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Just venting

justsiejustsie member
First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
in Wedding Etiquette Forum
Got a text invite for a wedding of a friends coming up. I love this friend. I tried steering said friend here. Friend did not come here. Friend has 5 hour gap and is inviting more people to the reception than the ceremony. *headdesk*

That being said I'm driving in from out of town now (before moving the wedding would have been right up the road) so now I don't know what to do for 5 hours. Any suggestions other than going to a bar and enjoying happy hour with others in the wedding?
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Re: Just venting

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    auriannaaurianna member
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    Once my friends and I went mini-golfing during a gap. Once we went to an art fair.
    Once we just chilled out at someone's house and watched a babeball game.
    Once hubby and I walked around downtown and went shopping.

    Another option is to bring a book
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    MesmrEweMesmrEwe member
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    Mini Golfing, Bowling...  My favorite was antiquing since it's something that can take a while...
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    missJeanLouisemissJeanLouise member
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    Go to a movie, get a pedicure, strip club, museum, .... ugh gaps are awful. 
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    justsiejustsie member
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    MobKaz said:
    justsie said:
    Got a text invite for a wedding of a friends coming up. I love this friend. I tried steering said friend here. Friend did not come here. Friend has 5 hour gap and is inviting more people to the reception than the ceremony. *headdesk*

    That being said I'm driving in from out of town now (before moving the wedding would have been right up the road) so now I don't know what to do for 5 hours. Any suggestions other than going to a bar and enjoying happy hour with others in the wedding?
    I know you said you love this friend, but I would, and have, declined invitations for this very reason.  If this friend is so close to you, why not ask her what suggestions she has for filling in this time gap?  Perhaps it will make her realize the inconvenience she caused, and come up with somewhere for some guests to wait out the huge gap.

    I had one bride actually text me to ask why I was declining her wedding.  She was shocked that someone would take a pass on her "high, high end" reception.  I told her honestly that her 4 hour gap left us unable to attend.  She suggested we just come to the reception.  I told her there was no way I would skip what I considered the most important part of her day and attend just the party.  She finally said she had the gap because "that is what her sister did for her wedding". 

    ETA.....depending on the wedding, I don't know how some of these gap suggestions are feasible.  I don't see how anyone can golf or bowl in cocktail attire.  Even schlepping around in heels for several hours seems ridiculous.  I'm not putting down the ideas or the posters suggesting them, just pointing out the impracticality and thoughtlessness of these gaps.
    *He, my friend and his FI are both males. 
    Which is also why I am going, we live in Texas and I know that at this time a lot of close friends/family are not supportive and I'm not hopeful with the current political leadership that their feelings will change. I know it doesn't have anything to do with/excuse etiquette, but I am going to support my friend in this aspect because I know they may not have a lot of support. 

    To other PPs, thank you for the suggestions! Strip club sounds fun, but I might fill up on the buffet and ruin my appetite for the dinner! I don't know why I didn't think of a museum- I've been dying to go to some for a while now and that sounds like the perfect excuse to drag H along....
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    justsiejustsie member
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    scribe95 said:
    Are you getting a hotel? Couldn't tell how far you are. In that case I honestly would just go back to the hotel, change into PJ's and read a book, watch TV. I love to just relax.

    If not, then a movie I guess. But man is that freaking annoying. 
    We probably will get a hotel and stay the weekend since we know so many people from that area. I would LOVE to just go back and relax, extroverted H would hate it. 

    A movie is another great idea- they have some nicer theaters in Houston that would lend to us not being entirely overdressed and the wedding is in the summer when some good stuff might be out.... I'll run that one by H for sure!
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    SP29SP29 member
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    Are you from the area? (You recently moved from there?) If not, I would ask the couple if they have any ideas on what you could do in the 5 hour gap. It highlights that what they doing is inconvenient without being rude about it (you are honestly asking), and they may also have some good ideas.

    If so, I guess you already know what's around ;).

    The biggest trouble with a gap is you're all dressed up and don't want to re-do everything before the reception, so what do you do? I wouldn't want to go bowling or doing something outside active where I would start sweating and thus ruin my hair and make up- not to mention my feet would start to hurt in heels.

    The one time I did attend with a gap we were local and ended up going home and watching TV. Annoying because there were other things I could have done, but I didn't want to dress again.

