Can a black tie wedding be on a day other than Saturday?

kahluakoala

Hey knotties - 

Quick etiquette question. In the coming wedding season, I'm invited to two black tie weddings that are on a Friday and a Sunday. Everything I know about them they will be fabulous affairs with all the stops pulled out, but it still feel strange to have it on a day other than Saturday. For the Friday wedding, I know the couple specifically did it to save a few dollars, which is fine by me, but still feels a little "off" for a black tie affair. For the Sunday wedding I know the date was chosen because it was the only date the band the couple wanted was available. 

There's nothing to be "done" about either event, they're both couples close to me and I'm excited to attend (though less excited to take days off work and rent gowns, TBH), but just curious what you guys thought about it.

DrillSergeantCat

I don't see why not. 

LondonLisa

KahluaKoala said:

Hey knotties - 

Quick etiquette question. In the coming wedding season, I'm invited to two black tie weddings that are on a Friday and a Sunday. Everything I know about them they will be fabulous affairs with all the stops pulled out, but it still feel strange to have it on a day other than Saturday. For the Friday wedding, I know the couple specifically did it to save a few dollars, which is fine by me, but still feels a little "off" for a black tie affair. For the Sunday wedding I know the date was chosen because it was the only date the band the couple wanted was available. 

There's nothing to be "done" about either event, they're both couples close to me and I'm excited to attend (though less excited to take days off work and rent gowns, TBH), but just curious what you guys thought about it.

If it's for religious observance, I'll give it a pass. 

But to just save money? No. Black tie events aren't cost saving excercises. Also, I'm not going to really have enough time to get ready for a black tie event on a Friday, nor am I going to want to dance the night away on a Sunday.  

DrillSergeantCat

LondonLisa said:

KahluaKoala said:

Hey knotties - 

Quick etiquette question. In the coming wedding season, I'm invited to two black tie weddings that are on a Friday and a Sunday. Everything I know about them they will be fabulous affairs with all the stops pulled out, but it still feel strange to have it on a day other than Saturday. For the Friday wedding, I know the couple specifically did it to save a few dollars, which is fine by me, but still feels a little "off" for a black tie affair. For the Sunday wedding I know the date was chosen because it was the only date the band the couple wanted was available. 

There's nothing to be "done" about either event, they're both couples close to me and I'm excited to attend (though less excited to take days off work and rent gowns, TBH), but just curious what you guys thought about it.

If it's for religious observance, I'll give it a pass. 

But to just save money? No. Black tie events aren't cost saving excercises. Also, I'm not going to really have enough time to get ready for a black tie event on a Friday, nor am I going to want to dance the night away on a Sunday.  

I agree with that, but doesn't "black tie" refer to the level of service?

banana468

If they're meeting all the requirements of a black tie event then I don't see the issue other than the inconvenience of both dates.   

My understanding is that a black tie event is held in the evening, correct?   So I'd have a larger concern with a Sunday black tie event unless it's the Sunday of Memorial Day weekend.    On a Friday I'm going to be pressed for time to get ready as it is unless I take a half day.  

STARMOON44

Of course. A black tie event can be held any night of the week. 

aurianna

There's nothing wrong from an etiquette standpoint. However I personally don't like it as a guest.

I know I'd personally prefer going to a wedding where I already had the day off and had time to primp to look good in my cocktail dress, eat a great buffet, get tipsy on middle shelf liquor and dance until late at night because it's not a school night and the babysitter can stay late.... than take time off work and still rush to look half decent in my expensive dress.... or not partake of much alcohol or dance late to the cool band because I have to go to work the next morning.

Personal preference though.
They aren't being weird or rude. They just have different priorities.

southernbelle0915

There's nothing wrong from an etiquette standpoint.

But moving a black tie wedding to save money doesn't make any sense. Makes me think it's not really black tie...

kahluakoala

I was curious what you guys thought, because I tend to associate black tie with "no expenses spared" and to me, guest convenience is a big thing to prioritize. A black tie wedding on a friday doesn't exactly scream convenience for me. 

I agree with the PP who said she'd rather have a cocktail attire normal wedding on a saturday than a black tie wedding on a sunday. BUT I'm not a huge fan of black tie weddings in general, so that's just me. Pure ettiquette wise, no there's nothing wrong, but it does seem a little off IMHO.

