Customs and Traditions

What event type is our wedding?

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Re: What event type is our wedding?

  • flantasticflantastic The Midwest
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    I'm not suggesting these websites were correct. If you have a bride that is not on a forum and is trying to figure it all out, she may be MISINFORMED by what she finds. 

    Please don't get stuck on Martha Stewart, a quick google search for wedding invitation wording and this comes up along with multiple websites. I posted these AS AN EXAMPLE for the simple fact that they were quick finds.

    I feel like the backlash for not knowing is pretty harsh. This isn't that obvious for some. As much as people think this is common sense, that isn't a solid argument because that is an assumption. Maybe other people don't get it. They don't get the clues from the invitation, they don't do their research on the location or don't make the effort to ask. I know my FI doesn't. Also, I cannot fathom someone receiving an invitation and throwing their arms in the air because of the tiny print that says "Formal Attire".  
    No one's getting that dramatic. It's just that I'm like - "Great. What do they even mean?" when I see that tiny line. It shows me mostly that they don't have a clue what's what and so it actually gives me less information about attire than if I could just trust everyone is supposed to be dressing appropriately to the venue/occasion/time of day.

    I'm not really blaming people for doing it, because as I said, they don't have a clue, but it does actually affect some guests in a negative way, however small. And yes, some people definitely need it pointed out to them that there's no reason to tell adults how to dress themselves just because it's a wedding. They wouldn't come to that conclusion on their own. But it's still a fair comparison to make for people - and I think definitely falls into the category of common sense: something you should be able to realize for yourself if you really thought about it. People may lack common sense, but that doesn't preclude it from being common sense. It's also not harsh to phrase a correction in terms of "When else do you try to tell adults how they should dress for your party? Why is your wedding different?"

    If one of your guests also lacks common sense of how to dress themselves without a directive on the invite, they'll ask you, or they'll be appropriately dressed based on their guess, or they'll be over- or under-dressed. Not the end of the world. Many, many more guests will have been able to dress themselves appropriately, and won't have been insulted that the couple thinks they won't figure it out (or wants them to step up their dressing game even if the hosting doesn't match, because pictures - that's the more common reason). Seriously, if someone can't figure out how to dress for a wedding, that sounds like a personal problem. It is, again, a small thing, but guests on the whole will be far less confused without some not-well-defined attire verbiage given to them.

    If a bride takes the correction well, no one thinks less of her for not having thought it out herself. Wedding blinders are real. However, if there's pushback, it's probably "Well, we really want to micromanage Uncle Ted who always shows up in jeans" (won't work) or "We're having a backyard BBQ, but we want our pictures with guests to look like we sprung for an expensive arboretum wedding" (selfish). Not at all a real concern for guest comfort in those cases.

    Anniversary

    InLoveInQueensSP29
  • I'm not suggesting these websites were correct. If you have a bride that is not on a forum and is trying to figure it all out, she may be MISINFORMED by what she finds. 

    Please don't get stuck on Martha Stewart, a quick google search for wedding invitation wording and this comes up along with multiple websites. I posted these AS AN EXAMPLE for the simple fact that they were quick finds.

    I feel like the backlash for not knowing is pretty harsh. This isn't that obvious for some. As much as people think this is common sense, that isn't a solid argument because that is an assumption. Maybe other people don't get it. They don't get the clues from the invitation, they don't do their research on the location or don't make the effort to ask. I know my FI doesn't. Also, I cannot fathom someone receiving an invitation and throwing their arms in the air because of the tiny print that says "Formal Attire".  
    No one's getting that dramatic. It's just that I'm like - "Great. What do they even mean?" when I see that tiny line. It shows me mostly that they don't have a clue what's what and so it actually gives me less information about attire than if I could just trust everyone is supposed to be dressing appropriately to the venue/occasion/time of day.


    This just happened at a wedding I went to earlier this year. Heavy cars stock invitations, evening wedding (but early ceremony so gap), hotel ballroom, invitation said formal attire so I wear formal attire. Well it's definitely not that formal, B&G are but decor, food/drink, styling was definitely not as formal as I was anticipating. It's fine, but without the attire line I probably would have worn something slightly less formal. Not a huge deal, not being dramatic, but kind of annoying. 
    InLoveInQueensCMGragainSP29
  • I'm not suggesting these websites were correct. If you have a bride that is not on a forum and is trying to figure it all out, she may be MISINFORMED by what she finds. 

    Please don't get stuck on Martha Stewart, a quick google search for wedding invitation wording and this comes up along with multiple websites. I posted these AS AN EXAMPLE for the simple fact that they were quick finds.

