Dear Prudence,
A couple of months ago, a family I was slightly acquainted with moved across the street. They adore our children and often invite us over. I like them enough to have an occasional coffee with them, but the problem is that two of them are chain-smokers, which makes their house smell like an ashtray. (Smoking in this country isn’t as stigmatized as it is in the United States.) At first, I hinted politely that the smoke bothered us, and they were obliging enough, but they seemed to think moving across the room to smoke or opening a window would suffice, which doesn’t make much of a difference. I suggested spending time outside or at our place, but they seem to take my rejections very personally. They are members of a marginalized minority, and I’m afraid they’re making assumptions about why we don’t want to spend time at their place. Which is kinder: to keep on making excuses or to be upfront about the fact that no amount of scented candles will make the air inside their house breathable to us?