Military Brides

do it now or wait? He just decided to join.

My guy told me yesterday that he wants to join the Navy and asked if I was ok with that. I told him that it was his decision and that I fully support whatever decision he makes. Our wedding is planned for Oct next year, because our venue books pretty far in advance and it'll take a while to save for my fairy tale wedding, but he wants to join sooner than that. He brought up marrying before he joins. Has anyone else been in this situation? Would you recommend marrying legally now and having the "wedding" later or holding out for the wedding to legally marry?

Re: do it now or wait? He just decided to join.

  • My guy told me yesterday that he wants to join the Navy and asked if I was ok with that. I told him that it was his decision and that I fully support whatever decision he makes. Our wedding is planned for Oct next year, because our venue books pretty far in advance and it'll take a while to save for my fairy tale wedding, but he wants to join sooner than that. He brought up marrying before he joins. Has anyone else been in this situation? Would you recommend marrying legally now and having the "wedding" later or holding out for the wedding to legally marry?

    These boards are very supportive of having one day. You can marry now, or you can marry later. You shouldn't do both. A wedding is a wedding regardless of how big or small you have it. Only you and your FI can decide what date is best for you.
    SP29
  • My guy told me yesterday that he wants to join the Navy and asked if I was ok with that. I told him that it was his decision and that I fully support whatever decision he makes. Our wedding is planned for Oct next year, because our venue books pretty far in advance and it'll take a while to save for my fairy tale wedding, but he wants to join sooner than that. He brought up marrying before he joins. Has anyone else been in this situation? Would you recommend marrying legally now and having the "wedding" later or holding out for the wedding to legally marry?
    If you get married now you won't truly be having a wedding later; your wedding happens when you legally are married. You can have a celebration of marriage party or anniversary party, but your wedding is when you are married. 

    If a "fairy tale wedding" is important to you, save up and have it when you can afford it. Your FI can join the Navy and start his career, and hopefully he will have leave during your wedding. Or, you can move your wedding up before he joins. 
    CMGragainSP29
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    My guy told me yesterday that he wants to join the Navy and asked if I was ok with that. I told him that it was his decision and that I fully support whatever decision he makes. Our wedding is planned for Oct next year, because our venue books pretty far in advance and it'll take a while to save for my fairy tale wedding, but he wants to join sooner than that. He brought up marrying before he joins. Has anyone else been in this situation? Would you recommend marrying legally now and having the "wedding" later or holding out for the wedding to legally marry?
    You can get married now, but that is your wedding. No redo or celebration in the future will be your wedding. You can celebrate later, but this isn't a wedding in any way, shape or form. No vows, gifts, bridal gowns, ceremony, bridesmaids etc as you are a wife, not a bride. 

    It sounds like your wedding is already planned for 18 months from now and this is important to you. 

    You have to weigh up what's more important: being married now or having your 'dream' wedding in 18 months. This is an either or situation as you can't do both. 

    InLoveInQueensCMGragainSP29
  • I would not recommend having a "wedding" later. There is a sticky at the top of the etiquette page covering the topic of having a "wedding" after the fact. Fact of the matter is, you only get one wedding (unless you get divorced then remarried). There is nothing wrong with having a small wedding now. The whole point of the day is to marry your partner not have a giant production. 

    there are a whole lot of reasons people don't like an after the fact wedding, commonly called a PPD. Search the boards on the topic and you will see why. Talk with your fiancé and figure out your priorities. Personally, I would have a small wedding now but I never dreamt of a fairy tale wedding so my priorities might be different from yours.
    SP29
  • To be clear, fairytale doesn't mean giant production. There are less than 75 people on our guest. I'll check out the etiquette page, but it seems kinda unfair that if we don't have a celebration when we sign papers (if we decide to do that) then we couldn't have one later.
  • LondonLisaLondonLisa London, UK
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    edited March 29
    To be clear, fairytale doesn't mean giant production. There are less than 75 people on our guest. I'll check out the etiquette page, but it seems kinda unfair that if we don't have a celebration when we sign papers (if we decide to do that) then we couldn't have one later.
    No, It's not unfair. No one is forcing you to get married now. Where does it say you are entitled to a big wedding? 

