Pre-wedding Parties

Something for the bridesmaid that cannot attend bachelorette?

RaeMarie7117RaeMarie7117
10 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
member
edited March 25 in Pre-wedding Parties
When asked what I wanted to do for my Bachelorette, I told the girls I'd like to do Disney World if it was cool with everyone else. With the help of my dad who is covering the hotel, they made it happen and I along with my girls are thrilled to go! One girl has decided to back out due to cost which is totally understandable since between the wedding itself and the bachelorette the costs are adding up. I am sure this has happened to other girls on here and I was wondering if you did anything separately with bridesmaids that could not make it to things for the wedding? I want her to know that missing the bachelorette isn't a big deal but also want to do something special with her to show I care and am thankful to have her be a part of my day. Maybe a weekend visiting her (shes in Boston and I am near NYC)? Or is that all totally unnecessary? Would like your opinions and ideas.
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Re: Something for the bridesmaid that cannot attend bachelorette?

  • SP29SP29
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    The bachelorette is to celebrate you, so no, I wouldn't plan something else with her to make up for it.

    If you want to visit her just to hang out, or do something else special for her, that is fine. Traditionally, the bride and groom show they care and are thankful by giving each person in their wedding party a gift on or around the time of the wedding.
  • One of my bridesmaids is my niece and she's 10 years old, so naturally she is not attending the bachelorette party. I was thinking of taking her to go get her nails done so we could hang out together and to make her feel a little better about missing out on the party since she doesn't really understand it all fully. I feel like that's kind of the same thing as what you're talking about? 
  • My cousin (and BM) did not come to my bachelorette party because she has two kids (one a baby at the time) and it was about a three-hour drive away. I didn't do anything to "make up" for it, but my bridesmaids and I did go out after the rehearsal dinner for a few drinks and had a good time. As long as you keep her included in everything else, I think you're fine.
  • Usually when planning a bachelorette, you do it the other way around.... WHO is most important, not WHERE/WHAT. It sounds like you picked Disney World before asking your friend "it's important to me that you're there, what can you afford to do?"

    That's fine, but don't rub it in her face by trying to come up with a consolation prize in which she has to go out and celebrate YOU. I mean, really?
    I think it's fine to do this either way. And the bridesmaid originally said she could do it, so I don't think there's any need to be painting her as some horrible person who doesn't care about people. 

    I think visiting her would be nice, because she's your friend, not because she is missing the bachelorette. 
  • Usually when planning a bachelorette, you do it the other way around.... WHO is most important, not WHERE/WHAT. It sounds like you picked Disney World before asking your friend "it's important to me that you're there, what can you afford to do?"

    That's fine, but don't rub it in her face by trying to come up with a consolation prize in which she has to go out and celebrate YOU. I mean, really?
    I think it's fine to do this either way. And the bridesmaid originally said she could do it, so I don't think there's any need to be painting her as some horrible person who doesn't care about people. 

    I think visiting her would be nice, because she's your friend, not because she is missing the bachelorette. 
    I didn't. I said "that's fine, but don't rub it in her face."

    I think it's true that most people try to pick a place where all their guests can go versus picking a place outside people's budgets and informing guests of that choice. Telling her it's fine to do it the way she did it hardly means I'm painting her as a horrible person. 
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    InLoveInQueensMyNameIsNot
  • RaeMarie7117RaeMarie7117
    10 Comments 5 Love Its First Anniversary
    member
    edited April 1
    When my sister (MOH) asked everyone, no one had objections or said they couldn't go. Just as things got underway she decided it was too expensive, which I get. I didn't want to make this about me (I absolutely do not want a second bachelorette, sorry if it sounded that way! If she can't pay for Disney I totally don't want her to go out of her way to pay for me in some other way), I just didn't want her to feel left out. But I see your point on how it could be an inconvenience, how it would seem like I'm rubbing it in her face, or how it could end up being about me, so it probably would be best to wait until after the wedding to do something with her.
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    JediElizabethILoveBeachMusiccharlotte989875
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