Livid at Fiances family about RSVP regrets

Knottie1469669000

Before I start yes I know I should expect regrets and that's just part of planning a wedding. It's the timing that gets me on this. 

Fiances cousin is getting married June 24 and wants their RSVPs in by April 1(wth? They're menu is roast chicken and only roast chicken). Our wedding is June 3 and want our RSVPs by April 30. 

They have known our wedding date since October and we sent out save the dates in December. We just got a Facebook message tonight saying that they can't attend our wedding because they are having their bachelor and bachelorette parties the day of our wedding so they can't come (and subsequently most of the people on his side of the family) and that some of this was planned before they knew about our wedding. I'm sorry. But really?  If this has been planned out so far in advance why is this the first we are hearing about it? We could have invited more people that didn't make the cut if we knew they weren't going to come. 

Here is were it gets a little stinky in my mind. Their RSVP for their wedding was April 1. I just mailed in our accept with pleasure a few days ago so I feel like they just got it in the mail when they decided to grace us with the knowledge that they aren't coming to ours and basically hijack half of the family. 

We really didn't want to go their wedding in the first place. We are both scheduled to work the weekend of their wedding and we would both have to take time off work to go. Not something we really want to do because we just bought our dream house and will be strapped with a new mortgage. 

I just feel like their excuse isn't good enough.  I mean I guess it shows where their priorities are.  That going drinking and to strip clubs is more important that being a part of big family events.  

But seriously? Wait until I send in your RSVP before telling me? I want to change our RSVP. I mean if we do go we will have a miserable time because we will be sat at a table filled with people who showed us just how much they prefer the other couple to us. 

Am I crazy? I mean I technically have till April 1 to change my RSVP and still be etiquette-correct. I mean it will be so obvious the reason why we are changing but we have always gone the extra mile to keep a good relationship with them and it's never reciprocated. We are both pretty much done with them. Thoughts?

flantastic

Knottie1469669000 said:

Before I start yes I know I should expect regrets and that's just part of planning a wedding. It's the timing that gets me on this. 

Fiances cousin is getting married June 24 and wants their RSVPs in by April 1(wth? They're menu is roast chicken and only roast chicken). Our wedding is June 3 and want our RSVPs by April 30. 

They have known our wedding date since October and we sent out save the dates in December. We just got a Facebook message tonight saying that they can't attend our wedding because they are having their bachelor and bachelorette parties the day of our wedding so they can't come (and subsequently most of the people on his side of the family) and that some of this was planned before they knew about our wedding. I'm sorry. But really?  If this has been planned out so far in advance why is this the first we are hearing about it? We could have invited more people that didn't make the cut if we knew they weren't going to come. 

Here is were it gets a little stinky in my mind. Their RSVP for their wedding was April 1. I just mailed in our accept with pleasure a few days ago so I feel like they just got it in the mail when they decided to grace us with the knowledge that they aren't coming to ours and basically hijack half of the family. 

We really didn't want to go their wedding in the first place. We are both scheduled to work the weekend of their wedding and we would both have to take time off work to go. Not something we really want to do because we just bought our dream house and will be strapped with a new mortgage. 

I just feel like their excuse isn't good enough.  I mean I guess it shows where their priorities are.  That going drinking and to strip clubs is more important that being a part of big family events.  

But seriously? Wait until I send in your RSVP before telling me? I want to change our RSVP. I mean if we do go we will have a miserable time because we will be sat at a table filled with people who showed us just how much they prefer the other couple to us. 

Am I crazy? I mean I technically have till April 1 to change my RSVP and still be etiquette-correct. I mean it will be so obvious the reason why we are changing but we have always gone the extra mile to keep a good relationship with them and it's never reciprocated. We are both pretty much done with them. Thoughts?

What makes you think the other family will actually choose their bach over your wedding? She might say that, but she might be sorely disappointed.

Knottie1469669000

I just received a flood of RSVP regrets from my wedding website from his family. A few hours after the Facebook message was sent 

CMGragain

I wouldn't worry about it.  A wedding invitation is not a court summons.  They are free to decline your invitation if they choose, and you would be wiser to let this drop and enjoy the guests who do come to your wedding.  Think of the money you will save by not feeding people who won't be attending.

This is your FI's family.  Stay out of it.

