Meal Train

ahoywedding

Have any of you participated in a meal train? Our group of friends have begun setting them up as people have babies, and I just made my first meal earlier this week. I made a lasagna and brought it to my friend in the afternoon. Because it wasn't at meal time, I didn't cook it but I wrote the directions on the tin foil on top. My friend seemed kind of....taken aback...that she had to still cook it. Her husband works from home, so I didn't think "throw this in the oven for an hour at 350" was too much work. Did I do this wrong? Was I supposed to bring it already cooked? I just didn't think anyone would want a hot lasagna at 2 pm.

DrillSergeantCat

I don't think it's a big deal that it wasn't already cooked. I could see if you took her something that had to be watched over, but you put a lasagna in the oven, set the timer, and take it out when the timer goes off.

DrillSergeantCat

Found this...https://www.mealtrain.com/etiquette/

You were fine to do what you did.

bleve0821

I'd have been taken aback that your friend was taken aback.  You did the hardest part.  A lasagna that is hot at 2pm will not be hot at a normal dinner time and would have to be reheated, anyway.  I'd rather have a hot lasagna fresh from the oven than one that has been microwaved.  I can see her getting a little squirrely if you'd taken it over uncooked at, say, 6pm.

TBH, I probably would have done the same.

Also, TBH (and maybe I'm just that jaded by the people in MY life), but that reaction seemed a little... entitled to me.

charlotte989875

Yah, no you didn't nothing wrong. Her reaction seems a little entitled. Maybe because my sister just had a baby, but she was super thankful if anyone brought anything to them. And her H is more than capable of turning on an oven. 

I live the the idea of a meal train, but honestly some of that etiquette seems a little much; bring drinks, enough for leftovers, and breakfast for the morning? No. It's nice if people want to, but the idea that those things are expected run me the wrong way. 

DrillSergeantCat

charlotte989875 said:

Yah, no you didn't nothing wrong. Her reaction seems a little entitled. Maybe because my sister just had a baby, but she was super thankful if anyone brought anything to them. And her H is more than capable of turning on an oven. 

I live the the idea of a meal train, but honestly some of that etiquette seems a little much; bring drinks, enough for leftovers, and breakfast for the morning? No. It's nice if people want to, but the idea that those things are expected run me the wrong way. 

Yeah, I didn't care for that part either. If you want a meal brought for breakfast, put it on the meal train calendar, but there's nothing wrong with a bowl of cereal.

bleve0821

DrillSergeantCat said:

charlotte989875 said:

Yah, no you didn't nothing wrong. Her reaction seems a little entitled. Maybe because my sister just had a baby, but she was super thankful if anyone brought anything to them. And her H is more than capable of turning on an oven. 

I live the the idea of a meal train, but honestly some of that etiquette seems a little much; bring drinks, enough for leftovers, and breakfast for the morning? No. It's nice if people want to, but the idea that those things are expected run me the wrong way. 

Yeah, I didn't care for that part either. If you want a meal brought for breakfast, put it on the meal train calendar, but there's nothing wrong with a bowl of cereal.

Not to sound completely cold-hearted, because I know that being a new parent is a lot of work, taxing, exhausting, etc., and I know how appreciative I'd be if someone wanted to help with meals.... but I just wonder what happened to self-sufficiency.  I would never expect someone to bring me any number or type of meal (cooked or uncooked).  I'm an adult.  If I can bring a child into the world, I sure as hell better be able to independently care for the both of us.

I understand the concept of meal trains being a charitable help-a-friend-out kind of deal, but I'm starting to feel like they are almost a demand/expectation rather than a gift.  Especially when the recipient of these gifts react like that.

banana468

Does your friend not know how to use an oven?   

I like the concept of a meal train but it's not a catering service.   If you want people to bring you food that's hot when you're hungry get fucking take out.

ei34

My mom and sisters unofficially do meal trains (bring each other food when another has something big going on (new baby, surgery, etc) but I hadn't heard the term until very recently.
We do what you did though OP...I wouldn't deliver a hot lasagna at 2pm either.

DrillSergeantCat

atomicblonde said:

Not to sound completely cold-hearted, because I know that being a new parent is a lot of work, taxing, exhausting, etc., and I know how appreciative I'd be if someone wanted to help with meals.... but I just wonder what happened to self-sufficiency.  I would never expect someone to bring me any number or type of meal (cooked or uncooked).  I'm an adult.  If I can bring a child into the world, I sure as hell better be able to independently care for the both of us.

