Ceremony and Vow Ideas

Priest to Bless Our Marriage?

My fiance and I were both raised catholic, but have both since lapsed in practicing.  Since religion is not an important part of either of our lives, we are having a non-religious person officiate our ceremony which is being held at the same place as our reception (i.e. not a house of worship).  I know my dad is really sad about this, as he has gotten more religious in his older age.  Is there any ways to have a priest come and "bless" our marriage, either during the ceremony or something during the reception, without us having to agree to raise our kids catholic (we don't want to lie) and without doing the pre-cana?  We are not opposed to religion, and I'd love to make my dad happier about our decision.

Re: Priest to Bless Our Marriage?

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    My fiance and I were both raised catholic, but have both since lapsed in practicing.  Since religion is not an important part of either of our lives, we are having a non-religious person officiate our ceremony which is being held at the same place as our reception (i.e. not a house of worship).  I know my dad is really sad about this, as he has gotten more religious in his older age.  Is there any ways to have a priest come and "bless" our marriage, either during the ceremony or something during the reception, without us having to agree to raise our kids catholic (we don't want to lie) and without doing the pre-cana?  We are not opposed to religion, and I'd love to make my dad happier about our decision.
    Nope.  Your dad can have intentions said on your behalf at a mass in his parish, but no priest will offer a blessing on your marriage.  If your dad is aware of your lapse in organized religion, he may actually take offense at your consideration. 

    My son and DIL married in a completely prayerless civil ceremony.  It was a little hard for me as a Catholic to not feel a bit sad as well.  However, neither my son or DIL is religious.  It would be more upsetting to me for them to do something that was not true to themselves.  Their marriage was and should be a reflection of who THEY are as a couple.  I took joy and comfort knowing and seeing their happiness on that day, and every day since their ceremony.



    SP29OliveOilsMomMairePoppy
  • My fiance and I were both raised catholic, but have both since lapsed in practicing.  Since religion is not an important part of either of our lives, we are having a non-religious person officiate our ceremony which is being held at the same place as our reception (i.e. not a house of worship).  I know my dad is really sad about this, as he has gotten more religious in his older age.  Is there any ways to have a priest come and "bless" our marriage, either during the ceremony or something during the reception, without us having to agree to raise our kids catholic (we don't want to lie) and without doing the pre-cana?  We are not opposed to religion, and I'd love to make my dad happier about our decision.
    Religion is a deeply personal choice, not something you do just to make someone else happier about your decision.

     I get wanting to have your Dad on board for your wedding plans, but there is no way to do this. Have you talked with your Dad about your ceremony plans and why they are important to you? Maybe explaining your decisions might help him be happier about your choices?
  • Jen4948Jen4948 Houston
    10000 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    I would not do this.

    I understand not wanting to disappoint parents, but if you don't believe in the Church's teachings, you shouldn't get married in one.

    And since it's unlikely that a priest would be allowed to give a blessing or otherwise function as a priest at a wedding outside the Church, I don't think what you're trying to do is even possible.

    I'm sorry you're caught in the middle between your own beliefs and trying to please a parent, but I think your father is going to have to accept that you and your FI are not having a Catholic wedding.
  • edited March 7
    Sorry, but there really isn't a way to do this. Marriage is a sacrament in the Catholic Church. You need to decide if that's important to YOU or not. If it is, then re-arrange your plans to get married in the Church. If not, keep your plans as is. 

    Don't do it because it's important to your dad. He made his life choices, you make yours. 
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  • Ditto everyone else.

    You and your FI need to figure out what is more important to you.   If you aren't practicing Catholics and don't plan to be Catholic, you should own your decision.

    Your dad can be sad but that's not a reason to something.   And as a Catholic, he'd probably be more upset that you're pretending since that's not really cool either.

    It may be hard for him and weddings can be emotional but own your choice. 
  • As a former Catholic myself, I agree with PP's.  The sacrament of marriage is a big deal to Catholics, that's why they don't just preform marriages without all the prerequisites.  If you return to the church down the road, you can have your marriage blessed then (they do this for people who have been married outside of the church but join it later in life, or in my mom's case, got divorced, didn't bother with an annulment, got remarried, and then decades later decided to get her first marriage annulled).  However, that's only for practicing Catholics, and I believe you are still required to promise to raise your kids Catholic, go to reconciliation beforehand, and so forth.
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited March 8
    My fiance and I were both raised catholic, but have both since lapsed in practicing.  Since religion is not an important part of either of our lives, we are having a non-religious person officiate our ceremony which is being held at the same place as our reception (i.e. not a house of worship).  I know my dad is really sad about this, as he has gotten more religious in his older age.  Is there any ways to have a priest come and "bless" our marriage, either during the ceremony or something during the reception, without us having to agree to raise our kids catholic (we don't want to lie) and without doing the pre-cana?  We are not opposed to religion, and I'd love to make my dad happier about our decision.
    As a Catholic, you are probably already aware that marriage is regarded as a Holy Sacrament.  There is no other way to receive this sacrament except to follow the church rules.  A priest is not allowed to break cannon law by "blessing" your secular marriage.
    If you are very certain that you will not be raising your children in the Catholic faith, then I would urge you to be firm in your resolve to have your wedding as planned.  Dad will learn to accept it.
    You might also consider some protestant faiths if you want religious guidance for your future children.  Protestant churches will accept any legal marriage, since marriage is not one of the sacraments they recognize.  The Lutheran Church and the Episcopal Church are the closest in style and beliefs to Catholocism.  The United Methodist Church is also very accepting, but less formal.
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    SP29
  • OliveOilsMomOliveOilsMom South Jersey
    5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    Even if you could find a priest to do this, he would most likely be a priest out of good standing of the Church.  That just makes what you are proposing to do even worse, IMO.  

    Just be who you and your FI are, non-religious people.  There is nothing wrong with that.  But there is something wrong with having a blessing on a marriage to appease one or two people.
    cowgirl8238
  • Thank you so much for all the responses! 
    SP29divarhd
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