Family dinner?

kaos16

Who here that has kiddos eats dinner together as a family?  At what age did you start doing so?

We have a friend who made a comment to DH that she eats dinner with her sons every night (I'm not sure about her husband) and that everyone should.  Her kids are 2 and 4.

Our son is 1.  After I get home from work we play, I make him dinner, hang with him while he eats, bath or more play, stories then bed at 7.  DH and I eat around 8 or 9. 

What's the norm?

ILoveBeachMusic

Don't know about now, but when my kids were little we ate dinner together from the start (5:30ish). We always ate early because we were on an early schedule ( up and out the door by 6:30-7:00 every morning). Now H and I eat dinner a little later but usually by 7:00.

lyndausvi

I don't think there is a norm.

While I don't have kids,  I grew up always having dinner as a family.  Started pretty much immediately.    Now I was the oldest, so it might not have started right away for me. By the time my brothers were born I was 5 and all 6 of us were eating together.    When we started to get older and each having activities and all it would slow down a few times a week.

My siblings all have kids and starting eating together as a family almost from the start also.  Again, as the kid's activities starting ramping up it started to slow, but they eat together as a family as much as possible.

JaxInBlue

For us, it's dinner as a family around 6:00/6:30 most nights of the week.   DS and I get home from work/daycare around 5:30, DH around 5:45.  It's been this way since DS started on a real meal schedule at around 6 months and he's 1.5 now.  After dinner it's a quick playtime, bath, stories, and bed for DS.

Dinner as a family is a priority for me.  It's important to me that we eat together, talk about our days, talk about plans.  Starting early is helping DH and me develop good habits for dinner since we'd gotten into the habit of eating in front of the TV or our computers before DS came along.

DH and I generally will take one weekend night to skip eating with DS and do something for ourselves later. 

southernbelle0915

I don't really know what the norm is, but we *try* to eat as a family (everyone sitting down at the same time) every night. My son is a little over 1.5 and we've been doing it for 4ish months.

He's a FOMO kid and liked to run around while we "helicopter fed" him. Once we found ourselves doing this, we made a concerted effort to stop. If he's going to eat it's going to be in his highchair (at the table when he gets older). If nothing else, we're just trying to establish basic rules - "food belongs at the table" and "we eat as a family". 

emmaaa

Growing up, we always had supper as a family (if we were home, many nights were hotdogs at the ball field) and it was usually 7:00 pm before we ate. I would like to do the same with my daughter but she's only 7 months old and is in bed no later than 7:30 pm. I don't even get home until 6:30 pm. So by the time I get in the door, change clothes, bathe her, and change her, it's time for her to nurse and then go to bed. Then, DH and I eat around 7:30 or so.

As she gets older, I want us all to sit down at the table together and eat.

MairePoppy

@emmaaa Love the cheeks. She's adorable!

Once our children were able to sit in  high chair and eat solids - around 6 - 8 months, they ate dinner with us every night. We'd feed them dinner while we ate. As they grew, we'd give them bits and pieces of adult food to try. When they were newborn infants, we had a bassinet in the dining room. 

short+sassy

We usually ate together as a family, but it wasn't a hard and fast rule.  Plus, my dad worked at a power plant and rotated shifts, so sometimes he was working during the dinner hour.  I don't really remember what time we usually ate.  Probably 6:00ish?

It was less often and probably later in the evening, once my sister and I were teenagers.  But still, we usually all ate dinner together.

In my 20s, I ate dinner much later than I do now.  Like 8 or 9.  My H is an early riser and a number of years ago I started eating lunch at 11:30, instead of noon (usually).  Now we usually eat dinner between 6:30-7:00.

Technically we usually eat dinner together, but we don't have a dining room table, so dinner is at our assorted spots we hang out in the evening...though at least in the same room.  We don't have kids, so that definitely plays into a less structured set-up for dinner.

Generally speaking, I think families with kids should strive to have dinner together when it is possible.  I think it helps to bond people and bring them closer together.  It's a good opportunity for everyone to share what is happening in their lives.

With that said, I'm hoping your friend didn't mean that in a "mommy wars" judgy tone.  Her situation isn't necessarily everyone's situation.  Maybe one or both parents work during dinner time.  The main thing is that parents spend regular, quality time with their children.  Dinner is often a convenient choice for that, but it doesn't work for everyone.  Nor does it have be a hard and fast, "every single night always", rule.  Life happens, sometimes flexibility can be a person's best asset.   

ei34

Growing up we ate together (unless someone had a sporting event).  I've eaten with my kids since the oldest started sitting in her little chair eating solids, and now I eat with the three of them. Dinner is served anywhere between 5-5:30.  H joins us depending on his work schedule.  

I think eating with the kids depends mostly on the parents' work schedules.  My sister and cousin with kids around the age of mine don't eat with them, since they work until 5:30-6ish and have commutes from the city out to the 'burbs...by the time they walk in there's enough for some play and bath time.  I work part time, and at a school, so I'm out by 3, with a quick commute.  So making dinner and eating together is easier.  Each family has their own unique needs.

WinstonsGirl

We always did, until we got to be older (mid to late teens) and began having cars and lives of our own.  It would be a priority for me if we ever did have kids.  Dinner here is between 5-6pm.  6:30 is a late night, though it sometimes falls to then or 7pm during the summer when the sun stays up till 11pm an it's hot out.  

ernursej

I grew up having dinner together as a family. H's family had the kids eat between 530-6pm and the adults eat later. I don't have an issue with either. I think it is whatever works for you and your family. H has always said that his parents being Brits = different eating times. I'm not really sure that it is that vs. just the way they were. Any Brits want to comment on this?

cowgirl8238

Growing up, dinner was always served around 5pm (early rising family) and everyone came to the table to eat.  As soon as my brother or I were on the "eat dinner at dinner time" schedule we joined at the table in a highchair.  I think it wasn't until I hit my 20s that I started skipping out and missing those dinners. 