I understand the concept of meal trains being a charitable help-a-friend-out kind of deal, but I'm starting to feel like they are almost a demand/expectation rather than a gift.  Especially when the recipient of these gifts react like that.

You took the thoughts right out of my head. This is coming from someone who has had 2 babies in 2 years and never once asked anyone to bring me anything except the Chinese restaurant down the street. I ate a lot of frozen burritos otherwise. We had 2 people bring us meals after each baby and I was thankful for them and not at all put out that they didn't bring breakfast for the next day.

Ro041

Wow.  That etiquette list is bananas.  The idea that there are etiquette expectations (if your friend doesn't have anyone signed up for a few days, bring enough food to feed them for a week!) when you are giving a gift like food is crazy.

Here would be my list:
1.  Wash your hands before making the food
2.  Try to otherwise be sanitary when cooking
3.  When you drop off your food, leave any instructions re: how to finish the meal
4.  Assume your friend has plates and utensils (they are adults, after all)
5.  Feel good that you went out of your way and did something nice for your friend.  

MissKittyDanger

atomicblonde said:

DrillSergeantCat said:

charlotte989875 said:

Yah, no you didn't nothing wrong. Her reaction seems a little entitled. Maybe because my sister just had a baby, but she was super thankful if anyone brought anything to them. And her H is more than capable of turning on an oven. 

I live the the idea of a meal train, but honestly some of that etiquette seems a little much; bring drinks, enough for leftovers, and breakfast for the morning? No. It's nice if people want to, but the idea that those things are expected run me the wrong way. 

Yeah, I didn't care for that part either. If you want a meal brought for breakfast, put it on the meal train calendar, but there's nothing wrong with a bowl of cereal.

Not to sound completely cold-hearted, because I know that being a new parent is a lot of work, taxing, exhausting, etc., and I know how appreciative I'd be if someone wanted to help with meals.... but I just wonder what happened to self-sufficiency.  I would never expect someone to bring me any number or type of meal (cooked or uncooked).  I'm an adult.  If I can bring a child into the world, I sure as hell better be able to independently care for the both of us.

I understand the concept of meal trains being a charitable help-a-friend-out kind of deal, but I'm starting to feel like they are almost a demand/expectation rather than a gift.  Especially when the recipient of these gifts react like that.

I'm for the same thought tbh. I haven't had kids, so maybe my mind will change because everyone's reaction to having kids is different .... however one thing I see on Pinterest a lot are things for meal planning before having babies - or in general.
Basically throwing together different meals so you can throw in crockpot, on a pan, in oven, etc really quick.

lnixon8

Even the one about recylable or reusable dishes. As a dink (dual income no kids) of course I recycle but if I have a baby I'm sure we'll be using paper plates the first few weeks.

banana468

Some of that list should be reviewed with the recipient.   Not everyone has a ton of freezer space but some people do.  Yes, if you're making a roasted chicken please include the gravy or the dipping sauce for the mozz sticks.   But you don't need to add beverages. 

And if you're bringing something in a container that needs to be heated it's probably recyclable.  That has more to do with the environment than the recipient.  

FWIW, if you have a dishwasher it's not much different to load that than it is to take out the trash. 

STARMOON44

I do think it's a little odd to not actually cook it. Personally I would have cooked the lasagna, and included instructions to reheat. I know "oven for an hour at 350" seems easy but when you offer to bring a meal over it doesn't strike me as the most helpful to say "here! I am roughly halfway on this! You finish it."  

MissKittyDanger

Random thought - instead of a meal, could people offer services?
For example, helping with laundry or watching child while new mom sleeps for an hour {even if the little one is sleeping the entire time}

Tbh I think I would appreciate that more than so many meals.


Moms on here, thoughts?

DrillSergeantCat

MissKittyDanger said:

Random thought - instead of a meal, could people offer services?
For example, helping with laundry or watching child while new mom sleeps for an hour {even if the little one is sleeping the entire time}

Tbh I think I would appreciate that more than so many meals.


Moms on here, thoughts?

YES!!! That's one of the biggest complaints about people coming over after the baby is born. They'll say, "Here let me hold the baby while you do laundry/dishes/cook" instead of "...while you shower/nap/have a coffee/some other activity to allow you to feel human."  

banana468

STARMOON44 said:

I do think it's a little odd to not actually cook it. Personally I would have cooked the lasagna, and included instructions to reheat. I know "oven for an hour at 350" seems easy but when you offer to bring a meal over it doesn't strike me as the most helpful to say "here! I am roughly halfway on this! You finish it."  

