nwr birthday question

hyechica81

so i am planning a 40th birthday party for my husband party is not till january of 2018 but i want to start looking and planning ahead of time. 
its going to be a small event 36 people are being invited i am looking at restaurants that have separate party rooms or venues that to small parties. i am hosting the meal and soda, tea coffee.  as far as bar drinks go beer wine etc would cash bar be ok or would it be bad?  

looking for options so i don't go broke but don't want to break etiquette rules

charlotte989875

hyechica81 said:

so i am planning a 40th birthday party for my husband party is not till january of 2018 but i want to start looking and planning ahead of time. 
its going to be a small event 36 people are being invited i am looking at restaurants that have separate party rooms or venues that to small parties. i am hosting the meal and soda, tea coffee.  as far as bar drinks go beer wine etc would cash bar be ok or would it be bad?  

looking for options so i don't go broke but don't want to break etiquette rules

Oh my god, punctuation!

That being said, I don't see how this is any different than a wedding;  you're inviting people to a party then charging them. Host what you can afford (even if that isn't booze), but don't ask your guests to subsidize your party. 

Heffalump

hyechica81 said:

so i am planning a 40th birthday party for my husband party is not till january of 2018 but i want to start looking and planning ahead of time. 
its going to be a small event 36 people are being invited i am looking at restaurants that have separate party rooms or venues that to small parties. i am hosting the meal and soda, tea coffee.  as far as bar drinks go beer wine etc would cash bar be ok or would it be bad?  

looking for options so i don't go broke but don't want to break etiquette rules

You've been around long enough; you know that making guests pay is never okay.  This applies to a wedding, birthday party, or any other event.

Soda, tea, and coffee are fine, if that's what your budget allows.  Inviting guests and then making them pay for their drinks is not at all fine.

climbingsingle

It's not OK to have your guests paying for anything. Whatever you're hosting needs to be fully hosted. 

hyechica81

thanks for the responses. Def don't want my guest to pay for anything I am thinking offering wine and beer only 

mandypants90

I agree with pps and I'm not sure what the etiquette is, but I know I would be okay with beer and wine only. Maybe see if they can do a signature cocktail? 
Also, in my experience with planning things like this at restaurants, they will only let you book 6 months or so in advanced, or at least in the calendar year. That might not be your case, but that's what I have seen happen. Good luck! 

kahluakoala

I think with 36 people doing beer and wine instead of full open bar will only save you a couple hundred bucks TOPs. If you're hosting a wedding with an open bar the venue will offer packages with $ per person, so you can quanitfy savings. But at a consumption event a restaurant I think beer or wine vs. a mixed drink will be $1-2 savings per drink, and the wine may even be equal to or more than a mixed drink. I just don't think beer and wine will save much money for a small guest list for what is IMO a big difference in quality. 

TrixieJess

hyechica81 said:

so i am planning a 40th birthday party for my husband party is not till january of 2018 but i want to start looking and planning ahead of time. 
its going to be a small event 36 people are being invited i am looking at restaurants that have separate party rooms or venues that to small parties. i am hosting the meal and soda, tea coffee.  as far as bar drinks go beer wine etc would cash bar be ok or would it be bad?  

looking for options so i don't go broke but don't want to break etiquette rules

I'm hosting FH's birthday this year too and hell no will anyone be paying for drinks and we'll be having it at our house. 

This is a big no. If you are hosting, you are fully hosting. I was just at a 40th birthday a couple of weekends ago, fully hosted heavy apps and lots of booze. It was a fun night. 

We are having an afternoon affair so I'm not suspecting anyone of getting completely hammered but they're adults, they will know how to get home.

Ro041

I hosted my FI's 30th bday party.  I had it in a private room at his favorite craft brewery.  I had heavy apps, pizza, and beer and wine, all fully hosted by me.  I did the entire party for less than $1,000 for 30 people.  It took some effort to find the right place for the right price, but people loved it.

ei34

hyechica81 said:

thanks for the responses. Def don't want my guest to pay for anything I am thinking offering wine and beer only 

Wine and beer only is fine.  As long as guests don't have to open their wallets you're good.

hyechica81

Thanks everyone I am still scouting out venues and looking for something for under 20 per person doing a buffet. We live in a small apt so hosting something at home is not feasible. 

MandyMost

hyechica81 said:

Thanks everyone I am still scouting out venues and looking for something for under 20 per person doing a buffet. We live in a small apt so hosting something at home is not feasible. 

