Wedding 911

In Laws Issues - Really Long Post***

My fiancé and I have been together for 9 years. We have one child together. Throughout our relationship we've gotten to know each other's family. Early on in the relationship, I used to stay at his house and was practically living there part time when I was pregnant. His family and I got along pretty well and I once heard his mom refer to me as her daughter. I would tell my friends about his mom and I's relationship and they'd always tell me it wasn't so smooth with their boyfriends' moms. My fiancé's mom was really excited about us having our child, her first grandchild; so imagine my surprise once our son was born and everything started changing. In the short version my fiancé's mom thought she knew how to raise my son better than I did and would constantly cause unnecessary drama. Things finally came to a head one evening and my fiancé told her, according to her she wouldn't see our son again. Eventually they made up. I made a conscious effort to put the past behind me and continue to build our relationship. Things were fine.

Last fall we got engaged. I asked my fiancé where he would tell his parents and he said in due time. He's a man of few words and moves on his time when it comes to sharing life events. (He didn't tell anyone I was pregnant until about 14-16 weeks along). His mother's 50th birthday was coming up and I encouraged him to surprise her and bring the baby. I happened to be visiting my family the same weekend so we all ended up going. After the festivities, he broke the news to his mom, dad, brother and sister. In that moment everyone seemed happy and offered congratulations. That was months ago. One evening we're sitting down after dinner and fiancé gets a call. It's his mother asking who's idea was it for us to have a destination wedding and how expensive the tickets are. They had a 4 family package with an all inclusive hotel plus flight and airport pickup/drop accommodations for 5 days for $4,000. It may seem like a lot but it was more reasonable than them flying to our state and spending the same amount of money. We chose a destination wedding because we are paying for the wedding alone and couldn't afford to have a wedding in the states. Also, we thought it'd be a great way for everyone to really take a vacation, reconnect with family and relax themselves. 

Anyhow, she kept badgering him about who's idea was it and the cost. He had already told her it was his and she actually said no it wasn't. So he kept asking her what would she like him to do. She just continued harping. Because he was getting really upset I took our son upstairs so he could have privacy to finish speaking with his mom. He came upstairs a while later and started going off about how he knew this would happen, blah blah blah. Since I didn't know what else to say I asked if he would like me to cancel the wedding. He went outside to vent some more and I gave him space that night. The next day I find out he uninvited his parents and brother to the wedding via text. I told him he was wrong for bringing his father and brother into it when his mom was the one who called. He told me that they were all in agreement and his mom was just the voice. I asked how he knew that and he said neither his dad nor the brother called or texted him back. I said what did you want them to reply? He asked me if my brother didn't know about the conversation I had with my mom but got a text saying he was uninvited, would he call me right away and ask what was going on. Knowing my siblings they would. He said the only reason they didn't text back was because they were all upset about having to spend money to come to our wedding. So instead of them having to spend the money, he'd just be the bad guy and uninvite them.  

Calls from his cousin confirmed what he told me. But not only that I found out his family was upset about a lot of things concerning the wedding and even back to him moving out when we had our son. They were saying things like they bet my mom knew about the wedding first, I was being inconsiderate having a destination wedding, they weren't included in the wedding plans (although his brother was going to be the best man and his sister the flower girl) and so on. Mind you, they were the only people who were told in person of our upcoming nuptials. They were the first to receive the details. Anyhow my fiancé told me he knew they weren't genuinely happy the day we broke the news and it isn't about money, they're just mad they don't have a say so in anything. He originally agreed to reach out to his dad and brother to re-invite them but once he heard all they had to say behind his back, he said forget it. I tried reaching out to his family to explain how hurt he was over the whole situation. His mom actually said he has nothing to be hurt about and he is the one who hurt her. Both her and the brother told me they didn't plan on apologizing to him and if he wanted them at the wedding he needs to call. 

Fiancé says it doesn't matter whether they come or not because he won't forget the fact that they're not genuinely happy for him. I told him he may regret it if on our wedding day he looks out, my whole family is there and his parents/brother aren't but he says he's over it. It's less than two months before our wedding and it seems as thought they're really sticking to it and not coming to the wedding. I've been trying to put it out my mind but some days, as you see by this post, it really bothers me. Not only does he not have their support but after 9 years and a child, it hurts knowing they aren't willing to support us. Out of all the guests we invited, they're the only ones who had such things to say... at least to our faces.

I guess I'm not actually asking what to do but just how can I work through this?

Sorry for the long post!!! I just needed to get it out. 