JediElizabeth

Knottie1469669000 said:

I just received a flood of RSVP regrets from my wedding website from his family. A few hours after the Facebook message was sent 

These family members sound like absolute shit. Have they treated your FI poorly before? 

Changing your RSVP will probably mean a feud within the family (from the sound of these people), or at the very least a schism in your relationship with the other couple. Are you and your FI willing to ruin that relationship? (Or, conversely, do you both feel that they have already ruined the relationship?)

If so, RSVP no. Otherwise, be the bigger person, go to their wedding, etc. 

Personally, I'd change my RSVP. But I have little time for people who play games instead of giving me the common courtesy of communication.

CMGragain

I simply do not understand why bachelor and bachelorette parties have become so ridiculously important.  Brides did not have parties like this when I was married.  It is so new that my spellchecker won't even recognize "bachelorette" as a word!

Let your guests make their own choices.  If they miss your wedding, it is their loss.  Hold your head high and be a perfect lady.  You will be glad when there is more drama down the road - and there will be!  Just wait until your FMIL gets hold of that side of your family!  Hot damn!  Bring your popcorn!

MairePoppy

I'm sorry that his family prioritized the cousins bp over your wedding. That must sting.

How does your fi feel about attending his cousin's wedding? Since this is his side of the family, I'd follow his lead. If you decide against going to the wedding, forward your regrets asap. You should say that you are unable to attend the wedding, no need to offer excuses.

I hope you have a beautiful wedding day with the family members and friends who choose to celebrate with you.

Knottie1469669000

The FI has already deleted them off of Facebook. I guess he has decided what direction to lead in. I mean I'm not so upset that they RSVPd no.  I'm more upset that I sent them a card in the mail letting them know my wedding date in December and they wait till we are two months out from the wedding to let us know that they have different plans for that day and they have had those plans for a long time. I mean for me to invite the friends that didn't make the cut now, it's going to be fairly obviously and rude to them to only invite them two months out

flantastic

Knottie1469669000 said:

The FI has already deleted them off of Facebook. I guess he has decided what direction to lead in. I mean I'm not so upset that they RSVPd no.  I'm more upset that I sent them a card in the mail letting them know my wedding date in December and they wait till we are two months out from the wedding to let us know that they have different plans for that day and they have had those plans for a long time. I mean for me to invite the friends that didn't make the cut now, it's going to be fairly obviously and rude to them to only invite them two months out

Maybe? Not everyone always gets a save-the-date - only the people you know for sure are gonna make the final cut. If you haven't sent out your actual invites yet (and two months before the wedding is the right time to send them), then it's not B-listing your friends. If you sent your invites super early, or they know you already sent them out, then yeah you might be out of luck.

CMGragain

I am confused.  People are RSVPing on your wedding website when you haven't sent out your invitations?  This is very odd.

If you have sent anyone an STD, then you must also send them a formal invitation two months before your wedding.  No excuses!  It does not matter what they have said to you.  It would be very rude for you to not invite someone after you have sent them an STD.  They might just change their minds and attend your wedding.

If I am misunderstanding your posts and you have already sent out your invitations (Why?), then never mind.  Invitations go out 6 to 8 weeks before your wedding.  This means that you should not send your invitations until April 8th.  As long as invitations are sent within this period, there is nothing rude about inviting more people.

redwoodoriginal

She sent her invitations out already and has an rsvp date of April 30 for a June 3 wedding. She also sent STDs back in December. 

Nothing anyone is doing makes sense for their timelines...

CMGragain

redwoodoriginal said:

She sent her invitations out already and has an rsvp date of April 30 for a June 3 wedding. She also sent STDs back in December. 

Nothing anyone is doing makes sense for their timelines...

Thanks for the explanation.  I don't understand why the OP did this.  It isn't a good idea to send invitations this early.

CMGragain

Knottie1469669000 said:

Before I start yes I know I should expect regrets and that's just part of planning a wedding. It's the timing that gets me on this. 

Fiances cousin is getting married June 24 and wants their RSVPs in by April 1(wth? They're menu is roast chicken and only roast chicken). Our wedding is June 3 and want our RSVPs by April 30.
Neither of these RSVP dates make any sense.  Asking your guests to RSVP more than a month before your wedding is unrealistic.   Why did you send out your invitations this early?   It is none of your business what they will serve at their wedding.

