Destination Weddings

Invites for a 10 hour destination wedding?

My fiance and I have recently decided to have a destination wedding in an attempt to save money. We found a local officiant that will put everything together for our big day in St. Thomas for less than $1000. It's a unique situation because we will be in St. Thomas for one day as a stop on our cruise in December. Is it still OK to invite people for a "Destination Wedding" when we aren't even going to be there more than 10 hours (if that)? The cruise is with my family, my fiance wants to invite his family, but I don't expect them to come, for obvious reasons. Is it better to just invite them (and others) and not feel hurt if they don't come? I don't consider this eloping, but he wants everything to be simple and carefree. However, I want to have the experience of having a bridal shower, bach party, etc. We've been together for 11 years, and people already assume we've eloped and just haven't announced it, but I plan on being with one man the rest of my life, I think we both deserve to have these experiences! TYIA! :)

Re: Invites for a 10 hour destination wedding?

  • Your gut is right. As a guest, I would be put out that the couple invited us to fly to St. Thomas only to spend a few hours with us. 

    I see no issue with getting married while you're on your cruise. But I wouldn't invite people to fly down and join you if you're really just in-and-out. 
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  • You can certainly invite them but I agree with LondonLisa that this sounds like a headache. Our wedding technically only lasted 7 hours but since we had a Destination (to everyone except us) wedding there was the night before, after party, and day after that were also amazing.

    Are you inviting everyone to join on the cruise or just your family? 

    Showers and parties are great if someone OFFERS to throw them for you. It is incredibly tacky to host a party in your own honor. Very few people deserve a party thrown in their honor but it is a nice gesture If someone offers.
    CMGragain
  • geebee908geebee908
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    member
    How were you planning to host the people you invite to your ceremony after the ceremony? I can't see $1000 going very far in providing for a reception on island, and you need to be prepared to host everyone very well if you're going to ask them to fly to the Caribbean and spend that kind of money to attend.
    southernbelle0915InLoveInQueenssparklepants41JediElizabeth
  • I wasn't planning on throwing my own Bach Party or Bridal Shower. I've already had friends and family offer to do these things, but because my fiance wants to do it this way, I've been avoiding giving them an answer. I know that it's a hefty cost to his family - as the cruise is just my family, a gift from my parents. I've been trying to convince him of doing something local. I have a big family, he doesn't - I think that is why he wants to do something small and intimate. I am torn - I don't want to put us through the planning of a larger wedding (large meaning close to home with friends and family) if it is going to cause him stress. I am willing to make some changes/sacrifices to make it as seamless as possible. I just don't want to regret not having these experiences down the road.

    I am sure this makes me sound like I am in it for the wedding more than the relationship, but that's not true. If I was, I would have expected something much sooner than after 11 years together. It's important to me to have family there and my (female) best friend (other than my fiance) by my side. Maybe after he reads some of these posts, we can come to more of an agreement. 
  • Jells2dot0Jells2dot0 Cowtown
    Moderator 5000 Comments Sixth Anniversary 500 Love Its
    mod
    edited May 23
    Not to mention that cruise lines CAN and WILL divert from cruise ports for a variety of reasons. It's not often that it does happen, but it can. What if people flew in and the cruise ship had to divert because of an emergency? I would be one very unhappy guest considering that it's very unlikely that I'd choose St. Thomas for a vacation spot if not for a wedding.

    As for the shower/bach party, it's a privilege and not a right. I have been married previously and had the whole set of parties. I thought the same thing as you- I'm going to be married to this man forever so I need to do all of the traditional things (and people did offer to throw the parties for me). Well, it didn't last. I was with my now H a long time prior to getting married and people thought we eloped. We actually DID elope, but not when people thought. We made the decision to forgo a traditional wedding and everything that went with it. We're totally 100% married and I happen to think it was SO worth not dealing with the traditional stuff. However, you seem to want people around and you want to do traditional things, so I recommend having a more traditional wedding. 

     







    STARMOON44charlotte989875
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited May 23







    My fiance and I have recently decided to have a destination wedding in an attempt to save money. We found a local officiant that will put everything together for our big day in St. Thomas for less than $1000. It's a unique situation because we will be in St. Thomas for one day as a stop on our cruise in December. Is it still OK to invite people for a "Destination Wedding" when we aren't even going to be there more than 10 hours (if that)? The cruise is with my family, my fiance wants to invite his family, but I don't expect them to come, for obvious reasons. Is it better to just invite them (and others) and not feel hurt if they don't come? I don't consider this eloping, but he wants everything to be simple and carefree. However, I want to have the experience of having a bridal shower, bach party, etc. We've been together for 11 years, and people already assume we've eloped and just haven't announced it, but I plan on being with one man the rest of my life, I think we both deserve to have these experiences! TYIA! :)






    You cannot "invite" people (family, or otherwise) to be on a cruise with you unless you are paying for their cruise!

    I think getting married in St. Thomas during a port stop is a bad idea.  I have been on 23 cruises.  So many things can go wrong, and you will have no control.  St. Thomas' number one industry is tourism.  It is not cheap there.  $1000 won't buy much of a reception.  It would have to be a morning ceremony with an brunch or lunch reception.  You are asking a lot of your guests to fly to St. Thomas for this kind of wedding.