CMGragain

I have been to black tie dinners in Washington DC that were on Friday.

short+sassy

CMGragain said:

I have been to black tie dinners in Washington DC that were on Friday.

That's what I was just thinking.  I know it's a stereotype, but I tend to associate black tie events with politicians.  I wouldn't find it weird for the President or other high ranking politician to throw a black tie event on a Tues. night, if that is when a foreign dignitary was visiting (or something like that).  So, I also wouldn't see any reason why a black tie event couldn't be held on any particular day of the week.

With that said, like the other PPs have mentioned, unless there is a pressing reason for it, I would find it less enjoyable on something other than a Sat. night.

I'm also wondering if, especially the friend with the Fri. night wedding, it will truly be a black tie event.  @KahluaKoala, you know we see all the time on here people having "faux" black tie.  Or that is what they tell their guests in the hopes they will dress up more.  But it sounds like you know both of these friends well and will be a good judge of that.

kahluakoala

Well, one wedding is in my family and one wedding is a friend. Black tie weddings are pretty typical for my family. Even the non black tie weddings are really really well hosted and formal. My family is not particularly wealthy, but I got pretty spoiled early on in life with what "typical" weddings are like, considering my family has such high standards. I didn't even know beer and wine bars were a "thing" (let alone a cash bar!) until I started attending weddings as an adult. They also *always* have bands, never DJs. Nice weddings are also expected in my region / culture (new york / new jersey and Jewish).

The Friday wedding, I think will be black-tie-ish. It's an extremely nice venue, but it's a pretty small wedding. They're doing lots of food, open bar, etc., but to me it sounds like it'll be more of a typical formal wedding, DJ instead of band, standard decorations. Don't get me wrong, it'll be a really nice event! She's definitely been to a few faux black tie weddings herself (and complained!), and I don't think she really has the same experience with actual black tie weddings. I don't think it's the end of the world, but I wouldn't do it myself. I'm going to be a BM in this wedding, so my attire is determined. This one has a lot of travel for me (it's in the town we both grew up in), so I'm taking a week off work and making a mini vaca / home trip out of it, so I'm less concerned with like "how will I get ready for a black tie wedding after work", but I understand how it's an issue.

For what it's worth, I've been to galas and other black tie events that are on weekdays, but for some reason I perceive scheduling a wedding as different since it's specifically for  the guests. 

[Deleted User]

Just because something is expensive like black tie, people are allowed to have budgets! You can still want to save some money and throw an expensive wedding. The guests aren't paying for the wedding, so I would be a lot less judgy. As long as it has all the features of black tie, your personal convenience is irrelevant. DWs are inconvenient as are OTT weddings but you can still have black tie Dw and OTT weddings. Your personal preference and etiquette are not the same.The day doesn't dictate the level of service. 

[Deleted User]

KahluaKoala said:

Well, one wedding is in my family and one wedding is a friend. Black tie weddings are pretty typical for my family. Even the non black tie weddings are really really well hosted and formal. My family is not particularly wealthy, but I got pretty spoiled early on in life with what "typical" weddings are like, considering my family has such high standards. I didn't even know beer and wine bars were a "thing" (let alone a cash bar!) until I started attending weddings as an adult. They also *always* have bands, never DJs. Nice weddings are also expected in my region / culture (new york / new jersey and Jewish).

The Friday wedding, I think will be black-tie-ish. It's an extremely nice venue, but it's a pretty small wedding. They're doing lots of food, open bar, etc., but to me it sounds like it'll be more of a typical formal wedding, DJ instead of band, standard decorations. Don't get me wrong, it'll be a really nice event! She's definitely been to a few faux black tie weddings herself (and complained!), and I don't think she really has the same experience with actual black tie weddings. I don't think it's the end of the world, but I wouldn't do it myself. I'm going to be a BM in this wedding, so my attire is determined. This one has a lot of travel for me (it's in the town we both grew up in), so I'm taking a week off work and making a mini vaca / home trip out of it, so I'm less concerned with like "how will I get ready for a black tie wedding after work", but I understand how it's an issue.

For what it's worth, I've been to galas and other black tie events that are on weekdays, but for some reason I perceive scheduling a wedding as different since it's specifically for  the guests. 