Why buffet? Often buffets are more expensive because you need a lot more food vs. a plated dinner where the portion sizes are pre-determined. 

$20/person isn't much for food and drink, you're probably best off doing something really casual. I can barely get lunch for less than $20 in my area. Is there a pizza place with a private room, for example? 

ahoywedding

MandyMost said:

hyechica81 said:

Thanks everyone I am still scouting out venues and looking for something for under 20 per person doing a buffet. We live in a small apt so hosting something at home is not feasible. 

Why buffet? Often buffets are more expensive because you need a lot more food vs. a plated dinner where the portion sizes are pre-determined. 

$20/person isn't much for food and drink, you're probably best off doing something really casual. I can barely get lunch for less than $20 in my area. Is there a pizza place with a private room, for example? 

If there isn't a less expensive restaurant with a private room, maybe there's a local community shelter or building you could rent out? My hometown had a few in most of the parks that people could rent (for super cheap) and then BYO everything. You could bring something like pizzas, or even see about catering from somewhere like Chipotle.

SP29

ahoywedding said:

MandyMost said:

hyechica81 said:

Thanks everyone I am still scouting out venues and looking for something for under 20 per person doing a buffet. We live in a small apt so hosting something at home is not feasible. 

Why buffet? Often buffets are more expensive because you need a lot more food vs. a plated dinner where the portion sizes are pre-determined. 

$20/person isn't much for food and drink, you're probably best off doing something really casual. I can barely get lunch for less than $20 in my area. Is there a pizza place with a private room, for example? 

If there isn't a less expensive restaurant with a private room, maybe there's a local community shelter or building you could rent out? My hometown had a few in most of the parks that people could rent (for super cheap) and then BYO everything. You could bring something like pizzas, or even see about catering from somewhere like Chipotle.

Agreed- can you rent a hall and bring in your own food and alcohol? Pizza, chips, wine and beer, soda, cake?

jacques27

How big of drinkers are your crowd? 


I've fully hosted surprise birthday parties and because I'm the biggest lush in my crowd, I just gave the bartender my credit card and paid based on consumption.  It came to a couple hundred extra instead of $15-$20 per person for "open bar".  If it's mostly a subdued dinner, I can't imagine people having more than two or three drinks over the course of a dinner (they have to drive home) and you're not throwing a 4-5 hour alcohol-fueled dance party like at a wedding reception. 


Another option is go for lunch or an off-meal time activity.  For example, for one of the parties I chartered a boat for a river cruise between lunch and dinner.  So people were amused by the sightseeing of the cruise and I got by with ordering chips and salsa, veggie trays, and cheese and crackers.  Or get a group rate and buy tickets to a minor league sports team if there is something in your area or if your major league teams suck enough that their tickets are pretty cheap.  Also, if your apt. complex doesn't have a party room, look into renting rooms at your local community center or armory.  Their room rental rates are usually dirt cheap.

Helenahhandbasket

I'm hosting a 40th birthday party for my fiancé in May.  It's at a local craft beer bar that also has a full restaurant.  It's a middle of the day party so we are doing passed apps for the first half hour and then heavy apps buffet style, along with pasta and bar sandwiches.  We are doing open bar and a menu of 30 craft beers to choose from, but I am paying 49PP for that.

I would call around to your local restaurants and see what kind of packages they have to offer. Compare prices, shop around etc. When my daughter was baptized we took everyone out to a gourmet pizzeria that had a party area.  Food was amazing and I think we paid 25.00 PP, but did not serve alcohol.

I do think it's nice to offer adult beverages in this situation.  This is an adult's party.  I can't personally imagine going to an adult's birthday party and there being no liquor but I suppose this depends on crowd.  Whatever you choose I would not let your guests pay for their own drinks.

hyechica81

I have looked around in my local area and found a few places there is one place we both love but I can't see spending 6.00 each  for pitchers of soda at the tables. there is one other place that is good and they only charge 2.00 per person for soda the room would fit everyone in it but its a little on the small side. the party will be a mix of adults and children 32 adults and 8 children if everyone rsvps yes. hubby informed me that if i don't have beer then people will purchase it and I said no way will I ask anyone to cough up any money for this.. I am now going to look into pitchers of beer and a bottle of wine for each table it will be at lunch time and that should be sufficient.

im hoping the venue with the larger room will work with me on my budget and I can get them to budge on the soda pricing