I have to fulfill the 'honey do' list before my 'honey' will do me.
My wife of 12 years and I were planning to have sex after a six- to eight-week hiatus (an all-too-regular and depressing reality). She and our son were watching YouTube videos together well past his bedtime. Later, she lectured me about how important it is to nurture moments with him and called me impatient for wanting to have sex instead. I said that I felt ignored and was frustrated with how rarely we have sex. It doesn’t seem like a priority for her. She said she understood my point of view (and that she wants a better sex life, too) but that there’s a long list of things I need to work on first to make her feel better about having sex with me. I admit there’s a lot I have to work on, but my needs are not being met. I can’t talk to her about it because it turns into a discussion about the laundry list of things she needs from me. I tell her what I want, but I don’t really feel like she’s listening. There is no spontaneity, she will never initiate sex, she frequently says no when I try, and our sex life is dying. I don’t know what to do. I’m depressed and considering ending my marriage.