I am a bridesmaid in my brother's upcoming wedding. I have been handling some of the information materials - website, save the date, guest itineraries etc. The couple chose not to register or have a bridal shower. They would like me to spread the word, and list on their website that they would like money deposited in an account in lieu of gifts. It has been a while since my own wedding, but I am guessing that directly asking for cash is still taboo. I have tried to suggest a honeymoon registry, or making a small physical registry. This is a destination wedding, and I know most of my large family is going to write a check rather than lug a gift. I have told the bride they will get tons of money in check form, but some people are going to want to give them a physical gift, and registering will at least give guests an idea of their tastes. I really do not feel comfortable telling people to give them cash. My parents, who have given a large amount of money already to fund the wedding, have indicated they would be very embarrassed if I am asking people to send direct deposits.
I am not sure what to do. I am close to just flat out saying I find this rude, and I refuse to update their site with that information. I still have no idea what I would tell the guests who ask about gifts. I have somewhat volatile relationship with my brother, so I don't want to be too confrontational.