They have known our wedding date since October and we sent out save the dates in December. We just got a Facebook message tonight saying that they can't attend our wedding because they are having their bachelor and bachelorette parties the day of our wedding so they can't come (and subsequently most of the people on his side of the family) and that some of this was planned before they knew about our wedding. I'm sorry. But really?  If this has been planned out so far in advance why is this the first we are hearing about it? We could have invited more people that didn't make the cut if we knew they weren't going to come.
There is nothing wrong with their sending regrets.  They are not required to attend your wedding.  No one is.

Here is were it gets a little stinky in my mind. Their RSVP for their wedding was April 1. I just mailed in our accept with pleasure a few days ago so I feel like they just got it in the mail when they decided to grace us with the knowledge that they aren't coming to ours and basically hijack half of the family.
This is sounding a bit paranoid.  I think you are reading things into their actions that are not there.  Your wedding and their wedding are two completely separate events. 

We really didn't want to go their wedding in the first place. We are both scheduled to work the weekend of their wedding and we would both have to take time off work to go. Not something we really want to do because we just bought our dream house and will be strapped with a new mortgage. 
Great!  You can decline their invitation, with apologies for the change in plans.

I just feel like their excuse isn't good enough.  I mean I guess it shows where their priorities are.  That going drinking and to strip clubs is more important that being a part of big family events. 
They do not owe you any excuse.  They have declined your invitation.  They are not required to give you any reason.  It would have been better if they had simply declined your early invitation without trying to explain.

But seriously? Wait until I send in your RSVP before telling me? I want to change our RSVP. I mean if we do go we will have a miserable time because we will be sat at a table filled with people who showed us just how much they prefer the other couple to us. 
Oh, please!  Their wedding is just as important to them as yours is to you.  They invited you.  You need to politely accept or decline, and quit reading things into peoples' actions.  Please send your regrets politely.  If you talk about this within the family, it will get around, and there will be more drama.  Let it go and have a nice wedding without these people.

Am I crazy? I mean I technically have till April 1 to change my RSVP and still be etiquette-correct. I mean it will be so obvious the reason why we are changing but we have always gone the extra mile to keep a good relationship with them and it's never reciprocated. We are both pretty much done with them. Thoughts?
No.  It won't be obvious unless you make it obvious.

Knottie1469669000

JediElizabeth said:

Knottie1469669000 said:

I just received a flood of RSVP regrets from my wedding website from his family. A few hours after the Facebook message was sent 

These family members sound like absolute shit. Have they treated your FI poorly before? 

Changing your RSVP will probably mean a feud within the family (from the sound of these people), or at the very least a schism in your relationship with the other couple. Are you and your FI willing to ruin that relationship? (Or, conversely, do you both feel that they have already ruined the relationship?)

If so, RSVP no. Otherwise, be the bigger person, go to their wedding, etc. 

Personally, I'd change my RSVP. But I have little time for people who play games instead of giving me the common courtesy of communication.

They have slighted him before several times. The main one that sticks out to him was that a a different cousin from that side had a wedding that was 4.5 hr drive for him at the time (this was before I was in the picture) and he never got a thank you card for his gift and the cousin getting married and the cousin or anyone from their immediate family didn't speak to him at the wedding to say thanks for coming i know it's a long drive blah blah blah. He has never let them know he was bitter about that but it still bothers him. 

When we found out they were getting married June 24 (we found this out in Oct by asking them, we knew they were getting married the same summer as us just didn't know the date. Otherwise we would have just found ou when we got their invite in Feb). When we found out they were getting married a couple weeks after us we had decided that we wouldn't be taking a honeymoon right after because we couldn't miss a family members wedding. After this we might start looking at vacations. 

The only reason I brought up what they are serving for their wedding is that chicken isn't exactly exotic so I don't get why they want their RSVPs almost 3 months before their wedding. 

JediElizabeth

Knottie1469669000 said:moo

JediElizabeth said:

Knottie1469669000 said:

I just received a flood of RSVP regrets from my wedding website from his family. A few hours after the Facebook message was sent 

These family members sound like absolute shit. Have they treated your FI poorly before? 

Changing your RSVP will probably mean a feud within the family (from the sound of these people), or at the very least a schism in your relationship with the other couple. Are you and your FI willing to ruin that relationship? (Or, conversely, do you both feel that they have already ruined the relationship?)

If so, RSVP no. Otherwise, be the bigger person, go to their wedding, etc. 

