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Planning my own bachelorette weekend ?

Hi ladies I need advice! So to begin .. as all of us girls know being engaged and starting to plan our wedding it's probably going to be one of the most exciting events in our lives..  my deal is my maid of honor is my best friend I live here in Florida but she does live in New York but she flies down all the time because her parents still live here and when I asked her I told her what I expected and she was fine with that. But now my bachelorette weekend/retreat is exactly one month away and she has not got with any other girls yet in the bridal party.. she told me she was going to do it this past weekend..and I called and talk to her last week asking if everything was OK that I know it's a lot and I know she has a lot going on up in New York and if I need to take on the responsibilities just let me know so I know what I'm doing and she told me don't stress about it she has everything that she's going to get everything together next week so on and so forth and she has not yet.. so my question is should I just call and be like "you know what I'm going to go ahead and take things over and I'm going to plan the weekend for all of us"I just feel she's not excited about planning her best friend's bachelorette weekend I mean I would if I was her maid of honor or even a bridesmaid I would be on top of everything to my best . I feel it's a chore to her or maybe I'm just overthinking it and maybe my expectations are high but with it being one month away I get anxiety and it stresses me out.. so should I just wait out and see what happens or should I call her by the end of this week and just let her know hey I'm going to go ahead and take things over? Can you girls help me! Xo 

Answers

  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    You can relieve both the stress and anxiety by dropping the entire matter.  Sometimes the best remedy is the simplest.
    charlotte989875MairePoppyInLoveInQueensHeffalump
  • I think it's time to lower your expectations; you essentially asked (told?) your good friend to plan an out of state, weekend long, party in your honor. Maybe that's not what you intended, maybe you've bought into the wedding industry mantra that bridesmaids have responsibilities, maybe all your friends really are into a bachelorette excursion; regardless scale back your expectations, tell your friend your sorry you've asked her to do this, and let things be. If she plans something, great! If she doesn't, don't plan your own party to celebrate you. 
    sparklepants41
  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
    1000 Comments 500 Love Its Second Anniversary 5 Answers
    member
    First of all, punctuation is your friend.

    Secondly, I agree with PPs. You shouldn't be telling your friend what you expect her to do. If she offers to host a bachelorette party great! If she doesn't, and neither does anyone else, you don't get one. Yes, it is fine to be disappointed, but you can't host a party in your own honor.
    sparklepants41Ro041InLoveInQueensDrillSergeantCat
  • edited April 19
    What I meant With my expectations was not for the party but things I need help with throughout my wedding planning  whatever it may be ..but I never said to her I expect this I expect that..  she asked me a couple months ago about my bachelorette party because I don't drink I'm not a big partier so she wanted to get ideas from me what I would want out of my weekend. And I gave her some ideas I told her that I didn't want to go barhopping I wanted to have basically have a girls retreat and just relax at the hotel on the beach somewhere etc.. we already have the hotel booked but she said that she was going to group text all the girls to let the know the weekend timeline and how much everything is going to be so they would have money aside to do those things. Because my bridesmaids are coming to me asking what the plan is and I told them I'm not sure the maid of honor should be texting you . she has it yet that's why am asking what I should do.. but I was thinking about it this morning and I guess I'm going to just let it go and whatever happens happens and if the time comes and nothing is planned I guess the girls and I will just be spontaneous and just go with it

  • edited April 19
     Yes the hotel is booked but it has not been paid for .. that's what I'm trying to figure out who's all going to come and  help on the hotel and my maid of honor also brought up to me a couple weeks ago of things we could do that night but it also cost money that's why I want her to get with the girls to figure out a game plan and what it's going to cost so it doesn't come to a surprise to them at the last minute .. my bridesmaid all offered to help with anything that I need when it comes to my planning so it wasn't like I told them I needed them to do this or do that. ESpecially my maid of honor 
  • I told the girls advance that I was going to book a hotel and I gave them a price and they were all OK  it because it would be split between all of us. But now that time is getting closer I don't really have a headcount on who's all coming so that's why I wanted my maid of honor to do a group text with the girls to figure out the game plan RSVP everyone who's coming because they all live in different areas so we can get an idea who's going to split the hotel. She also brought up she wanted to go see the Male review which you have to purchase tickets in advance and I told her that we need to get a headcount so I can purchase them so we get a table but I have not heard anything from her . I'm just going to drop it thank you so much for everyone's advice and whatever happens it Will still be a good time:) 
  • Holy run-on sentences, Batman!

    I agree with PPs - you should definitely not have any role in the planning of your own bachelorette party. Nor should you expect that any of your bridesmaids/MOH will have any role in planning your wedding.

    From what I can understand through the lack of punctuation is that you essentially told your bridal party members you expect them to each pay for airfare down to Florida (expensive), then pay for a hotel (regardless of whether or not the cost is being split, this is still expensive on top of the airfare), then pay for meals/beverages and possibly a show - without asking any of their budgets first. 

