Wedding Woes


Dear Prudence,
I made a long-distance friend a year ago who is very unstable. He seemed normal at first, but as the time went on, he grew more abusive, and later admitted he suffers from untreated anxiety, depression, bipolar disorder, and borderline personality disorder. I myself have anxiety, so I try not to judge, and originally I just figured his abuse wasn’t too much of a problem because he lives far away and we don’t talk that often. However, he has started sending me long texts telling me why I’m a terrible person, even though I’m his only remaining friend. He also harasses his family members and was recently uninvited to his sister’s wedding. I’ve tried to explain to him how his behavior hurts me, but he dismisses me as being “dramatic.” Negotiating is not an option. I know cutting this guy out of my life is a no-brainer, but he’s threatening to blackmail me online. The good news is he doesn’t have any evidence of wrongdoing on my part, but I have told him some of my more embarrassing personal stories and I fear that he will attempt to slander me in public. He doesn’t know where I live and I have him blocked on Facebook, but he has managed to track down some of my real friends and I fear he will harass them too. He also threatened to make fake dating profiles of me and give my number to strangers and sure enough, today I got a message from an OKCupid member. Did I mention I don’t have an account? Prudie, please help! I know this is a toxic friendship, but the fear of public humiliation is a big one for me. Do I stay friends with this monster and keep the peace? Or should I rock the boat in an attempt to finally free myself from him?

—Keep Friend Close?

Re: WTF?

  • Contact law enforcement and change your phone number.  

  • Ro041 said:

    It will also be a good idea to make a log of all times the person has said anything about her online, tried to contact her, or made fake profiles.  Cyber crimes are notoriously hard to prosecute, but it's possible.

    I could see this person acting like the stalker of an admin of the Leaky Cauldron website.  (If you don't know that story, the Criminal podcast did an awesome piece on it).

    Yikes! That's some scary shit!

    The LW should definitely contact law enforcement and consider hiring an attorney as well. 
  • I'm with all of you.  This has gone way past an "annoying LD friend".  I don't think ignoring him is going to make it go away and things can certainly get escalated.

    The only thing I would be concerned about with a Restraining Order, is I wonder if it could be limited to just cyber and phone calls.  At least from my understanding, one of the problems with a physical restraining order is the victim has to list things like their home and work address.  So the offending person knows where the locations are that they can't go to.  But if he doesn't yet know that information, I certainly wouldn't want to be handing it to him on a silver plate!

    Wedding Countdown Ticker
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards