nothing wrong with recognizing that. I don't think you're trying to come off that they didn't work as hard to "save" their marriages as you would, or that there is some failure in not "staying" married, but just be aware it might come off that way. 

[Deleted User]

Thanks Jells2dot0. I considered a prenup but when we reviewed our situation, I am only 2 years out of graduate school and we are really building our lives from the ground up from a financial standpoint even though he's much older. It definitely depends on what works for the couple. We definitely have his family and my parents and siblings support but we've talked about living wills and finances because he does have unique past and we wouldn't want to have issues in the distant future with how our finances are passed on to our future children. 

TheMostHappy15

Does your aunt have a troubled marital history to your knowledge? I agree with PPs that this sounds like a case of someone who has their own regrets and is projecting them on you.

You handled it fine but I'd definitely take a firm approach to shutting her down if she brings it up again- something like "I appreciate your concern but I choose not to live my life dwelling on things that may or may not go wrong down the line, so let's stop having this kind of conversation." I don't know how close you are to this aunt or if she has a large presence in your life, but if she does I'd be wary of her trying to sow seeds of discord. Hopefully though she was just having a bad day and got a little too personal on FB and it will stop there!

[Deleted User]

charlotte989875 said:

Mrs.V2017 said:

I definitely agree with you. Our convictions are that we wouldn't divorce no matter how hard life gets. I come from parents, and grandparents and great grandparents that married and stayed married. He came from parents who married and stayed married. My husband  had a rough start in life so he threaded carefully before even starting a serious relationship with me before we got engaged. I guess my strong view in all of this that I would never project my life experiences on anyone else but simply say, pray and let God or your spirit guide you. I can say that when you simply just put your trust in someone higher than yourself, you can never go wrong. Did we  consider the pros and cons, of course. Is our risk for divorce higher because my husband's been married before? Yes, but we vowed and talked beforehand that we are fighting for our marriage.

I'm glad this mindset works for you, and I think that's great. I think your Aunt needs to mind her own business and in the future handle things that same way and refuse to engage with her. Your name, finances, and personal business don't have to be subject to discussion among family members if you don't want them to be. 

I just want to comment briefly on the bolded sections though. Again, if this works for the two of you, fantastic. However, there are a number of women (and men?) on here that have been married more than once, that had difficult times, that "fought" for marriages, or were in abusive or unhealthy relationships that were not good situations. It's not always the healthiest and most appropriate choice to "get married and stay married" and there is nothing wrong with recognizing that. I don't think you're trying to come off that they didn't work as hard to "save" their marriages as you would, or that there is some failure in not "staying" married, but just be aware it might come off that way. 

Thanks Charlotte. I definitely wouldn't want other woman to misunderstand me. Abuse is never ok and I am thankful and blessed that that is not the case in our relationship. My aunt did come from an abusive relationship (1st marriage) and I am not sure what happened with the 2nd but I understood where she came from I just don't believe that I should live my life with that type of fear if I believe I've reasoned through the decisions I've made.

STARMOON44

"As the head of our home I must trust my husband"

do you mean that you think your husband is the one in charge of your home and therefore you have to trust him? If so I see why she's worried! 

I think it's completely absurd for anyone to be sure they'd never divorce, but especially if he literally already made those vows and then got divorced! 

All that being said there is no reason at all to discuss this with her. I would have deleted her FB comment with no discussion and moved on. You won't convince her of anything and you don't need to try. 

TheMostHappy15

charlotte989875 said:

Mrs.V2017 said:

I definitely agree with you. Our convictions are that we wouldn't divorce no matter how hard life gets. I come from parents, and grandparents and great grandparents that married and stayed married. He came from parents who married and stayed married. My husband  had a rough start in life so he threaded carefully before even starting a serious relationship with me before we got engaged. I guess my strong view in all of this that I would never project my life experiences on anyone else but simply say, pray and let God or your spirit guide you. I can say that when you simply just put your trust in someone higher than yourself, you can never go wrong. Did we  consider the pros and cons, of course. Is our risk for divorce higher because my husband's been married before? Yes, but we vowed and talked beforehand that we are fighting for our marriage.

I'm glad this mindset works for you, and I think that's great. I think your Aunt needs to mind her own business and in the future handle things that same way and refuse to engage with her. Your name, finances, and personal business don't have to be subject to discussion among family members if you don't want them to be. 

