Wedding Party

Maid of honor help!

Help! So, my maid of honor has been my best friend since high school. Recently, she lost her job, and took it really hard. I've been doing my best be supportive and understanding. My wedding is a month away, and now I've been going through a lot on top of, well, wedding planning (my mom is mentally ill, and it's just another layer of stress). I love my MOH dearly, by she's totally dissappeared- she hasn't planned anything she said she would, stopped answering phones calls or texts- and this is a time I really need her. 

I don't want to come off as a bridezilla, because I know she's got a lot on her plate, too; but if she can't handle the responsibility, can I nicely ask another one of the girls to step up and help these next few weeks? My future sister in law has pretty much taken over all her responsibilities, since she didn't plan the shower or Bachelorette party like she said she would, and I feel like she deserves to be recognized for that.
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Re: Maid of honor help!

  • MOHs are not responsible for helping to plan your wedding. That's what your FI is for. If his/her help isn't enough even after you split the work 50/50, hire a wedding planner. If you can't afford it, cut DIY projects and things that don't matter - like decore and favors. That should lighten your load. 

    I'm sorry she said she'd help with certain things and isn't delivering now, but she's going through a really hard time. She's probably at one of the lowest points in her life right now.....and you're worried about how wedding projects are going to get done? Shame on you. Go be her friend. 
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    sparklepants41short+sassyInLoveInQueensSP29
  • Many brides do not get showers or bachelorette parties at all.  You are not entitled to them.  It is certainly NOT the MOH's responsibility  to plan them or to even be involved with them.

    Being a MOH is not a job.  It does not have "responsibilities", other than to show up on time, wearing the dress, sober, and to stand up next to you and hold your bouquet while you say your vows.
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    SP29
  • lovesclimbinglovesclimbing Alaska
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its First Answer
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    If she volunteered to plan things and isn't, I think you have a right to be disappointed, but honestly, since she lost her job, I would completely understand. The key word there is volunteered. If she was told or asked or it was suggested in any way that she needed to plan these parties, then that was wrong of the suggestors.

    You should not ask anyone else to plan these parties. Bachelorettes and bridal showers are gifts that are offered. Other things you need help with, some people on here may disagree, but I'm ok with you calling up someone and asking for favors or help with a few things, because that's just a normal part of friendship. But, these should be somewhat small things that can be completed quickly and don't put a burden on anyone. They shouldn't be asked to help plan the wedding or take on a DIY project. 

    Yes, your future sister-in-law does deserve to be recognized for planning (I hope she offered and was not asked) the bridal shower and bachelorette, and the appropriate way to do that is to write her a nice thank you note and get her a hostess gift. 

    charlotte989875MesmrEwe
  • Whatever. I don't know what I expected anyone to even say- I clearly didn't explain it well enough. I don't care about the party's and shit. I literally don't want her to spend any money or do any thing but pick up her phone once and a while. That's all. At this point I don't even know if she's even coming to the wedding, since no one can get a hold of her. So yeah, am I pissed that she agreed to things a plan things, and then just dissappeared? But if she had been an adult and said hey, I lost my job and I can't handle it, I wouldn't have been upset. It's the fact that now, when I need a friend, she's just GONE that I'm irritated about. But clearly, people on these boards aren't allowed to complain or they get jumped on, instead of just a little sypmathy. Don't bother responding, I'm out.
  • peachy13peachy13 in my cubicle, doing very important work
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
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    Whatever. I don't know what I expected anyone to even say- I clearly didn't explain it well enough. I don't care about the party's and shit. I literally don't want her to spend any money or do any thing but pick up her phone once and a while. That's all. At this point I don't even know if she's even coming to the wedding, since no one can get a hold of her. So yeah, am I pissed that she agreed to things a plan things, and then just dissappeared? But if she had been an adult and said hey, I lost my job and I can't handle it, I wouldn't have been upset. It's the fact that now, when I need a friend, she's just GONE that I'm irritated about. But clearly, people on these boards aren't allowed to complain or they get jumped on, instead of just a little sypmathy. Don't bother responding, I'm out.
    jic
    Daisypath Anniversary tickers


