Ceremony and Vow Ideas

Can a Catholic deacon (specifically my father) marry me outside of the church?

Hi all,

My dad is currently in the process of becoming a Catholic deacon and has the ability to officiate weddings. I would LOVE to ask him to officiate my wedding, but we are planning on having the ceremony where we are having our reception - outside of the church at a restaurant/event center. (My fiancé is Greek Orthodox and after receiving a significant amount of pressure from his family, we've decided to not make the wedding focused on either religion.)

I'm curious if anyone has had similar issues/knows if this is possible.

Thanks!
Mari

Re: Can a Catholic deacon (specifically my father) marry me outside of the church?

  • ILoveBeachMusicILoveBeachMusic Indiana
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    I'm not an expert, but I would think if he has the ability to officiate weddings he would be able to legally do it outside the church. Of course, it wouldn't be recognized by the Catholic church and he could get in to trouble with the church for doing so. He might be able to check with the archdiocese about it.


  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    I assume that you are aware that if you are not married in either the Catholic or the Greek Orthodox church, you will no longer be able to practice your Catholic faith?  You will no longer be able to receive the host at mass.  Just be certain that you are prepared for this.  I do not know what the rules for the Greek Orthodox faith are, but the two churches do recognize each other's marriage ceremonies as sacraments.
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    lizybeffSP29
  • banana468banana468
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    He wouldn't be able to do so without dispensation and that's unlikely to be given.   
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
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    Hi all,

    My dad is currently in the process of becoming a Catholic deacon and has the ability to officiate weddings. I would LOVE to ask him to officiate my wedding, but we are planning on having the ceremony where we are having our reception - outside of the church at a restaurant/event center. (My fiancé is Greek Orthodox and after receiving a significant amount of pressure from his family, we've decided to not make the wedding focused on either religion.)

    I'm curious if anyone has had similar issues/knows if this is possible.

    Thanks!
    Mari


    Your father may be able to officiate your wedding from a secular and legal standpoint, but it would not be recognized within the Catholic community.  His faith, role in his parish, and his ability to officiate a secular wedding are not tied together.  What exactly do you see as the issue?
    InLoveInQueenslyndausvi
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
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    He is eligibility to officiant a wedding is outside of the church.  Even priest have to be licensed in the states that require them.

    Ask your dad if he wants to officiant, then go through the process to see if he is legally able or how he can be legally able.

    Either way your wedding will not be recognized by the Catholic Church. Which doesn't seem to be an issue, but wanted to add that.

    On another note, your FILs have pressured your not to add religion to the ceremony.  For whatever reason you caved.  Is really asking your Catholic Deacon father to officiate really the way to go?   I know he is your father and all, but having a Catholic deacon officiate is the complete opposite of not adding religion to your ceremony.  Even if he isn't doing anything religiously specific, there could still be the perception by the in-laws.

    Just something to think about.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
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    edited May 28


    lyndausvi said:


    He is eligibility to officiant a wedding is outside of the church.  Even priest have to be licensed in the states that require them.

    Ask your dad if he wants to officiant, then go through the process to see if he is legally able or how he can be legally able.

    Either way your wedding will not be recognized by the Catholic Church. Which doesn't seem to be an issue, but wanted to add that.

    On another note, your FILs have pressured your not to add religion to the ceremony.  For whatever reason you caved.  Is really asking your Catholic Deacon father to officiate really the way to go?   I know he is your father and all, but having a Catholic deacon officiate is the complete opposite of not adding religion to your ceremony.  Even if he isn't doing anything religiously specific, there could still be the perception by the in-laws.

    Just something to think about.




    OP said the pressure was to not focus on either religion.  It sounds to me as if the IL's would prefer the B & G's ceremony be secular as opposed to focusing on one religion more than the other.  The shame is that the bride and groom caved at all. 