Also weddings aren't specifically for guests. You think about guests but it is not just about them. Point of a wedding is to celebrate a marriage.

LondonLisa

Kimora_Blax said:

KahluaKoala said:

Well, one wedding is in my family and one wedding is a friend. Black tie weddings are pretty typical for my family. Even the non black tie weddings are really really well hosted and formal. My family is not particularly wealthy, but I got pretty spoiled early on in life with what "typical" weddings are like, considering my family has such high standards. I didn't even know beer and wine bars were a "thing" (let alone a cash bar!) until I started attending weddings as an adult. They also *always* have bands, never DJs. Nice weddings are also expected in my region / culture (new york / new jersey and Jewish).

The Friday wedding, I think will be black-tie-ish. It's an extremely nice venue, but it's a pretty small wedding. They're doing lots of food, open bar, etc., but to me it sounds like it'll be more of a typical formal wedding, DJ instead of band, standard decorations. Don't get me wrong, it'll be a really nice event! She's definitely been to a few faux black tie weddings herself (and complained!), and I don't think she really has the same experience with actual black tie weddings. I don't think it's the end of the world, but I wouldn't do it myself. I'm going to be a BM in this wedding, so my attire is determined. This one has a lot of travel for me (it's in the town we both grew up in), so I'm taking a week off work and making a mini vaca / home trip out of it, so I'm less concerned with like "how will I get ready for a black tie wedding after work", but I understand how it's an issue.

For what it's worth, I've been to galas and other black tie events that are on weekdays, but for some reason I perceive scheduling a wedding as different since it's specifically for  the guests. 







Also weddings aren't specifically for guests. You think about guests but it is not just about them. Point of a wedding is to celebrate a marriage.

The point of a wedding ceremony is to perform a marriage. The point of the reception/party is to thank guests for coming to the wedding ceremony. 

There is nothing against etiquette for throwing a non-Saturday black tie event, but it just seems 'vision over comfort'. Nearly everyone prefers a Saturday wedding, but the hosts want the black tie fancy wedding. That's fine, but I'm sure nearly everyone would prefer a more formal (non-black tie) Saturday event vs black tie Sunday if costs were the issue.

I've been to black tie events on weekdays, but it has a much more subdued tone, and people left early as they had work.

It's fine I've to have it, but  you also have to recognise it's terribly inconvenient to throw that on your guests when they have work. The hosts can't be cross that it isn't the fun raging party atmosphere that would happen on a Saturday or that people decline. 

I generally think it's a bit cheeky to ask people to take holiday for a party. If it's black tie, I'm going to have to take a half day to get ready as you are asking for extra level of formality. Or a day on Monday as I'll be exhausted from a Sunday. Of course people can decline, it's not a summons, but to me it is just an extra level of ask. If it's formal (non black tie) I can wear a cocktail dress and do my own hair/makeup. Black tie means I'm going to have to get my hair done, bring a gown to the office, etc etc. It's just an extra level of faff. And then to find out they're inconveniencing me so they can save money but still get their vision, it's just annoying. 

To me me it just says: my vision over guests' comfort/being able to attend. It's not inherently rude, but it is fairly demanding of your guests. 

STARMOON44

Agreed. Also I go to weeknight black tie events reasonably frequently. It is not hard to put on a gown and makeup in the office bathroom and do my hair in the morning. 

Black tie requires a certain level of event. It has nothing to do with spending as much as possible or being maximally convenient and fun for your guests. 

ahoywedding

I think the issue of Friday night weddings depends on your work environment. I work from home so it's NBD but if you work in any kind of customer-facing area, you can't really get ready at work. Also for people who are paid hourly, leaving early means either using a few hours of PTO or taking time unpaid. Some employers have pretty un-flexible policies about leaving early. Plus depending on the time of the event and the location, there's rush hour and weekend vacationer traffic to contend with.

It's not the end of the world by any means, but it is more of an inconvenience than getting ready for a formal event when you have the whole day to do so.

[Deleted User]

STARMOON44 said:

Agreed. Also I go to weeknight black tie events reasonably frequently. It is not hard to put on a gown and makeup in the office bathroom and do my hair in the morning. 