Personally, I'd change my RSVP. But I have little time for people who play games instead of giving me the common courtesy of communication.

They have slighted him before several times. The main one that sticks out to him was that a a different cousin from that side had a wedding that was 4.5 hr drive for him at the time (this was before I was in the picture) and he never got a thank you card for his gift and the cousin getting married and the cousin or anyone from their immediate family didn't speak to him at the wedding to say thanks for coming i know it's a long drive blah blah blah. He has never let them know he was bitter about that but it still bothers him. 

When we found out they were getting married June 24 (we found this out in Oct by asking them, we knew they were getting married the same summer as us just didn't know the date. Otherwise we would have just found ou when we got their invite in Feb). When we found out they were getting married a couple weeks after us we had decided that we wouldn't be taking a honeymoon right after because we couldn't miss a family members wedding. After this we might start looking at vacations. 

The only reason I brought up what they are serving for their wedding is that chicken isn't exactly exotic so I don't get why they want their RSVPs almost 3 months before their wedding. 

It's because they're b-listing. Don't do that  (unfortunately it will mean none of your other friends who could have been inbites will be but it would be rude to do this).

I'd also definitely not go, as long as that's what your FI wants. They (and FI's relationship with them) do not sound worth the time, effort, or money. Otherwise you're starting a pattern where you're always going to be trying to "do the right thing because they're family" and they're always going to treat you poorly. 

(Edited for formatting)

kaos16

Be frustrated, be sad. . . . complain to your fiancé, best girlfriend or us. . . . but you have to let this go. 

STARMOON44

You RSVPed yes, so I think you should go. Just because it's before the deadline doesn't mean it's totally ok to go back and forth. 

bleve0821

One of DH's best friends did this to us.  This guy was like a brother to DH.  Knew months ahead of time via STD when our wedding was.  Texted the week before the wedding that they "mixed up the date and wouldn't be able to attend because a cousin was having his bachelor party that day."  We questioned the honesty of the "mixing up the date" part, but regardless, it didn't matter.  They weren't coming.

DH was crushed.  I've only seen him sadder once.  And it upset me to know he was so hurt by the thoughtless-ness of his friend.  

Additionally, not one member of my family (besides my parents and brother) attended our wedding. No aunts, no uncles, no cousins. They didn't even RSVP.  They all lived 5 minutes from the venue.  That also really hurt.

Honestly, I don't think either of us noticed that friend and his wife, nor my extended family, weren't there. We celebrated with everyone who was able to make it, and had a great time. 

I don't think this is worth wasting energy being "livid" over, but you're allowed to feel your feelings.  Plan your own wedding and honeymoon. Celebrate with friends and family who do attend.  If your FI wants to skip their wedding, send your regrets, but don't explain why.  It sucks that this seems to be a pattern of behavior for them, but that's their problem, not yours. Weddings bring out the worst in people, unfortunately.

MairePoppy

flantastic said:

Knottie1469669000 said:

The FI has already deleted them off of Facebook. I guess he has decided what direction to lead in. I mean I'm not so upset that they RSVPd no.  I'm more upset that I sent them a card in the mail letting them know my wedding date in December and they wait till we are two months out from the wedding to let us know that they have different plans for that day and they have had those plans for a long time. I mean for me to invite the friends that didn't make the cut now, it's going to be fairly obviously and rude to them to only invite them two months out

Maybe? Not everyone always gets a save-the-date - only the people you know for sure are gonna make the final cut. If you haven't sent out your actual invites yet (and two months before the wedding is the right time to send them), then it's not B-listing your friends. If you sent your invites super early, or they know you already sent them out, then yeah you might be out of luck.

I don't agree with B-listing, but I agree with flantastic.

Wedding invitations should be sent about 8 weeks before the wedding and STDs for every guests aren't required. If you can get those invitations out to your friends, today or tomorrow, it still gives them about a month to respond.

Of course, it would have been better if you invited the people you really wanted, rather than the relatives, who aren't so close to you, so I want to help find a loophole.

ei34

I think both RSVP dates are too far in advance.

I'm also confused as to how your FI's cousin's BP is effecting his whole family's rsvp's.  Are his parents, siblings, grandparents, aunts and uncles all attending the Bach party?  I can understand a couple of cousins, but other than that, maybe they've all RSVP'd no for some other reason.  Maybe two weddings in one are two close for them?  Maybe they have other things going on? It's hard to know for sure that it's bc of the Bach party.