    What IS unfair is people being denied the right to 'sign papers' because of being gay and your gross, flippant attitude towards marriage. 

    Get married now or later, but no amount of play acting will change the fact that you are a wife after you 'sign papers' . 
    InLoveInQueensSP29
  • kaos16kaos16
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    member
    To be clear, fairytale doesn't mean giant production. There are less than 75 people on our guest. I'll check out the etiquette page, but it seems kinda unfair that if we don't have a celebration when we sign papers (if we decide to do that) then we couldn't have one later.


    First and foremost, life is unfair at times.  Being an adult means making adult decisions and being ok with the results of the decisions you make.

    It looks like you have two options here:

    1. Get married before he joins the military.  You can have a lovely intimate courthouse wedding.  It can be just the two of you, or you can invite guests.  If you invite anyone, they must be treated to some form of reception.  It can be as simple as going to a restaurant for a meal to thank them.  If it is just the two of you, you can go out to celebrate after.

    2. Wait and have the wedding of your dreams in 18 months.  Have a proper reception to thank anyone that attends.

    You can't do both.

    InLoveInQueensernursejCMGragainSP29
  • Point 1: there is nothing flippant about my attitude. I take marraige seriously and I love my fi, I just asked a question
    Point 2: gay marraige is legal in the US so if you're going to assume I'm a jerk who doesnt take marraige seriously because I asked a question, come up with a better arguement.
    Point 3: if anything is gross it's you jumping down the throat of someone who was making the effort not to be ignorant. You could have simply told me about the etiquette page and left it at that, but instead decided to be rude as all hell. I said I would check it out and I did. Kindly F off.
  • Point 1: there is nothing flippant about my attitude. I take marraige seriously and I love my fi, I just asked a question
    Point 2: gay marraige is legal in the US so if you're going to assume I'm a jerk who doesnt take marraige seriously because I asked a question, come up with a better arguement.
    Point 3: if anything is gross it's you jumping down the throat of someone who was making the effort not to be ignorant. You could have simply told me about the etiquette page and left it at that, but instead decided to be rude as all hell. I said I would check it out and I did. Kindly F off.
    Well then. OP you need to relax.

    Have a party when you originally planned to have a party. No harm in that. But if you get married now, that party is not a wedding. It's a party and should not resemble a wedding. You will have been a husband and wife for over a year. It would be odd to see anyone who has been married for a while dressed up as a bride and groom pretending to get married when they already are. 

    A good way to do this if you want to get married now would be to go to the courthouse and do it, host any guests/witnesses you invited to something small like dinner or lunch, and send out marriage announcements to anyone you'd invite to the party. Then plan your party (not wedding, you're already married). Make it as fairy tale as you want and have fun with it! You could label it as an anniversary party and have it near your wedding date. You could label it as just a party. Whatever you do though, do not pretend it's a wedding. 
    *********************************************************************************

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    ernursejSP29
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited March 30
    DD...big surprise, right?

    OP, if you are still lurking, hundreds of thousands of women have been in your exact situation.  During war times, countless couples have made the decision to be married quietly before the loved one left to serve our country.  What makes you think you are different?

    A wedding is when two people are legally joined to become a married couple.  This has nothing to do with fairy tale anything.  It is a lifetime commitment.  It is sacred.

    Once you are married, you cannot be married again unless you divorce or are widowed.  This is simple logic.  Planning an event, calling it a wedding when it is not a wedding at all, dressing up in a white pouffy dress and pretending to be a bride when you are already married, all this is insulting to the thousands of people who have chosen to be married privately.  It is as if you are saying that marriage isn't good enough for you, and you need the attention of the big party and the fancy dress.  This is called "entitlement", and it is not flattering.

    There is nothing wrong with waiting to be married until you can have your dream wedding.  There is nothing wrong with scrapping your dream wedding plans and getting married quietly in a courthouse, church, or your home.  What is wrong is pretending to be something (a bride) when you are, in reality, a married woman.

    No one was rude to you.  Telling someone to F-off is not only rude, but it violated the Knot rules that you agreed to follow when you signed up.  You did that.  You sound very, very young.  I hope you think about this tonight and wake up a wiser person.  I also think you should wait a while before getting married.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    InLoveInQueensSP29downtondivashort+sassy
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