Wedding Woes

"No, you first. Thanks."

Dear Prudence,
I work for a tech company where the men outnumber the women. On the elevators in our building, men often go out of their way to ensure the women exit first. This drives me nuts—it’s one thing to hold the door open for everyone, but it’s another to do it just for female co-workers. Sometimes men who are closest to the doors will shift around awkwardly to let me out ahead of them rather than just exiting first themselves, which would be easier for everyone. Is there anything I can say to make it clear that’s not necessary? I generally try “Please, go ahead” or “You’re closer to the door, after you,” but should I be more direct?

—Stuck on the Elevator

Re: "No, you first. Thanks."

  • To me this would be more the principal, if she's in a male dominated field she may already find herself working extra hard to be taken seriously, and then the random things done only for women in the name of chivalry can easily just be the proverbial straw.

    I like her current words, because it sort of points to the illogical-ness: you're closest, just get the fuck off!  I think eventually some of the men will get the point. 

    OT: One of the sleaziest things I've experienced was when I was a pedestrian waiting at a cross walk with a cyclist. Light turns green, and he gestures at me to go first (despite having different "lanes").  At first I thought he was being a bit weird, but with good intentions in the name of politeness.  He biked behind me, obviously leering at my ass, the entire fucking cross walk. Never have I felt so violated without even being touched.  I wish my 21 year old self had had the confidence to put him in his place. 
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
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    Yes, be more direct.

    I have to explain the fucking laws of physics- that one solid object cannot pass through another solid object-  several times a month to the idiots who loiter in the doorways of crowded rush hour buses and then refuse to step off the bus and out of the way to let other ppl off.

    When "Excuse me," doesn't drive the point home to them, I flat out say, "You need to step off so that we can get off the bus, I'm not going to push through you so please step off, etc."

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    adk19


  • Yes, be more direct.

    I have to explain the fucking laws of physics- that one solid object cannot pass through another solid object-  several times a month to the idiots who loiter in the doorways of crowded rush hour buses and then refuse to step off the bus and out of the way to let other ppl off.

    When "Excuse me," doesn't drive the point home to them, I flat out say, "You need to step off so that we can get off the bus, I'm not going to push through you so please step off, etc."



    Argh!  I know, I know.

    Different scenario, same type of annoying people.  So my p/t job is taking pics of hotel event boards.  As such, I walk through hotel entrances a few dozen times a week.

    I can't tell you how many times there is some HUGE lobby.  Or open sidewalks.  So much room everywhere.  But people and their groups are hanging out right at the hotel doors.  It's the weirdest thing yet, I see it all the time.  I've often been curious what underlying psychology is going on there. 

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
    PrettyGirlLostcowgirl8238


  • Fart every single time you're exiting the elevator in front of them. Problem solved.


    I still vote this is greatest option.
    cat animals pallas cat GIF
    MesmrEweernursej
  • Ro041Ro041
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its First Answer
    member



    Argh!  I know, I know.

    Different scenario, same type of annoying people.  So my p/t job is taking pics of hotel event boards.  As such, I walk through hotel entrances a few dozen times a week.

    I can't tell you how many times there is some HUGE lobby.  Or open sidewalks.  So much room everywhere.  But people and their groups are hanging out right at the hotel doors.  It's the weirdest thing yet, I see it all the time.  I've often been curious what underlying psychology is going on there. 



    I notice this ALL THE TIME.  At the airport, at sporting events, at Target etc.  People in groups insist on just loitering in the middle of the area where people are walking.  Who doesn't understand the concept of moving to an area where people aren't trying to move around and have their convo there??

    short+sassyPrettyGirlLost
  • PrettyGirlLostPrettyGirlLost A Land Filled with Unicorns and Cat Hair
    5000 Comments 500 Love Its Fourth Anniversary First Answer
    member

    Ro041 said:






    Argh!  I know, I know.

    Different scenario, same type of annoying people.  So my p/t job is taking pics of hotel event boards.  As such, I walk through hotel entrances a few dozen times a week.

    I can't tell you how many times there is some HUGE lobby.  Or open sidewalks.  So much room everywhere.  But people and their groups are hanging out right at the hotel doors.  It's the weirdest thing yet, I see it all the time.  I've often been curious what underlying psychology is going on there. 





    I notice this ALL THE TIME.  At the airport, at sporting events, at Target etc.  People in groups insist on just loitering in the middle of the area where people are walking.  Who doesn't understand the concept of moving to an area where people aren't trying to move around and have their convo there??

    I hate this behavior as well.

    I chalk it up to people being self centered and oblivious of everyone else around them.

    "Love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends time and space."


    short+sassy
  • kaos16kaos16
    Knottie Warrior 500 Love Its 1000 Comments First Answer
    member

    Ro041 said:






    Argh!  I know, I know.

    Different scenario, same type of annoying people.  So my p/t job is taking pics of hotel event boards.  As such, I walk through hotel entrances a few dozen times a week.

    I can't tell you how many times there is some HUGE lobby.  Or open sidewalks.  So much room everywhere.  But people and their groups are hanging out right at the hotel doors.  It's the weirdest thing yet, I see it all the time.  I've often been curious what underlying psychology is going on there. 





    I notice this ALL THE TIME.  At the airport, at sporting events, at Target etc.  People in groups insist on just loitering in the middle of the area where people are walking.  Who doesn't understand the concept of moving to an area where people aren't trying to move around and have their convo there??



    This is so annoying.  My mother is an offender, I'm embarrassed to admit.  I always tell her to move to the side in case people want to pass and she gets pissy with me. 

    At Target today someone stopped in front of me to chat in the middle of the aisle.  I actually just stopped and stared at her until she realized and awkwardly apologized and moved, then I silently proceeded on my way to the next aisle.  I just don't understand people!

    Ro041Greenjinjo
  • men will do this at our office, but then it creates a secondary awkward situation when i reach the door first and end up trying to open the door as they try to hold it for me. 

    I don't care who gets off the elevator first, as long as you're not letting the door slam shut on me. 
    sparklepants41charlotte989875cowgirl8238
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