Something like a lasagna though would need about as long to reheat in an oven.   If it's a full tray that's dense and would be a really long reheat with dry out potential.  

DrillSergeantCat

STARMOON44 said:

I do think it's a little odd to not actually cook it. Personally I would have cooked the lasagna, and included instructions to reheat. I know "oven for an hour at 350" seems easy but when you offer to bring a meal over it doesn't strike me as the most helpful to say "here! I am roughly halfway on this! You finish it."  

It's not really halfway, though, more like 3/4. And fresh lasagna is so much better than reheated IMO.

cupcait927

STARMOON44 said:

I do think it's a little odd to not actually cook it. Personally I would have cooked the lasagna, and included instructions to reheat. I know "oven for an hour at 350" seems easy but when you offer to bring a meal over it doesn't strike me as the most helpful to say "here! I am roughly halfway on this! You finish it."  

If it was brought right before a meal time, I would agree. But if you bring me a cooked lasagna at 2 pm in the afternoon, I'm still going to have to turn on the oven and reheat it for dinner at 6. Literally all the recipient has to do is a preheat the oven and pop it in.

STARMOON44

banana468 said:

STARMOON44 said:

I do think it's a little odd to not actually cook it. Personally I would have cooked the lasagna, and included instructions to reheat. I know "oven for an hour at 350" seems easy but when you offer to bring a meal over it doesn't strike me as the most helpful to say "here! I am roughly halfway on this! You finish it."  

Something like a lasagna though would need about as long to reheat in an oven.   If it's a full tray that's dense and would be a really long reheat with dry out potential.  

Microwave. Why would you reheat and entire tray of lasagna for 2 people?

Look, some people just aren't cooks and aren't comfortable with it. When you bring a meal, I think bringing something that is in fact cooked is wise. 

banana468

STARMOON44 said:

banana468 said:

STARMOON44 said:

I do think it's a little odd to not actually cook it. Personally I would have cooked the lasagna, and included instructions to reheat. I know "oven for an hour at 350" seems easy but when you offer to bring a meal over it doesn't strike me as the most helpful to say "here! I am roughly halfway on this! You finish it."  

Something like a lasagna though would need about as long to reheat in an oven.   If it's a full tray that's dense and would be a really long reheat with dry out potential.  

Microwave. Why would you reheat and entire tray of lasagna for 2 people?

Look, some people just aren't cooks and aren't comfortable with it. When you bring a meal, I think bringing something that is in fact cooked is wise. 

It's gummy and worse in a microwave.   It also gets terrible cold spots due to density and you can't stir it for even heating without ruining the look.  

I never reheat casseroles in the microwave.   Always a toaster oven.  Always.    

Some people aren't cooks but even they can handle frozen foods.  There's an entire section by Stouffer's of frozen casseroles.    If I use one I'm heating.    Not cooking.   

We will have to agree to disagree here.    I don't think the OP did anything wrong.  In fact, I would have preferred her approach.     Perhaps in the future she could ask the parents if they prefer cooked or assembled in an email or text first.    Then they can decide.    

ahoywedding

Thanks guys for making me feel not crazy! The friend I brought it to is an excellent cook an her husband is also capable of turning on an oven. (And also microwave-reheated most things are gross)

I'm glad I didn't see that etiquette list though, because I definitely was not going to bring drinks or breakfast. (Although maybe ordering a pizza would have been easier! haha)

I agree that the whole idea seems a little...off, and I felt weird signing up for it. The website has a place where the couple can list food allergies, dislikes, etc which is helpful but also allows people to be stupid picky, and I don't know how I feel about that. I feel like I would maybe rather prepare my own freezer meals ahead of time.

STARMOON44

banana468 said:

STARMOON44 said:

banana468 said:

STARMOON44 said:

I do think it's a little odd to not actually cook it. Personally I would have cooked the lasagna, and included instructions to reheat. I know "oven for an hour at 350" seems easy but when you offer to bring a meal over it doesn't strike me as the most helpful to say "here! I am roughly halfway on this! You finish it."  

Something like a lasagna though would need about as long to reheat in an oven.   If it's a full tray that's dense and would be a really long reheat with dry out potential.  

Microwave. Why would you reheat and entire tray of lasagna for 2 people?

Look, some people just aren't cooks and aren't comfortable with it. When you bring a meal, I think bringing something that is in fact cooked is wise. 