    If I were you, I would take a deep breath, then another deep breath, have a margarita and a cupcake, and back out of any and all coordination/planning for your bachelorette party weekend. Don't worry about headcount; don't worry about purchasing any kind of tickets in advance. 
    charlotte989875InLoveInQueensDrillSergeantCat
  • Ro041Ro041
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    I honestly can't even read any of your paragraphs Knottie# because of the serious run on sentence problem.

    From what I could decipher, you shouldn't expect anything from your MOH.  She is not responsible for helping you plan your wedding.  That responsibility rests solely on you and your fiance and a person you hire (like a wedding planner or day of coordinator).  

    InLoveInQueens
  • You are way too involved in this. You booked the hotel and chose a retreat and want to order tickets? 
  • Whose credit card is the hotel on?  I'd cancel the reservation- check with the hotel, often times you can cancel the room(s) and not be charged as long as it's not too close to the reservation date.

    Planning your own BP, expecting multiple people to travel, wanting it to be laid back but planned to the minute...all things that'll cause you extra stress, not to mention money.  No one's owed or guaranteed a BP- if any of your friends (in the WP or not) want to throw you a BP, they will.
    short+sassysparklepants41thisismynickname2InLoveInQueens
  • MyNameIsNotMyNameIsNot Atlanta
    Eighth Anniversary 5000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member
    Stop planning your own bachelorette party!

    If the hotel is in your name, cancel it. If anyone asks what's happening, tell them that you don't know. This insistence on planning your own party is so freaking rude, and developing resentment among the attendees. 

    If someone decides to plan it, great. If not, that's great too.
  • edited April 20






    I told the girls advance that I was going to book a hotel and I gave them a price and they were all OK  it because it would be split between all of us. But now that time is getting closer I don't really have a headcount on who's all coming so that's why I wanted my maid of honor to do a group text with the girls to figure out the game plan RSVP everyone who's coming because they all live in different areas so we can get an idea who's going to split the hotel. She also brought up she wanted to go see the Male review which you have to purchase tickets in advance and I told her that we need to get a headcount so I can purchase them so we get a table but I have not heard anything from her . I'm just going to drop it thank you so much for everyone's advice and whatever happens it Will still be a good time:) 






    Still not okay. Even if they said they were okay with it. If someone put you on the spot and gave you a number, are you really sure you'd be able to say no if it was too much for your taste? You needed to have let them give YOU the number, not the other way around.

    The second bolded is the best course of action. Let others handle the planning of this. You get to pick the guest list, but everything else should be out of your hands.
    image
    sparklepants41InLoveInQueens
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member
    I didn't have a bachelorette party. I got married one month before my BM and she wanted to do a joint BP, but then she kicked her MOH out of her wedding and the other BM jumped in to plan her BP so I didn't get one. My MOH is more upset about it than I am. I'm just as married as my friend who had a BP. This is not a big deal.
  • SP29SP29
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    So here is how a bachelorette party (or shower) works.

    Someone may or may not offer to host one for you. If no one does, you don't get a party. If someone offers, you may graciously accept their offer. Once they have offered to throw this party for you- THEY are the host. The responsibility of cost and planning falls on them. Of course someone close to you throwing a party in your honour should ask you generally what you'd like to do, or are comfortable doing/not doing, but where the party is, how long it is, or what happens is their decision to make. You telling your MOH that you don't want to bar hop, something low key, the beach, and the guest list, is fine. Anything more than that, you are over stepping your bounds.

    Your MOH is the host (if she did in fact offer to host this party)- if your other friends are asking you for details, you should direct them to your MOH. You should not have any hand in planning this party or booking anything.

    Your MOH decides what kind of party she can host/ what the attendees can afford. Usually yes with a bachelorette party, each person pays their own way (versus any other party where the host covers the costs of everything), but budgets need to be asked first (not "is this hotel price OK?"), and at the end of the day, if your MOH has her name/credit card on the hotel booking/ limo/ tickets/ whatever it's on her if people back out. This is why distance weekend long B parties suck- they put a lot of cost on the guests (why do you need a whole weekend?) and it's a difficult to plan/coordinate when you have many people involved with different budgets.

    You could pick a city if you are all in different places, let each person figure out their own accommodations (if they decide to book together, they can), and your MOH plans a day/afternoon/evening out for you.

    I would talk to your MOH and let her know you are comfortable with whatever she chooses to plan and then step away. Direct any questions to her.
    eileenrobshort+sassyknottiejcowgirl8238
  • Please don't have any expectations or try and tell your MOH what to do with the shower or bachelorette. I'm in a wedding with a bridezilla and she's been doing this shit and it's been effecting everyone negatively. She's expecting two bachelorettes and a shower and is basically trying to plan them all herself/dictate what MOH does so they go right *sigh* 


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