Black tie requires a certain level of event. It has nothing to do with spending as much as possible or being maximally convenient and fun for your guests. 

This.

[Deleted User]

ahoywedding said:

I think the issue of Friday night weddings depends on your work environment. I work from home so it's NBD but if you work in any kind of customer-facing area, you can't really get ready at work. Also for people who are paid hourly, leaving early means either using a few hours of PTO or taking time unpaid. Some employers have pretty un-flexible policies about leaving early. Plus depending on the time of the event and the location, there's rush hour and weekend vacationer traffic to contend with.

It's not the end of the world by any means, but it is more of an inconvenience than getting ready for a formal event when you have the whole day to do so.

The level of convenience has nothing to do with the level of formality. I do think @LondonLisa is exaggerating. There are Saturday weddings I am unable to attend so I don't go. If something is so demanding of your time, don't attend. Same applies to DW and OTT. It's not about vision over comfort at all. Budget and vision are completely different!  A vision has more to do with the look and theme of the wedding. Budget is how much u spend. Some of the posters just seem super judgy about being inconvenienced....... 

On that basis no one should have destination weddings....

lyndausvi

scribe95 said:

I think all the talk of inconveniencing a guest on Friday or Sunday is a little overdone. Why would you have to take time off on Monday to recoup from an event where you can be home by 11? A Sunday event probably isn't going to be a rager so I don't see how this is inconvenient to someone. 

Also, as for the Friday, many could go straight from work to the wedding. Or maybe leave an hour early. Primp your hair and makeup in the work bathroom, change a dress and voila. I do things on Friday night all the time. Not sure why a wedding would be much different. 

I mean I get it's not quite as clean as a Saturday event. I just think there is a bit of exaggerating here.

I agree.

I've attended plenty of events on "school nights".  Weddings, black tie charity events, concerts, sporting events, work events, etc.  Some were fancier than others.  Some I was out late than normal.  Sometimes I drink a little more than normal for a work nights.    

Sometimes I happily attend the event.  Sometimes I internally complain, but end up very happy I attended the vent.  Sometimes I attend out of obligation.  Sometimes I just decline because it doesn't work with my schedule.   

There are lot of us that don't fit into the work M-F 9-5 weekends off lifestyle.  I work most weekends.  So if I'm invited to a local Saturday night wedding I have to rush between work and the event.  Then have to get up the next morning for work.  Not idea, but whatever.

ahoywedding

Kimora_Blax said:

ahoywedding said:

I think the issue of Friday night weddings depends on your work environment. I work from home so it's NBD but if you work in any kind of customer-facing area, you can't really get ready at work. Also for people who are paid hourly, leaving early means either using a few hours of PTO or taking time unpaid. Some employers have pretty un-flexible policies about leaving early. Plus depending on the time of the event and the location, there's rush hour and weekend vacationer traffic to contend with.

It's not the end of the world by any means, but it is more of an inconvenience than getting ready for a formal event when you have the whole day to do so.

The level of convenience has nothing to do with the level of formality. I do think @LondonLisa is exaggerating. There are Saturday weddings I am unable to attend so I don't go. If something is so demanding of your time, don't attend. Same applies to DW and OTT. It's not about vision over comfort at all. Budget and vision are completely different!  A vision has more to do with the look and theme of the wedding. Budget is how much u spend. Some of the posters just seem super judgy about being inconvenienced....... 

On that basis no one should have destination weddings....

I didn't mean it couldn't still be black tie on a Friday night, just that's maybe why people were feeling inconvenienced. It IS different getting ready to go somewhere when you're rushing after work vs. having the whole day. I agree that as long as the wedding has all of the elements of a black tie event, it can be considered one. Just giving the guest perspective for why someone may not be thrilled about a Friday night wedding.

short+sassy

Kimora_Blax said:

ahoywedding said:

I think the issue of Friday night weddings depends on your work environment. I work from home so it's NBD but if you work in any kind of customer-facing area, you can't really get ready at work. Also for people who are paid hourly, leaving early means either using a few hours of PTO or taking time unpaid. Some employers have pretty un-flexible policies about leaving early. Plus depending on the time of the event and the location, there's rush hour and weekend vacationer traffic to contend with.

It's not the end of the world by any means, but it is more of an inconvenience than getting ready for a formal event when you have the whole day to do so.