It's gummy and worse in a microwave.   It also gets terrible cold spots due to density and you can't stir it for even heating without ruining the look.  

I never reheat casseroles in the microwave.   Always a toaster oven.  Always.    

Some people aren't cooks but even they can handle frozen foods.  There's an entire section by Stouffer's of frozen casseroles.    If I use one I'm heating.    Not cooking.   

We will have to agree to disagree here.    I don't think the OP did anything wrong.  In fact, I would have preferred her approach.     Perhaps in the future she could ask the parents if they prefer cooked or assembled in an email or text first.    Then they can decide.    

I don't think she did a terrible thing or anything, just that it makes sense to me her friend was surprised it wasn't cooked. 

MissKittyDanger

DrillSergeantCat said:

MissKittyDanger said:

Random thought - instead of a meal, could people offer services?
For example, helping with laundry or watching child while new mom sleeps for an hour {even if the little one is sleeping the entire time}

Tbh I think I would appreciate that more than so many meals.


Moms on here, thoughts?

YES!!! That's one of the biggest complaints about people coming over after the baby is born. They'll say, "Here let me hold the baby while you do laundry/dishes/cook" instead of "...while you shower/nap/have a coffee/some other activity to allow you to feel human."  

I was thinking how much my mum appreciated it when my nana came and helped out after I was born. Due to a lot of complications with her, my mum never was taught things at the hospital so that's how it started as. Then it was "oh go lie down, if the baby makes a peep I will bring her up" {nervous new mother and all} but it gave my mum those few minutes to nap and shower with some calm.

DrillSergeantCat

MissKittyDanger said:

I was thinking how much my mum appreciated it when my nana came and helped out after I was born. Due to a lot of complications with her, my mum never was taught things at the hospital so that's how it started as. Then it was "oh go lie down, if the baby makes a peep I will bring her up" {nervous new mother and all} but it gave my mum those few minutes to nap and shower with some calm.

I always had to squeeze in a shower while the baby was sleeping. This was usually only after I had gotten into such a funk that I smelled like cheese (a perk of breastfeeding).

CharmedPam

I haven't had a working stove since December, and I miss making lasagna myself!  however, if I did have a working stove - I'd love it.

My friend self promoted her meal train on facebook.  She didn't set it up, her friend did, but she put a link to her page and said "hey if you can contribute, it would help me out a lot". I felt like that was very self entitled on her part.  Don't get me wrong, great idea - but people have been doing meal trains for new moms for years.  Didn't need this much organization!  

DrillSergeantCat

@CharmedPam that's when you send links to crockpot freezer meals.

levioosa

My first thought was "wtf?" I've made freezer meals for friends that they can throw in the crock pot or oven whenever it's convenient for them, I've brought over fresh food, I've brought over groceries, but if someone gave me attitude about it that would be the last time I did something nice like that for them. I didn't know it was a website thing either. How interesting. Also, just no to the beverages and breakfast. If I think something might pair super awesome with the meal, then sure, I'll provide it, but I'm not bringing you two liters of soda like a fucking dominos delivery. 

MissKittyDanger

DrillSergeantCat said:

MissKittyDanger said:

I was thinking how much my mum appreciated it when my nana came and helped out after I was born. Due to a lot of complications with her, my mum never was taught things at the hospital so that's how it started as. Then it was "oh go lie down, if the baby makes a peep I will bring her up" {nervous new mother and all} but it gave my mum those few minutes to nap and shower with some calm.

I always had to squeeze in a shower while the baby was sleeping. This was usually only after I had gotten into such a funk that I smelled like cheese (a perk of breastfeeding).

My mum admits that was her first mistake, not doing things while I slept. However, with her complications she wasn't really "up to par" when she came home {she lied to hospital to come home} With those issues, a normal 20min shower was closer to 45min shower.

I'd be lying if I didn't admit to giggling at the cheese scent - I shouldn't laugh but the idea is funny :P

DrillSergeantCat

MissKittyDanger said:

My mum admits that was her first mistake, not doing things while I slept. However, with her complications she wasn't really "up to par" when she came home {she lied to hospital to come home} With those issues, a normal 20min shower was closer to 45min shower.

I'd be lying if I didn't admit to giggling at the cheese scent - I shouldn't laugh but the idea is funny :P

Go ahead and laugh! I had to or I'd cry. It's just so easy to not want to put the baby down so you forget to do basic necessities. 

PS - I currently smell like maple syrup.