My fiance has 5 siblings - 1 biological sister, 2 half brothers, 1
adopted brother, and 1 step sister. No one thinks of them with any of
those titles, they're all just siblings. I wanted to keep my bridal
party as small as possible, but still ended up with 6 bridesmaids. FH's
bio sister and I are extremely close. She lives 8 hours away and we text
several times a week and talk about everything. She is also very close
to my FH. For these reasons, she was one of the bridesmaids I asked.
FH
only wanted 3 groomsmen (including step sister's fiance because they
are very close friends). His other two are his two best friends. When I
told him I had 6 bridesmaids and he needed 3 more groomsmen, he thought
he has 3 brothers, easy solution. Okay, so now step sister is the only
sibling not included in the wedding.
She is getting married in 2
months and did not ask me to be a bridesmaid. I'm perfectly okay with
that. I'm a firm believer that everyone should have their wedding
exactly how they want it and everyone else keep their mouth shut. So
since we all know the normal rule is, if you ask me to be a bridesmaid
and I'm getting married in the same time frame, there's some pressure
for me to also ask you. In an effort to avoid that awkwardness for her, I
decided not to ask her to be a bridesmaid because I didn't want her to
feel pressured to ask me to be a bridesmaid. So my FH and I decided we
would ask her to do a reading at the wedding. I don't even want a
reading, but I genuinely wanted her to have a role in the wedding,
therefore I was willing to have a reading.
Our wedding is still 6
months away. So far, we have only asked bridesmaids and groomsmen. We
haven't asked ushers, officiants, etc. So she didn't know that she had a
place in our wedding. I only asked the last bridesmaid a week and a
half ago. Today she texted my FH and told him that because I did not ask
her to be a bridesmaid and he didn't recognize that she was not asked
and didn't "make" (yes, make) me ask her to be a bridesmaid, that she no
longer wants him to be a groomsman in her wedding.
My FH and
her FH work together. Her FH had no idea she was kicking my fiance out
of their wedding. I felt horrible because from an outside perspective, I
can see how she would get her feelings hurt. I immediately texted her
explaining why I didn't ask her. And that the one and ONLY reason I
didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid is because she didn't ask me and I
didn't want her to feel obligated to. I told her it was not because we
didn't want her to be part of the wedding. That we did and we had a
place for her, but we hadn't asked those type of people yet. She texted
me back and said she really thinks it would be best if we just didn't
have each other in our wedding and that there were no hard feelings.
I
could've left it at that. But I texted her again, expressing how
genuinely sorry I am and that I DO want her in my wedding. I reiterated
that the only reason I didn't ask her to be a bridesmaid was to avoid
any awkwardness for her because she didn't ask me to be one. I extended
the invitation to her to be in the wedding. I understand it could've
been misconstrued as a "consolation prize" or something, so I offered
proof in that I could send her texts between me and my mom where we had
this exact conversation about her place in the wedding. And also that I
could've accepted her last text and left it at a wash. But that I
genuinely, 100% want her in the wedding. She declined again.
I
know her feelings are hurt. Her fiance had no idea this was happening
and my FH gave him our side and perspective at work today. I don't know
what will come of this and if she will reach back out and accept my
invitation to be in her wedding. The whole thing makes me uncomfortable
because apparently my FH's dad and step mom knew she was feeling this
way and so did her fiance. They just didn't know she was going to kick
my FH out of their wedding.
I wish she would've talked to us and told us her feelings were hurt. This whole thing could've been cleared up.
Any
advice on how to move forward? I'm not used to family drama or
awkwardness. I'm not saying her feelings aren't valid, but I want her in
our wedding. I don't know how to make this better.