Re: In Laws Issues - Really Long Post***



  • My fiancé and I have been together for 9 years. We have one child together. Throughout our relationship we've gotten to know each other's family. Early on in the relationship, I used to stay at his house and was practically living there part time when I was pregnant. His family and I got along pretty well and I once heard his mom refer to me as her daughter. I would tell my friends about his mom and I's relationship and they'd always tell me it wasn't so smooth with their boyfriends' moms. My fiancé's mom was really excited about us having our child, her first grandchild; so imagine my surprise once our son was born and everything started changing. In the short version my fiancé's mom thought she knew how to raise my son better than I did and would constantly cause unnecessary drama. Things finally came to a head one evening and my fiancé told her, according to her she wouldn't see our son again. Eventually they made up. I made a conscious effort to put the past behind me and continue to build our relationship. Things were fine.


    Last fall we got engaged. I asked my fiancé where he would tell his parents and he said in due time. He's a man of few words and moves on his time when it comes to sharing life events. (He didn't tell anyone I was pregnant until about 14-16 weeks along). His mother's 50th birthday was coming up and I encouraged him to surprise her and bring the baby. I happened to be visiting my family the same weekend so we all ended up going. After the festivities, he broke the news to his mom, dad, brother and sister. In that moment everyone seemed happy and offered congratulations. That was months ago. One evening we're sitting down after dinner and fiancé gets a call. It's his mother asking who's idea was it for us to have a destination wedding and how expensive the tickets are. They had a 4 family package with an all inclusive hotel plus flight and airport pickup/drop accommodations for 5 days for $4,000. It may seem like a lot but it was more reasonable than them flying to our state and spending the same amount of money. We chose a destination wedding because we are paying for the wedding alone and couldn't afford to have a wedding in the states. Also, we thought it'd be a great way for everyone to really take a vacation, reconnect with family and relax themselves. 


    Anyhow, she kept badgering him about who's idea was it and the cost. He had already told her it was his and she actually said no it wasn't. So he kept asking her what would she like him to do. She just continued harping. Because he was getting really upset I took our son upstairs so he could have privacy to finish speaking with his mom. He came upstairs a while later and started going off about how he knew this would happen, blah blah blah. Since I didn't know what else to say I asked if he would like me to cancel the wedding. He went outside to vent some more and I gave him space that night. The next day I find out he uninvited his parents and brother to the wedding via text. I told him he was wrong for bringing his father and brother into it when his mom was the one who called. He told me that they were all in agreement and his mom was just the voice. I asked how he knew that and he said neither his dad nor the brother called or texted him back. I said what did you want them to reply? He asked me if my brother didn't know about the conversation I had with my mom but got a text saying he was uninvited, would he call me right away and ask what was going on. Knowing my siblings they would. He said the only reason they didn't text back was because they were all upset about having to spend money to come to our wedding. So instead of them having to spend the money, he'd just be the bad guy and uninvite them.  


    Calls from his cousin confirmed what he told me. But not only that I found out his family was upset about a lot of things concerning the wedding and even back to him moving out when we had our son. They were saying things like they bet my mom knew about the wedding first, I was being inconsiderate having a destination wedding, they weren't included in the wedding plans (although his brother was going to be the best man and his sister the flower girl) and so on. Mind you, they were the only people who were told in person of our upcoming nuptials. They were the first to receive the details. Anyhow my fiancé told me he knew they weren't genuinely happy the day we broke the news and it isn't about money, they're just mad they don't have a say so in anything. He originally agreed to reach out to his dad and brother to re-invite them but once he heard all they had to say behind his back, he said forget it. I tried reaching out to his family to explain how hurt he was over the whole situation. His mom actually said he has nothing to be hurt about and he is the one who hurt her. Both her and the brother told me they didn't plan on apologizing to him and if he wanted them at the wedding he needs to call. 


    Fiancé says it doesn't matter whether they come or not because he won't forget the fact that they're not genuinely happy for him. I told him he may regret it if on our wedding day he looks out, my whole family is there and his parents/brother aren't but he says he's over it. It's less than two months before our wedding and it seems as thought they're really sticking to it and not coming to the wedding. I've been trying to put it out my mind but some days, as you see by this post, it really bothers me. Not only does he not have their support but after 9 years and a child, it hurts knowing they aren't willing to support us. Out of all the guests we invited, they're the only ones who had such things to say... at least to our faces.


    I guess I'm not actually asking what to do but just how can I work through this?


    Sorry for the long post!!! I just needed to get it out. 




    I answered you on Wedding Woes.  If you're posting your question on more than one board, you should put XP in the title (for "cross-posted").
    adk19levioosadivarhdMairePoppy
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