Destination Weddings

Adults Only Destination Wedding?

My fiance and I are from the Midwest and are having a Friday destination wedding in Arizona. Although children are allowed at our venue, we would really like to have an adults only reception. The majority of our guests will be flying in. How do I handle this without offending anyone/making anyone mad?  

Re: Adults Only Destination Wedding?

  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
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    I had a destination wedding.  While I didn't have a kids free wedding (I had my nieces and nephews in the wedding).  I didn't invite any other kids.  

    I simply spread the word via the big mouths of different groups (i.e my MIL, my mom and aunt). Tell anything to those 3 and the word get out.    Ha.

    We only addressed the envelopes to those invited.  We had a couple of people who brought their kids to the destination, but not the wedding.  Didn't even ask to bring them.  They arranged babysitters on their own.

    None of our declines were from people will young kids.  Which I think was because not inviting kids other than first cousins, nieces/nephews, siblings or kids of the couple is normal in our social circles.   No one thought twice about it.    That is not always the case as social circles vary.

    Remember,  all decisions, good or bad, have consequences. Just own your decision and go with the flow afterwards.






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
    SP29
  • levioosalevioosa Southern California
    2500 Comments 500 Love Its Third Anniversary 5 Answers
    member


    My fiance and I are from the Midwest and are having a Friday destination wedding in Arizona. Although children are allowed at our venue, we would really like to have an adults only reception. The majority of our guests will be flying in. How do I handle this without offending anyone/making anyone mad?  


    A couple things: 

    You can have a child-free wedding.  But, it must apply to both ceremony and reception. Don't mention "child free" anywhere on your invitations. But spreading the news via word of mouth is a good idea. When you do your invitations, you include the couple invited by name, and if they RSVP for extra people, then you can call up and clarify that the invitation is for X and Y only. This might be the most painful and awkward part of the invitation process. They might push back. You are still within etiquette to say, "I'm sorry, but the invitation was for you and John only.  We'll miss you."  

    It's probably going to be difficult to swing this with a destination wedding. If people can make it, they're probably going to bring their kids. Where will their kids go during the wedding? They don't have any childcare at the venue. I know Lynda said people arranged for babysitters for her DW, but I feel like that might be the exception over the norm.  And most of the time when we've seen someone who has tried to arrange for a babysitter at the venue/hotel, it hasn't gone over super well.  People like to know who is taking care of their kids. 

    Finally, if you have VIPs with children, it's okay to invite in circles.  People almost always get it if only your nieces and nephews are invited. Just in case if you were wondering if this was an "all or nothing" children situation. 


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    InLoveInQueensSP29

  • lyndausvi said:

    I had a destination wedding.  While I didn't have a kids free wedding (I had my nieces and nephews in the wedding).  I didn't invite any other kids.  

    I simply spread the word via the big mouths of different groups (i.e my MIL, my mom and aunt). Tell anything to those 3 and the word get out.    Ha.

    We only addressed the envelopes to those invited.  We had a couple of people who brought their kids to the destination, but not the wedding.  Didn't even ask to bring them.  They arranged babysitters on their own.

    None of our declines were from people will young kids.  Which I think was because not inviting kids other than first cousins, nieces/nephews, siblings or kids of the couple is normal in our social circles.   No one thought twice about it.    That is not always the case as social circles vary.

    Remember,  all decisions, good or bad, have consequences. Just own your decision and go with the flow afterwards.


    You're right, it's definitely a know your crowd thing in terms of declines. Kid free weddings are pretty much unheard of in my family. My cousin tried to have one and family members phoned her and read her the riot act until she gave in on *some* kids. Hideously rude, for sure, I'm not condoning that behaviour. However it just would never go over, and I know many would decline in "protest" to such an invitation. 

    I have friends with small children, whom have complained bitterly about super inconveinient kid-free DW's so I admit I don't hear a lot of great things about it. 

    Other circles are definitely more accepting :smile:
  • lyndausvilyndausvi Western Slope, Colorado
    Moderator Tenth Anniversary 10000 Comments 500 Love Its
    mod




    lyndausvi said:


    I had a destination wedding.  While I didn't have a kids free wedding (I had my nieces and nephews in the wedding).  I didn't invite any other kids.  

    I simply spread the word via the big mouths of different groups (i.e my MIL, my mom and aunt). Tell anything to those 3 and the word get out.    Ha.

