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    levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    knottiec0682119e9ebc652 said:

    hello all. First time poster. I am the soon to be husband. Posting this for my fiancé. So. Basically. To keep a long story short. My fiancé and I have been engaged since October. Our wedding is coming up. We have been diligently planning the wedding of our dreams and are currently awaiting the date (June 4th 2017). So my fiancées maid of honor has been awesome. Very supportive. Doing anything that my fiancé needs. Planning a bachelorette party. Basically just being a mode MOH. Fast forward to a month ago. She gets engaged to her boyfriend. Terrific. We are happy. That's awesome. We are super pumped. 2017 is the year of weddings. 

    Fast forward to to the next week. My fiancées MOH informs her that her and her new fiancé want a quick wedding and would prefer to not be engaged long. So they then inform us they have set their wedding date for a week before us. May 27th 2017.... so my fiancées MOH asks my fiancé to be her MOH now for her wedding. And is expecting my fiancé to plan a bahclorette party for her as well as be in her wedding. I'm sorry. But I feel slighted. I'm super happy they got engaged. And I'm always more for. Let people do their thing, focus on your happiness. But I just feel like that's kinda a crappy thing to do. We would be happy to help them plan their wedding. Especially after all she has done for us. But really? A week before ours? She was supposed to be my fiancées MOH. Her focus was supposed to be on our wedding the one we spent 7 months and 20k plus planning. Not planning her own. And then to add the stress to my fiancé by asking her to be her MOH and plan her a bachelorette party... my fiancé has our own wedding to worry about. This whole matter is really bothering me. Enough that I feel like saying something. Thoughts? Do we have a reason to feel slighted?


    Nope.  You don't get to feel slighted about this at all.  Your wedding is not a marathon event.  You get one day, she gets one day.  Furthermore, there is no such thing as MOH "duties."  The only thing the WP has to do is show up on time, sober, and in the correct attire the day of the wedding.  It sounds like MOH has been very generous with her time and resources, so for you to feel slighted is pretty petty, especially since your concerns aren't even about her making it to your wedding, they're about whether or not she can plan parties and focus on you.  FYI, no one other than you and your FI needs to "be focused" on your wedding.  That's just ridiculous.  Life continues on.  Your wedding is not the end all be all.  A quick engagement worked for MOH and her FI.  Awesome.  You wanted a longer engagement. Cool.  But you sound incredibly entitled and selfish to expect someone to make your wedding and life their sole focus.  That's not how life works.  That's not how weddings work.  

    Your FI doesn't have to plan the B-party. (No one is ever entitled to a party).  But to decline planning one because the focus should be on you would be petty and dumb.  If you say something, and if you comment in anyway close to what you have written here, expect to damage a good friendship.  You are in the wrong.  


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    short+sassyshort+sassy member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    Generally, the thought on here is you get one day.  Your FI's MOH is within her right to have a wedding a week earlier though, I personally do think she should have planned for at least a little more distance.

    But she didn't, that was her choice, and neither one of you should bring it up.

    One thing that bothers me from what you said is it sounds like the MOH SAID something about her bachelorette party to your FI?  That was extremely rude on her part.

    A bachelorette party is something a person(s) chooses to give a bride.  It is not necessary.  It is not required for anyone to throw, including the MOH.  And one should not EXPECT and discuss a party they want thrown in their honor.  It's just gross.

    All a MOH or BM needs to do is show up to the wedding, mostly sober, with the appropriate attire on.  If this is not something your FI thinks she can do at this time...or the bride is wrongly expecting more than that...than your FI can politely decline and say she prefers to be a guest because her own wedding is only a week later and she is focusing her attention on that.  She really doesn't even need to give an excuse, but that is perfectly plausible one to me.

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    knottiec0682119e9ebc652knottiec0682119e9ebc652 member
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    Thank you all for showing me the light in that I am acting like a entitled jerk and it is abused for me to feel like this situation was alittle weird. Point taken. I guess I was off in my thinking. 
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    knottiec0682119e9ebc652knottiec0682119e9ebc652 member
    First Comment
    My age is not relevant to this question. If you want me to be honest. Was my comment seasoned with a bit of sarcasm? Yes. But do I generally mean what I said. Yes. I guess I just was off in my thinking. I asked this question here for an answer. I got my answer. We don't have a right to feel slighted. I get that now. Although I do feel like some of the responses were alittle bit emotionally charged up and attackish. But non the less, I get the point now.

    Oh yeah. Btw. Not the greatest idea to start your comment with "OMG". Then question someone else's age/maturity level.  
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    OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its
    Personally, I'd be happy and excited for my MOH if I were in this situation. That's just because I don't think there's a finite amount of love or joy in the world. Crazy, I know.
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    levioosalevioosa member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its

    knottiec0682119e9ebc652 said:

    My age is not relevant to this question. If you want me to be honest. Was my comment seasoned with a bit of sarcasm? Yes. But do I generally mean what I said. Yes. I guess I just was off in my thinking. I asked this question here for an answer. I got my answer. We don't have a right to feel slighted. I get that now. Although I do feel like some of the responses were alittle bit emotionally charged up and attackish. But non the less, I get the point now.

