Wedding Etiquette Forum

Sister in law wants to use same Venue

help, 

i am getting married in September 2017, we have had the venue booked for months.  I chose this venue because I don't know anyone else who has had a wedding here, is beautiful, and something that can be special to us.

my fiances brother just got engaged, and now my future sister-in-law want to book the same venue for about 6 months after ours :/
the thing that's really bothering me is that they haven't even asked how we feel about it. My fiance's brother called to let him know they might do it, and there was no stopping his bride. 

Im trying to be okay with it, since it is after ours. However, I keep finding myself upset that we won't have something special to ourselves. Especially since half the guest list will be repeats at the same venue 

am I crazy for being so frustrated by this?!
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Re: Sister in law wants to use same Venue

  • Your wedding day will be special because it is the day you marry your FI.  Everything else, no matter how uniquely "you," will be used and will have been used by someone else at some point in history, because that's just how humanity works.  Even if you have your dress custom-made, you make your own centerpieces, you build your own venue from scratch--there will be other people around the world with similar-looking dresses and similar venues.  
    Any venue that is willing to host your wedding has every right to host weddings there whenever they wish, as they are a business.  Think of it like this: be flattered that your FSIL loves the venue as much as you do.  And even if she ends up decorating the venue the exact same way you do (which is highly unlikely), she'll be marrying her FI, not yours, so her wedding will be unique to her.  
    This is an excellent reminder to not sweat the small stuff.  This is very, very small stuff.  The only way this would become an issue is if she wanted to book the wedding there the same day as you, and somehow went over your head to steal your spot from the vendor.
  • I can understand being put out by this. But if they're going to do it no matter what, talking to them is only going to cause drama. And really, they can have their wedding wherever they want. 

    This is kind of an attitude thing on your end. You can either be pouty about it or take the high road. The latter will make things easier on you and preserve the relationship, I promise. 

    On the plus side, their wedding is after yours not before. I just wouldn't continue to share wedding details with them for the rest of the planning process.
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  • Them getting married there will not make your day any less special. They will probably do things completely different than how you did them anyways. You'd 
    Remember that no one will be as excited for your wedding as you are, and no one will find it as special as you do. 
    You'll be better off just letting it go. Saying anything will cause a major blowout. Your FSIL deserves to have her wedding wherever she would like, just the same as you do. 
  • My sister in law used the same venue as me. She was engaged months after me and got married less than 3 weeks before me. It was awesome! His other sister that didn't use it might even feel left out...


  • ernursej said:

    Look at it this way, you have such great taste in venues that someone else wants the same one! Think of how wonderful it will be to return to the place that you were married and reminisce on your special day. Most people don't get a chance to return to their venue so that is something unique!

    We got married in our favourite restaurant and I love that every time we return I think about our special day.


    Bolded. We're getting married at a museum in town and have already talked about how awesome it will be to be able to take our future children to the place we got married. 

    A friend's brother is getting married in the same venue she used AND like within a week of her anniversary. Guess what she and her husband are doing? Going to the wedding, and using that opportunity to reminisce. It's like having a birthday near a holiday or something. Double celebrations!!
  • I got married on a remote island along the Great Barrier Reef in Australia, only accessible by boat. I don't know anyone else who has gotten married there, and to be honest, I'm not sure anyone else has since they use our wedding photographs for marketing on their website. So, unless you are willing to travel to some remote location in the middle of one of the oceans, or get married in your home, chances are, someone else will be married at your location. 

    Regardless, I agree with PPs- it will be nice to go back to where you were married, reminisce and enjoy the venue as a guest rather than being the center of focus at your own wedding. I had the opportunity to do this around the time of my first marriage. I chose the venue, only to meet someone and become good friends with them. Their venue canceled on them and they ended up booking my same venue and had their wedding before mine. I was glad I got to enjoy it because my wedding day was a total blur. 

