Pre-wedding Parties

Bridal Shower RSVPs or Lack thereof

So my bridal shower is in less than 2 weeks! YAY!! But now I'm totally aggravated over my FH's side of the family that never RSVP'd! I asked my FMIL to contact those on her side of the family to see if they were coming or not and low and behold she has dropped the ball on that. In the 11th hour before the numbers were due to my mom/sister who are throwing me the shower, she tells me she can't get a hold of people. So I marked them as no's. Honestly, it is of no loss to me, as they were more invites to make others happy, but since they were so rude and basically have ignored the paper invitation, and the follow up phone calls, do I even have to bother with inviting them to the wedding? This is the last thing I want to be going through 3 weeks before the big day and to be honest, these guests barely have any contact with myself and FH. I'd rather send the invitation to someone who we know and would be delighted to share in our wedding festivities.

Re: Bridal Shower RSVPs or Lack thereof

  • It sucks and it's totally rude they didn't RSVP. But it's also rude not to invite them to the wedding because of that. Invite them, be polite, and let it go. 
    JediElizabethMairePoppySP29
  • I had a cousin once removed (?? She married my mom's cousin) who didn't RSVP to my sister about the shower, but she and her husband came to the wedding and had a great time. I wouldn't stress about it too much...especially since you shouldn't be involved in planning your shower or wrangling RSVPs anyway. 

  • amaziarz said:

    So my bridal shower is in less than 2 weeks! YAY!! But now I'm totally aggravated over my FH's side of the family that never RSVP'd! I asked my FMIL to contact those on her side of the family to see if they were coming or not and low and behold she has dropped the ball on that. In the 11th hour before the numbers were due to my mom/sister who are throwing me the shower, she tells me she can't get a hold of people. So I marked them as no's. Honestly, it is of no loss to me, as they were more invites to make others happy, but since they were so rude and basically have ignored the paper invitation, and the follow up phone calls, do I even have to bother with inviting them to the wedding? This is the last thing I want to be going through 3 weeks before the big day and to be honest, these guests barely have any contact with myself and FH. I'd rather send the invitation to someone who we know and would be delighted to share in our wedding festivities.


    Wait. Your wedding is 3 weeks away and you haven't sent invites yet? If I am reading this correctly, then yikes. Send out invites ASAP - and definitely invite everyone who has been invited to pre-wedding events to the wedding itself. 
    InLoveInQueensDrillSergeantCatAustralian_girl_in_Paris
  • Yikes. Yes, invite them to the wedding. It is awful they ignored the RSVP requests but if they were invited to any pre-wedding party, they should be invited to the wedding. 

    Also, the way you're talking about these guests is really rude. Yes, they should have RSVP'd, but if they are your FI's family they are going to be your family and you may have to deal with them again down the road.
    InLoveInQueenscharlotte989875DrillSergeantCat
  • eileenrobeileenrob
    Fifth Anniversary 1000 Comments 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    I could've written this post.  My ILs are terrible with RSVPing.  My mom had to scramble to get rsvp's once the response date passed for both my bridal and baby showers, and H and I have done it for our wedding and our kids' baptisms and first birthday parties.  It's incredibly frustrating!  That said, I wouldn't not invite them to the wedding because of this.  It might be their way/norm/culture to not rsvp, and you'd probably end up looking like the bad guy.  
    DrillSergeantCatdivarhd
  • People suck with RSVP's. But you don't get to write them off. Two wrongs don't make a right. Invite them. Move on. 
    SP29
  • SP29SP29
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
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    Yes, you should still send a wedding invitation. Anyone who is invited to a pre-wedding party must be invited to the wedding as well. Also, this is your FI's family you're talking about. Not sending an invitation could be seen as a relationship ending move. Maybe you're not close with them, but it could still start drama with your new family, and do you really want to do that?

    At the end of the day, if they don't show up for either the shower or wedding, then you've saved yourself some money. Worry less.

    If an RSVP is not returned, the hosts should directly contact the guests for a response. But if that has been done, then it is not wrong to put those guests down as a "No". The onus is on the guest to RSVP. It is considerate for the host to check with a guest who has not RSVP'd, as you never know if the invitation or RSVP got lost in the mail. If they show up anyway, that is rude of them for not RSVPing and it's up to the host to decide how to proceed. Either graciously welcome them like nothing happened, or tell them, "Sorry, you didn't RSVP, there is no seat for you". I'm assuming with a shower it would be easy to fit them in, so welcome them without any mention. But for a wedding where you have a seating plan with numbers to a caterer ahead of time, it would be well within your etiquette right to say sorry, there is no room.

    We had a similar issue with some of FI's family. Invited some of the women to my shower- none of them came and I had to get my MIL to track down the RSVPs as they did not RSVP to the shower host. When the wedding came, a couple people did RSVP that they couldn't attend, but again, a few did not respond at all so we had MIL contact them where they then declined. I was a bit huffy at first, because DH nor I had really wanted to invite them, but DH's grandmother was very insistent. But at the end of the day, we got the RSVP one way or another, saved money on those who didn't attend, and only had one no-show- oh well!
    InLoveInQueens
  • DrillSergeantCatDrillSergeantCat Oklahoma City, OK
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary First Answer
    member

    SP29 said:

    Yes, you should still send a wedding invitation. Anyone who is invited to a pre-wedding party must be invited to the wedding as well. Also, this is your FI's family you're talking about. Not sending an invitation could be seen as a relationship ending move. Maybe you're not close with them, but it could still start drama with your new family, and do you really want to do that?

    At the end of the day, if they don't show up for either the shower or wedding, then you've saved yourself some money. Worry less.

    If an RSVP is not returned, the hosts should directly contact the guests for a response. But if that has been done, then it is not wrong to put those guests down as a "No". The onus is on the guest to RSVP. It is considerate for the host to check with a guest who has not RSVP'd, as you never know if the invitation or RSVP got lost in the mail. If they show up anyway, that is rude of them for not RSVPing and it's up to the host to decide how to proceed. Either graciously welcome them like nothing happened, or tell them, "Sorry, you didn't RSVP, there is no seat for you". I'm assuming with a shower it would be easy to fit them in, so welcome them without any mention. But for a wedding where you have a seating plan with numbers to a caterer ahead of time, it would be well within your etiquette right to say sorry, there is no room.

    We had a similar issue with some of FI's family. Invited some of the women to my shower- none of them came and I had to get my MIL to track down the RSVPs as they did not RSVP to the shower host. When the wedding came, a couple people did RSVP that they couldn't attend, but again, a few did not respond at all so we had MIL contact them where they then declined. I was a bit huffy at first, because DH nor I had really wanted to invite them, but DH's grandmother was very insistent. But at the end of the day, we got the RSVP one way or another, saved money on those who didn't attend, and only had one no-show- oh well!


    First bolded - especially after getting an invitation to the shower. I'd be thinking "So I'm good enough to ask for a gift from, but no to attend your wedding?" 

    Second bolded - it's awkward to do, but it has to be done because you can't just assume they're a no. The shower hostess will call them and say, "I was going over the guest list for amaziarz's shower and noticed you haven't RSVPed yet. Do you know if you'll be able to make it?" If leaving a message, you would add, "I must know X date in order to ensure we have room for you." This is the same you will have to do when you call to get RSVPs for people who have failed to confirm for your wedding.
    InLoveInQueens
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