I just want to comment briefly on the bolded sections though. Again, if this works for the two of you, fantastic. However, there are a number of women (and men?) on here that have been married more than once, that had difficult times, that "fought" for marriages, or were in abusive or unhealthy relationships that were not good situations. It's not always the healthiest and most appropriate choice to "get married and stay married" and there is nothing wrong with recognizing that. I don't think you're trying to come off that they didn't work as hard to "save" their marriages as you would, or that there is some failure in not "staying" married, but just be aware it might come off that way. 

Thanks for saying this, @charlotte989875. I don't think anyone goes into marriage thinking "I love this person and I'm committing my life to them but if things get too hard I'm just gonna tap out." Everyone thinks they'll stay together whatever happens. Everyone thinks it will always be worth it to fight for their marriage. The reality is though that sometimes you stop being able to live the best version of your life within the context of your marriage- not for any lack of commitment or fighting for it, but because things change and people change. Personally I have more respect for someone who recognizes that they need to end it in order to be the best, happiest person they can be than someone who is determined to stay in it no matter what it costs them and those around them (i.e. kids growing up in an unhappy home).

[Deleted User]

STARMOON44 said:

"As the head of our home I must trust my husband"

do you mean that you think your husband is the one in charge of your home and therefore you have to trust him? If so I see why she's worried! 

I think it's completely absurd for anyone to be sure they'd never divorce, but especially if he literally already made those vows and then got divorced! 

All that being said there is no reason at all to discuss this with her. I would have deleted her FB comment with no discussion and moved on. You won't convince her of anything and you don't need to try. 

I respect your difference in opinion. No, my husband and I make decisions together  and I wouldn't have married him if I didn't trust him. Head of the home means he is there to protect me not harm me nor that he automatically gets to make the last call on all decisions. I hope that clarifies that. 

Jen4948

I think that although you handled her politely, you were a little defensive in your response, which opened the door to her snarky "I hope that's the case" line.

It sounds to me like your relative was trying to sow seeds of distrust in your relationship based on her own feelings. Or maybe she likes to create drama even when it isn't necessary. It was intrusive and inappropriate of her to discuss your financial arrangements with you, which are solely your and your husband's business.

I think that if she tries to bring it up to you again (or any other concerns about your marriage based in the difference in your and your husband's ages), I'd tell her "Thank you, but I prefer not to discuss my marriage." You might also consider putting more distance between her and you if the situation calls for it.

[Deleted User]

TheMostHappy15 said:

charlotte989875 said:

Mrs.V2017 said:

I definitely agree with you. Our convictions are that we wouldn't divorce no matter how hard life gets. I come from parents, and grandparents and great grandparents that married and stayed married. He came from parents who married and stayed married. My husband  had a rough start in life so he threaded carefully before even starting a serious relationship with me before we got engaged. I guess my strong view in all of this that I would never project my life experiences on anyone else but simply say, pray and let God or your spirit guide you. I can say that when you simply just put your trust in someone higher than yourself, you can never go wrong. Did we  consider the pros and cons, of course. Is our risk for divorce higher because my husband's been married before? Yes, but we vowed and talked beforehand that we are fighting for our marriage.

I'm glad this mindset works for you, and I think that's great. I think your Aunt needs to mind her own business and in the future handle things that same way and refuse to engage with her. Your name, finances, and personal business don't have to be subject to discussion among family members if you don't want them to be. 

I just want to comment briefly on the bolded sections though. Again, if this works for the two of you, fantastic. However, there are a number of women (and men?) on here that have been married more than once, that had difficult times, that "fought" for marriages, or were in abusive or unhealthy relationships that were not good situations. It's not always the healthiest and most appropriate choice to "get married and stay married" and there is nothing wrong with recognizing that. I don't think you're trying to come off that they didn't work as hard to "save" their marriages as you would, or that there is some failure in not "staying" married, but just be aware it might come off that way. 

Thanks for saying this, @charlotte989875. I don't think anyone goes into marriage thinking "I love this person and I'm committing my life to them but if things get too hard I'm just gonna tap out." Everyone thinks they'll stay together whatever happens. Everyone thinks it will always be worth it to fight for their marriage. The reality is though that sometimes you stop being able to live the best version of your life within the context of your marriage- not for any lack of commitment or fighting for it, but because things change and people change. Personally I have more respect for someone who recognizes that they need to end it in order to be the best, happiest person they can be than someone who is determined to stay in it no matter what it costs them and those around them (i.e. kids growing up in an unhappy home).

I understand that life happens but I wouldn't divorce my husband's for any other reason than for infidelity or abuse (whether physical or verbal). Those are our convictions. 

