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An intimate moment for a chaotic day?

knottie4d0c6c6ea29b1f30knottie4d0c6c6ea29b1f30 member
5 Love Its First Comment
edited May 2017 in Wedding Reception Forum
Hi knotties, im having a sunset beach wedding in October in FL, the ceremony starts at 6:15 pm and the day is expected to be a little crazy. Of course all weddings take a lot of time and add some stress as well during the planning stage, but my day will be nothing but straight running from the moment i get up on my wedding day.

I will be the sole one to decorate my ceremony site, along with my ballroom for the reception, place cards, etc, everything along with making it to the dressing chair in time for makeup and hair on time. I have a bridesmaid or two to help, but they will be seeing to guests and a million other things as well, that i simply cant get to.

All that running around, being around guests and staff, i know im going to hit a point where i just want to grab the hubby and go off somewhere quiet and take a breather from it all. (Im naturally anti-social, but im working on it. 
So my question for you guys is this.

Would it be considered rude if i planned a private candlelight dinner on the beach for just me and the husband while the guests ate inside the reception area?
Im getting married at a beachfront resort and im sure my coordinator could arrange it.
I just dont want my guests to think if us as rude for doing this.
Have any of you been to a wedding where the couple did something like this? Your thoughts on it?
We would go right back in for our guests for the rest of the night of course, i just wanted to take a moment out of our day, and actually enjoy a private moment with this amazing man.
Any insight is appreciated! 
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Re: An intimate moment for a chaotic day?

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    ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Yes that would be rude. Guests expect to see the bride and groom during the dinner. It is also consider poor etiquette for the B&G to have something (dinner, cake, drinks) different from what the guests have.

     Can't the coordinator do some of those jobs you are talking about - decorating, place cards etc. ? The coordinator we hired for DD's wedding took care of all that stuff. If she can't do it consider hiring someone who can.
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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Yes, that's extremely rude. If you want to pop out for a few minutes during the cocktail hour or possibly when people are dancing, that's OK. But you can't just bolt from your reception to have your own private dinner. 

    You need to hire a coordinator to help with decorating the day of. This also shouldn't be something you've tasked your bridesmaids with. 
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    bleve0821bleve0821 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Yes, I have seen this done at weddings, and I side-eyed it all the way.  It's incredibly rude for the B&G to eat separately from their guests.

    You could do a "first look," where you and your FH take a little time before the ceremony to have that private moment.  We did that, and even though I didn't do any running around (our venue coordinator did all the decorating, which we kept to a minimum), it was still the breather we both needed before the ceremony.  Social situations sometimes make me anxious, and I always hate being the center of attention, so this was the best thing to ground me before I walked down the aisle.

    You do not want to spend the entire day leading up to walking down the aisle worrying about and setting up decor.  Keep it to a minimum and, if you have to, hire someone.  No one will notice the decor, anyway.

    I did a LOT of prep work the day before the wedding.  MIL insisted she wanted to help, so against my better judgement I agreed and ended up doing hours and hours of work by myself when she bailed.  I was a stressed mess at the RD, and even the mani/pedis and mimosas my friends surprised me with beforehand did little to settle me.

    Don't do this yourself on your wedding day.


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

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    charlotte989875charlotte989875 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Yup, I agree with everyone else, this is incredibly rude to your guests. There are lots of ways to have private moments together; a first look, step outside during cocktail hour, take a few minutes after dinner to spend together, but do not leave your guests to have a private dinner. 

    We did a first look, and we did some private photos after the ceremony out on the private terrace; just some extra time for us to spend together (and coincidentally or not my favorite photos from our wedding). 

    As PPs have said, either hire someone to coordinate/decorate, scale back, or rearrange your plans so you have time together or make a plan to sneak away for 10-15 minutes, but don't leave the party you're throwing to thank you guests for attending. 
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    southernbelle0915southernbelle0915 mod
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Your instincts are correct - it's rude. 

    If you want a "you two" moment, I would suggest a first look. 

    You are biting off A LOT for the day off. I would highly recommend against that. Is you fiance helping you with any of the decorating or to-do list? If not, delegate. Otherwise, reduce your decor (people don't really care about decorations anyway) or hire a wedding helper.

    There is absolutely no reason you need to be running ragged (and certainly not running your BMs ragged) right before your wedding. 
    *********************************************************************************

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    banana468banana468 member
    First Answer First Anniversary 5 Love Its First Comment
    I will echo the others.

    -Absolutely don't eat by yourselves.   It's really rude to your guests.
    -Please come up with other options for decorating.  No, you can't force your BMs to do this but you can ASK.   There's a big difference between forcing and looking for volunteers.   But really, I'd recommend hiring people to do this.   Wedding days have a way of being hectic enough.   Don't add to your stress level by being sole decorator.

    -If I have any regrets of my wedding day not doing a first look is one of them.   I loved that DH first saw me walking down the aisle but I think it would have been great to have a few moments and photos with him before the ceremony started.   It would have been special, nerve calming and a time that we could share.  
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    MandyMostMandyMost member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    As others have said, incredibly rude to eat separately from your guests.