The level of convenience has nothing to do with the level of formality. I do think @LondonLisa is exaggerating. There are Saturday weddings I am unable to attend so I don't go. If something is so demanding of your time, don't attend. Same applies to DW and OTT. It's not about vision over comfort at all. Budget and vision are completely different!  A vision has more to do with the look and theme of the wedding. Budget is how much u spend. Some of the posters just seem super judgy about being inconvenienced....... 

On that basis no one should have destination weddings....

To be fair, I don't think any poster has said it is rude to have a black tie event/wedding, other than on a Saturday.  Though some have pointed out it can be the couple putting their vision and budget ahead of their guest's convenience.  Which, in this case, is fine and certainly not against etiquette.  But it is what it is.  Some, myself included, have just pointed out it isn't their preference.  And it might affect them going at all or cutting the night short.

@lyndausvi has a good point also.  In my younger days, I had a typical f/t weekday office job.  But also worked as a server at a restaurant p/t.  Most of the other servers were f/t.  Two of them met there, fell in love, and got married.  Most of their guests were in the service industry.  So they held their wedding/reception on a weekday night.  Which was MUCH easier for most of their guests to get off than a Sat. night.

Also wanted to add.  I have no issue if a couple wants a DW...as long as they don't expect me to go.  Because I'm not.  Which again goes back to couples can choose the day/time/location of their wedding/reception but, the more difficult they make it for guests, the more declines they are likely to have.  It's just something to keep in mind.

PrettyGirlLost

ahoywedding said:

I didn't mean it couldn't still be black tie on a Friday night, just that's maybe why people were feeling inconvenienced. It IS different getting ready to go somewhere when you're rushing after work vs. having the whole day. I agree that as long as the wedding has all of the elements of a black tie event, it can be considered one. Just giving the guest perspective for why someone may not be thrilled about a Friday night wedding.

This. 

Sorry, but I'm not lugging a ballgown on the bus to work and then trying to change into it in the hospital bathroom. . .because that's where I work.  I've worn dressier clothes and then done evening make up at work in order to go out afterwards, but I'd go home to get ready for a true black tie event.

Kimora_Blax said:

The level of convenience has nothing to do with the level of formality. I do think @LondonLisa is exaggerating. There are Saturday weddings I am unable to attend so I don't go. If something is so demanding of your time, don't attend. Same applies to DW and OTT. It's not about vision over comfort at all. Budget and vision are completely different!  A vision has more to do with the look and theme of the wedding. Budget is how much u spend. Some of the posters just seem super judgy about being inconvenienced....... 

On that basis no one should have destination weddings....

I sure do judge a lot of weddings-mainly the receptions- from a guest standpoint because I've been in and to over 35 weddings so far. . . with more in my future.  There are a lot of things that annoy me as a guest and inconvenience me that could have been avoided with better prioritization and planing, but were made for the sake of the "vision."

[Deleted User]

PrettyGirlLost said:

ahoywedding said:

I didn't mean it couldn't still be black tie on a Friday night, just that's maybe why people were feeling inconvenienced. It IS different getting ready to go somewhere when you're rushing after work vs. having the whole day. I agree that as long as the wedding has all of the elements of a black tie event, it can be considered one. Just giving the guest perspective for why someone may not be thrilled about a Friday night wedding.

This. 

Sorry, but I'm not lugging a ballgown on the bus to work and then trying to change into it in the hospital bathroom. . .because that's where I work.  I've worn dressier clothes and then done evening make up at work in order to go out afterwards, but I'd go home to get ready for a true black tie event.

Kimora_Blax said:

The level of convenience has nothing to do with the level of formality. I do think @LondonLisa is exaggerating. There are Saturday weddings I am unable to attend so I don't go. If something is so demanding of your time, don't attend. Same applies to DW and OTT. It's not about vision over comfort at all. Budget and vision are completely different!  A vision has more to do with the look and theme of the wedding. Budget is how much u spend. Some of the posters just seem super judgy about being inconvenienced....... 

On that basis no one should have destination weddings....

I sure do judge a lot of weddings-mainly the receptions- from a guest standpoint because I've been in and to over 35 weddings so far. . . with more in my future.  There are a lot of things that annoy me as a guest and inconvenience me that could have been avoided with better prioritization and planing, but were made for the sake of the "vision."