STARMOON44

Mrs.V2017 said:

TheMostHappy15 said:

charlotte989875 said:

Mrs.V2017 said:

I definitely agree with you. Our convictions are that we wouldn't divorce no matter how hard life gets. I come from parents, and grandparents and great grandparents that married and stayed married. He came from parents who married and stayed married. My husband  had a rough start in life so he threaded carefully before even starting a serious relationship with me before we got engaged. I guess my strong view in all of this that I would never project my life experiences on anyone else but simply say, pray and let God or your spirit guide you. I can say that when you simply just put your trust in someone higher than yourself, you can never go wrong. Did we  consider the pros and cons, of course. Is our risk for divorce higher because my husband's been married before? Yes, but we vowed and talked beforehand that we are fighting for our marriage.

I'm glad this mindset works for you, and I think that's great. I think your Aunt needs to mind her own business and in the future handle things that same way and refuse to engage with her. Your name, finances, and personal business don't have to be subject to discussion among family members if you don't want them to be. 

I just want to comment briefly on the bolded sections though. Again, if this works for the two of you, fantastic. However, there are a number of women (and men?) on here that have been married more than once, that had difficult times, that "fought" for marriages, or were in abusive or unhealthy relationships that were not good situations. It's not always the healthiest and most appropriate choice to "get married and stay married" and there is nothing wrong with recognizing that. I don't think you're trying to come off that they didn't work as hard to "save" their marriages as you would, or that there is some failure in not "staying" married, but just be aware it might come off that way. 

Thanks for saying this, @charlotte989875. I don't think anyone goes into marriage thinking "I love this person and I'm committing my life to them but if things get too hard I'm just gonna tap out." Everyone thinks they'll stay together whatever happens. Everyone thinks it will always be worth it to fight for their marriage. The reality is though that sometimes you stop being able to live the best version of your life within the context of your marriage- not for any lack of commitment or fighting for it, but because things change and people change. Personally I have more respect for someone who recognizes that they need to end it in order to be the best, happiest person they can be than someone who is determined to stay in it no matter what it costs them and those around them (i.e. kids growing up in an unhappy home).

I understand that life happens butvi wouldn't divorce my husband's for any other reason than for infidelity or abuse (whether physical or verbal). Those our convictions. 

Then don't say you'd never get a divorce no matter how hard life gets. Because it's untrue and makes you seem naive to what life getting bad looks like. Also just in general literally no one needs to be told that you would never get a divorce. It's a silly statement to be sharing that just invites judgment. 

[Deleted User]

Judgemental much Starmoon44? I came here to ask if I handled it appropriately not to be judged for having strong convictions about divorce. My husband divorced twice before marrying me so I am in no way saying that divorce is evil. Just stating my convictions. 

[Deleted User]

Thank you everyone for your different perspectives. As I already stated, I am going to continue to keep my positive attitude about my marriage and stick to our convictions because that's what is going to keep our marriage strong. I am definitely young and still need to mature but your feedback is appreciated and I hope I didn't come off as judgemental. I've had great examples of what a strong marriage looks like and we're mirroring that the best way we can. I pray that that's the case for other women and men as well but for those who is not, know that you're not forgotten and that the God I serve had great plans for your life. 

TheMostHappy15

Mrs.V2017 said:

Judgemental much Starmoon44? I came here to ask if I handled it appropriately not to be judged for having strong convictions about divorce. My husband divorced twice before marrying me so I am in no way saying that divorce is evil. Just stating my convictions. 

I think the way Charlotte said it was really well put- the way you phrased your post potentially came off as saying people who get a divorce didn't "work as hard at it" as you would have. I totally believe you didn't mean it that way, but I can guarantee you some people got their backs up reading what you wrote.

Personally, I have never been divorced. I hope to never be divorced. There are plenty of reasons besides abuse and infidelity I would get a divorce though. If my husband developed a substance abuse problem and refused to get help for it, I would get a divorce. If my husband developed a gambling problem and gambled all our money away and wouldn't seek treatment for his addiction, I would get a divorce. I personally don't believe the right thing for anyone to do in those situations would be to stay in the marriage and "fight for it" at the expense of their own personal happiness, stability, and sanity- and I could probably think of a half dozen other situations I would say the same thing for. That's why I think it's a bit silly to say "I would never get a divorce" and then try to list all the exceptions you'd make to that rule. No one goes into marriage thinking they'll get a divorce, but we're all imperfect people and life happens. 

charlotte989875

Mrs.V2017 said:

Thank you everyone for your different perspectives. As I already stated, I am going to continue to keep my positive attitude about my marriage and stick to our convictions because that's what is going to keep our marriage strong. I am definitely young and still need to mature but your feedback is appreciated and I hope I didn't come off as judgemental. I've had great examples of what a strong marriage looks like and we're mirroring that the best way we can. I pray that that's the case for other women and men as well but for those who is not, know that you're not forgotten and that the God I serve had great plans for your life. 

