Married Sister's Name First on Envelope?

jshelt23

Lol! I'm almost sorry I asked! XD  I didn't expect to get this vigorous of a discussion from this topic. I wasn't really appealing to tradition. Just common sense and a gut feeling.

As a side note, I have not met either of his sisters yet, or spoken to them, so I'm not familiar enough with them (yet) to call them up and ask how they would like their wedding invitations to be addressed. It was simply a question of whether or not it would be strange to put their names first on the address. In my mind, it made sense, since they're the "important" ones, so to speak, being the sisters of the groom. I mean, if their husbands come, that's wonderful, but really we want the sisters there.

CMGragain

jshelt23 said:

Lol! I'm almost sorry I asked! XD  I didn't expect to get this vigorous of a discussion from this topic. I wasn't really appealing to tradition. Just common sense and a gut feeling.

As a side note, I have not met either of his sisters yet, or spoken to them, so I'm not familiar enough with them (yet) to call them up and ask how they would like their wedding invitations to be addressed. It was simply a question of whether or not it would be strange to put their names first on the address. In my mind, it made sense, since they're the "important" ones, so to speak, being the sisters of the groom. I mean, if their husbands come, that's wonderful, but really we want the sisters there.

Yes, this has always been a hot button topic.
The idea is that you are addressing the couple as a social unit.  One person is not more important than the other.
If you want to use the ladies' names, then go the newer way:
Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith (all on the same line).  I doubt if the men will notice or care.

InLoveInQueens

This thread inspired me, my mom texted me today for my address for my brother's wedding invitation and I gave her the address but also told her I do not like being addressed as Mrs. Hisfirst Ourlast, I also told her I wouldn't complain out loud if they insist on addressing our invitation that way, but now my preference is known.

I'm already preparing for it to come that way anyway, since my mom said "it's traditional wording" but whatever, I've said what I have to say and now it's up to them to actually give a shit.

flantastic

To OP - We can debate what should or should not be traditional wording in terms of denoting the importance of people's identities, but to your original concern or thought process:

The reason that order of addressing should have nothing to do with who is "closer" is because we really don't want to get into a "ranking" system within an invitation. Sure, you might in reality care more if your FI's sister is there than if her husband comes, but an invitation should never create a space to say that. "We hereby invite 1) Our truly important friend; 2) People associated with said friend who we have to invite because they're VIP's SO." (I know you probably don't think about FI's BIL like #2 and would truly like him to come, but it could go that far.) Everyone who's invited should feel equally welcome, so there's no need to indicate who the real VIP is with the address.

[Deleted User]

flantastic said:

To OP - We can debate what should or should not be traditional wording in terms of denoting the importance of people's identities, but to your original concern or thought process:

The reason that order of addressing should have nothing to do with who is "closer" is because we really don't want to get into a "ranking" system within an invitation. Sure, you might in reality care more if your FI's sister is there than if her husband comes, but an invitation should never create a space to say that. "We hereby invite 1) Our truly important friend; 2) People associated with said friend who we have to invite because they're VIP's SO." (I know you probably don't think about FI's BIL like #2 and would truly like him to come, but it could go that far.) Everyone who's invited should feel equally welcome, so there's no need to indicate who the real VIP is with the address.

The only time you should really choose which name goes first on the envelope is when the two people you're inviting together don't live in the same place.  You should put the name of the person who lives at the address first, their non-live-in SO on the second line.

MandyMost

I really hate the "well, that's the traditional way, and until that changes, we should accept the traditional etiquette". Things don't change unless we change them. If we just sit back and accept things that are blatantly sexist because "that's tradition" even if we don't agree with them, then things will never change. If you agree with the traditions then fine, accept them, but if you don't agree then stand up and do something about it.