You aren't making the distinction between budget and vision. So not really understanding your point. If a couple throw a wedding on a Thursday to save money and you don't like it, nothing wrong with that, then don't go. That isn't a 'vision" issue. Classism seems more at the root of some of these complaints more than anything else. Not talking about you specifically. But all this nonsense about having no regard for budget if a wedding is black tie does come across as elitist and arrogant. I seen classism in other older threads when I was initially lurking. Certain posters seem to have a problem with this.

Also wedding isn't a summons. No one forces u to lug around a dress and then moan about it. If u hate it so much, don't go.

CMGragain

@Kimora_Blax, please don't use text speak here.  It is "you", not "u".

PrettyGirlLost

Kimora_Blax said:

I sure do judge a lot of weddings-mainly the receptions- from a guest standpoint because I've been in and to over 35 weddings so far. . . with more in my future.  There are a lot of things that annoy me as a guest and inconvenience me that could have been avoided with better prioritization and planing, but were made for the sake of the "vision."

You aren't making the distinction between budget and vision. So not really understanding your point. If a couple throw a wedding on a Thursday to save money and you don't like it, nothing wrong with that, then don't go. That isn't a 'vision" issue. Classism seems more at the root of some of these complaints more than anything else. Not talking about you specifically. But all this nonsense about having no regard for budget if a wedding is black tie does come across as elitist and arrogant. I seen classism in other older threads when I was initially lurking. Certain posters seem to have a problem with this.

Also wedding isn't a summons. No one forces u to lug around a dress and then moan about it. If u hate it so much, don't go.

I absolutely know the difference between budget and vision,  and I didn't say anything about weekday weddings, other than I'm not dragging a ballgown to work to change for a Friday night wedding.

I didn't moan about it, I just said I'm not fucking doing it, I'm going to go home and change for a Black Tie event.  No mention of hate or anything.

My other comment was related to your statement that people are judgey about being inconvenienced- yes, yes I am when the couple's vision is more of a priority over guest comfort. . . for an event that is being hosted for the guests. 

If I show up to your reception and there's a cash bar but you have centerpieces all over the place that are hundreds of dollars a piece that tells me that you didn't budget or prioritize properly.

ETA: I don't see any elitism or classicism here. 

Many people here have been invited to "black tie" weddings that were not actually black tie weddings; Many naive people think putting black tie on their invitations will make their guests dress up and their event look classy and fancy in the photos.  That's not how that works.

Because many ppl have experienced faux black tie invites, because many of those same ppl regularly attend actual black tie events, and because we know that a true black tie event is a more pricey event to pull off do to the nature of the required service and entertainment, it comes off as a little odd to hear a couple is having a black tie event on a weeknight to save costs.

I can understand why ppl might think, "Is it really going to be  a black tie event?"  Because we've been on the boards long enough to have had those arguments with brides many times over.

STARMOON44

CMGragain said:

@Kimora_Blax, please don't use text speak here.  It is "you", not "u".

Um what? This is not a rule, it is your preference. Please don't present this as some directive from the boss. 

DrillSergeantCat

Kimora_Blax said:

You aren't making the distinction between budget and vision. So not really understanding your point. If a couple throw a wedding on a Thursday to save money and you don't like it, nothing wrong with that, then don't go. That isn't a 'vision" issue. Classism seems more at the root of some of these complaints more than anything else. Not talking about you specifically. But all this nonsense about having no regard for budget if a wedding is black tie does come across as elitist and arrogant. I seen classism in other older threads when I was initially lurking. Certain posters seem to have a problem with this.

Also wedding isn't a summons. No one forces u to lug around a dress and then moan about it. If u hate it so much, don't go.

Budget and vision go hand in hand, though. Like @PrettyGirlLost said, if you have expensive centerpieces and cash bar, that's putting your vision ahead of your guests. You're still working within your budget, but not prioritizing properly. Everyone has a budget; whether it's $5,000 or $500,000. It's about treating your guests properly within that budget. I made my own aisle decorations which then were used for centerpieces so that I was able to provide a full meal for my guests. 