    Oh yeah. Btw. Not the greatest idea to start your comment with "OMG". Then question someone else's age/maturity level.  


    You know it was a figure of speech used to convey incredulity.  You seem prone to overreacting though.  You took succinct responses as emotionally charged and "attackish."  They were not.  That's on you. 


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    bleve0821bleve0821 member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    This is your FI's best friend we're talking about, which is why she, out of all her friends, is her MOH.  As it relates to her engagement and upcoming wedding, she deserves so much better from the both of you than the attitude you have demonstrated here.  If you're really all for letting people do their own thing and focusing on your own happiness, this wouldn't bother you at all.  

    You're upset because she wants to marry the love of her life the week before you do.  You're upset because she has a greater priority than assisting you with planning your wedding, which if she has actually volunteered to do is very gracious of her.  You're upset because "she was supposed to be my fiancee's MOH," which I'd like to point out, she still is.  Just because she isn't putting her life on hold for your one day doesn't mean she's any less a friend to your FI.

    This isn't about your FI's MOH asking/expecting your FI to plan/host pre-wedding parties, or your post would have been a lot shorter.

    Your FI is allowed to decline to be MOH in her friend's wedding, and she is also well within her rights to decline to plan and/or host any pre-wedding parties.  But beyond that, there's nothing you can or should say to this newly-engaged couple about their wedding planning decisions.  Those decisions have exactly zero bearing on your life, or your wedding.


    "And when they use our atoms to make new lives, they won’t just be able to take one, they’ll have to take two, one of you and one of me..."
    --Philip Pullman

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    climbingsingleclimbingsingle member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    You have no reason to feel slighted, and you, your FI and her MOH all seem to not quite understand the role of "MOH". A MOH is not required to help plan a wedding, or to throw a bach party, bridal shower, etc. When you choose your bridal party, you're choosing people that you as the bride/groom are honoring. It's not the other way around.

    You and your FI are wrong to assume this woman has any duties to you, to help plan and throw parties. And she's wrong to insist your FI throw her a party. 
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    ei34ei34 member
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    No one attacked you.  Not hearing what you want to hear isn't an attack.  And by deleting after you were quoted you've drawn even more attention.

    I attended a wedding the weekend before my own, and it was no big deal.  (Especially since both were local.)  I'd be a little put off if someone flat out asked me to plan a party in their honor, but I wouldn't feel slighted.  If your FI can't/doesn't want to throw a bachelorette party, she's free to say she can't.
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    knottiec0682119e9ebc652knottiec0682119e9ebc652 member
    First Comment
    To everyone who responded. I apologize if my posts were snarky or annoying or offensive to any of you. I posted this because I legitimately wanted an answer to the question. And I have that now. I can see now that my thinking was most definitely off base. You all gave me something to think about. So thank you. This is not me being patronizing. This is with sincerity. Thank you for your responses. Once again. I'm sorry if any of my responses to your responses were offputting. But seeing them has definately shaped my thinking. I would prefer if this matter could drop now however, which is why I deleted the post. I am sorry if what I did seemed offputting. It wasn't meant to be. I just would no longer like this to continue
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    justsiejustsie member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its

    knottiec0682119e9ebc652 said:

    To everyone who responded. I apologize if my posts were snarky or annoying or offensive to any of you. I posted this because I legitimately wanted an answer to the question. And I have that now. I can see now that my thinking was most definitely off base. You all gave me something to think about. So thank you. This is not me being patronizing. This is with sincerity. Thank you for your responses. Once again. I'm sorry if any of my responses to your responses were offputting. But seeing them has definately shaped my thinking. I would prefer if this matter could drop now however, which is why I deleted the post. I am sorry if what I did seemed offputting. It wasn't meant to be. I just would no longer like this to continue


    Dirty Deleting (DD) is frowned upon on this forum, there might be others that come by with the same question who also need the same answers you received. It doesn't matter, you have been quoted so the delete is pretty pointless. 
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    OurWildKingdomOurWildKingdom member
    First Anniversary First Answer First Comment 5 Love Its

    geebee908 said:

    Your delete won't have the intended effect of "dropping the matter" but rather will draw more attention to it. On this forum, threads die a natural death if you leave them alone.


    Exactly.

    Dude, no one is making you continue to engage. 
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    TrixieJessTrixieJess member
    First Anniversary First Comment First Answer 5 Love Its
    Wow, aren't you churlish? I want to know how old you are too because no self respecting adult acts like this.
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    NiceKindaSpiceNiceKindaSpice member
    First Anniversary First Comment 5 Love Its Name Dropper


    Responses are written word. Unless explicitly stated, connotations/reading a tone/vibe are on the reader. 
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