    @mariiarocci, your issue is that you and your FI are not focused on making your wedding ceremony about who YOU are as a couple.  If your IL's can pressure you on this, what else will they interfere with down the road?
    JediElizabethMairePoppy
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
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    MobKaz said:




    lyndausvi said:



    He is eligibility to officiant a wedding is outside of the church.  Even priest have to be licensed in the states that require them.

    Ask your dad if he wants to officiant, then go through the process to see if he is legally able or how he can be legally able.

    Either way your wedding will not be recognized by the Catholic Church. Which doesn't seem to be an issue, but wanted to add that.

    On another note, your FILs have pressured your not to add religion to the ceremony.  For whatever reason you caved.  Is really asking your Catholic Deacon father to officiate really the way to go?   I know he is your father and all, but having a Catholic deacon officiate is the complete opposite of not adding religion to your ceremony.  Even if he isn't doing anything religiously specific, there could still be the perception by the in-laws.

    Just something to think about.






    OP said the pressure was to not focus on either religion.  It sounds to me as if the IL's would prefer the B & G's ceremony be secular as opposed to focusing on one religion more than the other.  The shame is that the bride and groom caved at all. 

    @mariiarocci, your issue is that you and your FI are not focused on making your wedding ceremony about who YOU are as a couple.  If your IL's can pressure you on this, what else will they interfere with down the road?


    To me, using the FOB, who is studying to be a Catholic deacon, is, in a way, focusing on that religion.     Might not be the intention, but I can see the perception.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • MobKazMobKaz Chicago suburbs
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    lyndausvi said:



    MobKaz said:






    lyndausvi said:




    He is eligibility to officiant a wedding is outside of the church.  Even priest have to be licensed in the states that require them.

    Ask your dad if he wants to officiant, then go through the process to see if he is legally able or how he can be legally able.

    Either way your wedding will not be recognized by the Catholic Church. Which doesn't seem to be an issue, but wanted to add that.

    On another note, your FILs have pressured your not to add religion to the ceremony.  For whatever reason you caved.  Is really asking your Catholic Deacon father to officiate really the way to go?   I know he is your father and all, but having a Catholic deacon officiate is the complete opposite of not adding religion to your ceremony.  Even if he isn't doing anything religiously specific, there could still be the perception by the in-laws.

    Just something to think about.








    OP said the pressure was to not focus on either religion.  It sounds to me as if the IL's would prefer the B & G's ceremony be secular as opposed to focusing on one religion more than the other.  The shame is that the bride and groom caved at all. 

    @mariiarocci, your issue is that you and your FI are not focused on making your wedding ceremony about who YOU are as a couple.  If your IL's can pressure you on this, what else will they interfere with down the road?




    To me, using the FOB, who is studying to be a Catholic deacon, is, in a way, focusing on that religion.     Might not be the intention, but I can see the perception.


    Agree and understand.  Using FOB could easily be perceived as passive aggressive on the part of the bride.  I am still struggling to understand just what OP's intent is for posting. 

    "I'm curious if anyone has had similar issues/knows if this is possible."

    Is the issue caving to the FIL?  Is the issue whether a FOB can officiate?  Is it possible for a deacon to officiate at a secular ceremony?  Calling @mariiarocci
  • CMGragainCMGragain
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    I would be really surprised if a man who is so dedicated to his Catholic faith would want to perform a ceremony that will separate his daughter from it.
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  • MesmrEweMesmrEwe
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    I'm thinking MBFGW

    I highly recommend reading the statement by the US Conference of Catholic Bishops "Pastoral Statement for Orthodox/Roman Catholic Marriages" for your arrangement as you're closer than you think to an agreement if you're open to the possibility of a church wedding.  I'd also recommend meeting with both denominations priests at your home parishes instead of relying on Mom Guilt or have your father research this further to confirm as a marriage in either one is valid for the other without needing much of any special paperwork.   Your biggest challenge is really likely going to be having a Catholic Deacon able to perform the ceremony outside of the church building.  
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