    Depending on time, I would go for a nice relaxed lunch somewhere, have a few drinks. With 5 hours you shouldn't be too full for the reception meal. Are there other guests you can meet up with? A museum would be good- climate controlled, you can take as much or as little time as you like. Are there any historic venues or gardens that offer tours? Small towns nearby where you can take your time in the downtown eating, drinking and shopping?
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    flantasticflantastic member
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    MobKaz said:
    justsie said:
    Got a text invite for a wedding of a friends coming up. I love this friend. I tried steering said friend here. Friend did not come here. Friend has 5 hour gap and is inviting more people to the reception than the ceremony. *headdesk*

    That being said I'm driving in from out of town now (before moving the wedding would have been right up the road) so now I don't know what to do for 5 hours. Any suggestions other than going to a bar and enjoying happy hour with others in the wedding?
    I know you said you love this friend, but I would, and have, declined invitations for this very reason.  If this friend is so close to you, why not ask her what suggestions she has for filling in this time gap?  Perhaps it will make her realize the inconvenience she caused, and come up with somewhere for some guests to wait out the huge gap.

    I had one bride actually text me to ask why I was declining her wedding.  She was shocked that someone would take a pass on her "high, high end" reception.  I told her honestly that her 4 hour gap left us unable to attend.  She suggested we just come to the reception.  I told her there was no way I would skip what I considered the most important part of her day and attend just the party.  She finally said she had the gap because "that is what her sister did for her wedding". 

    ETA.....depending on the wedding, I don't know how some of these gap suggestions are feasible.  I don't see how anyone can golf or bowl in cocktail attire.  Even schlepping around in heels for several hours seems ridiculous.  I'm not putting down the ideas or the posters suggesting them, just pointing out the impracticality and thoughtlessness of these gaps.
    Asking for suggestions to fill the gap is likely not (by itself) going to make her realize how rude it is. So, so many brides and their "It's a chance to explore the area! My guests should be THANKING me for the opportunity I've created to spend time in X place!" Depending on how nice OP tries to be, bride might think OP is glad she has time for something fun and just needs to know what fun thing to do.

    If I'd ask, I'd have to phrase it like, "So, what are your suggestions for things to do for 5 hours while dressed up? Most weddings I've been to have gone straight from ceremony to reception so the guests don't have to worry about filling a weird amount of time in their nice clothes."
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    ei34ei34 member
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    Most weddings I attend include the "catholic gap". I've never gotten all dressed up to attend a church wedding at 1 or 2pm. I wear jeans and a sweater or like a maxi dress if it's the summer..whatever I wear to a normal Sunday mass.  Just responding to PP that doubt OP will be able to do certain activities all dressed up.  (OP if the ceremony in question is super formal then please disregard this!)
    In your scenario I'd either go back to the hotel room and relax or visit with friends/family in the area.
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    ei34ei34 member
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    banana468 said:
    flantastic said:
    eileenrob said:
    Most weddings I attend include the "catholic gap". I've never gotten all dressed up to attend a church wedding at 1 or 2pm. I wear jeans and a sweater or like a maxi dress if it's the summer..whatever I wear to a normal Sunday mass.  Just responding to PP that doubt OP will be able to do certain activities all dressed up.  (OP if the ceremony in question is super formal then please disregard this!)
    In your scenario I'd either go back to the hotel room and relax or visit with friends/family in the area.
    While I would also dress up more than what you described for Sunday Mass, I have friends and family for whom that is their normal Sunday Mass attire and yet wouldn't dream of showing up to a Catholic wedding in non-"wedding guest" clothes.

    eta clarity - Most weddings that I and this circle attend also include this gap.
    This.  I haven't attended many weddings with gaps but any that did the guests were far more dressed up than jeans.


    I'm sure.  I was just sharing my experience (what I do/what I've seen). 
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    MairePoppyMairePoppy mod
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    edited March 2017
    If I was getting a hotel room for the night, I'd use the hotel pool during the gap, but I have short, easy to style hair. Take a nap and freshen up for the evening reception.

    If I wasn't planning to stay in a hotel, I'd attend either the ceremony or the reception, not both. Most likely, I'd choose the reception and I wouldn't feel guilty about it at all.

    I don't have the stamina for a 5 hour bar hop followed by a reception, though it's fun to think about it.

                       
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    ei34ei34 member
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    MobKaz said:
    eileenrob said:
    Most weddings I attend include the "catholic gap". I've never gotten all dressed up to attend a church wedding at 1 or 2pm. I wear jeans and a sweater or like a maxi dress if it's the summer..whatever I wear to a normal Sunday mass.  Just responding to PP that doubt OP will be able to do certain activities all dressed up.  (OP if the ceremony in question is super formal then please disregard this!)
    In your scenario I'd either go back to the hotel room and relax or visit with friends/family in the area.
    I have to say I absolutely loathe this damn "Catholic gap" misnomer.  Clearly in the case of OP, this gap is not the result of a Catholic ceremony, and my example above was also not a result of a Catholic ceremony.  DD had a Catholic ceremony with NO gap, and I am aware of several brides on these boards who also managed to have a Catholic ceremony and NO gap. 