It looks like you're relatively new here, or at least new-er to posting, and I hope you stick around, the more the merrier. It's good your convictions and beliefs work for you and your husband. I hope that you have a long, happy marriage. Not everyone shares these convictions and I would just encourage you to be mindful of that. Many religions, belief systems, and irreligious people are participants on these forums. 

But again, I think some of your statements are having some unintended consequences that are rubbing some posters (myself included) the wrong way. Maybe it's immaturity, maybe you're trying to come off that ways. Or maybe we're reading something in to them that isn't there, but this does come off as "if you don't have good role models for marriage, you're somehow forgotten (by who I'm not sure), and that you're bound to have a less strong or less happy marriage and you need people to pray for you". 

My parents have a terrible marriage; they should not have "stuck it out and stayed married" they should have separated a long time ago, they would have both had far happier and more fulfilled lives and my sister and I would have had very different childhoods. Does that mean that because neither of us had good marriage role models our relationships and marriages are destined to fail? No, of course not. We got therapy, we both did pre-martial counseling with our respective H's, we dealt with our issues. 

My point is, have beliefs that work for you, but be mindful of how you present them. 

Jells2dot0

Mrs.V2017 said:

STARMOON44 said:

"As the head of our home I must trust my husband"

do you mean that you think your husband is the one in charge of your home and therefore you have to trust him? If so I see why she's worried! 

I think it's completely absurd for anyone to be sure they'd never divorce, but especially if he literally already made those vows and then got divorced! 

All that being said there is no reason at all to discuss this with her. I would have deleted her FB comment with no discussion and moved on. You won't convince her of anything and you don't need to try. 

I respect your difference in opinion. No, my husband and I make decisions together  and I wouldn't have married him if I didn't trust him. Head of the home means he is there to protect me not harm me nor that he automatically gets to make the last call on all decisions. I hope that clarifies that. 

I'm not judging because everyone has a different relationship dynamic and different beliefs, but the bolded would absolutely not fly in our household. EVER. It sounds like there is no compromise, which to me, is so super important. If your aunt knows this, she may be concerned that you are being forced to do things or be a part of things that are not right for you. You're obviously a grown woman and educated, but even the strongest and smartest people end up in really bad situations. 

[Deleted User]

Jells2dot0 said:

Mrs.V2017 said:

STARMOON44 said:

"As the head of our home I must trust my husband"

do you mean that you think your husband is the one in charge of your home and therefore you have to trust him? If so I see why she's worried! 

I think it's completely absurd for anyone to be sure they'd never divorce, but especially if he literally already made those vows and then got divorced! 

All that being said there is no reason at all to discuss this with her. I would have deleted her FB comment with no discussion and moved on. You won't convince her of anything and you don't need to try. 

I respect your difference in opinion. No, my husband and I make decisions together  and I wouldn't have married him if I didn't trust him. Head of the home means he is there to protect me not harm me nor that he automatically gets to make the last call on all decisions. I hope that clarifies that. 

I'm not judging because everyone has a different relationship dynamic and different beliefs, but the bolded would absolutely not fly in our household. EVER. It sounds like there is no compromise, which to me, is so super important. If your aunt knows this, she may be concerned that you are being forced to do things or be a part of things that are not right for you. You're obviously a grown woman and educated, but even the strongest and smartest people end up in really bad situations. 

He doesn't make he last call on decision we make mutual decisions together. I obviously am not welcomed in this forum so I will just stop posting comments here because obviously I am being misunderstood. 

[Deleted User]

Yes you misread my statement Jells2Dot0. Preceding that statement you bolded is the word nor meaning not 

Jells2dot0

Mrs.V2017 said:

Yes you misread my statement Jells2Dot0. Preceding that statement you bolded is the word nor meaning not 

You are absolutely correct. I misread your statement and I know the meaning of nor. I just didn't see it. I am more than happy to apologize for my lack of reading comprehension today, so there is no need to be so defensive or snarky about it. 

thefanciestbeckler

Mrs.V2017 said:

Jells2dot0 said:

Mrs.V2017 said:

STARMOON44 said:

"As the head of our home I must trust my husband"

do you mean that you think your husband is the one in charge of your home and therefore you have to trust him? If so I see why she's worried! 

