He chose his choice.

mrsconn23

Dear Prudence,
My boyfriend and I have been together for two years and I recently came home to find he had moved out while I was at work. I love him with all I am and want to spend the rest of my life with him. For the past six months we have been having problems because his family hates me; they’ve accused me of telling them that my boyfriend is physically and emotionally abusive (he isn’t and I haven’t), have called me a liar, and refused to allow me on their property or in their house to talk and sort things out. I knew that they were angry at me and tried to be understanding and didn’t make him choose sides. I spent so many nights alone at home while he went with his family, even Christmas.

His family members were never big fans of mine because when we first got together I was not working due to a back injury from a car accident. But my boyfriend and I have been through a lot together and are happy when it’s just us. He is very sensitive to the feelings of his family and the guilt of feeling like he was hurting them by being with me has been eating him up. He told me that that is why he left. How am I supposed to fix this situation if his family won’t even speak to me and they are endorsing this breakup?

—Broken and Alone

bleve0821

Ya, the BF clearly made a choice, and it wasn't you, LW.  I mean, c'mon.  He moved out WHILE YOU WERE AT WORK.  He left you to be with his family on CHRISTMAS. The writing is on the wall in vermilion.

Even if there was anything that could be fixed, I could not begin to imagine a long-term relationship where my SO abandons me instead of supports me, defends me, or stands up for me with his family.

It's a super shitty thing to feel like you have to choose between your partner and family.  DH and I know vividly what that's like.  But sometimes life forces you to make that choice, because people do suck, and they do lie and lash out and harbor imaginary grudges.  And it's a super shitty feeling to know that the person you love had to make that choice between you and someone they've known their whole life.  

But that's what love is, making that hard choice to be with you.

Sorry, LW.  At least he made the decision to move on for you.

kvruns

If my SO moves out while I'm at work we are done, period. 

short+sassy

I know it is hard for the LW to see right now with pain/emotions at an all time high.  But the kind of POS guy who would move out on his live-in g/f of two years...without a word/discussion ahead of time and while she was at work...is NOT the kind of guy she wants to hitch her star to.  That is a CHILD in man clothing.

LW, you won't see it now, but you will in the future.  He did you a big favor.  Nurse your wounds.  Then get back on the scene and find a REAL man.  One who communicates when there is an issue/problem, instead of pathetically running away to hide.

charlotte989875

He left while you were AT WORK. No. 

Also, where is his family getting this information from? I'd be curious what he is telling them if this is what they think of the LW. 

drunkenwitch

LW dodged a huge bullet.  Imagine spending your life with a sackless little manboy who only cares about his family's precious little feels. 

VarunaTT

She needs to read this for what it is.  Moving out while 1. not telling your partner and 2. doing it when they can't know means it's over and 3. he didn't want to have to deal with you while doing it (whatever reason that might be).  It's irreversible. 

mrsconn23

VarunaTT said:

She needs to read this for what it is.  Moving out while 1. not telling your partner and 2. doing it when they can't know means it's over and 3. he didn't want to have to deal with you while doing it (whatever reason that might be).  It's irreversible. 

THIS! 

A much more severe situation, but DH went back and forth a bit with his first wife and he actually moved home while he figured out what he was going to do (he was discharged from the Marines and had nowhere to live).  In the meantime, she came here and tried to 'work it out' with DH.  That is, until she left their apt. while DH went to church with his parents, and took the kiddo with her back to her home state (there was nothing official, so she wasn't technically stealing the kiddo, but still...shady AF).  Thankfully, the kiddo was a teeny baby and completely unaware of what was happening.  

Anyhoo long story short, due to a series of events,  DH ended up with sole, uncontested custody of the kiddo.  He also got strapped with all their debt.  She had a car that DH was turning back in due to bankruptcy and she finally brought it here and then was all, "let's try again."  (The divorce was final.)  DH let her kiss the baby and handed her a bus pass back home.  

LW needs ovary up and move on.  And give dude a bus pass if he tries to come back. 

VarunaTT

I mean, I moved out while ex-H was in AZ with his parents.  We had already agreed to divorce, but I had agreed to stay in the house (which he wanted to keep b/c "you're leaving the marriage, you can leave the house too) w/him through February, until he could get his finances in order (he still didn't have a job that could pay his bills).

While in AZ, he started messing with decisions I need to make re: my future that I was trying to plan out of after February.  So, I moved out.  It was irreversible, b/c I put my needs ahead of his or ours for the first time in 16 years and I took away any semblance of control he could've exercised.  It's a irreversible move and usually the person making it is 100% fine w/that.