In our house, my DH and I always make a point to sit at the dinner table and eat together whenever practical.  Occasionally if one of us is working extra late we will "do our own thing" but its rare.  We do plan on having children and are planning to continue the tradition of eating dinner together every night.  I feel that it is important to spend some time just connecting on a human level without the distractions of TV, phones, etc.  Of course everyone is different and there really isn't a "normal" out there, so I wouldn't worry too much about what others are doing.

banana468

We started eating as a family when DD was around 3.   Now we do it every night.  It's now important to us to take a few moments to be together before the bedtime insanity begins.

kaos16

banana468 said:

We started eating as a family when DD was around 3.   Now we do it every night.  It's now important to us to take a few moments to be together before the bedtime insanity begins.

What did your son do when you started family dinners?  They are like 2 years part, right?  Was he engaged initially?  What time do you typically eat?

banana468

kaos16 said:

banana468 said:

We started eating as a family when DD was around 3.   Now we do it every night.  It's now important to us to take a few moments to be together before the bedtime insanity begins.

What did your son do when you started family dinners?  They are like 2 years part, right?  Was he engaged initially?  What time do you typically eat?

They're 3 yrs 9 mo apart.   So we started around the time that I was pregnant with DS and then we incorporated DS into the family routine.   

At the very beginning of DS's life, I sat and nursed him at the table.   I joke that DS was 4 months old before I could cut my own meat.   Dinner hour was the "witching hour" for him so he was pretty much attached to me until bedtime.  

One he was old enough to chill, he'd be in a bouncy near DH and me to hang out but most of the time dinner was with dude in the lap and one hand on a fork.   

Then by the time he was 6 mo ish, we started solids and would try to get him to participate.  He gradually became a part of the nightly meal that way.

We usually eat at 7 and bedtime for kiddos starts at 8ish.  

kvruns

I want to eat together as a family but I have no idea how it will look in practice. Right now he goes to bed at 700, which means I start his routine and feeding him just after 6:30. There really isn't enough time to cook dinner before then and also have some playtime before then. I think for a while it will be him eating alone and then when he can get more stuff I guess try to have it as a family but I think that will also push his bed time back.

Edit: fixed bedtime

STARMOON44

We had dinner with my mom but dad never got home before 8 which was too late for us when we were little. I think family dinner is just one of many ways to bond as a family. 

jh715

We eat together as a family, and have had DD at the table with us since she was 5 months old (could sit up in the high chair).  She wasn't eating solids yet, but enjoyed watching us.  Now she's 1.5 and while it's a bit of a push to get dinner on the table within 30 minutes of getting home, it allows us to eat together, play for a bit and she makes her 7pm bedtime every night.

OurWildKingdom

We ate together most of the time, even when my Mom worked nights. When my Oma moved in, she joined us for dinner if she wasn't working. 

We not only ate together, we often cooked together as soon as my brother and I were old enough to be much help. We both got to be pretty decent cooks as a result.

 I think family dinners are great if you can do them, but like @STARMOON44 says, there are a lot of ways to spend family time.

MissKittyDanger

Idk the "norm" but when I was younger, because of school/work/etc during the week, eating dinner 'as a family' wasn't always doable.

However my parents would ensure that on weekends - typically Sundays - we would have a family meal. My husband had the same deal with his family, so likely we will continue the idea.


Ideal world, you eat as a family every night but with ages and activities, it's hard.

charlotte989875

Family dinner was hard, my mom is a nurse so she worked variable hours and my dad was in the air force, plus my sister and I had tons of activities. But we did (well my sister, my mom, and I) always had breakfast together. Almost everyday. 

If dinner doesn't work for you as a family, maybe another meal does? Or reading time together. I think the important thing is bonding as a family/connecting with one another/knowing whats happening in their lives. That can happen over dinner, but can also happen in many other ways. 

Heffalump

I'm another vote for not-a-norm--I think what works varies widely by family.

We've always done family dinners.  But even now, DS is 3 and it's hit or miss with him.  Some nights he'll eat a couple of bites, go do something with his cars, run back for another bite, return to his cars, etc.  Sometimes he manages to sit and chat for a decent length of time. 

knottie78c11d9fe14972fa

In our family, I remembered eating dinner on the weekdays were a very hard thing to do since both my parents would come home around 8-9. The only time I had a family dinner would be on the weekends, most of the time on a Sunday.

TrixieJess

Since the beginning. We put his high chair at the table and sat and ate as a family. Same with Holiday meals and restaurants. My kid is 4 now and we all eat dinner as a family except under extraordinary circumstances, which are explained as such.

We are a lucky family though. FI is a SAHP and I work until 4 with some flexibility. So, I'm home no later than 5:00 most nights and dinner is ready to go.

Cookie Pusher

I don't think we ate dinner (or any meal, for that matter) with either of our parents until I was about 11 or 12, and that only lasted a couple of years. Par for the course when your parents work in the restaurant industry. They worked 12+ hours 6 days a week and had to get everything done on their one day off. It's extremely privileged to judge someone based on whether or not they eat dinner as a family every night. 

OurWildKingdom

Cookie Pusher said:

I don't think we ate dinner (or any meal, for that matter) with either of our parents until I was about 11 or 12, and that only lasted a couple of years. Par for the course when your parents work in the restaurant industry. They worked 12+ hours 6 days a week and had to get everything done on their one day off. It's extremely privileged to judge someone based on whether or not they eat dinner as a family every night. 

Agreed. I was *very* lucky growing up, and the older I get, the more aware of it I am.