I think it's completely absurd for anyone to be sure they'd never divorce, but especially if he literally already made those vows and then got divorced! 

All that being said there is no reason at all to discuss this with her. I would have deleted her FB comment with no discussion and moved on. You won't convince her of anything and you don't need to try. 

I respect your difference in opinion. No, my husband and I make decisions together  and I wouldn't have married him if I didn't trust him. Head of the home means he is there to protect me not harm me nor that he automatically gets to make the last call on all decisions. I hope that clarifies that. 

I'm not judging because everyone has a different relationship dynamic and different beliefs, but the bolded would absolutely not fly in our household. EVER. It sounds like there is no compromise, which to me, is so super important. If your aunt knows this, she may be concerned that you are being forced to do things or be a part of things that are not right for you. You're obviously a grown woman and educated, but even the strongest and smartest people end up in really bad situations. 

He doesn't make he last call on decision we make mutual decisions together. I obviously am not welcomed in this forum so I will just stop posting comments here because obviously I am being misunderstood. 

Please don't say this. It is not a fair statement to say that you are unwelcome because people disagree with you or misunderstand what you're saying.

There are lots of women (and men maybe?) on this forum with a wide range of backgrounds and beliefs. I personally am a Christian, and I recognize some of the rhetoric you're using. I know you what you're trying to say, but you have to be aware of how it might sound to people with differing beliefs.

There is plenty to be learned on these boards and there are many lovely people to make internet friends with on here if you stick around and give it a chance. Just be aware that we value diversity on these boards and some of the lingo you're using probably won't be received well.

Edited for clarity

MissKittyDanger

thefanciestbeckler said:

Mrs.V2017 said:

He doesn't make he last call on decision we make mutual decisions together. I obviously am not welcomed in this forum so I will just stop posting comments here because obviously I am being misunderstood. 

Please don't say this. It is not a fair statement to say that you are unwelcome because people disagree with you or misunderstand what you're saying.

There are lots of women (and men maybe?) on this forum with a wide range of backgrounds and beliefs. I personally am a Christian, and I recognize some of the rhetoric you're using. I know you what you're trying to say, but you have to be aware of how it might sound to people with differing beliefs.

There is plenty to be learned on these boards and there are many lovely people to make internet friends with.

Very good point. Typing isn't always the best way to explain yourself, nor is it the easiest way to show a bigger picture.
It's so easy to misunderstand situations, and many of us have had to clarify things to explain better.

TheMostHappy15

Mrs.V2017 said:

Thank you everyone for your different perspectives. As I already stated, I am going to continue to keep my positive attitude about my marriage and stick to our convictions because that's what is going to keep our marriage strong. I am definitely young and still need to mature but your feedback is appreciated and I hope I didn't come off as judgemental. I've had great examples of what a strong marriage looks like and we're mirroring that the best way we can. I pray that that's the case for other women and men as well but for those who is not, know that you're not forgotten and that the God I serve had great plans for your life. 

Hey OP, please don't be scared off from these forums if you want to participate more. The people here have wonderful advice to give, but they are also blunt- the good news for you is, if there had been anything at all wrong with how you reacted to your aunt's FB message, you definitely would have heard about it from these ladies, but across the board everyone said you handled it great! 

Anyway, it takes a while to get to know the tone of any community and the fact of the matter is that it's just that- a community with an established tone, and if you want to get along well here you have to be sensitive to that. That's not to say posters can't have their own styles, but in general people are pretty sensitive when it comes to matters of having respect for the diversity of this community and being cognizant of that in your wording.

For example, the bolded- I know as an atheist I don't like being told that "my God has plans for you, you're not forgotten." I don't feel forgotten in the least, so no need to fret girl! I totally get this sentiment is coming from a positive place and am willing to accept it as such... but like, I didn't end my response to you with "Don't stress about the convo with your aunt because we'll all be dead soon and there is no afterlife so none of this matters!" (lol) so there's just no need to put your beliefs on others like that. If that is the kind of posting you are looking for you might be more comfortable in a forum that caters to Christians exclusively.

[Deleted User]

I am sorry that I sounded snarky. I was frustrated with how the convo was going and just felt completely misunderstood. From now on, I will abstain from "religious" tones and abstain from replying back to questions I post in the future if they could potentially be too "religious" for others. Thank you for validating that I handled the situation properly. Have a nice day everyone. I will go on to enjoy being a newlywed.