    We only addressed the envelopes to those invited.  We had a couple of people who brought their kids to the destination, but not the wedding.  Didn't even ask to bring them.  They arranged babysitters on their own.

    None of our declines were from people will young kids.  Which I think was because not inviting kids other than first cousins, nieces/nephews, siblings or kids of the couple is normal in our social circles.   No one thought twice about it.    That is not always the case as social circles vary.

    Remember,  all decisions, good or bad, have consequences. Just own your decision and go with the flow afterwards.




    You're right, it's definitely a know your crowd thing in terms of declines. Kid free weddings are pretty much unheard of in my family. My cousin tried to have one and family members phoned her and read her the riot act until she gave in on *some* kids. Hideously rude, for sure, I'm not condoning that behaviour. However it just would never go over, and I know many would decline in "protest" to such an invitation. 

    I have friends with small children, whom have complained bitterly about super inconveinient kid-free DW's so I admit I don't hear a lot of great things about it. 

    Other circles are definitely more accepting :smile:


    my extended family is huge.  We understand there needs to be a cut.  So again, it's pretty normal to see nieces/nephews, siblings, kids and first cousins of the couple invited.  Oh and of course, minor WP members  Past that you really do not them invited.  

     Even with our cut, it was 7 kids.  If we extended past those it would have been over an addition 30-something people.  Assuming we invited in "circles".






    What differentiates an average host and a great host is anticipating unexpressed needs and wants of their guests.  Just because the want/need is not expressed, doesn't mean it wouldn't be appreciated. 
  • My SIL had an adult-only DW and there were definitely families that declined that probably would have attended had the children been invited. We had an adult-only wedding that was OOT for many guests, but they all had family in the area and worked out childcare because they knew/trusted their families caregivers. 

    If you're good with potential declines from people, great. Just invite the guests by name and if they RSVP for people that are not invited call/email and politely correct them. 
  • It really depends on how many children your guests have and how old they are. If you'd be comfortable with guests having children at the venue leading up to the wedding, you could gather information on local babysitters and give that info to your guests. I would also second PPs who say expect a few more declines, as most people probably wouldn't travel that far without their children. 
  • edited June 2
    My fiance has a HUGE extended family. His mom is one of nine and his dad is one of eight, so just his aunts, uncles and first cousins make up just under 100 people of our guest list. I'm an only child and my fiance's sister does not have children, so all of the kids in the family are his cousins'. We just don't have it in the budget to add 20+ kids (even with the lesser price for kids plates), and while kids are lovely and I can't wait to have my own, we would just prefer it be an adults only affair. 
  • Many would probably decline to go but for your adult only DW maybe take a couple of rejections?
  • OK, others have said that you cannot invite children to the ceremony. but not to the reception.  This means that you are not inviting the children at all.  You are free to do this.  Your guests are free to decline.  No fair complaining when this happens.
    httpiimgurcomTCCjW0wjpg
  • SP29SP29
    2500 Comments Fifth Anniversary 500 Love Its 5 Answers
    member
    My fiance has a HUGE extended family. His mom is one of nine and his dad is one of eight, so just his aunts, uncles and first cousins make up just under 100 people of our guest list. I'm an only child and my fiance's sister does not have children, so all of the kids in the family are his cousins'. We just don't have it in the budget to add 20+ kids (even with the lesser price for kids plates), and while kids are lovely and I can't wait to have my own, we would just prefer it be an adults only affair. 
    That's completely reasonable. And it is your decision as the host to make (not to invite children). You are not wrong to not invite children. PPs are just letting you know that it might mean you have more declines because your guests have to find someone to watch their children, which is more time/money for a DW.

    When you send your invitations, you address the invitation to exactly whom you would like to invite: Ms. Jane Smith and Mr. John Smith. If they RSVP for themselves, as well as Johnny Jr, Jen and Joseph, you call them up to let them know that, "Hi Jane, the invitation is only for you and John. We hope you can still attend!".
    CMGragainshort+sassy
  • That's a perfectly acceptable choice. But just be aware that some will decline as not wanting to spend that much money for a trip that kids can't participate in. Plus they have to have someone to care for them either back home or during the wedding. 
  • If you send STDs to people with kids, be sure to ONLY address the adults invited. Do not put "The Smith Family".

    If I were you, I would inform as many people in your family as possible that kids will not be invited. That way, if they want to go, they'll have plenty of time to make arrangements to leave the child with grandparents, or other family/friends. Or, they'll realize that's not an option for them, and they won't "save the date".
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    short+sassy
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