    I feel like the backlash for not knowing is pretty harsh. This isn't that obvious for some. As much as people think this is common sense, that isn't a solid argument because that is an assumption. Maybe other people don't get it. They don't get the clues from the invitation, they don't do their research on the location or don't make the effort to ask. I know my FI doesn't. Also, I cannot fathom someone receiving an invitation and throwing their arms in the air because of the tiny print that says "Formal Attire".  
    No one's getting that dramatic. It's just that I'm like - "Great. What do they even mean?" when I see that tiny line. It shows me mostly that they don't have a clue what's what and so it actually gives me less information about attire than if I could just trust everyone is supposed to be dressing appropriately to the venue/occasion/time of day.


    This just happened at a wedding I went to earlier this year. Heavy cars stock invitations, evening wedding (but early ceremony so gap), hotel ballroom, invitation said formal attire so I wear formal attire. Well it's definitely not that formal, B&G are but decor, food/drink, styling was definitely not as formal as I was anticipating. It's fine, but without the attire line I probably would have worn something slightly less formal. Not a huge deal, not being dramatic, but kind of annoying. 
    H's cousin had a wedding like that too. Super formal invite, evening, no gap, and the invitation said "black tie optional" (which, wtf). And it was fancier than most weddings I've been to, but nothing that blew us away, and definitely not full-on black tie (I guess that was the optional part?). If they would have left that part off, we all would have dressed the same, based on the location & time of day alone, and it would have saved us all some googling on if black tie optional is even a thing (PS it's not).
    InLoveInQueensSP29
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited August 22
    I'm not suggesting these websites were correct. If you have a bride that is not on a forum and is trying to figure it all out, she may be MISINFORMED by what she finds. 

    Please don't get stuck on Martha Stewart, a quick google search for wedding invitation wording and this comes up along with multiple websites. I posted these AS AN EXAMPLE for the simple fact that they were quick finds.

    I feel like the backlash for not knowing is pretty harsh. This isn't that obvious for some. As much as people think this is common sense, that isn't a solid argument because that is an assumption. Maybe other people don't get it. They don't get the clues from the invitation, they don't do their research on the location or don't make the effort to ask. I know my FI doesn't. Also, I cannot fathom someone receiving an invitation and throwing their arms in the air because of the tiny print that says "Formal Attire".  
    No, it isn't the end of the world to commit a faux pas, or an act of rudeness on a wedding invitation, but that is exactly what it is to print "formal attire" on a wedding invitation.  If your guests show up in attire that you do not approve, do you ask them to leave?  Or do you warmly welcome them to an important event in your life?  If any of your guests are not sure what to wear, they can always phone or text you and ask, can't they?  Most people do know what to wear to a wedding, and many people, myself included, would really side-eye a wedding invitation that says "Formal Attire". 

     Martha Stewart is NOTORIOUS for giving bad etiquette information.  She is great at DIY flower arrangements.  The wording she recommends for invitations is purely awful, and experts like Miss Manners have publicly pointed this out.  This is why her name rang a bell for so many of us.

    There are so many mistakes in this advice, I cannot even begin!  http://www.marthastewartweddings.com/225502/invitation-wording  She even recommends NOT inviting some ceremony guests to the reception!  This is absolutely one of the RUDEST things a bride could do!  This is truly shocking advice!

    Is there any way to prevent Martha Stewart from giving such terrible advice on line?  Nope!  Just hope that brides find another source for basic etiquette advice.

    PS:  NEVER take advice from someone who is trying to sell you something.  Martha Stewart SELLS wedding invitations.  Mens Wearhouse RENTS tuxedos.  The only exception to this is Crane's Blue Book of invitations.  They have been in the business for 200 years, and they do know what they are doing.
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    SP29
  • SP29SP29
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    No, no one is going to throw their hands in the air at "Formal Attire" but the B&G may actually stress their guests out when they don't need to be.

    Upon seeing formal attire, guests may think they need to wear a gown and/or tux, which many people don't own, and those items are expensive enough to buy/rent for one event. And the couple shouldn't be telling their guests what to wear exactly anyway (unless it's a venue requirement), so it really isn't helpful.

    Most people know how to dress appropriately for various events. If they don't, then they probably aren't the type to follow the dress code request anyway. Yes, many like to think about their outfits and wonder what everyone else is wearing, but in that case, they can ask the couple or a close family member. Best thing to say in this case is, "The BMs will be wearing X and the GM wearing Y".

    Fine to list helpful information about the venue- ceremony on grass/outdoors, venue has access to outdoor verandah, etc.

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