Ceremony and Vow Ideas

Having a meltdown about my ceremony.....

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Re: Having a meltdown about my ceremony.....

  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited February 10
    I am confused.  You have your reception space for six hours.  If you are married at 2:00PM at your reception site, and then follow immediately with the reception, that means your wedding festivities can be until about 7:30PM.  What is wrong with this?  As a guest, I wouldn't want to hang around longer.  I realize that this doesn't fit your wedding vision, but it is a very practical solution, and it is very convenient for your guests.

    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    eileenrobOurWildKingdomernursejjaprincess24
  • Jaime6166 said:
    So here in Ohio there is a beautiful lake with a park with structures to rent. There are 3 separate structures, but we only wanted to use the one. (pavilion seating already there, and beautiful backdrop for the ceremony) Ok so when we set the date back october of last year. We had intended to use this structure, but because of construction they couldn't tell me if they could rent it or not. 

    On their website today was this *DUE TO PHASE 2 OF THE CONSTRUCTION PROJECT AT COE LAKE - WE WILL ONLY RENT UP TILL JULY 10, 2017 - HOWEVER, THE PERGOLA WILL REMAIN OPEN ALL YEAR - PLEASE NOTE, YOU WILL NOT HAVE ACCESS THROUGH THE MAIN PATH - YOU WILL NEED TO USE THE PATH BEHIND THE PAVILION AREA*

    I was devastated! To say the very least. Now I have emailed them to be sure that using that structure on 10/14 is out of the question or not. I have not heard back as of yet.  As i am researching other options. The other options present problems if it rains. This pavilion is covered and provides full coverage in case of rain, so I do not need a plan b.   

    So i didn't have a contingency plan for this to happen. Which I know that is my own fault, and I am looking for other Gazebo's or structures near where my reception will be held. BTW its is across the lake from where we wanted to have the ceremony. 

    I am freaking out and my FI tells me to be calm and it will all work out. But I am freaking out, because what is the point in having a wedding if i have no where to have the ceremony???? 

    Please calm me down, because at this point i am ready to call the whole thing OFF!!! 

    Putting aside the gap, the weather, etc and focusing on the bolded.  The point of having a wedding is to marry the person you love.  You could marry your FI at city hall.  You could marry him in your living room.  You could pretty much marry him anywhere and still be just as married.  That's the point of all this.

    If this comes across as harsh, I'm sorry, but your post just rubbed me the wrong way.  I get a very Veruca Salt feeling from the whole thing.

    charlotte989875ILoveBeachMusiccowgirl8238japrincess24
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    edited February 11
    Jaime6166 said:
    You really shouldn't be having a gap like that between your ceremony and reception. You may need to find a new officiant as well as a new ceremony venue. 
    every wedding for my family and friends never went straight to the reception not at all. So i am not sure why this is a problem. If our ceremony time goes correctly it is only hr 15 mins between the two. its not like i am getting married at 6am and reception is at 6 pm then i see that as a gap. 
    It's rude to have any unhosted time between the ceremony and reception, period. That's firm etiquette. You can fill in the space by offering cocktails and appetizers during that time, but it is a violation of etiquette to leave your guests standing around with nothing to do, nothing to eat and nowhere to sit between the ceremony and reception, regardless of what is standard in your family.
    OurWildKingdom
  • mollybarker11mollybarker11
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Third Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    edited February 13
    Jaime6166 said:
    geebee908 said:
    Jaime6166 said:
    Cant use the Reception venue for the ceremony!!! We have already checked!! we have inquired about getting our deposit back non refundable. We are in for a penny in for a pound on this one. 
    You have the reception venue for 6 hours and you can't adjust your day's timeline 8 months out to accommodate a ceremony there? What does your reception timeline for those 6 hours include? Maybe we can help you adjust that to include your ceremony.
    I appreciate it i really do.  But we wouldn't be able to use our officiant. For one that is why the ceremony is at 2. cocktail hr from 4-5 we arrive 5ish first dance then dinner etc. But we have checked with the venue we wouldn't be able to ahve the ceremony there before hand like that. 
    I also suggest having the ceremony at your reception venue. This doesn't mean adding more time to your rental to do it beforehand, which I understand you're unable to do. It means hiring a different officiant, having the ceremony at 4, cocktails 4:30-5:30, and dancing & dinner at 5:30. This solves both your ceremony venue issue, and your gap issue. It also cuts out any travel logistics since everything's in one place. Simple, easy, and all at a location you already know & love!

    If you meant that the reception venue will not allow wedding ceremonies to take place there for some reason, then see above for some other ceremony venue ideas (eg art galleries, museums). But you still need to hire someone else for a 3:30-4:00 ceremony since the other one doesn't fit into your evening reception vision.

    If this officiant is EXTREMELY important to you & your FI then you'll unfortunately you need to change your vision to fit their schedule: an afternoon ceremony at 2, "cake & punch" style reception from 2:30-5:30. If your reception venue can't adjust your rental block you'll lose your deposits and have to find a new spot. (I can't imagine the officiant is worth all of that added stress.)