A couple throwing a wedding on a Thursday to save money is a vision over budget issue IF most of your guests are being sorely inconvenienced by it. If you're throwing a wedding on a Thursday because it's half the price of a Saturday wedding and know that all of your guests work M-F, but you just have to have your wedding there because it's just so nice, will look nice in pictures, etc...you're putting vision first.

kahluakoala

DrillSergeantCat said:

Kimora_Blax said:

You aren't making the distinction between budget and vision. So not really understanding your point. If a couple throw a wedding on a Thursday to save money and you don't like it, nothing wrong with that, then don't go. That isn't a 'vision" issue. Classism seems more at the root of some of these complaints more than anything else. Not talking about you specifically. But all this nonsense about having no regard for budget if a wedding is black tie does come across as elitist and arrogant. I seen classism in other older threads when I was initially lurking. Certain posters seem to have a problem with this.

Also wedding isn't a summons. No one forces u to lug around a dress and then moan about it. If u hate it so much, don't go.

Budget and vision go hand in hand, though. Like @PrettyGirlLost said, if you have expensive centerpieces and cash bar, that's putting your vision ahead of your guests. You're still working within your budget, but not prioritizing properly. Everyone has a budget; whether it's $5,000 or $500,000. It's about treating your guests properly within that budget. I made my own aisle decorations which then were used for centerpieces so that I was able to provide a full meal for my guests. 

A couple throwing a wedding on a Thursday to save money is a vision over budget issue IF most of your guests are being sorely inconvenienced by it. If you're throwing a wedding on a Thursday because it's half the price of a Saturday wedding and know that all of your guests work M-F, but you just have to have your wedding there because it's just so nice, will look nice in pictures, etc...you're putting vision first.

I agree. Also, I would never side eye a couple for skimping on centerpieces. THAT would be classist. 

CMGragain

STARMOON44 said:

CMGragain said:

@Kimora_Blax, please don't use text speak here.  It is "you", not "u".

Um what? This is not a rule, it is your preference. Please don't present this as some directive from the boss. 

I have seen this advice posted before by other people.  No one else here seems to have trouble spelling the word "you".  Just trying to help her.

LondonLisa

KahluaKoala said:

DrillSergeantCat said:

Kimora_Blax said:

You aren't making the distinction between budget and vision. So not really understanding your point. If a couple throw a wedding on a Thursday to save money and you don't like it, nothing wrong with that, then don't go. That isn't a 'vision" issue. Classism seems more at the root of some of these complaints more than anything else. Not talking about you specifically. But all this nonsense about having no regard for budget if a wedding is black tie does come across as elitist and arrogant. I seen classism in other older threads when I was initially lurking. Certain posters seem to have a problem with this.

Also wedding isn't a summons. No one forces u to lug around a dress and then moan about it. If u hate it so much, don't go.

Budget and vision go hand in hand, though. Like @PrettyGirlLost said, if you have expensive centerpieces and cash bar, that's putting your vision ahead of your guests. You're still working within your budget, but not prioritizing properly. Everyone has a budget; whether it's $5,000 or $500,000. It's about treating your guests properly within that budget. I made my own aisle decorations which then were used for centerpieces so that I was able to provide a full meal for my guests. 

A couple throwing a wedding on a Thursday to save money is a vision over budget issue IF most of your guests are being sorely inconvenienced by it. If you're throwing a wedding on a Thursday because it's half the price of a Saturday wedding and know that all of your guests work M-F, but you just have to have your wedding there because it's just so nice, will look nice in pictures, etc...you're putting vision first.

I agree. Also, I would never side eye a couple for skimping on centerpieces. THAT would be classist. 

Exactly. I love casual weddings. A couple wants to throw a Sunday brunch or a Thursday cocktails and dessert party to save money, I'm fine with that. Sounds fun. But it's expecting your guests to go all out, extra fancy for black tie on a Friday when you know they're having to squeeze into a long gown and nail a fancy updo in a toilet cubical next to Linda from HR. If they threw a cocktail party, or even more formal party, I could've put on a simple LBD and chignon and be done easily. But if it's black tie, it's just so much more faffing. 

As I said previously, it's not against etiquette but just inconvenient. I agree it's not a summons so declining is always an option, but OP asked my opinion. My opinion is I find non-Saturday black tie events inconvenient.