    As others have said, find a way to lessen the amount you have to do that day. If you cut the decorations in half, you can use that money to hire someone to put up the remaining decorations.

    We did a first look, but I was so excited, and anxious, that it definitely wasn't a relaxing moment. Before the ceremony, I was able to sit alone for about 15-20 minutes, and just catch my breath and review my vows (that I had written myself). I'd highly recommend this. Our nice intimate time alone was right after the ceremony. We had a few minutes just to ourselves after we exited the ceremony, then we did some more pics with our families, then some more pics just the 2 of us. We were anxious to join the cocktail hour as soon as we could (about halfway through the hour), so all of that was only a half hour for us. You could easily take the full hour, and spend more time alone with your fiance.
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    knottie4d0c6c6ea29b1f30knottie4d0c6c6ea29b1f30 member
    5 Love Its First Comment
    Ok, so toss the dinner idea out. As much as i want a little time away, being seen as rude or snobby is the last thing i intend to be. My bridesmaids were happy to help with the few things i asked them about. My fiancé is helping with a lot that day as well. One thing he has asked for is to not have a first look. Tradition wins there. Maybe a private lunch? 
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    ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    knottie4d0c6c6ea29b1f30 said:

    Ok, so toss the dinner idea out. As much as i want a little time away, being seen as rude or snobby is the last thing i intend to be. My bridesmaids were happy to help with the few things i asked them about. My fiancé is helping with a lot that day as well. One thing he has asked for is to not have a first look. Tradition wins there. Maybe a private lunch? 


    If by private lunch you mean a lunch pre-ceremony that would be fine. However, the tradition that I'm assuming your FI wants to observe is not seeing the bride at all on the day of until the ceremony. Of course, that is totally up to you and your FI.
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    mollybarker11mollybarker11 member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper
    Before I got to the end of your OP I was going to suggest hiring a coordinator so you & your FI & BMs didn't have to spend the day coordinating, but I see that you already do have one.

    1. Have your coordinator arrange the decorating, place setting, guest seeing-to, and million other things. If this is outside the scope of their contract, I strongly encourage you to hire a day-of coordinator as well for these nitty-gritty details.

    2. Even with hired help, your wedding day will be full of frenzied excitement so here are my suggestions for getting in some (relatively) private/quiet moments:
    - If you aren't doing a receiving line as guests leave the ceremony site, you and your FI can have a few moments together in a side room as everyone files out.
    - If your FI does not want to do a first look photo shoot before the ceremony, take your separate family/bridal party photos beforehand, take joint family/BP photos right after the ceremony, then take couple photos after everyone else has joined the cocktail hour.
    - Some couples do another quick shoot outside the venue during the dance portion of the reception.

    It's important to keep fuelled throughout the day, but many brides have a "working lunch" (ie eating while also getting ready with their girls). I think dedicating 30-60 mins for a sit-down meal could make other parts of the day feel rushed.
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    Jen4948Jen4948 member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    As all PPs have said, it's incredibly rude to keep your guests waiting for hospitality between the ceremony and reception.

    Since you will have a coordinator, I think you should have the coordinator arrange the setup, "seeing to guests" and thousand other things you claim would prevent you from socializing with your guests during this time. If they won't, hire someone who will.
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    levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    edited May 2017
    As a BM who has helped set up, decorate and tear down multiple weddings, it sucks.  Find someone else to do that job.  They are guests of honor, not free labor.  You need to scale back something so you can afford people to help you set up (why is your coordinator not doing this?).

    ETA: You ASKED them to help, they didn't volunteer.  It's really hard to tell someone no without feeling like a jerk. I guarantee no one is going to enjoy the day you have planned right now. 


    image
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    lovesclimbinglovesclimbing member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its First Answer
    You can have a sweetheart table, which is having a table to yourselves at the reception, but yea, not off by yourself outside the reception. 
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    CMGragainCMGragain member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    You know, you will have private time AFTER the wedding is over......... ;)
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
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    ahoyweddingahoywedding member
    First Comment First Anniversary First Answer 5 Love Its
    Yep, super rude. I would find someone to hire to do the decorating for you (maybe your DOC can help you find someone?). It is well worth it.

    H & I did a first look, which he was a little hesitant about as well, but he ended up LOVING it, and we got some of our favorite pics. We also did all of our pictures before the ceremony (not an option if you don't do a first look). We did the pictures of just us in a separate location of the park, to give us some alone time. We also didn't do the huge, full-WP introduction into the reception. Everyone including our families and WP were seated and had their food when we entered the reception. This gave us time before we walked in to take a minute together. 

    Since you do have a DOC, maybe ask her where you could find a few minutes together? I don't think you need any time as long as a full meal together; honestly the several moments of a couple minutes we got together were more exciting than seeing just my H or an entire meal. 
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