  • Whatever. I don't know what I expected anyone to even say- I clearly didn't explain it well enough. I don't care about the party's and shit. I literally don't want her to spend any money or do any thing but pick up her phone once and a while. That's all. At this point I don't even know if she's even coming to the wedding, since no one can get a hold of her. So yeah, am I pissed that she agreed to things a plan things, and then just dissappeared? But if she had been an adult and said hey, I lost my job and I can't handle it, I wouldn't have been upset. It's the fact that now, when I need a friend, she's just GONE that I'm irritated about. But clearly, people on these boards aren't allowed to complain or they get jumped on, instead of just a little sypmathy. Don't bother responding, I'm out.

    levioosawmam35
  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    Whatever. I don't know what I expected anyone to even say- I clearly didn't explain it well enough. I don't care about the party's and shit. I literally don't want her to spend any money or do any thing but pick up her phone once and a while. That's all. At this point I don't even know if she's even coming to the wedding, since no one can get a hold of her. So yeah, am I pissed that she agreed to things a plan things, and then just dissappeared? But if she had been an adult and said hey, I lost my job and I can't handle it, I wouldn't have been upset. It's the fact that now, when I need a friend, she's just GONE that I'm irritated about. But clearly, people on these boards aren't allowed to complain or they get jumped on, instead of just a little sypmathy. Don't bother responding, I'm out.
    No luck there.

    "When I need a friend" - because your wedding is just so important or super extra stressful? If so, you need a margarita. It's not that serious. I really doubt you need her to give you her time and attention. You just want more time and attention from people, and you think you're entitled to it particularly because you're getting married. If anyone truly needs a friend here, it's her - and maybe you really want to be that for her and can't because she won't pick up the phone, but I think I might have an idea why she wouldn't.

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    geebee908SP29short+sassyOurWildKingdom
  • justsiejustsie
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    OP- you have a friend. Right now he is also your FI and in a bit you will call him husband. How about you lean on him, and then make sure your other friend is okay. If my friend completely stopped talking to me I would be very worried that she was even ok. I'd be driving to her house. 
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    thefanciestbecklerSP29OurWildKingdom
  • Maybe she feels abandoned, feels depressed, etc?

    She lost her job.   That's a major financial event.   If she doesn't have savings maybe she's freaking out about money - or what she'll do - or finding a new job.

    Instead of focusing on what YOU NEED, why not say, "Hey, this is is just a party.   What can *I* do to HELP YOU?"

    It's amazing what happens when you treat a friend as....a friend. 
    sparklepants41SP29OurWildKingdom
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    And I'm sure picking out which napkin fold or confetti colour is just as stressful as someone wondering if they can pay rent. You're so right to be cross that she hasn't dropped everything for you to help 'support' you during the stressful decisions of programme fonts and glitter metallacity. I mean, who has time to worry about defaulting on a mortgage or where there next meal is coming from when you are buried under the stress of blush, baby pink or peach ribbon options!
    InLoveInQueensshort+sassyOurWildKingdom
  • Ro041Ro041
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    @KnotRiley vendor 2 posts above. 

  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe
    Knottie Warrior 2500 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    edited March 23
    OP - it's time to pick up the phone and invite her out for lunch and DO NOT talk one word about the wedding.  Or, make a detour on your way home and bring pizza and cupcakes..  PERIOD!  It's time to simply be a friend.  It's like peeling an onion, be concerned about your friend, not the wedding.
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    OurWildKingdom
  • Maybe she's dodging your calls because she's sick and tired of you talking nonstop about your wedding and her "responsibilities". 

    MissKittyDangerInLoveInQueenssparklepants41OurWildKingdom




  • Help! So, my maid of honor has been my best friend since high school. Recently, she lost her job, and took it really hard. I've been doing my best be supportive and understanding. My wedding is a month away, and now I've been going through a lot on top of, well, wedding planning (my mom is mentally ill, and it's just another layer of stress). I love my MOH dearly, by she's totally dissappeared- she hasn't planned anything she said she would, stopped answering phones calls or texts- and this is a time I really need her. 