     







  • edited March 2017
    No bride gets to call dibs on a venue for all eternity. For one day, it is your special place. Before and after, it is a business that will host other couples for their special days.

    Your FSIL has every right to book any venue she wants for their special day and was under no obligation to get your approval. Plus, by the time they get married, you will be a six months married couple, who hopefully will be over the novelty of wedding planning.
                       
  • There is a historic home near where I live that I've been in love with for years.  I have always wanted to get married there even though I knew I would 1000% fine not doing it there.  A good friend got married there a few years before I was engaged.  It was great and I was SO happy that I got to go to a wedding there.  When I got engaged, it was really important to my fiance that we get married there as well because he knew how much I love the home.  Guess what, my friend is thrilled she gets to go to another wedding there with her husband. Because it's not hers... it's a venue... 
  • Actually, I would see someone else's wanting to marry in the same venue as me as validating my choice of venue!
  • My local friends were all, "This is such a cool place! Maybe I should get married here someday!" I thought that was awesome. They were having such a great time and the atmosphere was great. I picked a good place for a party.

    My H's cousins who are from a small city all got married at the same church and had their receptions at the same venue. There were limited choices of venue, but there were choices, and they still all chose the same one. That didn't make us any less happy to celebrate them, or think their weddings were all the same, or that they were boring people. Different couples, different toasts, different marriages.

    Don't be too caught up in being unique. Weddings are very hard to be "unique" about - there's really not much, if anything, you can do differently than everyone else who's ever been married, without veering into crazy territory. You'll get to be married, and people will be very happy to witness that milestone, because they care about you, not because they were caught up in a unique wedding experience you crafted.
  • My sister and my husband's brother both got married at our same venue. I never gave it a second thought (or even a first for that matter). This is not something to be upset over. With my sister's, at least half the guest list if not more were repeat guests. 
  • Are you being crazy? YES. A million times yes. This doesn't make your wedding any less special. How ridiculous. Are you marrying a person you love? THAT is what makes it special. 

    And I would have been ecstatic to go back to my venue and enjoy another wedding there. 
  • Everybody now!

    But seriously, @ernursej gave great advice. DH and I would LOVE the chance to attend a wedding at the venue we used and reminisce on our wedding day. This is not something to get your panties in a wad over.


  • DH and I got married at the same venue our really close friends used. If they felt anything but ecstatic, they never let on. They told us how excited they were to attend our wedding there, gave us info and planning advice, and were even in our wedding. Sure, you can feel any way that you want, but in the grand scheme, it's not something to stress or ruin a relationship over.
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  • We got married at a popular venue in our town, the local aquarium.  I love when we get invited to weddings or other events there.  DH and I always attend them.  Now that we have a son, I get to take him there and show him where we got married. . . . it gets me every single time.  Consider yourself one of the lucky ones that gets to go back to their venue, not everyone gets that opportunity!
  • This is such a stupid overreaction.  You get ONE DAY, OP.  That's it.  FSIL can have her wedding anywhere and any time she pleases.  She can even *gasp* pick the same wedding colors as you.  Your wedding is not unique. Hundreds of brides will have gotten married at your venue, and will continue to get married there after you.  If you choose to harp on this, you are going to damage relationships with family members you have to be around for the rest of your lives.  Get over it. 


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  • Wow thanks, it's not like I'm throwing a fit over it. But yes I am upset.  If it were a friend and not a BIL/SIL and HALF of the same guest list, I wouldn't mind. 
  • I obviously understand that thousands of other people will use that venue, I just didn't want someone else so close to us, with similar guests lists, and within 6 months, to share the same venue
  • I'm not harping on it, I haven't even said anything to them. But I am upset there is no regard or consideration for our feelings. And I personally think it's a bit tacky on their part considering so many guests will have just recently attended a wedding there for the same family
  • You are so dramatic. I'm not asking her to put her wedding off further, just not the same venue within such a close time frame.  But yup I'm a crazy bitch. I clearly won't let her make any decisions for herself
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