If you know for sure that you have space for friends you'd originally cut, you should invite them.  If I received a wedding invitation next week for a June 3rd wedding, I wouldn't think I was b-listed.  Well, as long as the rsvp date was something reasonable, like late May.

DrillSergeantCat

People change their RSVP all the time. Change yours if that's what your FI wants to do and don't go. You don't owe anyone an explanation and it sounds like they don't really care if you're there or not. If someone asks why you're not going, just say, "We really wanted to attend, but our plans changed."

AddieCake

Their excuse is pretty lame, and I definitely think it's weird that so many of his family would choose those parties over a wedding. 

If you don't really want to go, then change your RSVP. They will possibly snark to some about you like you're doing here about them, and the world will go on turning. NBD

kwiksilver

scribe95 said:

I'm not getting most of this. Since when do a bunch of family go to bachelore/ette parties? It's mostly a friends thing. Also, OP chose not to have a honeymoon to go to this wedding? Weird. And FI deleted them from FB. How immature. 

It depends on the place I think. Family "buck and doe" parties are pretty common in some parts. I've even see them be open to entire communities (typically small town) where they put up signs like it's a garage sale.  I can't see picking that over a wedding but family dynamics are weird. FI's paternal grandparents just told us they aren't coming to our wedding because they are going to some Christian retreat instead.  I haven't told FI yet because I know he will be super hurt. 

CMGragain

kwiksilver-2 said:

scribe95 said:

I'm not getting most of this. Since when do a bunch of family go to bachelore/ette parties? It's mostly a friends thing. Also, OP chose not to have a honeymoon to go to this wedding? Weird. And FI deleted them from FB. How immature. 

It depends on the place I think. Family "buck and doe" parties are pretty common in some parts. I've even see them be open to entire communities (typically small town) where they put up signs like it's a garage sale.  I can't see picking that over a wedding but family dynamics are weird. FI's paternal grandparents just told us they aren't coming to our wedding because they are going to some Christian retreat instead.  I haven't told FI yet because I know he will be super hurt. 

If your FI's grandparents are strict born-again Christians, this might just be their way of not attending a wedding that upsets them from a religious view.  I remember that I warned you that not everybody would be OK with your plans.  If so, I am sorry that they feel this way.

kwiksilver

CMGragain said:

kwiksilver-2 said:

scribe95 said:

I'm not getting most of this. Since when do a bunch of family go to bachelore/ette parties? It's mostly a friends thing. Also, OP chose not to have a honeymoon to go to this wedding? Weird. And FI deleted them from FB. How immature. 

It depends on the place I think. Family "buck and doe" parties are pretty common in some parts. I've even see them be open to entire communities (typically small town) where they put up signs like it's a garage sale.  I can't see picking that over a wedding but family dynamics are weird. FI's paternal grandparents just told us they aren't coming to our wedding because they are going to some Christian retreat instead.  I haven't told FI yet because I know he will be super hurt. 

If your FI's grandparents are strict born-again Christians, this might just be their way of not attending a wedding that upsets them from a religious view.  I remember that I warned you that not everybody would be OK with your plans.  If so, I am sorry that they feel this way.

It's actually because they booked it a year in advance and apparently can't get a refund.  

STARMOON44

CMGragain said:

kwiksilver-2 said:

scribe95 said:

I'm not getting most of this. Since when do a bunch of family go to bachelore/ette parties? It's mostly a friends thing. Also, OP chose not to have a honeymoon to go to this wedding? Weird. And FI deleted them from FB. How immature. 

It depends on the place I think. Family "buck and doe" parties are pretty common in some parts. I've even see them be open to entire communities (typically small town) where they put up signs like it's a garage sale.  I can't see picking that over a wedding but family dynamics are weird. FI's paternal grandparents just told us they aren't coming to our wedding because they are going to some Christian retreat instead.  I haven't told FI yet because I know he will be super hurt. 

If your FI's grandparents are strict born-again Christians, this might just be their way of not attending a wedding that upsets them from a religious view.  I remember that I warned you that not everybody would be OK with your plans.  If so, I am sorry that they feel this way.

This just seems gratuitously mean and very "I told you so."