    If you want a simple carefree wedding, have a ceremony at home in the afternoon followed by a simple cake and punch style reception.  Very traditional, and you can afford to invite as many people as you wish.  If you are religious, an afternoon church wedding is easy.  No dinner, alcohol, dancing, or DJ.  You can do without bridesmaids and groomsmen.

    No one "deserves" bridal showers or bachelorette parties.  If someone offers to give you one, then OK.  Many brides do not get them.  If someone does offer to give you a party, you can only invite people who will be on your invitation list for your ceremony and reception.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
    InLoveInQueenseileenrobsparklepants41
  • ahoyweddingahoywedding
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Answer First Anniversary
    member
    edited May 23
    Oof. That's a big ask, and like PPs have said, there's no guarantee the ship will stop at St. Thomas when it's scheduled to. A lot of things can go haywire on a cruise! Could you possibly do something in the port city you're leaving from before you leave for your cruise? That would at least only require domestic travel for your guests, although I agree that $1,000 won't get you tremendously far. 

    This is also just a personal preference, but the part about DWs that I never understood is that if your guests stay longer with you, they're kind of on your honeymoon with you. I know cruise ships are big enough you're not all on top o each other, but it's not like you're going to ignore your family, right?

    ETA: I love St. Thomas and the islands, love travelling and have the vacation time to go, but I probably wouldn't attend a DW in a situation like that. You may want to consider how likely it is that your VIP guests (who wouldn't be on the cruise) would be able to attend.
    charlotte989875
  • It sounds like you and your FI have different visions for your wedding. He wants something small and personal. You want a family affair. Y'all should come to a conclusion on your budget first and foremost. THEN decide what you want within your budget.

    If you go the destination wedding route, plan it properly and do it if that's really what you want. But I would not try to "fit it in" while you're on a cruise with your parents.

    Plus then you're honeymooning (for the rest of your cruise) with your parents. I mean, to each their own, but not something I'd choose. 

    You know you could just have a simple, medium sized wedding wherever you live. With your big family, you'll just have to live and learn the phrase "we're keeping it small and weren't able to invite everyone." 
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    STARMOON44missfrodocharlotte989875
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
    5000 Comments Seventh Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member


    My fiance and I have recently decided to have a destination wedding in an attempt to save money. We found a local officiant that will put everything together for our big day in St. Thomas for less than $1000. It's a unique situation because we will be in St. Thomas for one day as a stop on our cruise in December. Is it still OK to invite people for a "Destination Wedding" when we aren't even going to be there more than 10 hours (if that)? The cruise is with my family, my fiance wants to invite his family, but I don't expect them to come, for obvious reasons. Is it better to just invite them (and others) and not feel hurt if they don't come? I don't consider this eloping, but he wants everything to be simple and carefree. However, I want to have the experience of having a bridal shower, bach party, etc. We've been together for 11 years, and people already assume we've eloped and just haven't announced it, but I plan on being with one man the rest of my life, I think we both deserve to have these experiences! TYIA! :)


    What are these obvious reasons?

    Are you implying that you want to invite guests you know won't attend just so you have people that can be invited to a shower?

    No one deserves anything.
    InLoveInQueens
  • CMGragainCMGragain
    10000 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 25 Answers
    member
    edited May 24
    Also, there are now two different cruise ship ports in St. Thomas.  The old one is downtown Charlotte Amalie.  The new one is out in the middle of nowhere, and you need to take a cab to get into town.  Sometimes the ships aren't even certain which berth they will have.  Some ships don't dock at all, but have to anchor out in the bay and shuttle passengers on shore using those lifeboats. (Ugh!)

    http://visitstthomas.com/cruise_ships.html

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  • I wasn't planning on throwing my own Bach Party or Bridal Shower. I've already had friends and family offer to do these things, but because my fiance wants to do it this way, I've been avoiding giving them an answer. I know that it's a hefty cost to his family - as the cruise is just my family, a gift from my parents. I've been trying to convince him of doing something local. I have a big family, he doesn't - I think that is why he wants to do something small and intimate. I am torn - I don't want to put us through the planning of a larger wedding (large meaning close to home with friends and family) if it is going to cause him stress. I am willing to make some changes/sacrifices to make it as seamless as possible. I just don't want to regret not having these experiences down the road.

    I am sure this makes me sound like I am in it for the wedding more than the relationship, but that's not true. If I was, I would have expected something much sooner than after 11 years together. It's important to me to have family there and my (female) best friend (other than my fiance) by my side. Maybe after he reads some of these posts, we can come to more of an agreement. 


    If friends have offered to throw you parties then no problem. Just make sure to only invite people invited to the wedding. FWIW though, I doubt many people get to their 20 year anniversary and say, 'It's been nice but it would have been better if I had just had that bridal shower.'
     I see no problem inviting them to St. Thomas for the wedding as long as they will be properly hosted when they get there. As PP said, when people shell out a lot of time and money the expectation is for a little more than cake and punch. An invitation is not a summons and they can decide if it is worth it or not.

    Just an an alternative idea.
    What port city are you leaving from? Could you have a small ceremony (your parents, best friend, his parents, and who else you both want there) followed by a nice reception at a restaurant? Then you and your family can go on the cruise and his family won't have to cough up the money. 
    DrillSergeantCatInLoveInQueensernursejcharlotte989875
  • Could you send wedding announcements? Or, could you do something less elaborate as an after party? We are having a destination wedding where our closest friends and family will travel. Then a less elaborate cocktail party closer to our local friends. 
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