    I have said it before and I will repeat it once again; there is NO such thing as a Catholic gap, but there is absolutely something called an inconsiderate host gap.
    Yeah, like I'd said in a previous post, just sharing my experience.  I'd meant to help the OP and give a different option, since some PP told her she couldn't do some activities all dressed up, that some guests don't get all dressed up for the ceremony when there's a gap.
    I didn't say "catholic gap" as a way to excuse it.  A gap is annoying whether it's a catholic mass causing the gap, or if it's a "B&G want certain lighting for their photos so they're having a ceremony at 2 and reception at 7" gap or a "bride fell in love with this ceremony site but it's only available at noon and fell in love with a reception venue that's only available after 6" gap.  I'm one of the women here who had a catholic mass and no gap.  I wasn't excusing gaps.
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    STARMOON44STARMOON44 member
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    MobKaz said:
    eileenrob said:
    Most weddings I attend include the "catholic gap". I've never gotten all dressed up to attend a church wedding at 1 or 2pm. I wear jeans and a sweater or like a maxi dress if it's the summer..whatever I wear to a normal Sunday mass.  Just responding to PP that doubt OP will be able to do certain activities all dressed up.  (OP if the ceremony in question is super formal then please disregard this!)
    In your scenario I'd either go back to the hotel room and relax or visit with friends/family in the area.
    I have to say I absolutely loathe this damn "Catholic gap" misnomer.  Clearly in the case of OP, this gap is not the result of a Catholic ceremony, and my example above was also not a result of a Catholic ceremony.  DD had a Catholic ceremony with NO gap, and I am aware of several brides on these boards who also managed to have a Catholic ceremony and NO gap. 

    I have said it before and I will repeat it once again; there is NO such thing as a Catholic gap, but there is absolutely something called an inconsiderate host gap.
    Oh of course there is such a thing as a Catholic gap. Yes yes not all Catholic weddings have it, and some not catholic weddings have it too, but it certainly exists. 
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    LadyCatherineDBLadyCatherineDB member
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    The last time I went to a wedding with a gap, I spent the gap at Dairy Queen, where I ate ice cream and played cards, but it was closer to three hours than five.
    "Marriage is so disruptive to one's social circle." - Mr. Woodhouse
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    ambrokambrok member
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    edited March 2017
    Go sightseeing in the area.  I do like the movie suggestion listed by PP!
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    holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    Wish I had seen this sooner ... I could give Houston suggestions!




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    photokittyphotokitty mod
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    The Zoo!
    The only time I ever enjoyed a gap, we went to the zoo...but I was 14, so I didn't know any better and thought it was cool look at tigers in my fancy clothes. Looking back, I can only assume this was the worst gap ever for my parents. The zoo in dress clothes with 5 kids for 4 hours.
    :kiss: ~xoxo~ :kiss:

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    justsiejustsie member
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    I'd love to go to the zoo again but the zoo in summer in Houston is a big no from me! 
    I finally texted the friend and asked what suggestions they had for us, I was polite but I think subconsciously I was doing it to be passive aggressive. I'm no angel. 
    My answer was basically they hadn't thought about it at all but that they should. So then I asked why the gap and my answer was that they aren't inviting many people to the ceremony and didn't want to have to eat "early in the morning" (ceremony is at noon) so that is why they planned for dinner. Then tells me they don't care what I attend as long as I can make the dinner because its important to them. So I remind them that the ceremony is the part where they are actually getting married and is priority if I'm only able to attend one but I will talk to H about what we can come up with and keep me informed if they think of anything or plan to host anything. (*hint hint*). 
    Invitation should be coming in the male in the next few weeks, I'm interested in what that says. 
    Le sigh. H and I discussed it and he only wants to go to one so ceremony it is. I hope friend realizes that he put that on us to pick one or the other since he wanted H to speak at the reception.....
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    mollybarker11mollybarker11 member
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    edited March 2017
    justsie said:
    I asked why the gap and my answer was that they aren't inviting many people to the ceremony and didn't want to have to eat "early in the morning" (ceremony is at noon) so that is why they planned for dinner.
    What does this even mean lol. What does the number of ceremony guests have to do with the timing of anything? If they don't want to eat early in the morning/afternoon, they should plan their ceremony for the late afternoon/evening so that the reception is at dinnertime.

    Sucks that they admittedly didn't think this through. Hopefully they're able to correct the timeline before official invitations go out! Glad you nudged him.
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    holyguacamole79holyguacamole79 member
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    You'll be here in the summer?  Ew.




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    OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
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    ernursej said:
    Have wild sex?

    I'm on team "have wild sex," but I do hope your friend comes around.
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