CMGragain

Not my intention at all.  I just thought it might explain the grandparents' actions.  I know it can be hurtful when special people decline to attend your wedding without a reasonable explanation.  Only six members of our family attended daughter's wedding, out of 130 guests, and five of them were in just one family unit.  No grandparents at all, and no explanation.
Why did Kwiksilver2 specify that it was a "Christian retreat"?

southernbelle0915

scribe95 said:

I'm not getting most of this. Since when do a bunch of family go to bachelore/ette parties? It's mostly a friends thing. Also, OP chose not to have a honeymoon to go to this wedding? Weird. And FI deleted them from FB. How immature. 

All of this. 

I wouldn't want to go to their wedding either. But if you want to change your RSVP, the most gracious way to do so would be to do it as soon as possible and be polite about it. You do not have to offer an excuse/reason, but you should offer an apology for changing your mind. 

On the bright side, you don't have to pay to host a bunch of people who prioritize a BP over your wedding...so at least there's that.

kwiksilver

CMGragain said:

Not my intention at all.  I just thought it might explain the grandparents' actions.  I know it can be hurtful when special people decline to attend your wedding without a reasonable explanation.  Only six members of our family attended daughter's wedding, out of 130 guests, and five of them were in just one family unit.  No grandparents at all, and no explanation.
Why did Kwiksilver2 specify that it was a "Christian retreat"?

Because that's what it is?  They aren't "born again" or anything like that. It's simply a retreat for Christian seniors (I could have just said seniors retreat I guess but I didn't think I was going yo be confronted about the religious beliefs of FI's grandparents). Since you're obviously so interested, it's not just a regular local retreat for them. They are flying from Canada to the US to attend, it's a week long, camping, they booked it ages ago because there is a wait list. It's their summer vacation. I am not hurt that they aren't coming, we planned our wedding quite last minute in the grand scheme of things, so I understand. Is that a satisfactory explanation for you?

PrettyGirlLost

scribe95 said:

I'm not getting most of this. Since when do a bunch of family go to bachelore/ette parties? It's mostly a friends thing. Also, OP chose not to have a honeymoon to go to this wedding? Weird. And FI deleted them from FB. How immature. 

Meh, not really.  It's perfectly acceptable to choose not to "friend" assholes on FB, even if those assholes are actually family.  Now, I'm assuming that there's a history of shitty behavior on the cousin's part and that FI's Fuck Budget has simply run out for this cousin.  Otherwise I agree that it's a silly, knee-jerk reaction.

southernbelle0915 said:
On the bright side, you don't have to pay to host a bunch of people who prioritize a BP over your wedding...so at least there's that.

Not necessarily.  My venue and many others in the area hold you to X price minimum when you sign your contract.

Which means that if you project 200pl attending at the time you sign your contract with your venue- in many cases 8 months to 1.5 years in advance- and your contract is for $10, 000, then you are still paying $10,000 even if 150 ppl actually end up attending your reception.  You don't get a price break for those 50 ppl who couldn't make it; all you can do is upgrade apps, booze, etc.  But you have to pay the $10,000, no matter if 200 people or only 10 ppl show up.

flantastic

PrettyGirlLost said:

scribe95 said:

I'm not getting most of this. Since when do a bunch of family go to bachelore/ette parties? It's mostly a friends thing. Also, OP chose not to have a honeymoon to go to this wedding? Weird. And FI deleted them from FB. How immature. 

Meh, not really.  It's perfectly acceptable to choose not to "friend" assholes on FB, even if those assholes are actually family.  Now, I'm assuming that there's a history of shitty behavior on the cousin's part and that FI's Fuck Budget has simply run out for this cousin.  Otherwise I agree that it's a silly, knee-jerk reaction.

southernbelle0915 said:
On the bright side, you don't have to pay to host a bunch of people who prioritize a BP over your wedding...so at least there's that.

Not necessarily.  My venue and many others in the area hold you to X price minimum when you sign your contract.

Which means that if you project 200pl attending at the time you sign your contract with your venue- in many cases 8 months to 1.5 years in advance- and your contract is for $10, 000, then you are still paying $10,000 even if 150 ppl actually end up attending your reception.  You don't get a price break for those 50 ppl who couldn't make it; all you can do is upgrade apps, booze, etc.  But you have to pay the $10,000, no matter if 200 people or only 10 ppl show up.

I got the impression that the FI had defriended all family who were choosing the bach over his wedding, which does seem a touch immature. But I could be wrong and it was referring just to this cousin.