    I don't want to come off as a bridezilla, because I know she's got a lot on her plate, too; but if she can't handle the responsibility, can I nicely ask another one of the girls to step up and help these next few weeks? My future sister in law has pretty much taken over all her responsibilities, since she didn't plan the shower or Bachelorette party like she said she would, and I feel like she deserves to be recognized for that.


    MOH has no responsibilities. If you need help planning your wedding, ask your FI or hire someone. This is not your MOH's job. There is no reason to ask anyone to "step up" as it would be inappropriate to ask or expect anyone to help plan your wedding.    

    It is great that someone else offered to throw you a b-party after your MOH was no longer able to do so. Thank this person with a thank you note and possibly a small gift. Anyone can throw these parties, it is not the responsibility or duty of a MOH or any BM. MOH and BM are titles to honor your relationships with your closest friends, not recognition for unpaid labor. 

    Going through a job loss is a huge ordeal, and can be emotionally draining in addition to financially disruptive. It should be no surprise that she is withdrawn and depressed. As a good friend, you should be focused on supporting her through this awful time, not thinking about how her loss effects your wedding. Right now, she needs you, not the other way around. 


    I feel like it is the MOH responsibility to organise the b-party as well as the Bachelorette party: if not her, your best friend, who else would fit the shoes?
    I had a similar (eh, kinda) situation with my MOH. Money is tight, and I know that. But guess what? Ideas are free! there are 6 other girls in my wedding party that love to help, and I made that clear to her. I let her know my mom was there and also that her mom ( i call her mom number 2) was also there to help. Mom number 2 offered to use her yard as the b-shower and all the other BM have great tallents that they can offer.
    I'm sorry that happened to you, but its great you had people to come and help you as well.  I think its lousy that shes not even answering the texts, I mean, how awkward is it going to be on the wedding day? 
  • banana468banana468
    Knottie Warrior 10000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
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    Help! So, my maid of honor has been my best friend since high school. Recently, she lost her job, and took it really hard. I've been doing my best be supportive and understanding. My wedding is a month away, and now I've been going through a lot on top of, well, wedding planning (my mom is mentally ill, and it's just another layer of stress). I love my MOH dearly, by she's totally dissappeared- she hasn't planned anything she said she would, stopped answering phones calls or texts- and this is a time I really need her. 

    I don't want to come off as a bridezilla, because I know she's got a lot on her plate, too; but if she can't handle the responsibility, can I nicely ask another one of the girls to step up and help these next few weeks? My future sister in law has pretty much taken over all her responsibilities, since she didn't plan the shower or Bachelorette party like she said she would, and I feel like she deserves to be recognized for that.




    MOH has no responsibilities. If you need help planning your wedding, ask your FI or hire someone. This is not your MOH's job. There is no reason to ask anyone to "step up" as it would be inappropriate to ask or expect anyone to help plan your wedding.    

    It is great that someone else offered to throw you a b-party after your MOH was no longer able to do so. Thank this person with a thank you note and possibly a small gift. Anyone can throw these parties, it is not the responsibility or duty of a MOH or any BM. MOH and BM are titles to honor your relationships with your closest friends, not recognition for unpaid labor. 

    Going through a job loss is a huge ordeal, and can be emotionally draining in addition to financially disruptive. It should be no surprise that she is withdrawn and depressed. As a good friend, you should be focused on supporting her through this awful time, not thinking about how her loss effects your wedding. Right now, she needs you, not the other way around. 




    I feel like it is the MOH responsibility to organise the b-party as well as the Bachelorette party: if not her, your best friend, who else would fit the shoes?
    I had a similar (eh, kinda) situation with my MOH. Money is tight, and I know that. But guess what? Ideas are free! there are 6 other girls in my wedding party that love to help, and I made that clear to her. I let her know my mom was there and also that her mom ( i call her mom number 2) was also there to help. Mom number 2 offered to use her yard as the b-shower and all the other BM have great tallents that they can offer.
    I'm sorry that happened to you, but its great you had people to come and help you as well.  I think its lousy that shes not even answering the texts, I mean, how awkward is it going to be on the wedding day? 


    If your are planning to get married with only 6 people whybrid would you have a wedding party?
    InLoveInQueenseileenroblevioosa
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