Pre-wedding Parties

Engagement party with people not invited to the wedding?

penguinpoppenguinpop
Tenth Anniversary 10 Comments 5 Love Its
member
edited February 15 in Pre-wedding Parties
I was hoping for a fun casual event where our families could meet.

Now we are at a discrepancy as to who to invite for the engagement party.

My mom's initial guest list for the wedding was tremendous. It was well over the number of guests that the venue could hold not counting the groom's family - well over 200 people (not to mention that this would put us over our budget).
I finally got my mom to make some big cuts to the list and now we have a guest list that is manageable.

My mom would like to invite all the people who are no longer invited to the wedding plus all of her friends to the engagement party. 
I let her know this is really bad manners, but she thinks if we just tell everyone we are having a small wedding that it will be ok and no one will expect an invite to the wedding.

Also the groom's family and I are coming in from out of state and there won't be many of us, so I wasn't sure if this being a huge party with mostly my mom's family and friends there was inappropriate.

She also thinks that maybe we can rename it to a "meet the bride and groom" party instead of engagement party then people will not expect to be invited. 

My mom says that this party is supposed to be about introducing the groom and I to everyone, as opposed to this being about the families meeting.  I'm really confused at this point.

Is there another type of party or name for this type of party that this falls under that isn't an engagement party?

My mom has also suggested doing this after the actual wedding, which I think is stupid and defeats the purpose.

Re: Engagement party with people not invited to the wedding?

  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    edited February 15
    Nope. Glad you thought better of it.

    ETA: When I originally posted, the main body of the OP was blank. I thought she DD. Now for my thoughts based on the reappeared text:

    An engagement party is to celebrate the upcoming wedding, i.e., your engagement, and the fact that you're getting married. It only has a secondary purpose for people in your life to meet one another; many families who have engagement parties already know each other pretty well and still throw one, because they're celebrating the engagement. You are right to tell her no - there is no way that being invited to such a party, whatever you call it, can be separate from your wedding and wedding guest list if you two are guests of honor.

    She is welcome to throw a party for her friends to get together and also invite you (so her friends can meet your FI, if she thinks they really need to do that), but she has to avoid any public reference to your wedding or engagement at all. It's a St. Patrick's Day party, at which you two happen to be and talk to her friends.

    After the wedding would also be okay.

    Anniversary

    OurWildKingdomernursejSP29cowgirl8238
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited February 15
    I was hoping for a fun casual event where our families could meet.

    Now we are at a discrepancy as to who to invite for the engagement party.

    My mom's initial guest list for the wedding was tremendous. It was well over the number of guests that the venue could hold not counting the groom's family - well over 200 people (not to mention that this would put us over our budget).
    I finally got my mom to make some big cuts to the list and now we have a guest list that is manageable.

    My mom would like to invite all the people who are no longer invited to the wedding plus all of her friends to the engagement party. 
    I let her know this is really bad manners, but she thinks if we just tell everyone we are having a small wedding that it will be ok and no one will expect an invite to the wedding.

    Also the groom's family and I are coming in from out of state and there won't be many of us, so I wasn't sure if this being a huge party with mostly my mom's family and friends there was inappropriate.

    She also thinks that maybe we can rename it to a "meet the bride and groom" party instead of engagement party then people will not expect to be invited. 

    My mom says that this party is supposed to be about introducing the groom and I to everyone, as opposed to this being about the families meeting.  I'm really confused at this point.

    Is there another type of party or name for this type of party that this falls under that isn't an engagement party?

    My mom has also suggested doing this after the actual wedding, which I think is stupid and defeats the purpose.

    It would be very rude to invite people to an engagement party who will not be invited to the wedding.  You are correct about this.  Engagement parties are not required.  If Mom won't listen, then decline the party.

    Your Mom's idea of having a party for friends and family  after your wedding day is over is a good one!  It will not be a part of your wedding so she can invite anyone she likes.  It is simply a party with you and your new husband as the guests of honor.  Great idea!  Tell Mom to go for it!
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    geebee908InLoveInQueensOurWildKingdomSP29
  • You're right, nope nope nope. 
    If she wants to do it before, you say thanks, but you won't be there. Because who's going to have to answer questions about where their invitation is? Not her. You. Recipe for disaster. 
    She is within etiquette to throw you a party after your wedding and invite whomever, so long as it's made separate from your wedding and there aren't wedding "things" around. 
    I hope the rest of your planning goes smoothly. 
    OurWildKingdomSP29cowgirl8238
  • thank you everyone!
  • My MIL was upset about not getting to have her friends at our wedding. She hosted a meet the newlyweds cocktail party after our wedding and it worked out really well. 

    PPs have the engagement party covered. 
    OurWildKingdomSP29charlotte989875
  • SP29SP29
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    Yes- encourage the "after" party! Then it is just a "come meet my son and his new wife!" party.
    OurWildKingdom
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