    OurWildKingdomSP29ernursejcowgirl8238
  • Just adding that our ceremony and reception will be at the same location and will take place from 6:30 pm-11, so six hours should be plenty of time. Unless you're having a full-length mass as part of your ceremony (which it seems like you're not), you will have plenty of time.

    Is there a particular reason you're so attached to your current officiant? Did you sign a contract with them before locking down your ceremony venue? 
    OurWildKingdomcowgirl8238
  • Just adding that our ceremony and reception will be at the same location and will take place from 6:30 pm-11, so six hours should be plenty of time. Unless you're having a full-length mass as part of your ceremony (which it seems like you're not), you will have plenty of time.

    Is there a particular reason you're so attached to your current officiant? Did you sign a contract with them before locking down your ceremony venue? 

    To everyone have talked to the reception venue we are unable to have the ceremony at the reception space before hand. It isnt a time issue. The officiant is a very good friend of ours. Because of our budget is not asking for payment to marry us.  (we are still going to give him something any way) But in looking for an officiant to begin with they want a ridiculous amount of money. Especially for a 30-45 min cermony.

    I do appreciate the advise, but  I have to come to realize posting on here just brings negativity. Right now I do not need any more of that. I have my own stress trying to figure out where we are getting married. We may have to book another reception venue and lose our deposit to do it. But we will figure it out some how some way we will find a way to make it work. 

    Besides like all of you have made apparently clear I have plenty of time to figure it out. Plus I am being completely rude for having a small gap.  But OK every one has an opinion and they are entitled to it.  

    FYI: My sisters wedding was a catholic ceremony that last probably hr and half.
    Starting at 12pm.   Her reception again was at 3.  WE the WP spent that time taking a crap ton of pictures. What her friends and our family did I am not sure but the reception space wasn't available till 3pm.   

    With that being said at the very least I am not doing this to our guests. Thank you for all of your opinions.  I have decided that this will be my last post. 

  • And what do people do during them? Drink, eat, waste time in their clothes. It's not fun and no one likes it. 
    Yup, last gapped wedding I attended saw a group of us having so much fun at a friend's house drinking & snacking that we didn't want to leave to tipsily walk back to the wedding itself! I'm sure that's how most of OP's sister's guest spent those 3 hrs.

    Even a 1 hr gap is going to see guests heading to some random location to spend time, and then deciding whether or not they want to leave that place and go to the reception.

    OurWildKingdom
  • Jaime6166 said:
    To everyone have talked to the reception venue we are unable to have the ceremony at the reception space before hand. It isnt a time issue. The officiant is a very good friend of ours. Because of our budget is not asking for payment to marry us.  (we are still going to give him something any way) But in looking for an officiant to begin with they want a ridiculous amount of money. Especially for a 30-45 min cermony.

    I do appreciate the advise, but  I have to come to realize posting on here just brings negativity. Right now I do not need any more of that. I have my own stress trying to figure out where we are getting married. We may have to book another reception venue and lose our deposit to do it. But we will figure it out some how some way we will find a way to make it work. 

    Besides like all of you have made apparently clear I have plenty of time to figure it out. Plus I am being completely rude for having a small gap.  But OK every one has an opinion and they are entitled to it.  

    FYI: My sisters wedding was a catholic ceremony that last probably hr and half.
    Starting at 12pm.   Her reception again was at 3.  WE the WP spent that time taking a crap ton of pictures. What her friends and our family did I am not sure but the reception space wasn't available till 3pm.   

    With that being said at the very least I am not doing this to our guests. Thank you for all of your opinions.  I have decided that this will be my last post. 
    I am sorry that you did not like the very good suggestions that you were given.  We are trying to help you plan a lovely, memorable wedding that is proper and enjoyable for your guests.

    Gaps are rude.  This is not an opinion.  It is etiquette fact.  Your guests comfort and convenience should be your first priority in your planning.  If anything is not polite and convenient for your guests, then you need to change your plans.  Just because your sister did it does not mean that it is OK to do it, too, and I am glad you realize this.

    I wish you luck in revising your wedding plans.  Many brides have had to do this.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    OurWildKingdomcowgirl8238japrincess24
  • The officiant is one of the few "have-to-have" expenses if you want to get married. How is it that it comes so far down in the budget priorities that you can't afford to spend a reasonable sum of money for his/her services? It honestly should be the first item you account for. Now your officiant's availability is hamstringing the rest of your planning. Is the few dollars you save really worth it?
    OurWildKingdomcowgirl8238ahoyweddingInLoveInQueens
  • OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom in the 216
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers First Anniversary
    member
    edited February 14
    My brother and an xBF of mine nearly got into a fist-fight during the gap at one of my cousins' weddings. (No alcohol involved, but everyone was hot and cranky.)
    charlotte989875
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